The Call No One Wants To Get!

“We have your results!? Your test came back you are POSITIVE for COVID.”

Immediately, my heart sank and then flight mode of hurry up time is running out kicked in. On 10/10/2020 at 3:30pm my life went from being lived to you got only a few short hours left before lock down.

I called my employer, coworkers, anyone I had come in contact with to inform them of my horrific news, so they could watch themself and get tested as well if need be. Luckily, I am not a spreader, everyone tested negative, but me. A front line worker in the height of a global pandemic who has no health insurance, no means of income while in isolation. Thus propelling me into the trusting arms of the Father God to take care of me in health and to help provide for me while I am out of work going into the second week now.

My tribe has surrounded me, brought me food, financial support, and moral and comforting support. So many have genuinely checked on me that warms my heart to know that such love does exists in the world. When on the counter spectrum as well i have been privy to messages from distant familial relations reflecting a demeanor of humor at my healths expense during these times. Another instant of not so distant familial relation refusing to support my aging father who resides in my home to remove him for his own safety and calling me childish and my own doing for supposedly catching this that which they deem nonexistent. A battle such as this reveals the true nature of people that you have in your life. Take note of how they do while your in crisis. Cause in the opposite they will expect a great return from you in their own time of need. My family is my tribe of God given people that come from various backgrounds of life that have shown time and time again their genuine love, care and support of me in many things not just in good or bad but in level times as well.

My Father of whom is aging and has severe medical illnesses of which could make this virus deadly if it enters His body, from which I am doing all I can to isolate from him, stay away from common areas and keeping surfaces clean. Even as sick as I have been he still relies on me to make sure he has food and meds and is tended too.

Thankfully, my tribe jumped in and had pizza delivered. Brought bags of sandwiches, soups, pancakes and two other dishes so I wouldn’t get exhausted cooking. Those dishes helped so much on the really bad days of this virus having its hay-day within my body.

One Story COVID Night of Terror:

It was at about 11:15pm during my fourth night of isolation, I had been asleep since some time in the afternoon when my fever had spiked to 100.2 and I took meds and laid down. It was at this time my fur-baby Sweet Pea stood beside my bed barked in my ear and it startled me awake. I was so into sleeping it didn’t phase me too much, til next thing I knew she jumped on the bed laid beside me and rolled her head back onto my chest. That pressure on my chest woke me up again then I heard my cell phone messenger beep. So, reluctantly I gathered myself to sit up. I checked my phone it was my lead tribe person saying they was checking on me and that I had come up heavy for them. Not two min later another beep came in my other tribe was checking on me. Something was definitely wrong with me, with all this activity. One pleaded with me to check my temperature. I did and my fever was right back up and climbing 100.5 this time. I struggled to move from the bed to medicine table where I checked my temperature and then take more meds before slipping back into slumber. Had it not been for the spirit alerting people and my Sweet Pea to get me up and take meds how much damage could have been done to me if I hadn’t been lured from that deceptive slumber of fever in covid state.

My symptoms began as massive body pain to the point of it being virtually debilitating, cough, sinus pressure, fever, headache, runny nose. Were the first symptoms that drove me to get tested in the first place. It took two days to get the results. Later my symptoms in isolation became frequent fever spikes, delirium, sensory system overload of pulsating and flashing that drove me to medicate and sleep. After about 6 days in isolation my sense of smell left me, taste is diminished, I can only taste salty or sweet. I have been sleeping more than not, and I have been workin on hydration and immunity rebuild.

It was Friday, October 16th I ventured to get retested as my severe symptoms had let up and I had been in isolation for the time required. I got my call for my results that I still am testing COVID POSITIVE. This virus is one for the record books. To still be testing positive for it. That marked my third ever COVID test. And now, I have to isolate still and then get retested again before I can even think about going back to work on the front lines during a global pandemic. I have suffered through isolation the first round, I am not sure how I am gonna do for another week, I need people and being that I cannot assimilate with people it is depressing.

I am fighting and battling COVID in my body and I will win! Cause my tribe is praying for me, helping me to keep mentally astute and checking on my well-being. Feeling such true love of Agape from people is often times what a wounded soul needs to heal.

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🌻Cynthia🌻

Strength for Others

God hasn’t provided us strength just for ourself, but its also for our neighbor!

There have been countless times in my life when I felt so weak in faith, drive and passion to go forward that I gave up a many a time.

