Happy April!

Be Full of Joy & Patient in Hope

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I am not sure how others are being impacted from this fully, but what I can share is how it is impacting me in my life and in my spiritual life.

My daily life during this COVID-19 epidemic has been what I feel like is drastically effected. In the state if NC in the USA we are under orders to stay at home! This has shut down many nonessential businesses at this point. Restaurant dining areas closed, only allowed to do take-out/carry-out/delivery. Nail, hair and tattoo salons are closed. Any store that doesn’t sell food, medicine or animal care products were forced to close their doors if not prior to the March 31st declaration by the governor.

Many are out of work, been laid off, and forced to seek unemployment. The President pushed for an economic stimulus that took Congress two weeks to get approved by both parties before it could even be presented for the president to sign. Lets just say one side had to be sure to push their agenda while Americans are suffering from loss of income.

The company in which I work for is deemed an essential business, so I am still at work. But, I am also on the front line of seeing the business take another major hit, being that I live in the Carolinas we are often in the lat summer hit by hurricanes as we have been hit hard the last two years by major hurricanes.

This virus is like an invisible hurricane thats coming and we don’t know yet the full impact it will have, but what we do know is that it is causing massive financial and economic destruction. The health care systems to the harder hit areas are taking major blows from being without some essential medical supplies.

Store chains cannot keep food, paper products and more on their shelfs due to the pandemonium created to stock up and hoard. This whole crisis has elevated this to a new level to be seen in the natural.

It needed to be seen that the majority of Americans pharmaceuticals are manufactured in China; as well as, the fact that most medical equipment like hospital gowns, gloves, facial masks are made in China. The push is now being made to bring the manufacture of those items home. In time after the peak of this whole crisis I pray some normalcy to our daily lives can be restored, but taking what we learned from this time with us.

This is showing the importance of taking time away and being with the ones you love! Take time to build and work on things that work, school, or life distracts you from doing. This has allowed me time to begin to build my second book I am gonna write. This has allowed me time to perfect skills to learn things. This time has pushed me in a direction that is called GROWTH.

That growth stems into my spiritual life as well! With houses if worship closed down to prevent the spread of the virus, it is a time in which will reveal just how much faith I have during times like these. It has been a hard press for me to remain of faith and not succumb to the daily tales of fear propagated stories of this very serious matter.

I have also been so challenged to grow in my walk with the Lord that it be more relational driven then genie in a bottle driven so to speak. God is not a wish granter only! He is a God who wants to see his children grow and mature to reflect His nature in the earth. Now can I say, that some spots of growth are a hard press. Likened to the lotus it has to fight through the murk and mire to grow to the surface to see the light and bloom.

My flesh has to die under the surface of the waters as if to say in a regeneration process so that what comes forth on the surface is the new nature that has the ability to glorify God. The outstretch of faith that has to take place requires much patients to grow in things and get me to a place that inwardly I will be lacking nothing! Maturity causes you to reach a level of stability in the inner life that I so desperately need.

When this comes, I will be able to withstand storms better, my flesh can be more under the subjection to the spirit. My faith will be firmly established in truth from the word if God. This is what growth and maturity can and will do, when I allow it to happen!

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🌺Cynthia 🌺

Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog!

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Be of Good Cheer

These are times where great faith is needful!

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I sit here in the silence, asking God what is the message for me and the blog I write once a week? No sooner I asked, and got silent within, I heard “be of good cheer!”

The great Abba Father that He is sent a message into my spirit one of comfort to reinforce peace in my life. The event of this week have been a major pull on my logic and emotions! I even confessed to my spiritual leader in the faith that I felt myself slipping into a depressive state. She encouraged me with words of comfort and wisdom as she always does.

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I got home and had to force my way into worship, I forced my way into looking at the word to renew as I was only in the early state of emotional slipping before emotions fully intoxicated me and I was very unrenewed.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Even as of yesterday, I had to plant myself before the word and remain in it, I got home to cook dinner for my father and freely worshipped, prayed in my heavenly language and then began to feel peace as small as a pebble.

