A part of my life most aren’t aware of…
#trigger warning if any talk of suicide can trigger you please skip this post#
From the time I was 3yrs old I was place on the suicide watch list! At the age of 3, I got into my grandmothers pills. Im not aware and they didn’t know at the time if i had taken her pills or not. But, I was to be watched!
As life has went on suicide crosses my mind often! Just to be real!
I recall once that I cut my wrists and the effects didn’t have my desired result so I just hid the scars til they healed, then no one would ever know. (Teen years)
In my 20s it was still just as prevalent. I would pour all the high powered pills I had in a glass and was ready to down them! But, people prayed, talked me down to deal with the real issue. People loved me enough to help!
In my 30s this thing still comes to mind. Even my latest attempt last year didn’t have the desired result I had hoped for. I took several Naproxen Sodium pills them downed them with a big glass of wine. Settled in to cross over to only wake up many hours later sick, but not finding the end!
What had to happen was me entering a counsel/therapy to deal with my inner darkness to get help, healing, recovery, and tools to combat this with!
My therapist walks me through different stages of things to help bring healing snd deliverance to my soul. Her last session with me encouraged me to press into knowing my worth! That has been helping me tremendously. I have had to do work to know my worth even on a small scale!
I so have appreciated my therapist and look forward to getting back to having sessions again! They are needful for me to keep growing and walking toward my destiny!
If you battle anything like this please seek help! Help is available! Don’t allow the darkness to win!
My book Beauty From Ashes