Did Faith Let Me Down or Did I Slip Away?
I’ve been away a while now from my writing, and I won’t lie I have missed pouring myself out in pages of writing sharing what I go thru to be an encouragement to others. I think my encouragement cup ran out and I had nothing left to give so, I sat back and took a break. I would have temporary moments of where I could encourage again, but they were short lived spurts.
Life has an unusual way of just sitting a person down to reflect on oneself and see things that in the hustle and bustle missed. This year – 2022 has been a year of pure hell! Lack of any better terminology! But God!
In April my division at work closed and it rendered me unemployed for a month and those pitiful checks they provide for unemployment are nothing sustainable to live on. After a month I was back into working and right before I entered training for that job, I was taking my father to one of his many doctor appointments he has had this year to be told the revelation of testing on him that He in-fact has Prostate Cancer!
Hearing the word CANCER for yourself or anyone in your immediate family is daunting to hear. At that point my anxiety was again off the charts, my brain worked so much over time I had to take meds to even think about sleeping, which I still have too, its not as bad as it was in the beginning, but still a thing. I’ve had to make sure I am taking my own anxiety/depression med and I’ve also incorporated CBD treatment to aide in my restlessness.
The quickest way to explain why I ran low/ran out is to say I slid back from God and all those things I used to once do. Like: Independent Bible Study, Dedicate time to Prayer, Not Reading the Word, Not Fasting and so much more that helps maintain any healthy relationship.
I allowed my relationship to God to be not as important as all the Trails and Tribulation I have been in. When, in reality He (God) should have been the first I ran too, and I didn’t I held everything and still working on it turning and trusting all of this baggage Ive held onto for 9 months to God. Allowing Him to show me back to the path I had left behind.
My faith didn’t let me down!
I let my faith down, by not maintaining relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
They never left me, I just turned my back on them while going thru, but they’ve showed me they have been keeping a hand on me. They have been patiently waiting on me to turn around and embrace them once more! He has consistently showed up in my life by people willing to be used by Him.
My church family have been the main ones used by God to show me His love and constant care for me even when I wasn’t where I should or even needed to be.
In the low times we my often “feel” abandoned or left alone by God, but when you sit back and see the truth like I have. You will see how they didn’t fail you, they were right there all along. Our feeling will lie to us and if not careful we are lead down a road very much like the one I have been on. To be perfectly honest, I should have been more atune to this since I was provided a resource in 2021 in a book from my Pastor. That should have been my indication that I may fall off, but I see now that it was given to get me back on track sooner by knowing then not knowing.
Now, that I am aware of myself and my current standing on things…what will I be doing?
I plan on slowly re-integrating back into my personal life time for God in some way form or another by either prayer, reading the Word of God, giving thanks for not leaving me, and more as I can recalibrate all my current life to accommodate God time so I won’t leave Him out any more.
Thank You for taking time to read my blog!
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