It took people that were strong in the areas that I wasn’t to hoist me up by the under arm and tell me I could make it, God was with me and that I could do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification.
Romans 15:1‭-‬2 NASB

Those that have come along side ne and remained a constant in my life helping be a strength have never been stingy with sharing their strength with me. They have lifted me up and helped me walk in things, they have shown me I could do things I didn’t think possible.

They have gave of there abundance of strength even when theirs was lower than usual. We are to be a burden lifter for our neighbors.

It is by there example that I have learned to share my strength with others to help them if its not but listening, a kind word, a smile.

Strength that God has for us is not just for our own pleasure but to use to help others. This is a way to spread the love of God to the world.

Share your strength with others and be a light of Gods love!

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~Cynthia 😍

Faith see’s the light!

Faith can see beyond the natural worldly limitations when I allow it!

I am so beyond greatful to have my Pastor Juanita Gibbs in my life. Her relentless love to help me become what I need to be is a first and honestly it was needed to help heal areas in my soul.

I have been delving into faith for a while now to aide in growing my measure. God has been so lovingly revealing himself to me through His word that I pray my measure of faith becomes more and more active daily in my journey.

With faith it requires trust!

Which is in part why I believe my friday blog he revealed to me that as long as I believe in Him, he will not disappoint me. It takes a steady faith to build trust. Just like with human yo human trust there must be a steady commitment to each other.

God has already revealed his level of commitment to me and the world by giving His son to die to for me to believe on Him and be saved and transformed into a new person. But the new person takes work to become and commitment to the process.

Pastor has taught me that I need to make the word of God a way of life! Make His word more supreme than what my soul may dish out that gets me away from faith. The more I make His word my life He reveals himself.

The truth that the word contains is the power that will set me free. There is nothing in this world but the word that can set me free in my inner most being. I have to allow that truth to pierce my soul of all the build up negativity that is against the word, and allow the light of truth to come in.

O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles. Then will I go unto the altar of God, unto God my exceeding joy: yea, upon the harp will I praise thee, O God my God.
Psalms 43:3‭-‬4 KJV

There is a worship song that I recall so vividly called “Open Up and Let thr Light In” by Stephanie Gretzinger and that is what I have to continue to do is open up my soul and let the light in.

With out the light my faith is like a closed rose awaiting to bloom into its fullness and thats how my faith has been for as long as i can recall. Pin holes that pricked the veil of darkness don’t allow enough light through to flourish and grow as needed in a life of faith.

Truth of the word which is a sword( Hebrews 4:12) has had to come to illuminate the darkness and begin to nourish those places that have been untouched for far too long. The more the light of the word and the light of the world in my savior keeps revealing himself and his love for me my faith and trust in Him will grow and root me by the stream of living water.

What a God I love and serve to send me what I needed contained in one vessel that being my Pastor of whom He has used in gracious ways for me. If he can do that for me there is nothing He cannot do as long as I believe!

~Cynthia 😍

Faith see’s love beyond one day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The world has set apart one day to express love.

But, why is love just for one day?

Thats because it isn’t just for one day!

Plus as I am learning through the fabulous teachings of Juanita Gibbs at Reformation Developmental Center that love as the world has promoted it to be isn’t exactly the same love that God says it should be.

Love should be unconditional!

But, in reality and even my own it has natural limits! To be unconditional is to press beyond my natural limit when it presents itself in my life.

To keep choosing to love someone like I want to to be loved as in loving my neighbor as myself as the scripture says.

To want to be forgiven and back in good graces with someone after an ought and go on like it didn’t happen, as in unbegrudging, unbitter, but knowing more and learning from the ought and what it brought out.

Granted I am not perfect in this and won’t be, but unconditional love also accepts imperfections and chooses to love on anyway.

The worlds kind of love sets us up seeking perfection when the reality is that isn’t available in mere humanity.

For me to keep looking for it is a setup for disaster and much expectations dashed!

For many a year this very day had greatly depressed me for many reasons. As I have never had a valentine of the worlds nature.

To hear songs on the radio that say “you ain’t somebody til you have somebody” to see a flood of pictures on social media of the love items people received and looking at myself buying my own valentine item to feel even a shred of that kind of worldly love.

When today I can say I know I am fully and completly loved by God and its beyond just one day! It has been all the days of my life. For that unconditional love I am greatful for!

No balloon, flower, box of candy can replace the love of God in my life. Its by His love I am still here. It is by His love I can do all things that He says I can do.

Its by His love that I have a Pastor helping me transform my life one day at a time. This has been a milestone for me to not be depressed on this day and I am thankful for the work God is doing in my life.

