What weighs down the mind?

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your comfort delights my soul.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94‬:‭19‬ ‭NASB

More often then not, in this season of my life I find myself heavy with things on mind. I am currently walking through a detox and it has not been pretty. But, I will say it has been necessary for me to go through; to have revealed to me, about myself what in fact it has, to begin to change and develop in certain areas that need another layer of growth before promotion can come.

These above shown resources are what I am clinging too for the remainder of this 40 day mindset shift. Consider taking a look at them and investing in yourself as I am doing to work on things to be placed in alignment for the good that I’d like to see manifest this year.

As we all have walked through some of the most difficult last few years from the 2020 – COVID pandemic and the world shutting down. Loosing so many from the horrific virus/disease that spread so quickly. Many infections that resulted in irreparable damage to some with long-haul symptoms. The global economic crisis from the aftermath of the shutdown in the year 2021. The numerous mental illness cases and shootings at schools and riots and burning things down. Then in 2022 where some settled out from the huge economic crisis and the extent of the damage done by the virus to only culminate into the political circus that was had at the US nations capital to more hardships financially due to inflation and the cost of living sky rocketing to the point where the financial systems were so strained it almost brought on an economic depression. To the many natural disasters and the talks of war and talks of prisoner exchanges.

These last few years have been so rough with negativity that as a whole the world just seems more and more negative. All of environmental negativity is planted like seeds in the mind of the people that grow each day its left to take root and manifest.

“Choosing to be positive is like being on a path and you cannot see the way clearly.” -Cynthia

On one of my most recent walks to go clear my head, listen to some music, reconnect with nature; I rounded a corner and the sun was just there as if almost eye level with me. I took my hand and blocked the sun to see where the path continued and how it winded as I’d never been that far before and I stopped at took that shot for this very moment. To remind myself of the daily choice I have to make to walk toward the light of positive thinking and mindset.

To unburden one’s mind is the beginning of the change. To cease all thoughts in their current place as if frozen to examine them, to look at how they’ve grown and why. To then detox from them with something different to slowly kill the rooted manifestations of the negativity to one day as there is consistent work and mindfulness to see positive manifestations.

“We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

For myself, to gradually turn away from the darkness of negativity housed within my soul, that I am exposed to daily, that lives in my dwelling space not easily to escape as it comes from a level of darkness from whom I share space with. The environment around each of us that we allow our energies to be exposed to. Now I will not lie, it is so hard to go from negative to positive cause in the turning the soil from which you stand and base everything on gets turned up and exposed and comes to the surface in the light of day.

“Even in the Dark night of the Soul, the light peers through just enough to expose truth.” -Cynthia

Just this last little while, one thing that came to light for me was that my level of faith has been once again slid back into seeing was believing when God says have faith when I cannot see. That my mind has been heavy due to me not trusting and having faith. Having thoughts of managing it all in my own weak and tired flesh and not casting the whole of my cares. Instead I have been holding every last one of them. Causing myself mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion.

Its hard to see by faith why people walk away from us with out explanation, its hard to understand why the Doctor said someone has Cancer, its hard to understand why your division of work closed and you experience job loss. Its hard to understand a great many things by seeing only. But, the more I see by Faith I am coming to embrace the more that all things are working together for the good. Slowly unburdening my mind, learning to have faith and trust again. Learning to walk in not only love, but forgiveness as well. God is a person of giving many chances and I am grateful for that. Now, I too have to walk in that same mercy and grace that was extended to me cause thats how Jesus our example lived it.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭NASB

That pill alone is a hard one to swallow, to not allow things to make us bitter or angry with God about why things that create such havoc in our life can be really for our good. God works opposite to the factions of this world. The more depths of this understanding I can grasp hold of, it will help me to reestablish my relationship with him through prayer and trusting Him with every ounce I can.

All the circumstances that I have faced and left un dealt with until I had a raging volcano of emotion, over thinking, flesh living, and backslidden away from my once relationship with the Father and My Savior Jesus! This is helping me climb back to one day I can sit with him again so close that I can hear His heart beat for me. I will see that I am slowly turning to be more of what Im working toward is a more positive existence.

“Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭2‬-‭4‬ ‭NASB

The more I progress with each day of the detox, I hope I get stronger to see a manifestation from the hard work I have been putting in on looking at my temperaments and how I am built, identifying trauma wounds of childhood that have been surfacing, knowing what were the environment influences that I was raised in that may need to change. Looking at everything and taking on one piece at a time for what needs precedence to continue on this journey called: Life.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog if you made it this far. Consider giving it a like please.

