Surviving COVID, what it has taught me!

In my darkest hour of receiving the call from the nurse to say, “Ms. Gunn, your COVID-19 test results came back as positive, you will need to isolate yourself ASAP!”

Needless to say an immediate rush of every kind of emotion rose up within my body! Many I had to tell because I was positive incase they were exposed by proxy of me. Everyone I had been around never got it from me!

But, thats not the point of this blog…

This blog is gonna go to a deeper level of what I faced in those dark 22 days of isolation…

In isolation during having COVID-19 you are in a way at the time I had it, doubly isolated. Before I contracted the virus we were limited to what we could do, what stores were open, the amount of people that could gather together was restricted to 10 people.

So, in an already isolated state, I contracted Covid-19, that sent me to the next level of isolation, which was complete isolation. No human contact unless by cellphone, social media, or people being masked up, gloved up, and highly socially distanced for everyones safety as the contagion that COVID is, is highly spreadable in the simplest of circumstances.

It was in this time, between battling fevers, trying to hydrate, trying to fight the virus with over-the-counter medicine, trying to keep strength up that its so taxing not just on the body, but on the mind as well!

In this state of battling and my father still within the dwelling with me…socially distanced of course and I took every precaution so he wouldn’t catch it from me and He didn’t, he remains unexposed to what I had going on.

In those 22 days my biological father, only asked me twice if I was ok.

Needless to say the journey of this isolation process, made come to surface every daddy issue I could have. Yes I admit it to the world here and now!

Yes!

I have Daddy issues!

The first week battling covid was the worst as thats when most if this boiled to the surface of my soul(mind, will,and emotions). By week two I was determined to use my isolation time to not only heal and recover from COVID, but to begin to heal the wounds in my soul from a disconnected father figure.

It has taken me weeks to put this together piece-by-piece to not only heal but to deal with layer upon layer of my father issues.

The time my father tried to commit suicide was the final straw that sealed the deal to all my issues and truly shown me my earthly fathers disjointed love toward his own daughter.

In his state of mental disconnect…of which many told me and still tell me to not take personal due to the state of mind he was in hurt and damaged me truly to the core of my being in a way even I can’t find any words to group that could make it understandable.

He took the pills and was rushed to the hospital. From there under intense evaluation and surveillance. One by one we were allowed back to see him. Being as my mother was in a wheelchair and handicap she couldn’t be left alone. So it was my brother and I who took turns goin back with mom, while she sat with dad. When it was my turn I went back and with the straightest face, cold, dark, soul-less eyes he looked at me and asked me who I was. Immediate heartbreak sat in my soul and I turned and walked out and told my brother to go back with our mother. It took him two days to remember who I was.

To this day being my fathers caregiver it hurts to the core knowing the true feelings of his heart that to him I am easily forgotten and that there is little to no love within him towards me.

Another level would be deeper into my childhood. You see things online and social media of how a father is a girls first love, a fathers character is what she looks for in her husband, a father is one that a girl in a way idolizes for all the men in her life.

For me, I didn’t have that kind if father growing up. My father was and is unemotionally connected to me. He never reflected in ways the kind of man I would ever want to be with. Now, with that said, my father was a strong provider. He worked hard to keep a roof over our head and food on table. He and my mother took time to save and take us on wonderful vacations, learning experiences and such. The emotional side is what lacked and thats what the soul needs to flourish and grow and mature healthy.

My time during COVID allowed me to sit still, fully isolated from all human connection. To allow the truest of true the Father’s Love of God to come and begin to work and heal patches within my soul.

God sat me down to see that He loves me, He used vessels of other people to show that to me when isolated. Those who brought me food, those who financially supported me, those who lovingly in genuine love for me in their life, checked on my personal well-being. That opened my heart up to be healed on a level of the father abandonment issues I have housed within my soul.