By faith my best is yet to come!

for we walk by faith, not by sight-
2 Corinthians 5:7 NASB

~Cynthia 😍

But what about…

I can do it myself. What can you do to help me?

In the fleshly pride that it is that is the mindset I have had about some things in my spiritual journey of faith.

The last 2 days I must say have been the most interesting yet as its been consistent of God speaking and revealing and confirming things.

What a God I serve!

But….

Its all boiled down to dealing with my trust issue.

Yes!

I have trust issues and I can unashamedly confess this. For healing comes when confession takes place as the power of the issue looses its grip.

To take the first step to deal with my trust issue after confessing it is to go to God!

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 NASB

But, why am I weary? Oh yeah the trust issue…I figured I could work to make it go away, suppress it to make it go away, or be totally in fear and not do anything. To be honest in some degrees I have done all three of those.

I did not have enough trust in God to help me to find healing and wholeness. Not within my own strength anyway. I would say that it began to grow with the addition of my current pastor Juanita Gibbs. She has so lovingly came into my life to help me walk a process of transforming and growing in my soul!

Alot of my faith journey has been one of pleasing people over myself. Yes! I have been a people pleaser! What ddi it profit me, stress, much self work, rejection, etc.

Now with Pastors coaching of my life the people pleasing is getting tips and wisdom to manage it, but to know whats people pleasing and what is flowing in the fruit of the spirit.

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.
Galatians 6:9 NASB

I put more trust in humanity than I did God by being a people pleaser. And that doesn’t please God! For if I do unto others as I would have done unto me that would be flowing from fruit and not stressing to please people. Trusting that God see’s a pure heart of service unto him over man helps me to build trust in God to begin to make a shift.

I have to begin to put more confidence in the truth of His word. It contains the power already, but I have to access it by faith and hope. The more my soul learns to wait on the Lord patience has to be at work.

I wait for the Lord , my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.
Psalms 130:5 NASB

God has me to wait on Him to grow in character, so He give me work on myself to do. My pastor coming along side as my inner life coach has begun to help deliver and heal areas of my soul.

For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. Romans 12:3 NASB

There has been many times in my learning to trust God that I have doubted I had enough faith to grow or heal. Pastor has told me I have to use my measure of faith and work it to begin to be made whole. The contents of my soul have to be treated as they have caused infection in my life.

And Jesus answered and said to them, ” It is not those who are well who need a physician, but those who are sick. Luke 5:31 NASB

Jesus came and provided himself as a way for that to happen in my life. Isaiah 61 is one of my favorites that Jesus proclaimed in His time that the spirit of the Lord was upon Him to heal, deliver, and set free. That same is true even now the Holy Spirit os that very nature. But, I have to trust that nature to be made whole.

And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.” Luke 8:48 NASB

The more I place my utmost full trust in God, manage people pleasing and trusting in humanity over God, stop doubting him, trust the God given people He has provided the more healing can take place and I can work toward wholeness and growing in maturity.

And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:4 NASB

I have to continue to be patient with God, but myself also healing and growing are a process of time and committed work of believing in God, hoping in His word, casting all my cares in God, dealing with stuff when things bother me, stop suppressing and work diligently toward being mature(perfect) and lacking in nothing. Seeing that He is my supply and all I have need of is found in Him and his love for me(the world).

With the help of My Pastor Juanita Gibbs and the Lord and doing my part in time being whole in my soul will be my testiment of faith!

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Walk with me…

We are not to be an island to ourself!

Human nature longs to feel needed, wanted, desired, appreciated, and ao many other things that God built within us to need Him and to need people in our life that are filled with him.

We can isolate due to many things like hurt, rejection, acceptance issues, being an introvert, or so many other reasons as to why we disconnect from others of humanity to not go through some things again or to not deal, whatever the case may be we are not to go at things alone.

I know for myself I have done some isolating in my past when things happened I wanted to be far away to not open my heart, my ability to love (which was small-it needed work), my obcessive care, etc.

But, what has happened is that my Pastor has lovingly shown me that is not only error to live as such a way as God built us for human connection. He built us to love one another as ourself, we are built to love our enemies, we are built to love our neighbor, we are built to guard our heart, we are built to observe the fruit of a person to know if its genuine or deception.

This is how we can know who is to walk with us in life and those who may be passing through your life to teach us something or to show us where we may need to improve. Iron sharpens iron in the life of a believer. But we to are called to love which is the greatest command of all.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia

What is it all about?

Relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

In my time of singleness I has given me opportunity to develop my relationship with God. Singleness is a distraction free time. Its a time where if you want you can fast all day or read the word all day. Worship and praise Him all day or Pray all day. A time in which you don’t have to have just delegated time with him, which we should that on occasion as work and life calls and makes demands. But we can spend time the more communicating with him. Letting Him build us up. Letting Him love on you. Letting Him send those who have his love in him to walk along side you in great Godly bonds of fellowship. We are not to dispise the days of small beginnings. The small beginning may be in the time of singleness to learn how to have a relationship with God as that is the solid foundation to any relationship (friendship, marriage, etc). As we grow in our love and connection to him he grows and expands our love to church family and those that we see that we encounter that need to know the love of God through us. I have great people around me and a great leader before me as my Pastor who loves us with Agape love. God uses people to show his love to us as she teaches me. The love I am getting now in my season of singleness is helping bring healing to unnourished places in the soul from childhood things. So, what is it all about? Building the relationship with Him in a deep and intimate way to commune with him, know him deeply to lead you, guide you, love you and yoi can trust in what He is and does and can be then its very much worth it all. ~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍 ~Cynthia 😉

Uncommon Love

Uncommon: Out of the ordinary or unusual.

What is such love that it is uncommon?

Well…..

For me that is being shown love in a way that I have not known.

To be told “I love you” to be told loving words of any kind for me is uncommon.

Why is it uncommon?

Well, in the home in which I grew up in and raised you were known you were loved by deeds. They would buy gifts to show love or sacrifice to show love. The love language was gifts and acts of service that was mainly expressed in my home. So those types of love expressions became what was common.

When the uncommon came in words of praise(affirmation), physical connection (hug), or quality time it was not only foreign, but I saw that my soul has longings for those types of love moreso than the other love that was commonly expressed to me.

What has begun to take place is that now I see what my soul has been devoid of from early years of growing.

Growing without proper nourishment in the inner life can bring on issues as we get older.

That has proven to be the case for me anyway. I also saw that I used outside things to fill the voids in my soul like food, books, men when they have come into my life.

This year my relationship to food has been shifting. My relationship to books has been also shifting, as well as, how I view men has been shifting. I used to be one of those women that if a man comes in my life he will help me, give me attention or make me complete in some way. Boy oh boy has that ever proven to be false.

The only man who can complete any woman or man with the same issue is Jesus. Only he can fill the deep voids within my soul.

My time with God to grow and develop a level of maturity, as well as, letting God be my portion until God see’s that I am healed and prepared for promotion to being in a Godly relationship that brings him Glory, hope will continue to anchors my soul that in time He will come through for me on things.

Until then my time is full of seeking him first, studying truth, worship him in spirit and in truth for just who he is and allowing His love to come and fill me up. God has sent people into my life that have been used of him to show me love in the uncommon forms to begin to take me through healing phases.

Its getting better in stages as I see I still have work to do on me and working on me to be the best version of me is the most important as when I am full of the God kind of love it can begin to spill out into my surroundings and walk more in this love than ever before.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

What’s love got to do with it?

That question has been circling for a while now.

In the world in which we reside what does love have to do with it?

In the Biblical sense there are various forms of love.

  • AgapeUnconditional Love
  • Phileo Brotherly Love
  • Storge Family Love
  • Eros Passionate Love

The world in which we are passing through only focus and spot light one type of love. Its seen in commercials, magazine ads, movies and its beginning to filter into some children programs.

To focus on one type of love will only continue to polute a society that if the one love fades its ok to leave it and move on to another for that same type of love. Hense the high divorce rate and people electing to even marry.

When true love of God (Agape) is deeply ingrained in an individual then the other loves will have proper placement. My pastor has been teaching on Agape love that I see I need to come up in it.

Agape as was mentioned is unconditional love. When people cross you, irritate, run you down, reject you, abandon you, etc there is a love that can be pulled on to get through it and keep loving others as we are commanded by God to do.

My human love has limitations I will admit. These limits come from the woulds of rejection, abandonment and lack or love nourishment in my young years of growing up.

But, now as I keep learning about Gods love even if I am rejected God loves me. When I am crossed or offended I must forgive and continue in love. For God forgave me much then I must also forgive and walk in His love. This is what love has to do with it.

This world in which we reside thrives on negativity and drama and wants to feed your feelings of rejection, abandonment, offense and ways to cause strife.

When we manage those feelings as we pull on Agape we can cause the inner issues to begin to starve and die off when we quit feeding them. This is what love has to do with it.

The love of God has everything to do with it!

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