Walls of comfort!!

Depression can construst walls within!

I have written about depression before, but wanted to bring it up again in relation to walling up on the inside.

What is depression? Depression is defined as a self doubt. I have post in prior blogs about my comparison, acceptance, abandonment and rejection issues and all these issues have a layer of self doubt contained within them.

All these factors working hand in hand create a vacancy for depression to live in my soul. When you feel rejected by the world and then reject yourself that is a whole lot of self doubt. It sometimes reaches a place of why continue to battle the endless cyclea that it is instead of keep repeating things over and over again.

So, to combat depression the other issues have to be tackled as they are deeply rooted issues. What is the opposite of self doubt? Self confidence!! Even that is hard to find after a lifetime of hurt/pain and wounds.

Walls are built in a defense to keep from going through the same hurt little to know that the same gap that created the hurt was never closed. I built walls within to keep from getting hurt and to keep from letting too much of me out to anyone else when they got close. I could retreat behind the walls and feel safe and secure.

Self confidence is even temporary as it is based off of temporal things I have found to be shown to me. To find lasting and satisfying self confidence it has to come from the ultimate source of God the Father. Not to be moved when others accept or dont accept you for who you really are.

The only way to keep overcome is to keep renewing in truth as Pastor teaches us at church. I have to know deeply that I am accepted, loved and pursued by the King of Kings and let nothing and no one of this world move me from that position.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Illegitimate Children!

Rejection and Abandonment issues are the illegitimate children of Comparison and Acceptance Issues.

Due to many years of comparison and acceptance issues it was found within me the issues of rejection and abandonment. Other factors also contributed to the rejection and abandonment issues, but for this blog I will only talk about how comparison and acceptance issues opened up for rejection and abandonment to follow in to my life.

So, from prior blogs I discussed how I measured every part of my life up to others and I was always disappointed since I didn’t measure up. I also became a chameleon to blend into what others wanted and loose myself and not accept myself as they didn’t accept me for who I was.

How does that open up to rejection and abandonment in this case. Well here we go as I will share some now.

I had a prebuild system goin in my heart and mind. Now granted still things I am working to overcome even now so I have not arrived and won’t I have to keep renewing to not fall back into the old comfort. Have I fallen back into old comfort? YES! This is a daily battle.

So, when new people would come into my life amd I have that prebuilt thinking system I had a hold on me to not let myself fully go into things.

What does that mean? Say for example, I would be introduced to a guy I would with hold much of myself from things like openly expressing things, or not sharing just much of myself to help build things. Many times they never got past friendship as to my walls. Then when they left because of my issues I felt rejected and abandoned by them.

Another example would be a lady would come into my life and she be true and genuine with me, but I would withhold gratitude, love and appreciation of her acceptance of me for her willingness to be my friend.

When someone comes and stays, because all others left I began unknowingly pushing away because, well if the rest left why wouldnt this one. All it takes is one to see that you have potential to get help to overcome and is willing to ride it out with you to help begin to shift the thinking of old. Those people are rare so if one comes in your life they are worth fighting to keep.

All these issues created so many problems of walls and distance and lack of love that I truly reached a point to get the help needed. Like I mention before its a daily work to keep renewing in good over the many years of negative and toxic issues I housed within. The one who remained helps me when things flair up to see them and work to overcome them in genuine love to see the best for me.

All these issues are very real. Perhaps my writings can help see someone in your life going through these same things and you can develop an understandng of compassion and love them til the issues begin to fade and they find a new normal to live.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

#Comparison #Acceptance #Rejection #Abandonment #photographyblog

Huh? No way!

Personal acceptance can be a hard pill to swallow!

Embarking on this journey has brought about well let say much enlightenment.

I have begun to become aware of my true self. That is knowing myself by my temperments, the wounds in my soul, toxic strongholds that shaped in how I view things or perceive things and how I thought on things.

Which coming to understand all these things have helped me begin to love myself. I am unique in my own special way there is no other exactly like me, perhaps similar, but not fully the same as the life path, experiances, faith, etc.

I have learned so much about myself especially in understanding my temperments that there are good and bad (strengths and weaknesses) that I have been able to get help with by my Pastor and Life Coach, to begin to tackle the weaknesses to grow in them to not be so weak in them.

I have had to embrace that in one of my temps I am loyal/faithful which there for the weakness has come that I don’t outwardly express love well. So, by taping into the fruit of the spirit I am working to overcome my temperment short commings. To begin to show people I love and care for them. Life is to be lived and expressing love for those we care for, not just hidden inside for no one but self to know.

It was also in this self acceptance journey that I understand better why I am an ambivert. Its due to my temperment combinations working in me. That cause me to be both outgoing and an introvert. Which some just don’t understand. Which is fine as it is the wonderment of me.

