The Darkness Within

Guard against what used to hold you captive!

I was driving home last night and I ran across a cd to hear some nostalgic tunes to listen to.

Well I put one in that had nothing written on it to see what in fact was on it. To my surprise it was a cd full of songs that were from a dark period of time in my life.

There was Korn, Evanescence, Seether, HIM, and more. As I began to listen, I began to feel the darkness begin to come back inviting me to sink into it. Inviting me back into the depression, inviting me back into the suicidal ideations, inviting me back into the not great view of myself.

“He reveals mysteries from the darkness And brings the deep darkness into light.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭12:22‬ ‭NASB‬‬

The darkness is like an old comforting blanket that says stay here, cuddle with me, you will be safe. When in reality that is a false sense of comfort as it kept me from enjoying, experiencing, and just true living. The darkness if I don’t keep it in check it would easily over take me. The darkness is joyless, passionless, and stagnant.

“Why is light given to him who suffers, And life to the bitter of soul,”‭‭Job‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When the light finally dispelled the darkness in my life it not only brought me into the light, but it brought me to a place of seeking the Son. The light is joy-filled, passionate, and thriving!

“For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭36:9‬ ‭NASB

So, after a short stroll down memory lane with that cd and before I allowed that old energy to take and suck be back in, I removed the disk and listened to something different. In which was a powerful broadcast on dealing with a soul issue of abandonment! It was very impactful and liberating to tune into!

The darkness I have within is something I have to work to keep at bay the rest of my life! It is possible to do, it’s only impossible when I refuse to do my part! My job is to keep in the light as much as I can, by renewing my mind, staying in the word, dealing with the darkness as best I can when it shows itself! Sometimes I have even had to go to therapy to get help with it.

Don’t let darkness over take you, when there is so much more life in the light!

Cynthia 💕💝

My book

Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!

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Happy New Year!!! 🥂🍾

Who am I?

Have we not stopped and pondered the big life questions from time to time?

I know I have and often if not careful and send myself into a tail spin just mulling those huge questions over and over and over!

I haven’t blogged in a while as I stopped to get my book out, which is now available on amazon.com, even now that it is out the big questions come even more.

Does your message have any impact?

Is what you hoped your writing to be is it that?

What makes your story special?

Well, I had to come to this conclusion. My story has a set audience and those meant to find it will and it will greatly impact thier life!

My book and my story is multifaceted and not just one target area of change in my physical, but also a change in my spiritual.

I have had to dig down deep and pull from the roots of faith to realize I am a daughter of destiny and purpose. The process and journey that I am on is preordained and its up to me by faith to walk it out!

I tell you what though, leaps of faith are scary at times! I chose to put my story out there for the world that was a big leap for me! As I sat there finilizing everything and the button of “click to publish” was waiting to be pressed I had a moment of doubt flood me. I reached out to my life coach and asked should I really press this button?

Withour any hesitation at all she said ro me yes you should! I sat on edge for a few days waiting for it to come back approved for publish and available online! When it did go live it was one of the most joyful, tearfilled times of my life!

With that one successfully completed I have begun to work on my next book. I look forward to one day hearing the impact my writings have had on people.

Cynthia 💝

End of the Road

What to do when you reach the end?

Often times in this life we hit endings! I would hit endings and be completley devistated!

Why you ask?

Well…

For many reason. Some being unmet expectations, things done on my own without consulting God about it, or wounds within my soul that sought out validation from sources that had no capacity to fulfill them!

These endings have saved me from a deeper life of pain than I could have felt had I gotten my way in life!

Relationships that didnt workout, churches that didnt work out, jobs that didnt work out! All of the path that I have been on has lead me here to where I am at currently today!

Life lessons have to be learned and often times, well more often than not in my case I took the lesson and blew it way out of proportion.

What I needed to learn was simple!

What I needed to grow in was simple!

What I needed to then walk in was simple!

But how I have done the understanding of these things is, take them as far out of context as I could and made mountains out of mole hills!

Coming to the end of the road is this….

