“Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.” 1 John 3:1-2 KJV
The World, our environment, how we were raised, our subconscious (our mind), and others can impact how we see ourself and thus label ourselves.
We get labeled by doctors, out bank accounts, our level of education, what we do in church, our past, if we have a criminal background and so much more.
These labels can if allowed to do so deeply cripple a person. It takes time to build a strong constitution of self belief with in a person that has been put down, ridiculed, excluded, outcast, ostracized, scapegoated, black sheeped, etc.
So much of my past I have been labeled the fat one, the depressed one, the one who had made nothing of her life, the constantly broke, the anxious one, the one that went to college and doesn’t use it. The one forever in her parents home, the one who will never marry, the one who is unworthy….and on, and on, and one…
In part some if those labels came from very harsh misjudgment, some seeing from only how their life and others around them; and how their life has unfolded. Some came from hardships and taking on labels prescribed by others. Some labels have been factions of all those negative labels working together and creating more negative labels for me to live by. But, it has and will continue to take hard work on my part to live beyond the labels.
The last maybe 5 years have been spent working on layers upon layers of negativity. Shedding label by label in progressive steps toward seeing my life in new eyes and to place myself on a new trajectory that only I can adjust the path to realign with my true purpose and destiny in life.
As each layer had been dealt with things and people have fallen out or have been removed from my life so that I can keep going forward. This will be my life’s journey and one only I can do. Those who come along and stick with me in it great! To those who fall off or are removed I pledge you many blessings as you go on in your life.
There is freedom in living beyond labels!
Thank you for taking time to read my blog! I wish you all a Merry Christmas/Holiday Season!
It all began the same way, stuffy nose, slight congestion due to drainageand the normal feeling awful that comes with not being well.
Lived with that for a day, thought nothing of it at that point as the weather had drastically changed at that point. However, the next day that night in between at some point my controlled tinnitus I’ve had since my first round of COVID in Oct 2020 had turned wide open again. First red flag. So, I knew I had taken a specific allergy med that helped keep the volume of that down and attributed the issues I was having to seasonal allergies. By the end of that day, I felt even more awful.
Got off work and headed home, by this point I was feeling like I was gonna fall apart, fatigue was setting in, red flag #2. So, I decided to stop to the pharmacy across from my house to get a cold med as it was at that point teetering between being an allergy cold and a seasonal cold. Went in the store masked up nowadays, if you even have a hint of suspicion of COVID folks are ready to string you up. Ran in, got the liquid cold med and got home, to want to check to see if I had a fever before I started taking the meds. Of course at that moment I did have a fever of 99.9, totally not a good thing and Red flag #3.
Later that night I began to have chills all over as I was sleeping and the bouts of fever and no fever again. Red flag #4. At this point it was a Friday night going into Saturday and with already having these issues I was like I need to go and get a COVID test. Saturday came, I finally mustered up enough strength to get dressed and drive around to the testing facility, to only roll up and find them closed because of the college town I reside in had a game goin on that day. The sign said they would reopen on Sunday at 1pm.
Sunday finally came around after Saturdays exhaustion of going out trying to get tested then hunting for the at home COVID tests of which this whole big town was out of. By this time I had found out I had lost my ability to smell and taste some items. Red flag #5. Also, through the night I had had a whole body spasm in which it didn’t release til 3 hours later. I was in so much pain.
I Left my home at 10 min til 1pm to only find the place packed out at the testing facility. An hour later after I had gotten there they shut down accepting anyone else into the site. It took me 2 hours and 15 min to be processed all the way through from entry to test that day. When I filled out my paperwork I had actively 6 symptoms of COVID two of which I’ve battled for nearly a year now.
It was finally my turn to get closer to being tested as I was under the first carport. They took my ID and clipboard and went to have my testing kit for me prepared for the next carport. One of the worker ladies in the first carport told me that by 1pm there was well over 200 in the parking lot setup to get tested. Then to only tell me that the day prior, one of their machines that processes our test went down. So, its Sunday and well over 200 tests, it would not be the 24hr turn around as it was for me last year. I did the math and this test was my 6th COVID test within a year.
Finally got to the last carport and the young man doing my test we got talking and he too had not long recovered from having COVID in May 2021. We both experience some of the same post COVID related issues.