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Cynthia

Incredibly Stressful Week

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭NASB

Learning to cope and manage my stress levels has been and is one of the most daunting and laborious tasks. I am far from having any great success in it as I am still so deeply learning the concepts of time management, being aware of my emotions, learning to step back and self-parent, learning when to reach out for counsel, and more…

On Saturday and Sunday after I blogged, I cleaned house, did laundry, grocery shopped and began mea prep, I successfully got a lasagna made that my dad (of whom I am a caregiver to) enjoyed. I made a large crockpot of spaghetti and got all the clothes put away, floors cleaned then my Post Covid fatigue hit me so hard like a ton of bricks before I could bake the lasagna and prep my lunches for the week. That it took an hour to recover to even wash the dishes before i had to stop to fight the tinnitus flair, sinus swelling flair and the body just not wanting to cooperate.

Youtube Lasagna

I did all this last weekend in the knowing that two days would be spent beating a many a road taking my dad to his first covid test that is now mandatory before any procedure, then taking him for breakfast, to then head a completely different direction to take a drug test, to then leave there to head to my current place of employment. That night I had to sketch out an entire day of a liquid diet for my father to follow as I would be at work and he would need to partake of the liquids I had acquired to have a successful procedure the next day. He called a few times in frustration wanting solid food and not understanding the plan of his diet. After got him settled and ok it was then time to map out his plan of his intake of solutions before his procedure and account for travel time as all this had to be done within a certain length of time. Needless to say the day of the procedure went smooth (Thank God).

Youtube being a Caregiver

This all happening while working one job, that is in total freak out mode as of the end of January, I will be leaving and moving on to new horizons. So light transitional contact will have to be there til they have more sure footing.

I know that my level of dedication, work ethic that had been above and beyond any call of duty, my level of sacrifice will not be matched. However, I do know that some level of my work is “replaceable”, for that I am no fool. When the value of a person that had done so much for so little is not appreciated or seen the value in, all the more revealing of a time to move on. For some, my missing presence will be felt, for others I am sure could careless if I am out of their life. I have had to grow to a place of knowing when to hold em and when to fold em so to speak.

I am learning to become grateful of weeks like this past week. I could have gotten offended, walled off, shut down, and gone completely off the deep end, instead I looked at every lesson as an opportunity to grow in some way. Whether it be identifying a trigger reaction within myself, realizing a level of pride that needs humbling, or seeing when I am in my flesh and not living by the spirit.

It is in this year 2021, that I want to change more of who I am in developing a Godly character in things that I long need to develop them in. I want to bot only manifest this next step that has been supported and governed by prayer and my prayer partners. That I want to manifest some big things into my life this year as well, things still unseen in the natural, but my spirit embraces them, my subconscious see’s the manifestation and my conscious faith will pull it into reality.

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Happy 2021!!!

We are one week into 2021 and the spill over from 2020 continues…

This week alone has been set with history making atrocities that make Americans look so foolish, that it cannot go without saying “God help us all”!

The crap shoot of the unfolding of the political power struggle, the demonstration of mass unruliness, pointing fingers at who is to blame, all things in my opinion tactics to deflect from the real news of what isgoin on with COVID and these inoculations that they are fearfully insighting the American people to take blindly.

My latest youtube vid on it, please subscribe!

In my personal sphere work has been insane, needless to say when you work for an incredibly small independent mom and pop company and the financial pinch 2020 put everyone in, ownership has been tightening the reigns and demanding that us the employees do all within our capacity to collect debts. This in and of itself will make the people you interact with in face-to-face monthly hate you as ownership either demand money or we cannot carry the continuation of an exorbitant amount of debt on accounts. While they are sequestered in the sanctity of their dwelling for healthy and safety reasons during this COVID climate, they can easily say such things as they aren’t face-to-face with customers as I am. Who will be the one catching the flack, me!