A dead end…

What has to happen at the end of a dead end?

You have to go back up that path, see what you didn’t see before, take the lesson with you, and get back on your predestined path!

Endings aren’t always fun or enjoyable, but they can be incredible times of growth and rediscovery! How we view the ending is up to our perception! It is based on whats in our soul.

Your soul may need healing like mine still does and will continue to need! Seek help for what is goin on in your head and heart! Investing in a therapist has been the greatest way to love myself and get the help I need!

To that I say Happy Endings to this blog 🙂

Thank you for reading!

Cynthia

👣TAKE THE STEP! 👣

What happens when we step out in faith?

Fear often holds us back from taking steps of faith. I can attest to this more often then not honestly. Fear of what others think, what would they say about me, what will my image be in this?

Fear keeps us in a place of no movement. We become so fixated by fear we are paralyzed to the point that if one move is rationalized then a hoard of fear rises us to speak defeat. They rise up so strong and so loud within we crumble under them.

And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
Matthew 14:29 NASB

Overcoming fear allows you the freedom and confidence to begin to take steps out of the norm and do new things God has been calling you to all along. God has been waiting for steps to be taken by you or I to show to him utter dependance and trust in He who is our everything.

The first step is the hardest to take but the most liberating. God didn’t hive us a spirit of fear ( 2 Tim 1:7). God wants us to be confident children in who we are in Him we were predestined as His children (Eph 1:5) and Gods children should be free from fear as fear is of the world and not the kingdom of God.

Take baby steps til your confident to take bigger steps in faith. The steps you take draw you from the boat of normality and into the place where God can begin to do supernatural things in and through your life.

Fear is a liar and of the enemy!

Learn to rise above the lies!

Learn of your position in the kingdom!

Seek councel and wisdom from others who can help you properly.

Find community of like believers to plug into and connect with for accountability.

Be encouraged today that no fear has a place in Gods children and He has out in is the power to overcome.

~Cynthia 😍

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Relationship Status

Don’t give up on hope that the right one will come along!

Many times as a Single person we can get discouraged seeing others pairing off, getting to go on dates, getting engaged, getting married while we may still be waiting for someone to come into our life.

We are bombarded with questions at times by folks asking especially around the holidays:

Don’t you want to be married?

Don’t you want to have a family?

Why are you single?

The list can go on and on!

These things can become depressing if dwelled on in relation to feelings of hopelessness. But, I have to say and encourage you to not give up. There are times that will come that you will feel like throwing in the towel of hoping and believing for that to happen.

but just as it is written, ” Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard , And which have not entered the heart of man , All that God has prepared for those who love Him .”
1 Corinthians 2:9 NASB

In the time of waiting spend it getting to know yourself. Grow in areas that need maturing or need more adult mindset in. Grow in who you are as a woman or man.

For me as a woman of Faith in God I want to grow in who God says I am, who I can be, and who I can grow to be. Many times we think we are ready for something but God knows our character may not be just there to handle it.

Had I been involved in a relationship while growing in some of the things I needed to develop in, I probably would have destroyed the thing, just being honest.

Becoming secure in who we are as a person is vital also I have been finding. Because if our worth, image and confindence is given to anyone or anything outside of God, when its gone we become devistated, well thats how it was in my case.

Don’t just hook up with people to say your in a relatiomship. Wait for the proper time when its not out of desperation but out of complementation.

When they come to complement your life. The hook ups with wrong people in wrong times are distractions and can even pull you away from God given destinies. When its right it will be evident as there won’t pressure, haste, anxiousness, but a peace as it will be of God and not what we could devise in and of our own self.

Be discovered for having a beautiful mind, and quiet and gentle spirit, fully knowing your worth based on who you are in Christ, accepting your baggage you come with, in knowing your working and growing to overcome them, be healed, delivered and whole in Christ.