Now that I had been tested and even Saturday (the day before) I had been working hard on isolation and keeping germs contained and clean and so many more precautions. Going into Monday knowing I need to work and that my test results could go either way. I kept to myself I sanitized my desk at every nose blow or cough to keep things contained and isolated. Monday came and no results. That night I knew I needed to figure out how to access my mychart for test results from the hospital system I tested through.
I finally got into my mychart to see further no results posted. I had to pray my answer would come Tuesday. Woke up Tuesday morning at usual of 6am to find my email had a notification in it that a result had been posted to mychart. I slid that screen notification across to get in there to see finally what my fate would be. In my mind I was positive with this monster called COVID again.
To open my results to only see that I had tested:
Completely baffled and in praise to God that I tested negative. This whole ordeal triggered everything that I’ve had going on in my body since battling COVID in the first place and folks wonder why Im not for the vaccine. This is why! Im still battling its effects just having contracted the actual virus!
But thats a whole other post for another day!
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Today marks 20 years ago since that fateful day where our lives changed for many years in days, weeks, months, and years that follow the tragic attack on the twin towers and the Pentagon, and the hero’s that took down flight 93 from doing more harm.
In wake of the first attack on America soil in decades. This one major life event truly impacted the globe, as many Americans and internationals were part of the events of that fateful day.
I recall in the days, months and year ahead of the day known as Patriots day, everywhere and everyone considered themselves to be New Yorkers. The level of patriotism was at an all time high we were united under one front of banning together to stand strong, when we had been knocked to our knees in a devastating way.
For the first time, in what felt like a lifetime had passed that everyone seemed to suddenly care about their neighbor so to speak. The country had pulled together so tightly, that I don’t recall til many years had passed that devision had begun to make its way back in on a strong marginalized scale.
Now today, twenty years later there is devision based on the color of the skin so strongly that riots have occurred, there is divisiveness against standing with or agains law enforcement figures, there is division based in if your now vaccinated or not with the covid vaccines…and on and on and on…
At every turn now there is more hate and discord then there is true unity as there once was 20 years ago. The tragedy that is COVID has caused so much strife. Yet in one fateful day when many were taken, many became hero’s, many became survivors, many became New Yorkers. That now we stand at odds like 20 years ago didn’t happen.
Maybe today, this fateful day can remind us once again to unite and stand together and not against each other!
The thoughts and opinions expressed here within this blog are of my own opinion, please do your own research on any information here to form your own opinion.
There are parts of me that still think this is 2020….
Another part of me is like the year is flying by. However, the roller coaster of emotions from all of this has effects in more ways then one.
I have noticed so many changes in my physical health and mental health that has been exasperated from the climate of things going on.
In the last few months since I am post covid survivor, I am finding my fatigue still hits me hard. I have been battling issues of my entire musculoskeletal system seizing up in cramps and pains that I’ve never felt before on the magnitude of it attacking my entire body. Prolonged times of healing from things that once didn’t take as long.
All this while the world is now being greatly impacted by this virus yet again, but not the alpha variant, the delta variant is causing a re-surge of cases, deaths, hospitalizations, thus causing for more political propaganda on insisting that folks get vaccinated. Creating a world of fear mongering.
The mainstream media is siting that most of the resurgence is among the unvaccinated, stating that they (the unvax) are responsible foe the wide spread resurge and rise in death.
Then to have these doctors like Dr Fauci on tv and any streaming saying get vaccinated, but yes he knows its not 100% that it will not keep everyone who is vaccinated from contracting COVID, as they have documented cases of vaccinated people being infected and dieing still; even vaccinated.
Then without missing a beat Dr Fauci himself states that vaccinated people that encounter the virus in any-state are MORE likely to infect and spread the virus as they contain more of it not only in their body but within their nasal passage ways from apparently which the virus escapes the body. This I have no idea on; my only thing is COVID is NOT only an airborne sickness, that it is transmittable in other ways as well.
The forever rhetoric of not only constant misinformation, but also coupled with the fear that they want to inflict upon the American population, this effectively finding ways to slowly and without knowing; stripping away the rights of the people in many factors (Constitutionally & The right of Patients – HIPAA).