Beauty from Ashes

Youtube

When Faith Let Me Down…

Did Faith Let Me Down or Did I Slip Away?

I’ve been away a while now from my writing, and I won’t lie I have missed pouring myself out in pages of writing sharing what I go thru to be an encouragement to others. I think my encouragement cup ran out and I had nothing left to give so, I sat back and took a break. I would have temporary moments of where I could encourage again, but they were short lived spurts.

Life has an unusual way of just sitting a person down to reflect on oneself and see things that in the hustle and bustle missed. This year – 2022 has been a year of pure hell! Lack of any better terminology! But God!

In April my division at work closed and it rendered me unemployed for a month and those pitiful checks they provide for unemployment are nothing sustainable to live on. After a month I was back into working and right before I entered training for that job, I was taking my father to one of his many doctor appointments he has had this year to be told the revelation of testing on him that He in-fact has Prostate Cancer!

Hearing the word CANCER for yourself or anyone in your immediate family is daunting to hear. At that point my anxiety was again off the charts, my brain worked so much over time I had to take meds to even think about sleeping, which I still have too, its not as bad as it was in the beginning, but still a thing. I’ve had to make sure I am taking my own anxiety/depression med and I’ve also incorporated CBD treatment to aide in my restlessness.

The quickest way to explain why I ran low/ran out is to say I slid back from God and all those things I used to once do. Like: Independent Bible Study, Dedicate time to Prayer, Not Reading the Word, Not Fasting and so much more that helps maintain any healthy relationship.

I allowed my relationship to God to be not as important as all the Trails and Tribulation I have been in. When, in reality He (God) should have been the first I ran too, and I didn’t I held everything and still working on it turning and trusting all of this baggage Ive held onto for 9 months to God. Allowing Him to show me back to the path I had left behind.

My faith didn’t let me down!

I let my faith down, by not maintaining relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

They never left me, I just turned my back on them while going thru, but they’ve showed me they have been keeping a hand on me. They have been patiently waiting on me to turn around and embrace them once more! He has consistently showed up in my life by people willing to be used by Him.

My church family have been the main ones used by God to show me His love and constant care for me even when I wasn’t where I should or even needed to be.

In the low times we my often “feel” abandoned or left alone by God, but when you sit back and see the truth like I have. You will see how they didn’t fail you, they were right there all along. Our feeling will lie to us and if not careful we are lead down a road very much like the one I have been on. To be perfectly honest, I should have been more atune to this since I was provided a resource in 2021 in a book from my Pastor. That should have been my indication that I may fall off, but I see now that it was given to get me back on track sooner by knowing then not knowing.

Now, that I am aware of myself and my current standing on things…what will I be doing?

Well….

I plan on slowly re-integrating back into my personal life time for God in some way form or another by either prayer, reading the Word of God, giving thanks for not leaving me, and more as I can recalibrate all my current life to accommodate God time so I won’t leave Him out any more.

Thank You for taking time to read my blog!

Book -Beauty For Ashes – Linked Below

Visit my linked pages! Give me a like, share, comment on any platform its greatly appreciated!

Stay encouraged!

September 11, 2021

A look back over the last twenty years…

Today marks 20 years ago since that fateful day where our lives changed for many years in days, weeks, months, and years that follow the tragic attack on the twin towers and the Pentagon, and the hero’s that took down flight 93 from doing more harm.

In wake of the first attack on America soil in decades. This one major life event truly impacted the globe, as many Americans and internationals were part of the events of that fateful day.

I recall in the days, months and year ahead of the day known as Patriots day, everywhere and everyone considered themselves to be New Yorkers. The level of patriotism was at an all time high we were united under one front of banning together to stand strong, when we had been knocked to our knees in a devastating way.

For the first time, in what felt like a lifetime had passed that everyone seemed to suddenly care about their neighbor so to speak. The country had pulled together so tightly, that I don’t recall til many years had passed that devision had begun to make its way back in on a strong marginalized scale.

Now today, twenty years later there is devision based on the color of the skin so strongly that riots have occurred, there is divisiveness against standing with or agains law enforcement figures, there is division based in if your now vaccinated or not with the covid vaccines…and on and on and on…

At every turn now there is more hate and discord then there is true unity as there once was 20 years ago. The tragedy that is COVID has caused so much strife. Yet in one fateful day when many were taken, many became hero’s, many became survivors, many became New Yorkers. That now we stand at odds like 20 years ago didn’t happen.