I am embracing that I can be outgoing or introvert or commonly of people with both as mentioned before known as an ambivert.

Most are known as one or the other but I have both tendancies. There are some that understand the both tendancies of being outgoing or introverted, those people are amazing to have in life. They are patient and loving and accept that you either want to go out or need time alone.

Learning to love myself amd accept myself has had some challenges, but those are challenges worth taking to become a better person.

~ Love Life ~ Live Life ~ πŸ˜‰

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

#Acceptance #self #love

How in the world is this gonna work?!?!

How now can I find a place of personal acceptance?

It all begins as my Pastor told me of knowing my full truth. Seeing all the good, bad, the ugly in me and not rejecting those things for they are who I truly am inside. I can hide them behind a mask or veil with others but for so long til they come peeping out around the corner to make themselve known.

Truth of myself had to pierce the veil that I had so cleverly constructed to blend into the world around me. One truth came it pierced the veil, more kept coming to tear it wide open to see more of the full truth that is well me. Was it pretty? To say the least, lets just say there are some big parts that still need work.

One by one and step by step as my Pastor tells me in councel so I can focus on achieving one development in an area at a time and not be all over working on pieces of all of them and not getting anywhere. Cause honestly before her I would be all over working on pieces of all the problems I saw needed addressing in me.

Pastor has referred to Shakepear’s famous quote of “To thine own self be true” it struck a new resonance within me as she brought it forth in a way to grow in my inner person. Once I am able to be fully honest with myself and true to myself it can then spill out in the world around me.

Instead of me becoming a camelion and blending in any longer I can know that deep within its ok to stand out and be different and the things I work to better within me can have a impact on the world around me.

I can, like she says, live from the inside out over what I have been doing of living from the outside in.

To be honest the taintedness of this world coming into my life has not been the greatest taking on of things. But, living from the inside out by aide of the spirit I can use Gods strength, righteousness and power to overcome the acceptance issue step by step and the journey has begun.

~Love Life ~Live Life ~ πŸ˜‰

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

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β™‘ Pastor Juanita β™‘ blog at:



Do you not see it?!?!

Self-Rejection is a very real problem!

My open door to personally not accept myself was wide open. This came from the comparison issues I have shared about in other blog posts.

I had developed a mindset that if I had a flaw that wasn’t accepted by someone close to me then it was my instinct to reject it and do anything to blend in better.

This caused me essentially to loose much of myself and blind me to my real inner issues that I need to work on in my soul.

I began to only know me through the eyes of others. Which in some cases were not so great opinions due to many things.

What God began to do in my life was begin to separate me from people for my own good. As I needed to discover myself and know the true meaning of appropraite self-love and knowing of His love through others that did remain.

Am I there to full personal acceptance? I can honestly say, No! But, what I will share is that daily I take a step closer toward personal acceptance. Gods view and opinion of me and my own self view are the confidence builders I am working toward attaining.

As, I have come to learn and accept its part of life that some will not accept me as a person and some will. I just have to trust God for the true people that will see me and appreciate me in fullness as I should them also.

Acceptance starts with self as no other but God through His son and the true people of God he brings into your life can help you and I build a foundation of confidence in Him.

Close the door to outside void fillers such as a man, woman, job, or hobby to fill the void in a soul like the true love of God in finding acceptance.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ πŸ˜‰



Dysfunctional Marriage!

The worse thing in the world is the coming together of two toxic issues!

The marriage of comparison issues and acceptance issues became very aware to me as I began to detox the emotions, pain, memories, and finally expose root issues deep within my soul.

Comparison was a gateway to open myself up to more ways I could be destroyed by forces of darkness. I opened myself up to them unknowingly giving legal grounds to come and torture my mind.

As I saw I would never measure up to anyone else or that I didn’t fit the “ideal” mold of others I began to not accept myself. My own personal acceptance had become hinged off what others said, thought and if they wanted to be around me.

When it appeared that none accepted me I truly lost all acceptance for myself. For as long as I can remember this was how it has been for me, all the way back to school days. I was cordial to most but never close to anyone as I wasn’t fully accepted.

Even down the years when men came into my life I compared then didn’t feel accepted because of a flaw or my issue and I know they picked up the insecurity and kept me in the friend zone. Which later was Gods love sparing me from more pain and disappointment.

It wasn’t til most recent that my root issues are being allowed to come to the surface and I am dealing with them one on one. I have learned that comparison will cause me to never measure up to anyone other than myself. I have my life and path to take and they are different for all of us.

So, I am learning to control my comparison thoughts, as well as, being in a time of learning to fully accept me.

No one else’s acceptance of me can fill the void in my soul. I have to fill it up first with appropriate self love and Gods love through those He has given me in this life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

#Comparison #Acceptance