Personal Acceptance

Discovering How Fearfully & Wonderfully Made I Am!

The subtitle of this blog is one that is near and dear to me, as it is the subtitle to my book Beauty from Ashes that is available on amazon.com. See link below the image to shop!

I am a woman that has battled personal acceptance, low self-esteem, low self-worth, lack of self-care, and having an over all bad view of myself. It was a pivotal turning point in March 2016 when on a trip it was brought to my attention just how negative I spoke about myself. I, in myself had no self awareness of the fact that I was so deeply negative I was inwardly.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flows the springd of life.”

Proverbs 4:23 AMP

Every word from my lips dripped with disdain of life, existence, purpose and destiny. It revealed a bitterness of heart due to roots of lack of self-acceptance and self-love! I was asked at that time, why was I like I was. My answer outright was β€œwhat does it really matter” in a sarcastic tone. That no matter what I did or do it never made any difference.

It was then that grace and patience with understanding and compassion were extended to me to help begin to uproot bad things and cultivate a new way of being. This work has been ongoing and will continue as it is needful in becoming a better woman for life!

Your thoughts create your reality!

~Juanita Gibbs

40 Day Detox of Negative Thinking

Amazon

She began working with me in the key fundamentals of personal care, life care, home care, developing a healthier interior, then working on my self esteem and self love. Others in the past that may have tried to assist me didn’t extent long periods of grace to help me grow and develop the way my counselor has in these last three years.

It has taken this long to grow even a lil sprout of self-acceptance. I have made progress in being more positive and speaking with hope. Being I would pick apart everything about me from my looks, my weight, my hair color, and more. It was when I realized that I am running down Gods creation that I have had to work through that.

I have been walking through a phase of discovering who I am, learning how I am made and slowly embracing the facts and truths about me, then learning what I need to do to work on becoming a better woman. Its not been easy for me and it wont be easy to continue to change and grow.

Growth is pain!

Development is a journey!

But, what I can say is that no matter how offended I may get at the truth, I need it. No matter how sensitive I am emotionally, I need tough love. Yes the wounds are there! Yes the strongholds are there! But, they are within my power to take them down within myself and get the healing I need deeper.

My encouragement to you is this: If me as stubborn as I am and can be can change, heal, and get delivered, then take this as a sign that you can too. It takes steps, falling down, getting back up, taking steps again and often falling and getting back up in a cycle to keep working to bring about change to your life as I am working to in mine.

Thank you for reading if you reaching this point leave me a comment below! πŸ’

Cynthia πŸ’ž

Shop Amazon for my book and the other book mentioned above! Thank you for your support!

Walk with me…

We are not to be an island to ourself!

Human nature longs to feel needed, wanted, desired, appreciated, and ao many other things that God built within us to need Him and to need people in our life that are filled with him.

We can isolate due to many things like hurt, rejection, acceptance issues, being an introvert, or so many other reasons as to why we disconnect from others of humanity to not go through some things again or to not deal, whatever the case may be we are not to go at things alone.

I know for myself I have done some isolating in my past when things happened I wanted to be far away to not open my heart, my ability to love (which was small-it needed work), my obcessive care, etc.

But, what has happened is that my Pastor has lovingly shown me that is not only error to live as such a way as God built us for human connection. He built us to love one another as ourself, we are built to love our enemies, we are built to love our neighbor, we are built to guard our heart, we are built to observe the fruit of a person to know if its genuine or deception.

This is how we can know who is to walk with us in life and those who may be passing through your life to teach us something or to show us where we may need to improve. Iron sharpens iron in the life of a believer. But we to are called to love which is the greatest command of all.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia

Love Affair Pt 1

Sounds scandalous right!!

The love affair I am beginning is well loving myself.

I have been on a journey of self discovery for a few months now. Its been a journey to say the least. Even my writing these blogs have helped me discover hidden parts of me.

But, in actuality the self discovery began with my church teaching us about self deception, knowing our truth, loving our truth no matter what it looks like. It was this that really began to set this all in motion.

I am learning to love myself beyond all the issues in my soul that has surfaced the abandonment, rejection, comparison, acceptance, fear, doubt, worry, anxiety and depression.

Learning to work through those issues to come to a level of healing. Learning that those issues don’t define me they are part of me but they will be learned of to take control of and manage them. Learning that just because I have issues is no reason to reject myself as I have been doing.

Everyone has issues of some kind I have also learned. Like me they hide the real you, they hide the issue, hide that all is perfect and well. But, when the real test comes thats when the guard is let down and the issues are revealed. Least thats how it has been for me, the test would come and show where I was at.

I am also learning that my love has limits as to why when I see I have issues I reject even myself. This is when the fruit of the spirit of love has had to come in the more. To pull on Gods eternal love for me.