The message I received of “be of good cheer” was a timely one. God knows that in these uncertain times it is faith that will pull us through. Faith isnt a ticket out of tribulation, faith is a hope through dire times. As things continually are getting shut down, enforcement to remain home becomes more essential, that our health and lively hoods are being greatly effected.

As of today more nonessential places are forced to close at 5pm for two weeks. People that have non essential jobs are out of work. Others that have employment that are essential are still allowed to work at this time as more and more cases of confirmed COVID-19 are coming out. Many are now instituting curfews to help condense the probability of spreading this virus! May Hod be with us all during this!

This is the virus heard round the world at this point! By faith we will make it!

By faith anchor in truth of the Word of God!

“For men swear by one greater than themselves, and with them an oath given as confirmation is an end of every dispute. In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil,”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭6:16-19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

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Keep on Walking

Be watchful of the traps people set for you on your path of life!

“Establish my footsteps in Your word…”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:133‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When your in a season of growth and development, many want to come along and hinder that growth!

When your trying as hard as you can to change in areas that need to be changed in to only be told things that only cause you depression, the notion to give up, walk away from God, walk away from the church and spiritual family… those are things I have had to learn to become aware of and take a stand up against. Many see it as being combative and it is, but when you are run down you have every right to defend yourself!

But the moment you do that you become the bad guy, your messing with a call on someones life, your twisted, sick, immature and how you are is unacceptable. Never mind what they did, said or how they took the situation and said things that were hurtful. So yes, I in-turn unleashed hurtful things as a retaliation.

The bible says turn the other cheek, but baby I can assure you that is hard for this one to do. I took hurtful, hateful words most all my life and I will not just take them anymore! You cause me pain, I will cause you pain in return!

Is that being petty?

Yes!

Is it mature?

No!

When your a wounded soul fight or flight is an automatic response mechanism! Will I justify what I have done to harm another? Already done that by blaming it on wounds and by retaliating because sore places within me are touched!

The only thing now to do is keep on walking! (Psalm 119:133)

Seek forgiveness from the Lord and plead mercy on the reaping that will take place from all thats been sown!

When your cover is blown seek the refuge of the shelter of the wings (Psalm 91).

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper And from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark. You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day; Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon. A thousand may fall at your side And ten thousand at your right hand, But it shall not approach you. You will only look on with your eyes And see the recompense of the wicked. For you have made the LORD, my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place. No evil will befall you, Nor will any plague come near your tent. For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, That you do not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and cobra, The young lion and the serpent you will trample down. “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With a long life I will satisfy him And let him see My salvation.””
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:1-16‬ ‭NASB
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Cynthia 💞

Am I as lonely as I feel?

~Wounded Soul~

As I was listening to an amazing teaching moment yesterday on (linked if you want to watch) Relationships Part 1 By Juanita Gibbs Focusing on Rejection and this information resonated with me deeply.

I have a deep wound of rejection! This wound is a scar on my soul (mind, will, and emotions) that needs to be healed. She spoke on how these things can surface in deeply intimate “ships” (friendships/marriages/families).

In taking time of reflection of the current trial I am in as of last week, that wounded soul showed out! By showed out it walked in offense, it was sarcastic, rude, disrespectful, ill-tempered, angry, depressed, and emotionally distraught! That soul is mine that I am referring to and it saddens me to even know that ugly part of me is me.

But… in saying that, its in knowing my truth, that I can walk toward freedom. That freedom will only come by truth and the word of God!

In my trial my soul wanted to amplify my situation and show me ONLY how alone I was with all that stacked against me. But my soul was in full on emotional tsunami within me! So, I wasn’t sober in thinking, I wasn’t sober in interactions with others, and I sure wasn’t sober in decision making!

Now, before I go on, I want to clarify something… sobriety isn’t just from alcohol! Sobriety is a clearness and not being affected by something. I was highly effected by my emotions and the surge of them made me emotionally intoxicated!