In my even more personal sphere, my father that I am a caregiver for has had some ups and downs as of late and I am having to watch him carefully to see if there has been a change. At his 71 years of age and medical history I cannot take any chances with his mind going into his bipolar, schizophrenia state as he had in past years until the medication got him somewhat stable. He went down memory lane recounting how it would be my moms bday soon and how old she would have been(she passed in 2016), then he recounted his mothers bday coming up and how old she would have been(she passed in 2001).

Not even a day later he calls me in a frenzy upset the pharmacy wont refill his meds and how he needs them and they need his new insurance card and how its my fault they don’t have it, how its my responsibility to handle this and on and on and on. So, after about an hour and locating his new insurance card, calling the pharmacy I got it all tended to. Then I had to call and deal with a letter that came in the mail for him about setting up his colonoscopy and his COVID test to have the test fulfilled. He has had a hate for me since scheduling that exam for him. Now that packet of information has arrived and I have to now follow it to the letter to make sure this goes like its suppose to so we can find out why his test for why he needs this came back positive.

Having to do this alone has been daunting, but what else is to be expected this year I am not sure. I am praying God sends me a best friend to have someone to talk to in times like this cause some I am finding will blow you off quick as soon as you have met their need or want. I need someone true and that will be there with me to stand with me.

Happy trails folks in 2021, I am sure hoping by my next blog it will be cheerier!

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Thank You 2020 For Everything!

This year has been one of the best years and one of the worst years!

Can’t that be said for just about every year we face… year after year we face tragedy in small and large scale and victories in small and large scale. As a whole, 2020 has been just that, as I discharge the negative that has been highly propagated, with a pause to look at the bigger picture of what this year has truly encompassed.

Pause and smell the roses!

Globally we have faced a pandemic, weather disasters, economic distress, massive depression, abusive behaviors toward one another or one-self and so much more.

In turn we have slowed down, connected better with children, connected on a new level of intimacy in couples, technology had become a mainstream ways to connect with others outside our dwelling places and so much more.

With every ending there is a new beginning just around the corner!

For myself, I have had a vehicle stripped away from me, loss of my fur-child, contracted COVID-19, and so much more.

But, having my vehicle stripped away from me made a level of pride kneel to a higher authority of not setting things above God. Loosing my fur-child caused me to revisit wounds from the loss of my mother from back in 2016, that needed to be fully grieved out and allow for healing to come. Then, contracting COVID allowed me time in full isolation to deal with childhood traumas of not being validated, loved, nurtured in ways that promote healthy growth. I have begun to learn to allow the love of the Father to come and fill those void places within my soul. That had I not been fully isolated I wouldn’t have even begun to allow healing to come into the depths that could lead me to paths of destruction.

One of my top love languages

My alone time in isolation really revealed a depth of need that I have within me for validation from quality time I spend with people. Quality time is such a strong love language for me it seems that if I don’t manage it and control myself in it, that it will rule and drive me. My isolation time made me see this and learn ways to become self-contented and pour into myself, enjoy time with myself, allow the love from others that has spent time with me to flood my soul. As my Pastor says it is variations of self-parenting that will begin to fill the voids and depths from lack from formative years. If I don’t grow and deal with this now I will deplete my future husband from trying to fulfill things for me that are essentially not his job to do.

2020 had been a molding and making year indeed for me. Removing dependency upon the worldly things to have a sense of security. When in my time battling COVID, God used that to strip away dependency from the world and drive me straight into His arms to depend upon Him. Being out of work meant no income, aside from the fact that I don’t have employer covered health coverage. Faith and my tribe of believers and as I was told by my Pastor being a tither and a giver using faith in that time had stocked up enough in the banks of heaven to see a withdrawal come forth to see that I stayed in my apartment and my bills got paid. Still now with hours cut and such my bills are still getting paid and being a giver and a tither prove that God will look out for His children.

