“But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.” Jude 1:20-21 NKJV
There are days we experience in this lifetime that the sun won’t seem as bright. There are days that the clouds will seem too numerous. The scent of rain in the air too much for the emotions to handle holding together.
The dark nights of the soul are phases of growing from the old and toward the new. Think about it a baby is kept in the dark of a mother’s womb protected and safe until it is time for the baby to come into the light.
Our Savior was place in the darkness of a tomb after he was crucified. There he remained for three days, he plunged into the futher dark depths of hell to take back the keys to hell and the grave once and for all. On the third day he emerged into the light.
Dark days will happen!
But, the key is to learn to settle there and remain. The darkness of a cocoon for a caterpillar is only for a time, Jonah spent time in the belly of a whale for a dark night of the soul before the whale spit him out on the shore and He then made the journey to Ninevah.
Before purpose comes a preparation time comes. Even Jesus after he was baptized had a growing experience in the wilderness. He was tempted, tested and tried buy the enemy of our soul for 40 days. After the darkness he emerged empowered and the more ready to fulfill His God destined purpose. Daniel was in the Lions den a dark time for Him. Joseph spent time in the pit.
What did all these I speak of do when the were in their dark night of the soul. They prayed, sung songs of worship, they built themself up in the most holy faith.
The most holy faith saw them through and it helped launch them into their greatest purposes that we read about in the Word of God.
🌺Today Choose Joy🌺
Choose to build yourself up in the most holy faith! Choose to lean on the one whom is everlasting. Choose to seek Him and grow in your relationship!
These dark and trying days we need something and someone steadfast that we can cling too. He will not fail us lest we only hold on tight!
Stay encouraged we all are fighting different battles, but with God on our side we have an assurance!
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV
I don’t know about the rest of my readers, but this whole thing has taken my stress level to a new all time high!
Every day the rules change! Every day things are getting more scarce! Every day a new way to go about daily life is implemented!
When all this began it wasn’t to the level that it is now. Back then social distancing was a thing that was new. Then limits on how many people could get together. Then stores shutting down that were deemed non essential. Dining facilities closed, but allowing for take out or drive threw only.
Now government offices are closed. How you pay your bills has drastically changed many have closed down in person transactions and implemented non personal contact to conduct business. As of late we are now encouraged to wear masks when interacting in the public.
So, I had seen a tutorial on how to make some inexpensive cloth masks. So, I made some to have on hand. Even some extra to give to someone, but that changed so now I will just wait and see how things go, as I may need them as I still have to deal with public on the regular.
My daily living is constantly being challenged and constantly changing to the point its hard to keep up. So much so that its affecting my interpersonal stuff. But thats a whole blog post in itself that I will spare the world from of the betrayal and revealing of the truth of the matter that folks will stand hard with people who shorted them in things and use another to get what they want and just discard folk. But, thats ok like any other situation. It will only make me stronger!
In my down time yesterday, I needed an escape. An escape from everything! An escape from people! An escape from feeling closed in! An escape from feeling like my freedoms I still had weren’t being taken away. So, on my way home I took a brief detour. I visited the tulip fields that the near by Dutch heritage farmers plant yearly.
It was such a moment of pure escape that a storm began to creep up on me and I had to leave the experience. But, learning in these times to stop, slow down and experience life in a different way from the hustle and bustle is what this Pandemic is doing.
Earlier this past weekend I stopped to smell the roses and brought them home! They have opened up so beautifully the look like lil sunbursts on my desk.
The place I have found to go for walks has slowly been closing down parts to the public to implement social distancing and from large groups to be gathering. The fishing piers are slowly being closed off to prevent many from being in same close place together. Stores have begun to have door ways locked to deter inflow and outflow. A major chain box store only allows one way in and one way out currently. Gas stations are beginning to do the same.
So, what would be my encouragement to you in all this as I am sure other more impacted areas are having tighter restricitions.
Live the life you have been given to the best of your ability while staying safe and abiding the laws of the land. Is it fun or easy right now? No! To be honest I have complained the whole way through, now it is time for me to see the silver lining in it and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
So, when on my most recent walk to the park I took some pics of things I hadn’t really payed attention to out there before. I will share them below:
One thing I will take away from all this is that sometimes its best to go back to just looking after your own self and taking care of your mental health.
“Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;” Romans 12:12 KJV
If you made it to the end of my blog thank you for taking the time to read and enjoy it! I hope it helps encourage you during these hard times!
Visit my teespring store to shop some of the selections I have created!
The days in which we live currently are becoming consumed by fear all around!
“But understand this, that in the last days dangerous times [of great stress and trouble] will come [difficult days that will be hard to bear].” 2 Timothy 3:1 AMP
I considered blogging long and hard especially with the current climate of the world. So, instead of my usual, I figured I would share how my life and world are being hit by the COVID-19 epidemic, and share some faith so we can stand firm and make it through these times.
In the past few days, every grocery store I have entered, beef and chicken products are all emptied, bread of all kinds gone. Can goods flying off the shelf left and right! Milk and eggs being purchased by the cart loads. Products of lysol, bleach, hand sanitizer, any disinfectant spray were off the shelf for a week prior to all this.
As of the most recent event of this virus, many stores are required to close early, restaurants are only allowed to do take out or delivery. Communal dining areas are fully shut down. People are loosing jobs due to having to close early, especially those in the restaurant and bar industry.
The economic effects of this will take weeks to rebound from, granted the gov’t has a proposed stimulus plan, but only time will tell how that helps. More cases are popping up, social distancing has been widely promoted.
All during these passing weeks I have been trying my best to put faith over fear! The statics, the forecasting, the foreboding of it all insight and harbors fear. Pulling from the Word of God has been a must or fear will consume anyone in these times.
“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler And from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, Nor of the arrow that flies by day, Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, And see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.”” Psalms 91:1-16 NKJV
Be watchful of the traps people set for you on your path of life!
“Establish my footsteps in Your word…” Psalms 119:133 NASB
When your in a season of growth and development, many want to come along and hinder that growth!
When your trying as hard as you can to change in areas that need to be changed in to only be told things that only cause you depression, the notion to give up, walk away from God, walk away from the church and spiritual family… those are things I have had to learn to become aware of and take a stand up against. Many see it as being combative and it is, but when you are run down you have every right to defend yourself!
But the moment you do that you become the bad guy, your messing with a call on someones life, your twisted, sick, immature and how you are is unacceptable. Never mind what they did, said or how they took the situation and said things that were hurtful. So yes, I in-turn unleashed hurtful things as a retaliation.
The bible says turn the other cheek, but baby I can assure you that is hard for this one to do. I took hurtful, hateful words most all my life and I will not just take them anymore! You cause me pain, I will cause you pain in return!
Is that being petty?
Is it mature?
When your a wounded soul fight or flight is an automatic response mechanism! Will I justify what I have done to harm another? Already done that by blaming it on wounds and by retaliating because sore places within me are touched!
The only thing now to do is keep on walking! (Psalm 119:133)
Seek forgiveness from the Lord and plead mercy on the reaping that will take place from all thats been sown!
When your cover is blown seek the refuge of the shelter of the wings (Psalm 91).
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper And from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark. You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day; Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon. A thousand may fall at your side And ten thousand at your right hand, But it shall not approach you. You will only look on with your eyes And see the recompense of the wicked. For you have made the LORD, my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place. No evil will befall you, Nor will any plague come near your tent. For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, That you do not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and cobra, The young lion and the serpent you will trample down. “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With a long life I will satisfy him And let him see My salvation.”” Psalms 91:1-16 NASB
In reflection, I have found myself to be on the road toward healing more often then not! Life happens, we take the hit that wounds the soul, then we grapple at the pieces to get back up and walk again.
Our roads toward healing look different each time. They embody different aspects that need to be overcome, things that need to change, things that need to be matured in, or just healing from being backstabbed, rejected, abandoned, betrayed, or even depression and anxiety.
I will use my life examples to demonstrate how the road toward healing is different each time. I have more of my journey in my book that is available on amazon. But for this blog, I am disclosing some stories that are not in my book.
The first time I actually hit the road toward healing came after I was deeply wounded in the church! That same night the hurt happened as a matter of fact!
The first church I was truly apart of was going through a difficult transitional time of the beloved Pastor of 13 years was leaving due to some personal matters. The Pastor that came in, came in like a hurricane and stirred up a lot. Within the first few weeks the church was further divided. Anyway to make this long story short, I was called into the office with the Pastor, the church board, and the Superintendent of the churches denomination from the high up office at the State level. I did alot of work for the church and was highly connected to the prior leadership, which honestly was not favored as most if you were, was being driven away by taking positions away and reassigning to others who came in new with this new Pastor.