To know even in my mess God still extends grace and mercy to me to work on my short comings and be healed amd walk free from them and to help others like me at some point overcome.

Will I ever be fully free from my issues? Maybe in level as healing happens. Other issues within will require management on my part.

May I keep walking this journey day by day to love myself knowing by Faith God does no matter what.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Filing for Separation!

I have had enough! I cannot take putting up with you any more!

The echo of those words reverberate in the world we live in today. I has become the common norm to give up and walk away. But, somethings its ok to walk away from.

I have choosen to file for separation from fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, comparison, rejection, acceptance and abandonment! Divorcing can be a long drawn out process to come to the conclusion of a separation.

In the state in which I reside one year of separation has to happen before such can occur in a marriage (covenant agreement) the same is so with agreements we have built within our mind and soul that are contrary to truth. Least that is how it is for me as things come known in truth of where I am in life.

I have wrong agreements that I defend, uphold and gripe against when test and trials come my way. I defend the wrong agreement by saying “I am a believer of Jesus and shouldn’t have to go through this” or I uphold it by saying “well I was a bad believer and fell short and this is my punishment”, etc.

Sick right.

That is how I took a false belief and ran with it for too many years. My wrong inner agreement show themself when the trials come. On occasion my word do they show themself out of me in my character, attitude and display of immaturity.

The way to now grow is to learn to see the trouble, feel what I feel about it, do what I can about it, trust God to meet me in the midst and be with me and rely on him as I cast the care onto him to take on, and renew my mind in His faithfulness to not dwell for to long in it.

Sounds like work doesn’t it?

That is because it is work!

Work is envolved in any separation. Cutting off dependancy to what was once a comfort and a go to in times of trouble. To not lean on things of old as you begin to press toward a new life away from what you want to leave behind and start over fresh and new!

Slowly I am going to take my life back and live it in the spirit of truth as best I can with the help of the Lord, good wise councel and leadership that i am eternally greatful for in this season of life.

~ Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Bad Friendship!

Rejection and fear have a friendship that work together in unity in a wounded soul.

When rejection happens many times over it brings damage to the soul. The soul begins to find ways to heal, but if not being healed with good methods then it adds to the wounding creating a scar within. Least thats how it has been in my life.

Wounds of rejection would happen and my healing method was to let fear come in and protect me. Fear soothed the wound that if I never get close to anyone again then the pain wouldn’t come again by another rejection. But what happened when another cane along into my life?

Well…

They would come and over time yup I let the next one right on into my heart. What happened next was any sign that they were rejecting me I would begin to close off as I was being deemed unacceptable to them. I would wall up and push them away to save the fragile pieces of my heart as best I could from fear of it happening again.

Once wounding began to create other ways of wounding myself within my soul. It was so strong the fear and rejection that I began to shut out good people that God had placed in my life making time with me very difficult. Difficult to the place that I began to expect them to leave me.

But that all stemed from fear and rejection of the past. When they have reinforced to me they are God sent and yes its proven that they are that I still fear the most that people will leave me.

I am told that faith and fear work similar just with different results. The very things I have feared that people would continually come and go has happened. But, I can only manage myself, if something about me is rejected and they want to leave then thats their reasons.

I just have to manage myself with overcoming the fear and rejection issue to not push people away and guard my heart to not take people into my heart so quickly or easily. I need to slow down allow time on the scene and let things be proven.

When God sends me people with a heart after his, yes they may judge and show concern, but also accept that they too have issues and we all are working to overcome and accept each other on our faith journey in life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Paralyzing Fear!!

Fear can rise up within to such a place where your paralzyed in a sense.

How can that be right?

Well…..

For me fear began to creep its way in my life through the issues and strongholds in my mind I battle of comparison, acceptance, rejection and abandonment, as well as, having a tender too wide open heart.

Being a woman in my 30s its been a journey of life to this point as there are some things I have yet to blog about but as I am lead I will begin to share them, but for now I will stick with this.

Single at any age can be well what it is alone for the most part. I have had an overwhelming fear most of this life of mine that certain things would not find me, be for me due to the fear housed with in. This goes back to what I blogged about yesterday about F.O.M.O. I had a fear of missing out on what others got to enjoy and be part of in life and that kept me paralyzed in a state of frenzy and haste for a long time. Wearing myself out in my strength to make things be that were obviously not of him. Test after test you would think I would have learned but thats the paralyzing effect of what fear can do.

But the fear is not of God it is a worldly and not of this world fear to keep me from pressing on into what my purpose is in life.

When people fell away from my life distraction was removed and I was then faced to deal with me, the woman in the mirror. It was a battle on my councelor/life coach side to help me see truth, accept reality, and let go of bitterness and strife I once felt.

