God is a God of Peace! He is the great Jehovah Shalom!
Anxiety from carrying unresolved issues and wounds of the past have kept an open door in my soul for much trouble in my inner being.
For much of my life I didn’t dwell in the present as I should. I was living of the present but keeping everything of my past at the forfront with me. I had suppressed dealing and confronting my inner issues for so long.
Thus creating an anxious way of living in my inner being of my soul. There was no shred of peace to be found within me. One small thing would send me back into an old place and I would retake up residency there for a while to bathe the sorrow in more pain or what I perceived as pain.
You have held my eyelids open; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the days of old, The years of long ago.
Psalms 77:4-5 NASB
It was so bad that for probably over a year sleep was illusive and I wouldn’t sleep well, my mind would race, it would relive every conversation, it would replay where I could have done or said something different in efforts in me to have either a different outcome or better result of what happened. It would take it all forward into my future and plan days ahead around the pain and wounding.
To say the least my mind was a busy factory manufacturing all kinds of untrue and unrealistic things that brought, worry, doubt, fear, anxiety, negativity and depression.
The more throught this detox of negativity I am fighting my way through to rid myself of a level that needs to come off my life for as Pastor Juanita Gibbs taught us last night that those things are poison to God manifesting goodness in our life.
So, I have to be determined to not allow poison to continue to pollute my now or what I hope to be down the road for me. It will take faith in God, a confident assurance that He will not disappoint me, and patience to develop in me what needs to be developed.
The more I lean on the word of God over the old that I have dwelled in peace slowly is coming in. I can begin to not have to fight my way to sleep. I am becoming less clouded in my mind by not continually looking to whats behind me and gone and finished but to learn from it and keep moving forward as best I can.
I still stumble with it as I am far from perfect. But, the difference now in my stumbling and my early in stumbling is I don’t try to dwell in my faults or errors for too long for the can paralyze me from moving forward.
As to why now the more I need to be fully committed to having a Word Life to close the doors in my inner being to stop giving the enemy opportunity within me as it is my job to guard my heart and mind.
It has been through Pastors loving leadership and example to show me that having a Word Life can and will make a difference and goodness from God can begin to flow through into my life. Peace has begun to push out anxiety as a result and I will keep pressing to see more change in my life.