Maybe today, this fateful day can remind us once again to unite and stand together and not against each other!

Thank you for taking time to read my blog!

TeeSpring

Amazon

Youtube

🇺🇸

Surrender

What I thought would be – has not been!

Surrendering visions and dreams of what we thought our life would look like at certain milestones of life; can be some of the hardest things to release.

I lost my mom in 2016 to Kidney failure and of course many other health conditions that attributed to her final days. I was only at the time 32 years old.

As time has passed and my life continues to change, I often wonder what it would be like if she was still here. Course the last year and half with all thats going ok in the world, I’m glad she isn’t here to deal with the turmoil and mayhem and mess that covid and do much else has put on the world.

Then I wonder about further down the road when I may get married and have a family; she won’t be here to help me pick out a dress, she won’t be here to welcome home a grandchild.

So many things like that have been lost to me when she passed. Whats worse is that the day she passed away and my emotionally detached father and brother of course remain; but I still feel like an orphan.

Surrendering the dream of having so much of what I’ve seen others have to grow and watch their parents age gracefully and pass at ripe old ages. Somehow, thats not been my lot in life.

Learning to come to grips even four years our is something I need to express this nugget of repressed grief. I know I never processed the death of my mother fully.

I tried putting these words together before mother’s day and all I could do was sob. Of course, as I am now writing this as well. But, the difference between this week and two weeks ago, I’ve released resentment and anger of her passing. Realizing that I had her for 32 years of being my mom and my best friend. Now she is at rest and peace no longer in pain, no longer suffering, no longer governed by this earth. I know she resides on glory, even in dialysis she spent her days witnessing.

Surrendering this I feel the weight of it lifting slowly from my soul, will I still grieve, of course. Will it be as painful, no, it will be happy tears of times of joy and well spent time together.

Letting go of things are necessary at times, cause it can hold us back in other ways. I pray that as I push forth from releasing, I can hopefully not be blocked from things my soul housed within it, that needed dealing with.

What could be holding you back?

Is it time to surrender?

Thank you for reading my blog! I would love to hear from you! Comment below

Life Update During A Pandemic ~ Photo Collection

2020 Has become a year for the history books!

So, since I left off blogging last at the end of May, the state in which I reside took us from Lock down to Phase 1 and then to Phase 2.

The cases statewide have continued to grow during Phase 2 and when the state evaluated us entering Phase 3, they said No! The governor declared we are to remain at Phase 2 for three more weeks which will expire at 5pm on July 17. With this came a new mandate, for all public safety we are to now wear masks in public, in retail settings and any position when dealing with the public.

Needless to say… I was not and am not thrilled about the new mandate. But, I have chosen to abide by the ruling for my safety and for those of whom I encounter on a day-to-day basis. The weekend of the ruling local sheriff’s offices were putting out statement about how they won’t be enforcing the ruling on individual basis’, but when businesses don’t follow the mandate they could step in and thus fine the establishment.

Several businesses have been sited for not following the mandate, and I just read one today the law shut a business down that was suppose to be closed during this phase and now they were forcibly shut down. The governor stated he went this route while in Phase 2 so we wouldn’t have to go back to Phase 1 like other states who have seen even more drastic spikes in covid cases.

The employer I work for mandated under the governors ruling that we are to wear masks with working with the public. That has not been enjoyable at all! It will keep me safe. Its so strange how masks have become not only for safety, but a fashion accessory. I have had to adjust my makeup routine to accommodate wearing masks off and on all day. This whole year has been one adjustment after another.

One thing this pandemic has done was restore my working with children. For a time, I wasn’t working with children as I had once in the past. Two were gone, another was part time and my consistent one of whom remained was needed in a new capacity at home for a while. One Sunday I came in and all four of my lil joys were back. That restored a light within my soul of my kingdom purpose with working with the children. I missed them so much and God restored them as my Pastor had told me He would right after the shift happened.

In my own spiritual journey in the last month, God has been working hard on humbling me. Getting me out of a state of Pride and knowing I need Him with every breathe, every step, every decision cause doing it on my own is my own self-will. To surrender my will to Gods will it takes a humbling of a person and in June God broke a level off of me that was strongly needed.

The new places God wants to take me in him required some death to the old things my soul (mind, will, and emotions) had clung to for all my life. Everything God has for me is within my spirit as that is where I invited His spirit to reside within me and overtime that newness will shine forth through my vessel (body) in my character, morals, and integrity.