Then the Lord answered me and said, “Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run. “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.
Habakkuk 2:2‭-‬3 NASB

Make sure you have a great support system. The fellowship of like minds can help keep you on course, be there in times of weakness ehen you need to talk things out and pray you through difficult times. The time will come if its a desire placed in your heart by God. The vision has an appointed time though it may delay it will come and be on time meaning His time!

Don’t Give Up Hope!

~Cynthia 😍

Instant Gratification

Learning to wait on the Lord in a “gotta have it now” society.

Waiting nowadays is one of the hardest things imaginable. For example its getting colder now as Fall season is upon us and I happened to be a coffee shop this past saturday. The brood of people before me all placed their order and waited.

I placed my order then got to wait also. I went and sat down at the coffee bar and waited what I felt was very patiently. I saw all the folks ahead of me one by one obtain their drink order. The shop manager struck up a conversation with me as he was cleaning, taking out trash, I told him it was obvious it was the busy season amd many orders (like 6) were ahead of mine. The folks ahead of me ordering all left so I was so excited mine was next right.

But, that wasn’t the case at all. The baristas were behind the counter hustling and makin coffee for the drive through orders and in house orders all in a tizzy of coffee madness.

One by one the folks behind me got all their coffee also. By this time the shop manager came back out and asked me what had I ordered so my coffee could be located. It had already been made but was never called out. The young lady barista looks at the store manager in frustration declaring “well why didnt she say something before now”.

I looked as I felt my flesh rising with the snappy remark and I said to both I saw you were busy so unlike some I exercised patience. This is the busy season after all for warm beverages and I could wait patiently. The store manager thanked me for waiting patiently.

Now the quandry with this senario is, not long ago I probably wouldn’t have been so patient in this situation. I would have lost my cool and been very snappy back with the young barista lady. In a season of time my pastor has expressively stated about the importance of exercising/walking in the fruit of the spirit in hard press times.

I wait for the Lord , my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.
Psalms 130:5 NASB

My soul (mind, will, and emotions) has had to grow to a place of using the fruits of the spirit to grow in character. Believe me my personal character needed and needs to grow.

There have been times when I would wait on things from God and when they didnt come or happen when I wanted them too I would be just like a 2yr old having a tantrum. That was all the more unbecoming of someone in my physical age. This way of thinking had to be clipped as it kept me in a place of perpetual depression and anxiety. Plus, it wasn’t a full life of faith and trust in God.

Learning to wait on the Lord comes with many senarios of developing a patient way of being. The more I grow patient with the Lord and what He wants done in my character has proven to be far more important than receiving any blessing.

So, if your waiting on God please know your wait has purpose. It has character developing times if you allow that to happen. Waiting doesn’t mean doing nothing either. Waiting is a way of being and a way of thinking.

Waiting requires a mindset change, its one that is worth fighting to shift.

~Cynthia 😉

Waiting in full Hope

Devistation will come, try not to loose hope when it comes.

This year I recall getting two seperate phone calls about somethings I had a high hope to come through for me. I had such high hopes for both to only have them dashed.

The disappointment and devistation I felt ran so deep that it exposed a layer of fear I have for things I have high hopes for.

The fear showed me that my stance wasn’t strong in faith. The slighetest thing knocked me out of faith and right into doubt, fear, worry, anxiety and depression.

I wanted something so bad that when it was a half yes/half not right now, that I immediatley went into negativity. Things in life will not always work out how we plan them, but they will work out in how God plans them.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 NASB

I have had to begin to learn how to tap into believing even when I get a “no” or a “not yet” as an answer. The “no’s” I have gotten in the past sent me right to unbelief.

Now to shift from my old way to a new way is by working my way when a “no” or “not right now” comes to be stronger and still remain in faith is a choice I am finding.

I can have peace and joy in believing that the things hoped for will abound to me in time. I have to keep working to standing in faith and not waivering.

It have to make that choice to do so when feelings try to rule me back into my old pattern. This is the work to not fall back into unbelief and find a stance in the faith, remain full of joy and peace that anchors hope that is able to abound to me from God by the Holy Spirit.