Slowly, layer by layer fear has begun to fade and flee and I will not give into the fear as much as I can in my human strength, but Gods strength meets me in the weakness. As fear has begun to flee, love and genuine Godly agape love has begun to fill the voids in the soul pushing out the fear where, faith, hope and love can begin to abide.

Are they abiding deep within me? Faith, Hope and Love? No at this time I can honestly say they are not. But day by day I want to be a little better at abiding in them then I was the days, weeks, months or years prior to this point. To be where I can say I only live once (Y.O.L.O.) and I am working by grace of his strength to learn wisdom, truth applicable to my life and walk and become the best version on me I can be in life.

If your reading this and battle fear know that there is hope. Retrain your mind and see positive over negative. Yes it will be hard as I walk through this myself. But in time as you keep at the work fear will begin to flee and faith, hope and love can reside where fear once was.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Power Hungry Fortresses!

We may not realize it, but how our behaviors indicate our hunger for power and control!

Things happen to us, around us, and within us most all the time. Its all in how we perceive, receive and deal with what happens to us of how much it will either reinforce a fortress (stronghold) in our mind or bring it down. These are some of my walls built inside me that engage when things happen.

For me, having such lack of proper nutrients in formative years, and rejection, abandonmemt, comparison and acceptance issues all these things have been a strong fortress within my soul.

As I have blogged about already these things within take time to overcome, as they, like Rome were not built in a day, but in a lifetime up to the point of beginning to confront and deal with them.

Sitting in church last night during discussion time I began to see where I had been using all the bad things of my past to control and manipulate my surroundings in some way. I was shocked at my behavior and devistated that I would allow such power to over rule the power of God. All because of these fortresses within me, when things would happen everything inside of me began to hasten to regain control that felt lost.

In reality of the matter, care came into my life in the form of my Pastor to shed light on an area I dearly needed addressing or I would continue to walk around open to hurt, pain, wounding the more.

Care and love in a soul that lacked knowing of any of such things growing up is foreign and not received graciously in the beginning as it is like paving a new road. Hitting rocks, holes and all such desbrie to clear a path of what is good in the uncharted territory of a soul like mine. I do pray in time as I tackle the negative still within, continue to tackle the fortresses with truth to take them down that a newness will begin to take shape in my life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Visit my Pastor Juanita Gibbs blog:

wholebodywellness365.wordpress.com

Stunted Growth!

My mind has kept me from some growth!!

How is that so right?

Well its like going through school its a learning process. If my mind hasn’t grown or developed in certain areas then I will not be so mature in some areas of life. Boy oh boy has that proven time and time again in different areas.

Limited experiance and not encountering certain situations in life has stunted me in ways I had not realized til recently when some things were presented to me.

I have not been a person that has been too close to too many people in a friendship manner in well most of my life. When people would come and tell me nice things or like something I had done I would latch to the words, feelings and at times the person like a leech. To only end in hurt most of the times when the people were merely being nice to me and moving on, I was looking for the more behind it.

To only see how my soul searched, hungered, and thirsted for love nourishment and validation on the human level. Lacking proper nutrients in formative years of growing is such effect if not dealt with as one continues to grow in life.

Now that these things I see within myself I have to better guard my heart (Phil 4:7) and my soul (Psalm 25:20) in this life as its my job to do. God graced me and anyone else with the power and ability to do these things its a matter of doing the work and being consistent about the work as my Pastor teaches us at my church.

Is it going to be easy? NO! Thats why its called work and a fight of faith. But, it is a fight worth fighting and a work worth doing to change things within me in this life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Self Imprisonment!!

We can keep ourself captive in many ways.

For me my imprisonment came in several ways, but for this blog I will focus on one way and that firstly is in my thinking. In my mental processes it has come to the light that I think very negative. I think negative about myself, my surroundings, situations and circumstances, how I view and perceive things. Sounds bad right?

Well it has been! The negative is like building a snowball. They just grow and grow til its taken shape and become a fortified fortress within of negativity. My very own self imprisonment.

Ever since March of this year I have been batteling to become less negative. It is so not easy! Its hard dedicated work to become even 10% less negative when you were full on negative, well maybe just in my case!

I have not become negative free on any respect of the word! But in a small degree I am not as negative as I was earlier in the year. When I have rough patches those negative things flair right back up as if I had done no work to combat them. Just shows how deeply negative I am in my inner life all these years.

When the rough patches come the reveal to me where I am unrenewed (Romans 12:1-2) and have to work/wrestle to get back to a place of renewal in my thinking. I have to use the sword of the word (Hebrews 4:12) to divide my thoughts that cause my imprisonment and use the word of God as a key to break the chains of bondage in my prison.

Its gonna be a fight for the rest of my days to keep renewed but with Gods help and councel/Coaching, and me doing the work one day maybe the fight won’t be so strong as I strive to become stronger in the word of faith over negative words from within. This is my fight of faith!

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