In the days ahead I am longing that this Pandemic lets up! So we can have a sense of normalcy return. My prayer is that everyone stay safe as possible and take care of your mental health during all this! I have battled depression off and on during this crisis. The people of whom love and support me check on me and pray me through. Find your soul tribe like I have, they will be with you through dark and light, good and bad, broke and prosperous. Real people are true and genuine beyond things that can and will often change.

Thank you for taking time to catchup with me by reading my blog or stopping in to see the photos. 🌺

Shop my teespring store

Shop my book on Amazon pictured below

🌺Cynthia🌺

Beauty from Ashes

Discovering How Fearfully & Wonderfully Made I Am!

Beauty From Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1697207154/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_PEs6DbPFGMNK3

Who am I?

Have we not stopped and pondered the big life questions from time to time?

I know I have and often if not careful and send myself into a tail spin just mulling those huge questions over and over and over!

I haven’t blogged in a while as I stopped to get my book out, which is now available on amazon.com, even now that it is out the big questions come even more.

Does your message have any impact?

Is what you hoped your writing to be is it that?

What makes your story special?

Well, I had to come to this conclusion. My story has a set audience and those meant to find it will and it will greatly impact thier life!

My book and my story is multifaceted and not just one target area of change in my physical, but also a change in my spiritual.

I have had to dig down deep and pull from the roots of faith to realize I am a daughter of destiny and purpose. The process and journey that I am on is preordained and its up to me by faith to walk it out!

I tell you what though, leaps of faith are scary at times! I chose to put my story out there for the world that was a big leap for me! As I sat there finilizing everything and the button of “click to publish” was waiting to be pressed I had a moment of doubt flood me. I reached out to my life coach and asked should I really press this button?

Withour any hesitation at all she said ro me yes you should! I sat on edge for a few days waiting for it to come back approved for publish and available online! When it did go live it was one of the most joyful, tearfilled times of my life!

With that one successfully completed I have begun to work on my next book. I look forward to one day hearing the impact my writings have had on people.

Cynthia 💝

Faiths Relationship

Faith Hall of Fame!

We have all if not most of us have read Hebrews 11 the Faith Hall of Fame Chapter. So many of the faith who done great things and yet still fell short at times didn’t they. Which shows God can and will use you despite things.

What is it about those listed in the Hall of Fame. I noticed how they all had a special close relationship to God. Something in which God wants us all to have with Him.

Moses talked with God in the tent/tabernacle in the wilderness. Abraham had conversations with God and was deemed a friend of God. As well as, David his closeness with God got him the title of man after Gods own heart.

We too in this day and age can still have that closeness to God like our forefathers of the faith had. Its by having converasation with God. You talk to him as you would a friend and he talks back to you as a friend.

If any of you are like me I would talk to God but there would be no reciprocated conversation back for a very long time as my soul was like pray and get your side out onto God and move on.

I didn’t allow myself to hear back from God about direction or if I needed to grow or develop in things before he would answer.

God was not silent, as he would still speak through the vessel of my leader as she had mastered to quiet her soul and hear from God to help speak to me where I myself couldn’t hear it.

He wants that dialogue with us as Pastor Juanita Gibbs teaches us. Its up to us to unbusy our soul to begin to have conversation with God. Its a work I tell you. Like I have said in other blogs my soul is busy and loud.

Developing a relationship with God on a deeper level is what He wants of us. I want to grow closer to God to make him even more of my everything.

Instagram Facebook

~Cynthia 😍

Wisdom on Display

Wisdom will eventually have an impact on your reactions!

I have to be honest, I am someone that when things happen in my life that I can become very hasty in decision making. I can become very irritable and snappy when I feel like I am being attacked.

But, those reactions weren’t wise one reactions I have to also admit on my part. What I took in as being attacks to thus cause me to make hasty decisions and react in not so Godly ways caused much issue.

Yet Wisdom is shown to be right by what its followers do.
Luke 7:35 CEV

Now that wisdon has come on the scene from impartation from my Pastor Juanita Gibbs, of what is going on within me it is now up to me to implement that wisdom.

The issues of my soul have caused woundings and scars that have set me on auto to react and think certain ways that are contrary to the truth of what is really trying to take place.

I have to admit these issues within my soul so that they can loose power and hold in my life to turn to the new way of being. That is slowing down and not being hasty and hearing a thing out so to gain understanding as to what is coming forth for me to take in.

Wisdom that I take in will show forth in my following of its guidance.