Lavender Sky

It is now in this time when the threshold of the new is approaching and the closed door to the old is about to be shut, that we need to take back the peace, joy, and love that the Father has so freely given us and shake off the fear, doubts, worry, and depression that the world and the ruler there of has put on the people that have no way to combat it. I will fight to gain peace, I will fight to get my love story back on track, I will fight to know that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I will fight to shake off the propaganda that a vaccine will save the world when I will only create more problems and thats proving to be true even now with the virus mutations, I will fight off worry cause my Father has unlimited source no matter how often they threaten a government shut down. I will fight off doubts of how it all will turn out and look through the lenses of faith to see what hasn’t manifested yet, that will will I see it clearly by faith. I will shake off depression cause that is a culmination of allowing to world to control me, put me in their box and to be a robot under their operation. Break free from those things and allow the heavenly to steer you! Money helps our living in this world, but when it is our driving force then it becomes futile. Allow faith in God to be the driving force.

Thank you all for taking time to read my blog! Thank you for all the new ones and future subscribers!

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💞Cynthia💞

Road to Recovery after COVID

The path to recovery from COVID is full of uncertainty!

Since the last time I blogged, I have been deeply into getting my body steered toward being COVID free and toward rebounding from the effects of this slow moving virus that has so greatly impacted the world we live in today.

I spent 22 days in isolation to prevent the spread of this virus. I kept it from my aging father of whom lives in the same dwelling as I, and I didn’t pass it on to anyone in whom I had any contact with. Praise God!

In the days of knowing I contracted the virus, in the small area of which I am employed it became a virtual witch hunt of who infected who and how and all the scenarios that we none had any full control over. I may have mentioned it in my previous writing, that at the time I contracted COVID there was a highly concentrated number of cases in that small town. This fact alone makes it mute on how I contracted it as in such a small area, this spread faster and quicker! If your someone like me that works in the public, handling funds, face-to-face encounters, then its bound to happen.

As soon as folks heard my story of having COVID hysteria kicked in, everyone I had been in contact with rushed to get tested. Which is all fine cause that was the point on making it aware that I contracted the virus. Many got tested and one after another came back negative, I was so thankful to hear it as I am around some more advanced in age men and women that have underlying medical conditions that needed to be careful around with this.

One that I work with about 14 days after I had the virus, she contracted it. It was told to me by someone in their circle that this person told most that she had communication with, that she had contracted the virus from me. Smh. We shared the same work space yesterday and from her lips she said I didn’t get it from you, but in her continuing story said that on a day she went into a shared office space (now mind you. This was a week after our office had been shut down and sterilized) said she went to my desk and got something and felt horrible since. So in one breathe she says she didn’t get from me and with another she between lines said I got it from you! The heart will always reveal itself if you pay close attention to the words.

Its amazing to also see how you are treated once you have had COVID. I went to work to attempt to get back into some level of normalcy after the testing reveled I was now negative. You walk into a place and immediately you hear “RONA” and the sound of ur not allowed in here coming from the lips of people as you see from your peripheral vision the ones on the side of you step back as if you was so super contagious they could not share the same air in-which to breathe.

Its also been super refreshing to be welcomed back into the presence of people. I am very much a people person, I like to connect and plug into peoples energies especially people you get good vibes from. Some have been so welcoming of me returning back to health that its a reflection of Gods loving character in the earth. Of which is something I may write about in blogs to come what my time of isolation revealed about me to work on for my own personal development.

My body is still in recuperation mode as I still have not regained the full taste and sense of smell and as of late really bad tinnitus has developed. This is where the path to my recovery is uncertain. I went to my family physician Monday to kinda be left feeling as if I was crazy for having tinnitus and refusing to get their flu shot among other things. Because of all the strict guidelines at doctors I had to be sure I made them away I had, had the corona/covid-19 and that I was now clear.

Then it was pressure to get a flu shot. I had to stand firm that I didn’t want and will not get a flu shot! They didn’t understand my reasoning after just surviving COVID, why would I purposely insert flu into my body that still hasn’t full rebounded from the corona virus. They insisted, well it doesn’t give you the flu! I said no! Four times I had to tell them No! They gave no treatment for my tinnitus and only said allow time to pass to see if it goes away as she never heard of this being a side effect from COVID. I’m like do you want my head to see if what I am telling you is true!?