On April 27th, I made a post when the whole passport vaccination thing was becoming prevalent. I stated then, we don’t have to disclose our status of inoculations against a VIRUS; the whole thing would have to be re-classified as a DISEASE; in order to have to disclose. Whats been slowly happening. Many politicians and tv Doctors are calling this now a DISEASE.
They are not only re-instituting masks; but because of the life circumstances many refuse to work and businesses are yet again being effected by lack of employees. The new Delta variant with the fear of it being more deadly then the Alpha variant has sent folks voluntarily back into quarantine.
What are we to do going forward living in this world.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I am currently writing my story of going through having COVID. Stay connected!
In life, the time will never be right, but when God presents an opportunity; it is then up to us to trust the presentation and take a step of faith!
“Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19 AMP
I’ve written about this before somewhere I am sure, but the relevancy is so present in my life the month of February that it needs to be expressed again. Many times we pray to God for things like: “God, I need a new job” or “God, I want someone to love me for who I am” or “God, I need you to make changes around me”.
But what happens when the new job opportunity comes and you decide to stay where you are at.
What happens when the guy/girl comes along that will love you for who you are, but they are outside of your type.
What happens when God wants to change something about your character instead of fully removing you from situations, he wants to perfect something in you, but all you see is the error of others and not your own.
We have all in some way or another done one if not all three of those things I’ve mentioned. I know I have! But, what I’ve had to grow into and learn is to seek God about what He is wanting to do, trying to do, and presenting in my life. Now, not everything is from God, this is why we must turn to the Lord in prayer to find out the storyline behind things.
“Trust in and rely confidently on the LORD with all your heart And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].” Proverbs 3:5-6 AMP
If I hadn’t sat my pride down in moment when I wanted out and allowed God to work through my character defects, would I have been able to eventually get a breakthrough in an area thats been long barred from exiting. No! Had I not done the work which allowed God to use an individual to help me grow from my character defects to help promote me to my next level of an opportunity that came that would remove things like poverty, low self worth, and intense levels of anxiety, high levels of offense that none of those things would translate to where God was able to move me to had the work I needed done on my soul not been achieved.
I have so many more character flaws and defects to work through and overcome, but I am committed to making the changes I need to in this life. To improve my quality of life in all areas, as well as, preparing me for when the next opportunity comes in; which I pray is divine partnership of two Godly people. So, since its not presented I may not be ready yet and thats cool, cause I can work out the kinks I need to before they show up to make sure that I am not bringing in more fuel to a situation that the enemy fights against! Oh yeah Satan hates seeing Godly partnerships, so anything I can do now to not allow him a foot hold when that time comes I am all for slamming that door shut by doin the work I need to do on myself.
“For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.” Mark 11:23 KJV
More and more as I journey along the road of life and the life as a believer in Jesus Christ, at different junctures we will often need a new level of faith. For unto us a measure was given, it then becomes our job to work that faith, grow the faith, and manifest from that faith.
Back in 2017 God had to put me in a place to grow my faith to believe for a vehicle after mine put me down. He had already begun to soften my heart when I was already half way through a negativity detox of my soul. He also made sure to surround me with people that would encourage that faith and help keep the fire stoked to see a manifestation of God opening opportunity when every odd was against me to obtain a new/used vehicle.
I had to grow that level of faith from the measure I was given as a believer. As time passed and that level of faith saw me through my battle with COVID and survived to talk about it, show to others God at work in my COVID battle and more. When you hit the end of a grade level and pass the test, your often sent to the next level, it will be new, it will take an even greater faith in that next level.
But, what about the grey area of passing the test and then the next grade promotion? Reflect on the lessons learned, see how you don’t just allow anyone in your ear to convince you that your choices are wrong. See how you have grown and showed strength instead of emotionalism. See how your able to stand for what you are truly worth instead of what others may see you as to keep an upper hand on you!
In the grey area, real hearts are exposed!
In the grey area agendas are revealed!
In the grey area you see that folks purposely withheld!
In the grey area you see truth and please don’t ignore it!
I have so much more to grow in as it relates to faith so that more mountains can be moved. I have of recent had ear-mites “attempt” to deter my path by saying things of “I wish you went to a mega church so you can find your husband” or “I wish you luck in what your about to do and I hope it works out”!