Yes, this is a real thing! Haven’t you noticed when you breakup the emotional surge you have, its the same just in my case wasn’t in the relationship context, but in circumstances context.

However, in all my trial last week, even though my emotions wanted me to feel alone. Thus the rise of the rejection and abandonment issues I have within, I wasn’t really fully alone. I had two amazing people show up and out to help me above and beyond.

When anyone else I had asked for help from turned me down or was unable to assist. Which, my issue that arose isn’t from them, its from my core issue within that got touched and now that I see it, it needs to be healed.

Needless to say last week I failed the test and allowed my self to walk away from the spirit, almost giving up on God, and turning my back on my spiritual family that has been there for me the most. All because of my intoxicated emotions.

This morning, the test has re-surfaced. For it to be so close, back to back it got my attention. Like God is saying get this test passed now before the next level comes. I’m close to the brink of something in the spirit and I have got to pass this test.

On my way in to work about half way my journey, I heard a roaring and I pulled over to find a flat tire. I eventually worked my way out of the median and onto the side of the road where it would be somewhat safer. I turned my hazard lights on and reached out to the only folks that I knew could help me in any way. As I sat there in communication with them, I noticed a truck pull up behind me. Someone actually stopped to help me with my flat tire. I had a spare, he had the jack and tools and everything to get me back on the road, I was so grateful.

After I had gotten back on the road and almost to my destination, I heard that same familiar voice within, now you got this repair, and you haven’t even gotten the other one repaired. I had to stop the player inside and focus on faith! By God is was hard when I felt the pull to just sink into depression and flesh again so hard that the war is always within ourself! Outside circumstances just bring whats inside going on to the forefront.

It is my hope that as I share my struggles and what I am going through to change me is an encouragement to others. That if I can change, so can you! Its a journey, be patient with yourself and take one step at a time.

If you enjoyed this blog leave me a comment below, I would love to hear from my readers.

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Much Encouragement & Love

Cynthia 💞

Storms of Life

What happens when my anchor gets pulled up!

This past Sunday, I will admit my anchor was uprooted and moved due to what my emotions have taken on as a violent storm in my world.

In my usual preparation for the day it went normal, until the moment I got in my vehicle and went up out of my parking spot and to the stop sign to enter the main road. It was at that moment my vehicle decided it wasn’t going to shift and continue going forward.

There I was a woman, terrified, vulnerable, sitting half in traffic, being honked at as if I didn’t know I was in the way. I wanted to fully break down in that moment.

I sat there going from drive to reverse many times and not moving an inch. Waving cars around me to go on while my hazards flashed feeling very helpless. I took out my phone and texted the only person that I could that one would look for me on Sunday and two the only one that has ever moved to help me in the past.

She asked some questions to get her husband on the scene as he is an amazing mechanic. Eventually as I still sat there a car came up in my conversing with my potential help. To push me out of the road of oncoming traffic while I continued to attempt to get help.

As I sat there the lady I reached out to told me her husband prepared to come and assist me in any way he could, and if he was unsuccessful he could bring me to church. The guy who pushed me out the road stopped and asked where I lived and I told him just behind where I was sitting.

He went to get a helper and they both came and pushed my vehicle to a point where it could roll down the hill and get me close to my home. Needless to say this moment became funny to them. I will explain why…

So, my vehicle in neutral being pushed back a ways so it can roll down hill, then it was all up to me driving backwards to get it close to my home. So my vehicle is a large SUV and me being a woman I guess they assumed I may not handle driving backwards very well. I got drove that rig backwards down hill. Turned without hesitation to the right into the area of parking then a left to get me close to a parking slot.

The guys came to see where I ended up and they were laughing so hard. They said ma’am, where did you learn how to drive like that, we was shocked you could whip that rig like you did! I must say some of that is probably coming from my country living upbringing and my love for like go-carts and things. They got a good laugh and I got my truck home and in a parking slot.

Then from there I went to church and was wonderfully brought back home by the lady’s husband to only begin to find help, a mechanic, someone who knows anything about vehicles. At every turn I was told no I cannot come to you, no I cannot help you, one even told me worse case scenario and two ran with the notion.