I have begun doin my own therapy on sound treatments for the ringing, taste therapy to attempt to get that back and Smelling therapy to begin to have that come back. I have also enlisted the wisdom of a retired medical care worker whom knows a lot about things in homeopathic ways of treatments and therapy to help me along and her wisdom has proven time and time again. She made me her own healing soup therapy that she uses countlessly time and time again that has prevented pneumonia and more in her close connections to keep them healthy and from worser sicknesses.

It is my firm belief that getting this soup in the early phases of being diagnosed with Covid-19 that this soup kept the virus from moving into my heart and lungs. That of which I am thankful for. The studies show that COVID effects vital organs like heart, lungs, and now recently they are seeing the effects on the brain with the side effects that I am experiencing. The part of my brain for my sensory reception has been impacted the most in my case of COVID.

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Pray for the world as this virus touches all!

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Life Update – Covid 19

Go Along With Me To My 4th COVID Test – Still COVID POSITIVE

Back To COVID NEGATIVE

🦠POST COVID🦠COFFEE TASTING☕️ Dunkin Donuts – Signature Iced Gingerbread Latte

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The Call No One Wants To Get!

“We have your results!? Your test came back you are POSITIVE for COVID.”

Immediately, my heart sank and then flight mode of hurry up time is running out kicked in. On 10/10/2020 at 3:30pm my life went from being lived to you got only a few short hours left before lock down.

I called my employer, coworkers, anyone I had come in contact with to inform them of my horrific news, so they could watch themself and get tested as well if need be. Luckily, I am not a spreader, everyone tested negative, but me. A front line worker in the height of a global pandemic who has no health insurance, no means of income while in isolation. Thus propelling me into the trusting arms of the Father God to take care of me in health and to help provide for me while I am out of work going into the second week now.

My tribe has surrounded me, brought me food, financial support, and moral and comforting support. So many have genuinely checked on me that warms my heart to know that such love does exists in the world. When on the counter spectrum as well i have been privy to messages from distant familial relations reflecting a demeanor of humor at my healths expense during these times. Another instant of not so distant familial relation refusing to support my aging father who resides in my home to remove him for his own safety and calling me childish and my own doing for supposedly catching this that which they deem nonexistent. A battle such as this reveals the true nature of people that you have in your life. Take note of how they do while your in crisis. Cause in the opposite they will expect a great return from you in their own time of need. My family is my tribe of God given people that come from various backgrounds of life that have shown time and time again their genuine love, care and support of me in many things not just in good or bad but in level times as well.

My Father of whom is aging and has severe medical illnesses of which could make this virus deadly if it enters His body, from which I am doing all I can to isolate from him, stay away from common areas and keeping surfaces clean. Even as sick as I have been he still relies on me to make sure he has food and meds and is tended too.

Thankfully, my tribe jumped in and had pizza delivered. Brought bags of sandwiches, soups, pancakes and two other dishes so I wouldn’t get exhausted cooking. Those dishes helped so much on the really bad days of this virus having its hay-day within my body.

One Story COVID Night of Terror:

It was at about 11:15pm during my fourth night of isolation, I had been asleep since some time in the afternoon when my fever had spiked to 100.2 and I took meds and laid down. It was at this time my fur-baby Sweet Pea stood beside my bed barked in my ear and it startled me awake. I was so into sleeping it didn’t phase me too much, til next thing I knew she jumped on the bed laid beside me and rolled her head back onto my chest. That pressure on my chest woke me up again then I heard my cell phone messenger beep. So, reluctantly I gathered myself to sit up. I checked my phone it was my lead tribe person saying they was checking on me and that I had come up heavy for them. Not two min later another beep came in my other tribe was checking on me. Something was definitely wrong with me, with all this activity. One pleaded with me to check my temperature. I did and my fever was right back up and climbing 100.5 this time. I struggled to move from the bed to medicine table where I checked my temperature and then take more meds before slipping back into slumber. Had it not been for the spirit alerting people and my Sweet Pea to get me up and take meds how much damage could have been done to me if I hadn’t been lured from that deceptive slumber of fever in covid state.

