The Real Darkness Within

A part of my life most aren’t aware of…

#trigger warning if any talk of suicide can trigger you please skip this post#

From the time I was 3yrs old I was place on the suicide watch list! At the age of 3, I got into my grandmothers pills. Im not aware and they didn’t know at the time if i had taken her pills or not. But, I was to be watched!

As life has went on suicide crosses my mind often! Just to be real!

I recall once that I cut my wrists and the effects didn’t have my desired result so I just hid the scars til they healed, then no one would ever know. (Teen years)

In my 20s it was still just as prevalent. I would pour all the high powered pills I had in a glass and was ready to down them! But, people prayed, talked me down to deal with the real issue. People loved me enough to help!

In my 30s this thing still comes to mind. Even my latest attempt last year didn’t have the desired result I had hoped for. I took several Naproxen Sodium pills them downed them with a big glass of wine. Settled in to cross over to only wake up many hours later sick, but not finding the end!

What had to happen was me entering a counsel/therapy to deal with my inner darkness to get help, healing, recovery, and tools to combat this with!

My therapist walks me through different stages of things to help bring healing snd deliverance to my soul. Her last session with me encouraged me to press into knowing my worth! That has been helping me tremendously. I have had to do work to know my worth even on a small scale!

I so have appreciated my therapist and look forward to getting back to having sessions again! They are needful for me to keep growing and walking toward my destiny!

If you battle anything like this please seek help! Help is available! Don’t allow the darkness to win!



My book Beauty From Ashes


To-do List!!

Make the list and check it 2x!

Sorry this isn’t about Santa!

But what it is about is undealt with anxiety!

The noise and choas that resides in a soul when left undealt with can become so much that it basically can shut humanity down.

Anxiety has been known to do that in some. That it becomes just so much undealt with that they live life medicated and in a shell excluding themself from life, others, and genuine help to manage the anxiety better.

Now disclaimer!

I am not running down anyone on meds for anxiety as I am on an herbal for anxiety myself and my father is on meds for his.

The thing that I am getting to is not seeking help to help manage the condition. I am thankful to say I am getting great biblical counceling to aide my development to handle things better and begin to calm my soul down!

If I leave my condition undealt with I could become a nonproductive member of society and I don’t want to become that.

I want to encourage and inspire others with my story to show it is possible.

For with God all things are possible to them that believe amd I believe my soul is finally getting the help it so desperatley longed for.

I want to be able to go through life managing my anxiety, managing my emotions, managing my thought life better from where my anxiety, emotions and thoughts have lead my life for far too long.

Now with what help I am getting the more I become aware of myself that I am straying away from peace I can throw the emergency breaks to not allow that to happen.