Needless to say I crawled in bed feeling very very helpless and allowed depression to begin to come and wrap its arms tightly around me. The lady kindly reached out and asked if she could take me to the store. I didn’t have brain space to handle getting a few odds and ends, let alone continue to be turned down in the help department. Time passed and I remained thinking and thinking and then emotions engage cause they want to support every thought. Depression, anxiety, a way out are all things that came about in this one day.

Monday came, boy did it ever! I wanted to just wallow in my emotions and just sink into the dark abyss my soul (mind, will, and emotions) were creating for me to live in. The lady reached out again to take me to the store, I honestly wanted to sulk and sink deeper, but she was being used to extend a had to snatch me back out of that dark abyss.

Even since Monday I have not been fully myself. My mind is far over crowded with what steps I need to take, calls I need to make, funds I need to have that I just don’t at this moment, until it all can be figured out and evaluated.

Now my luck is dealing with todays snow fall, that delays every move I need to make. I am so anxious and depressed that my meds are only minimally helping. The battle of the soul is a hard one. With the content I am beginning to put together to publish, I can only gather this is my testing to see if I will live out what I put out into the world.

It is so beyond hard to not be swayed and moved emotionally to the point I can firmly say no, I have firm faith in this area and stand in the word. If I was better able to do that my anchor wouldn’t have been pulled up and moved. But it has now, so the only thing I can do now is work my way back to some level of inward stability.

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Cynthia Gunn 💝

Personal Acceptance

Discovering How Fearfully & Wonderfully Made I Am!

The subtitle of this blog is one that is near and dear to me, as it is the subtitle to my book Beauty from Ashes that is available on amazon.com. See link below the image to shop!

I am a woman that has battled personal acceptance, low self-esteem, low self-worth, lack of self-care, and having an over all bad view of myself. It was a pivotal turning point in March 2016 when on a trip it was brought to my attention just how negative I spoke about myself. I, in myself had no self awareness of the fact that I was so deeply negative I was inwardly.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flows the springd of life.”

Proverbs 4:23 AMP

Every word from my lips dripped with disdain of life, existence, purpose and destiny. It revealed a bitterness of heart due to roots of lack of self-acceptance and self-love! I was asked at that time, why was I like I was. My answer outright was “what does it really matter” in a sarcastic tone. That no matter what I did or do it never made any difference.

It was then that grace and patience with understanding and compassion were extended to me to help begin to uproot bad things and cultivate a new way of being. This work has been ongoing and will continue as it is needful in becoming a better woman for life!

Your thoughts create your reality!

~Juanita Gibbs

40 Day Detox of Negative Thinking

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She began working with me in the key fundamentals of personal care, life care, home care, developing a healthier interior, then working on my self esteem and self love. Others in the past that may have tried to assist me didn’t extent long periods of grace to help me grow and develop the way my counselor has in these last three years.

It has taken this long to grow even a lil sprout of self-acceptance. I have made progress in being more positive and speaking with hope. Being I would pick apart everything about me from my looks, my weight, my hair color, and more. It was when I realized that I am running down Gods creation that I have had to work through that.

I have been walking through a phase of discovering who I am, learning how I am made and slowly embracing the facts and truths about me, then learning what I need to do to work on becoming a better woman. Its not been easy for me and it wont be easy to continue to change and grow.

Growth is pain!

Development is a journey!

But, what I can say is that no matter how offended I may get at the truth, I need it. No matter how sensitive I am emotionally, I need tough love. Yes the wounds are there! Yes the strongholds are there! But, they are within my power to take them down within myself and get the healing I need deeper.

My encouragement to you is this: If me as stubborn as I am and can be can change, heal, and get delivered, then take this as a sign that you can too. It takes steps, falling down, getting back up, taking steps again and often falling and getting back up in a cycle to keep working to bring about change to your life as I am working to in mine.