I stopped them in those moment and said I am going to church where I am supposed to be going. Your opinion of that holds no relevance and my husband of whom God will send yes will be a church going man! When the time comes God will send him to visit my church. God works in the small better then he ever will in the “mega”! I also stopped the one about my current choices and I said boldly that yes it will work out! For they have no idea of the mountain it was to cross. These folks that said this may have been an “elder” in age, but the wisdom of God supersedes that when His spirit is in something and not the opinions of flesh and folks that have lived their life already!
When peoples opinions or the worlds opinions hold you back from something God has His hand upon its time to take a look at the hand you allow to steer your life.
Have you allowed the worlds view of money rule your every decision? If so, holding on to the energy of money only keeps it away from you! Freely giving of finances is an energy that creates an open flow.
When you allow “peers” to influence your choice of church because of their ideals that is an energy of control that we must be careful of. The energy of free-will is God-given, exercise it. Fast, pray, seek outside council to help you hear from God on what is destined for your life.
Folks may have “somewhat” good intentions in mind, but not every intention is pure in nature. Be wise and seek answers before choosing based on someone else’s life choices. Cause in the end it will be your faith and what of it you choose to operate from that will help you move mountains in life and reach your destiny!
I have come to realize that when I allow people into my life, I become to dependent on their need of me. This slowing down has really brought this reality to the surface of my existence.
Being an essential worker and still working through the pandemic and more work being placed on my shoulders at work that has been seen as a reason to not need me in areas any longer. So in a sense the work I used to do was outsourced to another to complete in fear that my overwhelm at work wouldn’t be able to withstand critique.
When countless times in the past it was explicitly stated by me that that work wasn’t burdensome. So assumption has been on the scene that I couldn’t handle one more thing. I love how people think for me, but you better not even think of thinking for them.
At this point I need to evaluate who I have become dependent on and why I have done such, to then begin to work on building myself to where; as I am replaced it wont be so heart wrenching.
This life during this pandemic has not been all sugar and spice. There are times I question my faith and ask whats the point any more. Only to realize its only myself and dealing with humanity that brings on those pondering questions. God doesn’t change – people do! This last few months have been like the 8th circle of hell. To be perfectly honest, I am tired of fighting!
I have some changing myself to do at this point and learning how to keep fighting against all odds when folks tell you that your beyond help!
When you fall from Grace, look up to see who is standing over you saying “i told you so”…
I hope everyone is doing way better at this then I am..
Fear often holds us back from taking steps of faith. I can attest to this more often then not honestly. Fear of what others think, what would they say about me, what will my image be in this?
Fear keeps us in a place of no movement. We become so fixated by fear we are paralyzed to the point that if one move is rationalized then a hoard of fear rises us to speak defeat. They rise up so strong and so loud within we crumble under them.
And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
Matthew 14:29 NASB
Overcoming fear allows you the freedom and confidence to begin to take steps out of the norm and do new things God has been calling you to all along. God has been waiting for steps to be taken by you or I to show to him utter dependance and trust in He who is our everything.
The first step is the hardest to take but the most liberating. God didn’t hive us a spirit of fear ( 2 Tim 1:7). God wants us to be confident children in who we are in Him we were predestined as His children (Eph 1:5) and Gods children should be free from fear as fear is of the world and not the kingdom of God.
Take baby steps til your confident to take bigger steps in faith. The steps you take draw you from the boat of normality and into the place where God can begin to do supernatural things in and through your life.
Fear is a liar and of the enemy!
Learn to rise above the lies!
Learn of your position in the kingdom!
Seek councel and wisdom from others who can help you properly.
Find community of like believers to plug into and connect with for accountability.
Be encouraged today that no fear has a place in Gods children and He has out in is the power to overcome.
Don’t give up on hope that the right one will come along!
Many times as a Single person we can get discouraged seeing others pairing off, getting to go on dates, getting engaged, getting married while we may still be waiting for someone to come into our life.
We are bombarded with questions at times by folks asking especially around the holidays:
Don’t you want to be married?
Don’t you want to have a family?
Why are you single?
The list can go on and on!
These things can become depressing if dwelled on in relation to feelings of hopelessness. But, I have to say and encourage you to not give up. There are times that will come that you will feel like throwing in the towel of hoping and believing for that to happen.
but just as it is written, ” Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard , And which have not entered the heart of man , All that God has prepared for those who love Him .”