My symptoms began as massive body pain to the point of it being virtually debilitating, cough, sinus pressure, fever, headache, runny nose. Were the first symptoms that drove me to get tested in the first place. It took two days to get the results. Later my symptoms in isolation became frequent fever spikes, delirium, sensory system overload of pulsating and flashing that drove me to medicate and sleep. After about 6 days in isolation my sense of smell left me, taste is diminished, I can only taste salty or sweet. I have been sleeping more than not, and I have been workin on hydration and immunity rebuild.

It was Friday, October 16th I ventured to get retested as my severe symptoms had let up and I had been in isolation for the time required. I got my call for my results that I still am testing COVID POSITIVE. This virus is one for the record books. To still be testing positive for it. That marked my third ever COVID test. And now, I have to isolate still and then get retested again before I can even think about going back to work on the front lines during a global pandemic. I have suffered through isolation the first round, I am not sure how I am gonna do for another week, I need people and being that I cannot assimilate with people it is depressing.

I am fighting and battling COVID in my body and I will win! Cause my tribe is praying for me, helping me to keep mentally astute and checking on my well-being. Feeling such true love of Agape from people is often times what a wounded soul needs to heal.

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🌻Cynthia🌻

Tested for Covid

This stuff is every where and even working in a small rural community it is making its presence known.

In the last few weeks in the small community where I work and formally resided businesses have begun to close up for safety precautions when employees of said businesses tested positive for COVID-19 aka Corona Virus.

Two restaurants closed up, the town hall, and another communications place began remote working when employees tested positive for Corona. Its even been made aware to me that a substitute delivery driver who was on our route for two weeks that their mother died from this horrific virus. To make it worse that person lives next door to their parents and you know visiting sick parents is a given. Needless to say all this going on I fell down the rabbit hole of worse case scenarios. With all this goin on the local health department ran a testing drive on Monday. August 17th.

The testing was free. All you had to do was drive up, fill out a few forms, then they tested you. To be honest I’ve had my conspiracy theories about all this Corona testing like how people got tested, then turns out they had it and all the randomness of this thing. I watched the nurse put on new gloves, new gown, new mask, my new tube from which my sample will go into, as well as, the new plastic tester brush as she approached my vehicle window. She had me verify my info then she opened the plastic brush and took the same from inside one nostril. For about 3 hours it felt as though that brush was still up my nose, if anything she cleaned out the whole cavity!

Afterward she told me I would get a call within 24 to 36 hours with my result. That is the wrong thing to tell someone that thinks as much as I do.

Tuesday came and everytime my cellphone rang my heart would sink thinking ok here your results. But, none of the calls I got that day were from the health department. Wednesday came and still no call I was beginning to get worried. By Thursday I was so on edge, but I had stepped away from my phone and missed a call. I called it back and it was the health department with my results.

She proceeded to say: “We are calling you with your results of your COVID-19 testing you had done at the health department testing drive” I said “yes ma’am ok”. She said, “your results came back Covid NEGATIVE”

I have never been so relieved in my life yo hear that phrase! But, do many that it has hit my heart and deepest healing prayers go out to each and everyone. It has been ravaging families with the deadliest impact in some cases. I pray this epidemic ends soon its doing a toll on people emotional, mental, physical and financial state.

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Life During A Pandemic

Some Days Are GoodOther Days Hell on Earth

These last few months have been the most unusual and yet a resetting of daily living by every person around the world.

How many can say they haven’t been conditioned in the last few months to wash their hands more or use hand sanitizer more frequently. We now are conditioned to stay 6ft away from one another, limiting/no physical contact, taking extra precautionary measures when around elderly or immune-compromised individuals.