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~Cynthia 😍

Wait

There is a set time for all things…

Have you found yourself like I have at times wishing you were at the drive thru of life. We roll up to the speaker box, make our request known to progress to the next point at this drive thru to pay and receive our request. Then the attendent may either hand you your request or ask you to pull forward to wait for it.

Most times when requests are made known to God we have a time of waiting to receive them. As I was counceled on once that God hears the request when its made, then there is a prepararion time from when the request was made until the time in which it appears.

We all are waiting on different things. It could be waiting for a job, waiting for a pay raise, a car repair, a spouse, a home of your own, etc. It is what we do in the waiting that makes all the difference.

As its been said by many that waiting is not the act of not doing nothing. Waiting is the time in which we can be most productive.

In the waiting we can grow in the gifts, talents and abilities God has instilled in us. Learn a new ability like an instrument or language. Begin to grow in character and integrity and mature in places in your personal life.

But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
Romans 8:25 NASB

While we do these things it gets us out of focusing on what we requested and seeking just the hand of God, to seeking His face and His heart. He wants us to eagerly wait for things from Him in patience with the way He goes about bringing it to be.

We live in a time and world where yes even I got caught up in instant gratification. I asked and I want it now kind of thinking. When God says ok my child I hear your request, I check my will for your life and now you must be prepared to handle what you ask for, before I bring it to pass.

Waiting can be portrayed as something daunting, when in reality and from the God perspective it will forever be always worth it.

Wait patiently for all you ask for from God. He has a way to reveal to you if what you ask is in the plan for your life. Trust Him, have faith in the timing of God.

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~Cynthia 😍

Broken Inside

There are times the infection seeps through the broken pieces.

Been going through some things. So I took some time away from blogging so as not to spew that onto my community platform.

My soul(mind,will, and emotions) has been getting in the way of my faith. So much in fact I didn’t walk in any fruit or spirit by any means of the word.

I allowed myself to stand in the way and perceive my faith had failed me. When it had not and my own thinking had failed me. What I thought was true has been brought to light that in reality it was all a lie and a long believed deception within my inner most being.

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” But he said to Him, “Lord, with You I am ready to go both to prison and to death!” And He said, “I say to you, Peter, the rooster will not crow today until you have denied three times that you know Me.”Luke 22:31‭-‬34 NASB

To have a Pastor like Juanita Gibbs to stand with me in the very ill behavior, way of being, and attitude says alot about her level of love walk she has. She could and had every reason to not help me any longer.

She has stuck it out with me from the depths of pure hell almost from my inner most being to want to see me change and transform.

For that I am greatful and want to continue to change. The infection that resides within me that comes out through the broken pieces has the ability to destroy and that I dont want to continue to carry around.

Peter had Jesus praying for him even before the trial of his soul would come up. Jesus said I have prayed for you that your faith not fail you. My Pastor aliken to Jesus has done the same for me before this soul of mine became unruly and obstinate.

I have work to do to continue to change and I have to be committed to it to see it as a long lasting change and be a person that doesn’t destroy but one that walks in the fruit of the spirit.

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~Cynthia 😍

Strength for Others

God hasn’t provided us strength just for ourself, but its also for our neighbor!

There have been countless times in my life when I felt so weak in faith, drive and passion to go forward that I gave up a many a time.

It took people that were strong in the areas that I wasn’t to hoist me up by the under arm and tell me I could make it, God was with me and that I could do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification.
Romans 15:1‭-‬2 NASB

Those that have come along side ne and remained a constant in my life helping be a strength have never been stingy with sharing their strength with me. They have lifted me up and helped me walk in things, they have shown me I could do things I didn’t think possible.

They have gave of there abundance of strength even when theirs was lower than usual. We are to be a burden lifter for our neighbors.

It is by there example that I have learned to share my strength with others to help them if its not but listening, a kind word, a smile.

Strength that God has for us is not just for our own pleasure but to use to help others. This is a way to spread the love of God to the world.

Share your strength with others and be a light of Gods love!

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~Cynthia 😍