Thank you for reading if you reaching this point leave me a comment below! 💝

Cynthia 💞

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Before I Became Content

In being single…

I have been very discontented in my life about the fact I was single. To be perfectly honest when I saw people posting of their relationships online I was secretly bitter inside with the fact they had someone and I didn’t. I harbored those bitter, resentful, and angry feelings for years and years.

But why did I have those feelings?
Cause secretly within me I was doing several things:
1) Comparing myself to the other woman
2) Judging why did they deserved that happiness.
3) Adding to wounds of low-self esteem and feeding my own insecurities.
This was especially the case if the guy I liked entered into a relationship with someone else that was not me. Actually, it was 10x worse in some cases…depends on how much I opened my heart up to the situation and allowed myself to think things that had no validity whatsoever.
I would in my mind entertain things:
  • He is talking to me, he must like me
  • He spends time with me, he must like me
  • He complimented me, he thinks I’m beautiful, he must like me
All those things are very juvenile and should be what a teenager deals with in crushes and things. Which revealed a place within me that needed maturing. When those things came into my life from the opposite sex, I was easily moved! If I am not careful, it can still a happen easily.
I have a core issue within me that was exposed that needs healing. That core issue was seeing myself as worthy and valuable enough to be in that position. This core issue has been getting worked on through counseling sessions, in-depth teaching from my Pastoral leadership in target areas that are vital to the health of my inner being in this area of life.
If I don’t mature and get healing then I will be keeping myself in a perpetual cycle of hurt. It was told to me once because of the tender state of my heart when I do love cause it can be deep, that I need to guard my heart better.

Through much hurt down the years I had to learn to guard and each time it happened I had to find the lesson, find the weak place, then work on strengthening those weaknesses. I am still working on these, I can honestly say that I can see I have grown in some level.
Here’s how I know growth has come. I had a “situation-ship” that spanned about 9 months, me and the guy talked every day, like three times a day. I was so stupidly excited thinking this may be the one, which it wasn’t, he was talking to other women all along and was never serious.
This whole thing sent me into a hard downward spiral to the point I was ready to kill myself in doing an overdose. I felt like I had given so much that it was tossed like tattered clothes when it happened. I eventually got over it and moved on in life.
To my latest now this one shew was a doozy, but it revealed some growth. A guy who frequented by my job for bout a month we talked, flirted, texted, this one was hot and heavy on the flirt scale. It eventually revealed itself that this one was married.
I was totally mixed emotions about the whole thing, but never once did I entertain end my life. I removed all contact with the guy as to not continue to have him emotionally cheating on his wife. I had to seek repentance for this as to make sure I don’t reap what I sow.

In the first situation I reveal, I had made everything of who I was based off of my acceptance from that man. It was a codependency that I had created that caused me to want to end it when it didn’t work out. In between situation one and two though, my counselor had told me that a man is an accessory.

Accessories add value, but don’t make the person. I make me no matter if I have a man or not and that has been something I needed to hear, but to also accept deeply. Which has been a catalyst to help me grow on a level from being immature and moved to mature and unmoved when a man comes or goes in my life.

Now to not be distracted I have laid aside the deep need and extreme want of having a relationship to press in closer to God genuinely and fulfill those things He wants me to do in the earth to leave an impact for His glory. Its a daily struggle, but it is one I am committed to lay aside until the right Man of God comes along into my life.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if this helped you in anyway! I love to hear your feed back 💞

Cynthia 🥰

Embracing Singleness

Relationship Status in a world that makes it idolized to be of a certain status!

In a world where status is everything so it seems, the world promotes that if your not married then your practically nothing.

To say the least many of us have cosigned with that mindset. But, is it true what they claim?

NO!

I can attest that being single is NOT the end all be all of our existence and neither is marriage. Both have their place in the world and in the church. Married folks (successful marriages) should be encouraged to pour wisdom into singles to help prepare them for their time.

Godly marriages have come along side me in my recent years and have helped burst the false bubbles of fantasy and instill reality and wisdom in the approach to relationships. I first had to embrace the fact that marriage is a long-term successful friendship.