So, I sat in the office with all of them and lie after lie after lie just came from their lips. I sat there thinking these are church folk, lying isn’t suppose to be acceptable?!?!
Even took a persons words close to me and twisted them for their benefit! Now granted on my own part I was very negative about the division of the church, angry with how things were being done, and devastated at how church folks had done folks. In the meeting I sat there quiet the whole time just listening to the accusations. It wasn’t til the end when they said turn in your key and what work you have your released from the position. Knowing full well they had it in for me since day one, I popped back, looked the new Pastor square in the face and said if you didn’t want me here you should have said it long time ago! I took the key off the ring and put in on the desk! They forbid me from talking about what happened to me out side that room to anyone!
I was completely devastated, shocked, and the more distraught. I had just lost the Pastor I had sat under for 7 years, then all this from church folks. I went to my car, cried, was about to leave and say screw the night service. I got enough of myself together and said I will go in and be part of this service but I had to isolate myself as they all kept an eye on me the whole service! Needless to say I wasn’t myself and many took note of that, came over to talk to me and I had to push them away. I left before the service was over to avoid more questions.
I couldn’t go home in the state I was in, my mom would definitely know and I didn’t need her upset any more them she already was from what they were doing. So, I went to the place I work and sat at my desk and cried for 2 hours. One person by name Juanita Gibbs of whom is my Pastor now reached out to me, not knowing my situation, said I came up heavy in her spirit and wanted to check on me. That there showed me not all church people do others wrong. Had she not reached out, I probably would have turned my back on God, the church, my purpose and more.
Still yes I need healing from all that, as I have authority issues from that and childhood. Healing has come cause I cannot hold people to not being people. I had put christians on a pedestal that we were immune to failure, which is far from the case.
This road toward healing course kept me on the path toward God and not away from God. Not turning my back on brothers and sisters in the faith. Many things have come to try to pull me off that path down the years and it is a true fight to remain in the faith.
Another time I have been on the road toward healing (and I am still on this path) to not be so negative about my overall self. To make it simple my words reflected I have a level of hate even for myself that brooded low self-esteem, not feeling valued, low worth, and more.
It was on a trip to South Carolina that this revelation came to be. The person that has been the most integral in me being on the healing road has been Juanita Gibbs. She was apart of this trip and at the closeout of the trip we all sat down and had a chat. That brought out the fact I speak down about myself and all.
I have had chats with her since about that same stuff to keep working toward levels and degrees of healing that I desperately need within my soul. Had they not begun to be healed I could have been in bad dysfunctional relationship, gave up my body to any available man, taken on friendships that wouldn’t be reciprocal and the like. The path of this healing helped me get a standard, see my value and worth. Begin to embrace and love the woman I am and who I am still working to become!
Healing is a journey! It is up to us to take the step on that path and do what is necessary to heal!
If this encouraged you in any way I would love to hear from you. Drop a comment below 💝
I have a deep wound of rejection! This wound is a scar on my soul (mind, will, and emotions) that needs to be healed. She spoke on how these things can surface in deeply intimate “ships” (friendships/marriages/families).
In taking time of reflection of the current trial I am in as of last week, that wounded soul showed out! By showed out it walked in offense, it was sarcastic, rude, disrespectful, ill-tempered, angry, depressed, and emotionally distraught! That soul is mine that I am referring to and it saddens me to even know that ugly part of me is me.
But… in saying that, its in knowing my truth, that I can walk toward freedom. That freedom will only come by truth and the word of God!
In my trial my soul wanted to amplify my situation and show me ONLY how alone I was with all that stacked against me. But my soul was in full on emotional tsunami within me! So, I wasn’t sober in thinking, I wasn’t sober in interactions with others, and I sure wasn’t sober in decision making!
Now, before I go on, I want to clarify something… sobriety isn’t just from alcohol! Sobriety is a clearness and not being affected by something. I was highly effected by my emotions and the surge of them made me emotionally intoxicated!
Yes, this is a real thing! Haven’t you noticed when you breakup the emotional surge you have, its the same just in my case wasn’t in the relationship context, but in circumstances context.
However, in all my trial last week, even though my emotions wanted me to feel alone. Thus the rise of the rejection and abandonment issues I have within, I wasn’t really fully alone. I had two amazing people show up and out to help me above and beyond.