1 Corinthians 2:9 NASB
In the time of waiting spend it getting to know yourself. Grow in areas that need maturing or need more adult mindset in. Grow in who you are as a woman or man.
For me as a woman of Faith in God I want to grow in who God says I am, who I can be, and who I can grow to be. Many times we think we are ready for something but God knows our character may not be just there to handle it.
Had I been involved in a relationship while growing in some of the things I needed to develop in, I probably would have destroyed the thing, just being honest.
Becoming secure in who we are as a person is vital also I have been finding. Because if our worth, image and confindence is given to anyone or anything outside of God, when its gone we become devistated, well thats how it was in my case.
Don’t just hook up with people to say your in a relatiomship. Wait for the proper time when its not out of desperation but out of complementation.
When they come to complement your life. The hook ups with wrong people in wrong times are distractions and can even pull you away from God given destinies. When its right it will be evident as there won’t pressure, haste, anxiousness, but a peace as it will be of God and not what we could devise in and of our own self.
Be discovered for having a beautiful mind, and quiet and gentle spirit, fully knowing your worth based on who you are in Christ, accepting your baggage you come with, in knowing your working and growing to overcome them, be healed, delivered and whole in Christ.
Then the Lord answered me and said, “Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run. “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.
Habakkuk 2:2-3 NASB
Make sure you have a great support system. The fellowship of like minds can help keep you on course, be there in times of weakness ehen you need to talk things out and pray you through difficult times. The time will come if its a desire placed in your heart by God. The vision has an appointed time though it may delay it will come and be on time meaning His time!
Answers will come at times from the opposite direction.
What happens when we get so fixated for God to move in certain ways. God never acts or does the same thing in the same way even in the word of God. How many times in the word of God was a blind man healed? Not one of them was healed in the same way he healed the other.
Humans we are creatures of habit. Well some of us anyway, ok I know I can be. We see God used a certain person to bless us or help be an answer to a prayer, or something mysterious happens for our good and we begin to think/assume that well, God moved this way before He will move that way again. That isn’t how God operates.
To have utter and complete trust in Him we have to remain in faith, keep hope alive, and rest in what He said He would do. Our job is trust, believe and work on ourself. We have to have a unmovable, unshakeable belief that God will gome through for is in whatever way we need, we need not fixate on how, who, when and where so much as to just be open to receive it from the direction it comes in.
In these lay a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, and withered, [waiting for the moving of the waters; for an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was made well from whatever disease with which he was afflicted.] A man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you wish to get well?” The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” Jesus said to him, “Get up, pick up your pallet and walk.” Immediately the man became well, and picked up his pallet and began to walk. Now it was the Sabbath on that day. John 5:3-9 NASB
In the scripture passage here above we see an example of this. The man knew that the angel would come and stir the waters and he would be healed, of course there are other things I could talk about in relation to this but for now I want to keep focused on He looked to an angel of God coming to stir the waters only to get his healing. Had he not been open to receive the blessing of healing when He shifted his view to Jesus, he may have missed it all together.
He could have been so fixated that the angel stirring the waters was His only way to be healed that He would have missed the greatest opportunity in his lifetime. Don’t we get like that at times? I know I have! When he shifted his focus to Jesus at the question He posed to him by Jesus “do you wish to be well?” and what Jesus was saying the man opened himself up that his blessing could come from a different direction then he had thought the last 38-years of his life.
The man did verbally rationalize with Jesus about how he could be healed, but Jesus knowing the man been long time in that condition saw He longed to be healed of his affliction. He still in his heart opened up to Jesus that healing could come a different way. How many times had the name of Jesus come up in discussions by the pool of water. With the news spreading far about the miracles Jesus was doing I am sure that the man by the pool side had some knowing that miracles were taking place by the man named Jesus.
Shift our focus to God by trusting in Him. This also is seeking Him and His kingdom first. When we look to Him in genuine relationship He knows the intentions of our heart. He knows our thoughts, our cares, concerns, worries, etc. But, He wants to know that we fully rely on Him for everything. Seek His face, worship and praise Him! Resting in His faithfulness while doing what we know to do until answers come.