Once I got this I was then challenged to learn to walk in love, this love walk was the one without conditions, boy thats been a challenge. Its been a growing pain of growing from where I once was cold to seeing some fruit of growth how be it ever small, but growth is growth.

The successful marriages showed me that even if marriage doesn’t come I need to learn to love myself and my journey. If someone comes along thats traveling the same road and we can go at it together great, if not; I still have a purpose and call of God to fulfill. Embracing this has brought a level of freedom that no matter my status I still have purpose.

I still have bouts of struggle with this from time to time, I won’t lie about that. Thats our human nature and a good one to have as long as its not our driving force. I was reminded once again to seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness them all those things can be added to me.

So, if you struggle being single, know that your not alone. Trust in God and His timing. Work on yourself, love yourself, enjoy yourself! Live life, love others, bring joy to those you can around you. Sow seeds of goodness and kindness where you can.

Love yourself enough to wait on the goodness of the Lord! Trust your preparation season, trust the growth, trust in the Love of the Father! He knows what He is doing, he loves you enough to keep you growing before you mess up any good thing He sends your way!

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When The Dawn Comes

The dawn is when you allow a time of healing to come into your life…

There had to come a point when after all I had walked through, allowed myself to partake of, and the things within my soul that bleed so hard in was like internal hemorrhaging that I needed to surrender to walking a path of healing and deliverance.

“Is as the light of the morning when the sun rises, A morning without clouds, When the tender grass springs out of the earth, Through sunshine after rain.’ Truly is not my house so with God? For He has made an everlasting covenant with me, Ordered in all things, and secured; For all my salvation and all my desire, Will He not indeed make it grow?”

‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭23:4-5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

It was amazing to me to see as I began the path of healing and deliverance just how much God was truly with me and still is to this day.

He kept me in suicide when I tried mixing pills and alcohol, He kept me at my worst, He kept me at my heaviest, He has kept me under the knife of my surgeries, He kept me when I lost my mom, He keeps me every day and in all my days ahead He keeps me!

The Dawn is also embracing the Love of the Father that has kept me and will keep me all the days of my life that I continue to serve, worship, and grow in relationship with Him my God and Savior!

Even in the darkest of times the dawn is there, just off on the horizon that I didn’t take time to look for it or focus on it. The darkness is like a blanket of security that holds you close. Once the dawn breaks and you realize its false security. Then the breakaway from darkness to light happens.

Allow the dawn to come in your darkest days to walk toward new days!

My Book: Beauty from Ashes on Amazon

Cynthia

The Pit of My Darkness

What you read in this blog not many know this dark part of my life…

There was a period of time probably about in 2016 that I hit rock bottom internally. I began resorting to find ways to cope, ways to numb the pain. Ways to suppress and/or ways to keep so busy that I had no time to think or feel.

One day I recalled I had some high dose pain killers, and granted the pain I was in didn’t cause me physical pain, but it did mentally and emotionally. So, I took one, boy did it do the trick! It took me to where i was so sedated I knew nothing, my mind slowed down and became wrapped up in a cloud of nothingness.

Finally, the answer I had been looking for!I would partake on occasion to just not feel any more! When someone in the family had a procedure, there stash conveniently became mine after they didn’t need them any longer. It got to a point of when on them, I would have like hangover symptoms and feel terrible! My body was letting me know enough was enough!

I eventually sought medical help for my anxiety as to why some of these things I was battling were so extreme. They put me on some anxiety meds and they have helped.

So I stopped taking those prescription pain killers. When my anxiety meds seemed to not even touch all the edgy ways I was experiencing, to continue to find ways of coping, I ran to cigarettes and alcohol for solace! Those like any other are temporary fixes to an inner issue that I need to deal with. I have walked away yet again from cigarettes, and have limited my time of alcohol consumption. I haven’t reached the point of addiction with them, so it is best they get dealt with now.

I had some amazing help in getting me to where I am now, as things change, I have to choose to continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking toward inner healing. I look forward to continuing to grow away from destructive behaviors.

My book:

Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!

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Cynthia Gunn 💝