When anyone else I had asked for help from turned me down or was unable to assist. Which, my issue that arose isn’t from them, its from my core issue within that got touched and now that I see it, it needs to be healed.
Needless to say last week I failed the test and allowed my self to walk away from the spirit, almost giving up on God, and turning my back on my spiritual family that has been there for me the most. All because of my intoxicated emotions.
This morning, the test has re-surfaced. For it to be so close, back to back it got my attention. Like God is saying get this test passed now before the next level comes. I’m close to the brink of something in the spirit and I have got to pass this test.
On my way in to work about half way my journey, I heard a roaring and I pulled over to find a flat tire. I eventually worked my way out of the median and onto the side of the road where it would be somewhat safer. I turned my hazard lights on and reached out to the only folks that I knew could help me in any way. As I sat there in communication with them, I noticed a truck pull up behind me. Someone actually stopped to help me with my flat tire. I had a spare, he had the jack and tools and everything to get me back on the road, I was so grateful.
After I had gotten back on the road and almost to my destination, I heard that same familiar voice within, now you got this repair, and you haven’t even gotten the other one repaired. I had to stop the player inside and focus on faith! By God is was hard when I felt the pull to just sink into depression and flesh again so hard that the war is always within ourself! Outside circumstances just bring whats inside going on to the forefront.
It is my hope that as I share my struggles and what I am going through to change me is an encouragement to others. That if I can change, so can you! Its a journey, be patient with yourself and take one step at a time.
If you enjoyed this blog leave me a comment below, I would love to hear from my readers.
What you read in this blog not many know this dark part of my life…
There was a period of time probably about in 2016 that I hit rock bottom internally. I began resorting to find ways to cope, ways to numb the pain. Ways to suppress and/or ways to keep so busy that I had no time to think or feel.
One day I recalled I had some high dose pain killers, and granted the pain I was in didn’t cause me physical pain, but it did mentally and emotionally. So, I took one, boy did it do the trick! It took me to where i was so sedated I knew nothing, my mind slowed down and became wrapped up in a cloud of nothingness.
Finally, the answer I had been looking for!I would partake on occasion to just not feel any more! When someone in the family had a procedure, there stash conveniently became mine after they didn’t need them any longer. It got to a point of when on them, I would have like hangover symptoms and feel terrible! My body was letting me know enough was enough!
I eventually sought medical help for my anxiety as to why some of these things I was battling were so extreme. They put me on some anxiety meds and they have helped.
So I stopped taking those prescription pain killers. When my anxiety meds seemed to not even touch all the edgy ways I was experiencing, to continue to find ways of coping, I ran to cigarettes and alcohol for solace! Those like any other are temporary fixes to an inner issue that I need to deal with. I have walked away yet again from cigarettes, and have limited my time of alcohol consumption. I haven’t reached the point of addiction with them, so it is best they get dealt with now.
I had some amazing help in getting me to where I am now, as things change, I have to choose to continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking toward inner healing. I look forward to continuing to grow away from destructive behaviors.
Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!
Have we not stopped and pondered the big life questions from time to time?
I know I have and often if not careful and send myself into a tail spin just mulling those huge questions over and over and over!
I haven’t blogged in a while as I stopped to get my book out, which is now available on amazon.com, even now that it is out the big questions come even more.
Does your message have any impact?
Is what you hoped your writing to be is it that?
What makes your story special?
Well, I had to come to this conclusion. My story has a set audience and those meant to find it will and it will greatly impact thier life!
My book and my story is multifaceted and not just one target area of change in my physical, but also a change in my spiritual.
I have had to dig down deep and pull from the roots of faith to realize I am a daughter of destiny and purpose. The process and journey that I am on is preordained and its up to me by faith to walk it out!
I tell you what though, leaps of faith are scary at times! I chose to put my story out there for the world that was a big leap for me! As I sat there finilizing everything and the button of “click to publish” was waiting to be pressed I had a moment of doubt flood me. I reached out to my life coach and asked should I really press this button?
Withour any hesitation at all she said ro me yes you should! I sat on edge for a few days waiting for it to come back approved for publish and available online! When it did go live it was one of the most joyful, tearfilled times of my life!
With that one successfully completed I have begun to work on my next book. I look forward to one day hearing the impact my writings have had on people.