I know I have been, every time I touch something in a store I hand sanitize, cause you just don’t know who or what came in contact with it before you touched it. Masks in public and around the immune-compromised is a natural occurrence.

In the state in the USA in which I reside they have entered Phase 2 of reopening, whereas we spent 2 weeks in Phase 1 and saw an increase in COVID-19 cases drastically. They suggest that its coming from the ability to test more people and yet some how the cases keep rising as reopening happens and more and more are traveling, taking less precautious measures and not social distancing. Its as if it is becoming a thing of the past.

The repercussions of the shut down to the state will take a while to recover from. Many retail businesses have announced they are going out of business. Many are waiting for unemployment benefits and the first round of stimulus payment, all the while the gov’t is trying to make a decision to help the population out while recovery from the shut down is in the baby stage for some, for other business, they still waiting for the OK from the governor.

People are loosing loved ones left and right from this virus and others are loosing loved ones from the side effects I will call it of COVID-19. Suicide, depression, mental breakdowns have become the more prominent in last month or so just as the virus.

Kids cannot have a formal graduation, proms, social gatherings for birthdays, its all been taken from them and that is hard for kids. Its just as hard on adults when you have job stress, lack of friendship connection, cut off from once daily or routine things.

Every body handles and deals with stress differently, I myself, I wish I handled it better than I do. My stress levels peak out so much that I have resorted back to alcohol and cigarettes as a means to cope.

Was this a good thing to do? Of course not! Many times I wish I had a close friend that I could talk to and share things with cause life can be so hard. I am taking care of an aging parent who doesn’t always understand why he cannot go out during all this. At work the load has about doubled as my boss has been in self quarantine about 2 months now. She had me run her errands or get thing she needs from store, help her with technology difficulties and more.

I also have two fur-kids who stick to me like glue, I love my fur-babies they both get on the bed to be near me when I have bad days. They truly are great companions and emotional supports during these dark says of corona virus.

Many times I would love to just sail away from it all. But, right now its all the more impossible to do any such thing.

Thank you all for taking time to read my blog!

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🌺Cynthia🌺

Mid-May Pandemic Update

Phase One Reopen – Life Will Not Be The Same

These have been some of the best times and they have been some of the most stressful! Quarantine has brought most to a place of slowing down. It has for me too, with stores not being open and limitations on where you can and can’t go has made me sit down and do other things or venture out to find something new and different to partake in.

As of Friday, May 8th in the state in which I reside, the governor allowed for the stay at home order to be lifted to phase one reopen. Needless to say the weekend was mayhem. With Mothers Day on Sunday and some retail stores allowed to open at 50% capacity. Lines were long and they weren’t practicing social distancing and I do believe I have heard there has been a spike in the numbers since Phase One began.

On Friday when I got off work, I took a moment to stop and unwind a little in a secret Garden. Very quiet little spot to just be. It was very relaxing the time I did spend there. It made me too realize that If I don’t slow down from the stresses of life and work that life will inevitably will pass me by.

There are times I believe the Corona Virus Pandemic has brought a reset to the lives of many. Other times, I feel like we are one order away from Martial Law.

I have so enjoyed finding new spots to go for walks, the most recent one I found, others found too, so I haven’t gone back to that one in a while. I have though frequented the Town Common, they have large open spaces where people picnic and walk the boardwalk, fish, play with frisbee with friends or their pets.

Truthfully, it is so serene on the water and the nostalgia of having a picnic there one day are things memories are made from. Being that I am an ambivert, these times of seclusion to help me collect myself from the stress of work are prescriptions for the soul.

Recently, I went home to check on things. I can out of the house and at the back of the vehicle stood the huge majestic Doe. I was in awe at the power that radiated from her. I walked down to get my phone and captured her as she went on about her life. As, I watched her cross the greenway, I heard a scripture in my spirit.

