Heart to Heart

Having a friend that loves you enough to impart councel is the best thing in the world!

Not having many close personal relationships in my life has been well difficult. Many times because of how I am and was at times it was either too much or too boring.

I am very much an ambivert where I have periods of time its I crave being around people, then I hit spots of just needing time alone.

At point my extra out going ways spurned things like “why do you want to go out so much” or “why are you hiding away”. Which both either spurned me to either be more reclusive or more outgoing.

In coming to Reformation Developmental Center my Pastor has been a very dear councelor and friend to me. She has helped me to grow in interpersonal connection where most didn’t want to take the time to do that for one reason or a multitude.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad; So does the sweetness of a friendโ€™s counsel that comes from the heart.
PROVERBS 27:9 AMP

Seeing that she loves, cares and wants to see me grow and become the woman God wants me to be has helped develop a place of trust to the point where that I see her councel as a sweet help that I need.

Where I once saw things as an attack I had to work on that. Most of my issue with that came from my family connections of being attacked and going into a defense mode. But, I didnt hold it against my family and went right back as if nothing happened.

Where as with anyone else It would become a major issue and a backing away and all this mess that just revealed a partiality within me.

When I came to understand her heart for me that it wasnt like some of my family sayin “I’m here for you” but when you need them they really weren’t.

When she says “I’m here if you need me” she really is there no matter what if I was broke down on the side of the road, up til 2am with issues or whatever its been she has been there.

The oil and perfume of a caring friends heart can be a soothing balm to an aching soul that desperatley yearned for interpersonal connection came to heal and make whole what once was battered and shaken.

A real friend will always tell you the truth!

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~Cynthia ๐Ÿ˜

Single and Happy

There is a time and season for all things!

It is widely popular now that if your not with someone then there has to be something wrong with you.

Is there something wrong with me?

I am single and have been a very long time!

Does that make my humanity any less than someone involved with someone?

The world and times would say yes there is something wrong with me. In some cases yes the church world would also! Yes! I said it the church also!

Not to many in the area I reside have singles geared programs, teachings on how to be am effective single, being a single christian and devoting your time to God in that season.

It wasn’t until I started going to Reformation Developmental Center pastored by Juanita Gibbs where she began to open up my world to me that my time of singleness is a gift to be treasured.

I am free to serve the kingdom as much as I can without distractions. I dont have to subject my earnings to anyone else before I give to the kingdom. I don’t have to subject my body but to God in this time when I want to fast and such.

Yes, I admit being single and remaining as such has gotten me down in the past. I have allowed man made ideas, holidays and the like to tell me what I am suppose to be as a 30ish single.

But what does God say about it as His truth trumps the ideals of men. God says seek me with your whole heart. Seek me first, keep me first, surrender everything to me. That is Gods order and design.

As I mentioned in my last singles post by doing the seeking and work on my own that was my self will not Gods will. He killed every plan that was not of his plan and purposes. Thank God He did too.

My time of singleness is to work on my inner life to have my soul prosper. To correct the inner issues, to heal the inner wounds, to subject myself to the God who knows whats best for me. He proclaims His ways are higher, his thoughts are higher.

Man oh man are they ever. Had God not stepped in and stopped my plans how much heartache and pain in the long run has he saved me from and from inflicting on another.

My soul issues could and have done serious damage left unattended. I am learning slowly to love life as a single, give my all to God, serve him in my current purpose and seek him and keep him first.

God says keep humble and at the proper time exultation will come for them who remain humble. Humble left the building on me the other day and seeing it deeply grieves me. Pride genuinley comes before the fall.

When you fall, fall and look at why you fell then see why you fell and learn from it to keep from repeating it. Only the meek can inherit the earth as the earth is His and the fullness there of and having a level of pride negates the capacity of God to show himself as He knows he wont be glorified.

Humble will glorify God over self. These are just things that I am learning and discovering about myself in my time now without distractions as I am finding contentmemt and trust slowly as it comes to my relationship with God.

As I allow Him into my life he is filling me with himself and His truth to be free from old bondage, be healed from past woundings, and to live a life that glorfies him over any thing and everything I can or have done.

My Pastor who has helped me embrace my singleness and learn about myself in this time. She does also teach on the fundamentals of relationships and the dynamics of it all.

Please don’t misunderstand these posting either of a bitter or hatefilled singlehood. No this is just an enlightenment on my journey.

Every single persons journey is different. I am just expressing and showing that you can find happiness in the status that is so widely not popular to have.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ ๐Ÿ˜

~Cynthia ๐Ÿ˜‰

Ambiverts discontentment!

Caught between and introvert and extrovert!

How can it be that you have tendancies of both ways of being and be discontent?

Well for me as I am known to have both tendancies my discontentment comes from many things. Having walls as a safety built inside causes me to wall or shut people out very much from the damage in my soul and the seclusion for many years of being introvertish.

Over time and things changing in my life I branched out and did more things and I wanted to be around people even to the point of allowing things I shouldn’t have that caused pain later on.

Being thirsty for companionship of a friend I spent many years chasing people to be a friend to me after a mere nice thing said when the reality was. They was just being nice and moving on. So the extrovertish way of thirsting for people to be around to find a level of validation was an hurtful one to keep walking through.

So the wanting to be around people to the point of almost feeling like it was needed and they wouldnt remain, issued a layer of rejection. Which they only rejected the fact they didnt want a frienship, just wanted to be nice and go on with life. This aided in the walls of the introvertish ways to remain walled up to prevent continual pain.

This is how this ambivert found discontentment within. The issue of wanting to be around people and they not wanting to be around me and the way I can shut them out due to being a bit introvertish is a bit of a battle inwardly.

But, shedding the light on my battle may help another if they find themself like I have beginning to take down the walls with people I know and can trust that have proved they accept me faults and all, as well as, now learning to guard better that no, not everyone will be a friend they can be polite and keep moving and it will keep my heart from being open to more hurt or rejection.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ ๐Ÿ˜

~Cynthia ๐Ÿ˜‰