Love Affair Pt 1

Sounds scandalous right!!

The love affair I am beginning is well loving myself.

I have been on a journey of self discovery for a few months now. Its been a journey to say the least. Even my writing these blogs have helped me discover hidden parts of me.

But, in actuality the self discovery began with my church teaching us about self deception, knowing our truth, loving our truth no matter what it looks like. It was this that really began to set this all in motion.

I am learning to love myself beyond all the issues in my soul that has surfaced the abandonment, rejection, comparison, acceptance, fear, doubt, worry, anxiety and depression.

Learning to work through those issues to come to a level of healing. Learning that those issues don’t define me they are part of me but they will be learned of to take control of and manage them. Learning that just because I have issues is no reason to reject myself as I have been doing.

Everyone has issues of some kind I have also learned. Like me they hide the real you, they hide the issue, hide that all is perfect and well. But, when the real test comes thats when the guard is let down and the issues are revealed. Least thats how it has been for me, the test would come and show where I was at.

I am also learning that my love has limits as to why when I see I have issues I reject even myself. This is when the fruit of the spirit of love has had to come in the more. To pull on Gods eternal love for me.

To know even in my mess God still extends grace and mercy to me to work on my short comings and be healed amd walk free from them and to help others like me at some point overcome.

Will I ever be fully free from my issues? Maybe in level as healing happens. Other issues within will require management on my part.

May I keep walking this journey day by day to love myself knowing by Faith God does no matter what.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Transition

Moving from fear to faith!

When fear has been a resident inside my soul for so long I have to serve fear eviction papers. It didn’t like getting served… no way!

Fear begins to scream out:

• This is your comfort place look how its kept you!
• I can keep you from hurting!
• This is the best place for you! Whats beyond this for someone like you?
• Your fine like you are!
• And more

The things fear will begin to scream out sound true initially as they are familiar. They are an established fortress of lies I have believed for far too long!

So, what has to happen and has begun to happen to begin to get me to shift from fear to faith?

Well…

I have to first know the voice of fear and anything else joined with it like doubt, worry, and anxiety. This way when they rise up within me I can identify the voice and begin to pull on faith and the word to counter attack the contents in my soul.

Am I doing a good job at this fight?

Some days Heck No! I fall right back into the old way.

Other days I have my sword in hand slicing and dicing every fear and anxious voice that comes up within.

I have to be repetitious in the battle. My Pastor she has taught us that:

“Repetition is the mother of success, if you want to succeed you have to keep doing it over and over and over again until it becomes your new normal” ~ Juanita Gibbs

When I fail at the battle I have to dust myself off see if I can locate the weakness and to why this test took me down and exercise ways to not let it get to me so bad in the next test.

Will I ever be free of fear? No!

Fear is an emotion and I have to learn to manage it. That fear management is real just like how anger management is real for some.

I can be very emotionally lead at times if I allow fear and any other emotion have its way. I can also be very logically lead by my own thoughts and analyzations…but that is a whole other subject.

I want to be able to manage the fear level within me to begin to live by faith over the fears. I have to keep the sword of the word of God that is truth to help me get there. Day by day I hope to make strides to keep turning from fear to faith.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Filing for Separation!

I have had enough! I cannot take putting up with you any more!

The echo of those words reverberate in the world we live in today. I has become the common norm to give up and walk away. But, somethings its ok to walk away from.

I have choosen to file for separation from fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, comparison, rejection, acceptance and abandonment! Divorcing can be a long drawn out process to come to the conclusion of a separation.

In the state in which I reside one year of separation has to happen before such can occur in a marriage (covenant agreement) the same is so with agreements we have built within our mind and soul that are contrary to truth. Least that is how it is for me as things come known in truth of where I am in life.

I have wrong agreements that I defend, uphold and gripe against when test and trials come my way. I defend the wrong agreement by saying “I am a believer of Jesus and shouldn’t have to go through this” or I uphold it by saying “well I was a bad believer and fell short and this is my punishment”, etc.

Sick right.

That is how I took a false belief and ran with it for too many years. My wrong inner agreement show themself when the trials come. On occasion my word do they show themself out of me in my character, attitude and display of immaturity.

The way to now grow is to learn to see the trouble, feel what I feel about it, do what I can about it, trust God to meet me in the midst and be with me and rely on him as I cast the care onto him to take on, and renew my mind in His faithfulness to not dwell for to long in it.

Sounds like work doesn’t it?

That is because it is work!

Work is envolved in any separation. Cutting off dependancy to what was once a comfort and a go to in times of trouble. To not lean on things of old as you begin to press toward a new life away from what you want to leave behind and start over fresh and new!

Slowly I am going to take my life back and live it in the spirit of truth as best I can with the help of the Lord, good wise councel and leadership that i am eternally greatful for in this season of life.

~ Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