“As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭42:1-2‬ ‭NASB‬‬

She reminded me that I need to make sure that I am close to the living water. I need to be planted there so that I can weather storms, flourish in season and out of season, bearing fruit at all times, of which; requires a constant connection to the living Word of God.

During these dark and unsure times it takes being anchored into something stable like the word of God to make it through each day. I don’t always come out stellar in some days, but I am learning a lot about myself, working on me to handle things better, changing and being aware of my triggers is a full time job to live a life reflective of God. I fail, fall down, struggle to get up, look at the dust to learn, brush it off and try again the next day.

Life is so uncertain now we have to make the best of what we have been given. This weekend news came that someone near where I work may have contract Corona Virus, I even recognized them as coming in to our place to pay on a bill. I fell down the rabbit hole of uncertainty so quick I sank like an anvil in quicksand.

I immediately thought and calculated the date of when I would be sick based on statistics, I even went as far as wondering did we contaminate an entire town, did I contaminate my Pastors when I visited them, my aging father, my boss, my coworker then who did all they interact with… I was so thankful to hear that the person didn’t have it. But the fear that has been instilled throughout all this really hit my front door fast. Thankfully that isn’t the case, that I am well and not infected by Corona Virus.

Thank you all for reading and supporting my blog! Comment below how this pandemic has touched your life!🌺

Shop my teespring store – I am working on a new pillow design its takin a while to upload it to the store! A new T-shirt is there. Prices are discounted!

Shop my book on Amazon

Stay Safe 🌺 Stay Healthy 🌺 Stay Happy 🌺

🌺Cynthia 🌺

Growth During A Pandemic

Self-Development While In the Fire

I shared this image last week and I had to think about it. Had I really been doing nothing? Or were things changing in me?

I took this week to evaluate me and look at things I need to change about myself that have that come to the surface during the trials of life, especially during the hard reality times we live in now of a COVID-19 world. The fire of life, circumstances and mental and emotional rises, brought up a-lot with in me I must begin tackling.

Its going to be a journey of change, but I need to change what has been shown to me about myself.

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:3-5‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I have been one to sit back and judge others when I myself have a huge timber in my own eye of how I am in my character and to be integral I need to sit down and deal with myself.

So much of life has happened around me that I sit and look that God has been using the pressure to get growth out of me.

Has it been easy?

No!

Its been pure hell if I am to be blatantly honest. Knowing that your first nature wants to rise up, fight back, and oh believe me it has. To only realize on the other side of it, revealed wounds, wrong ways of thinking, wrong perceptions of which formed my misjudgment of a great many things.

I ultimately have a choice to make. Do I remain on the old path with my old ways and keep having dead-end/one sided relationships or do I choose the new road to a new way of conducting life in various trying circumstances in the changed manner that could nurture and grow relationships.

I choose the new path!

“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭30:19‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Choosing this new road the beginning won’t be easy. But the long run of it all will be well worth it. The Word of God proclaims the ending of a thing is way better then its beginning. (Ecc 7:8)

The ending will produce the desired fruit of rightful living, being subject to truth of the word and walking there in. Faith without my work is dead. Just as work without faith is dead. Being the doer of the word is what is changing within me. Not being driven by my flesh in the emotion it feels and the logic that my mind can twist together.

God wants me to prosper in my soul firstly, heal some wounds of the soul, reshape how I process things from a new way that is contrary to how I was raised and brought up. The blooms of a new life are what I so hope to see as I endeavor to make these shifts from being combative, viewing through wounds of rejection and embrace the reality of who I am, confess it and grow from it.

So, today I choose to do SOMETHING! That will benefit changing the trajectory of my life!

Cooked a nice dinner!
Stopped to smell some roses

Visit my teespring store to shop my selections: sample pillow below

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🌺Stay Safe & Be Blessed🌺

As always, thank you for supporting my blog! I will get back next week to how the COVID-19 has impacted my life!

🌺 Cynthia 🌺