When The Dawn Comes

The dawn is when you allow a time of healing to come into your life…

There had to come a point when after all I had walked through, allowed myself to partake of, and the things within my soul that bleed so hard in was like internal hemorrhaging that I needed to surrender to walking a path of healing and deliverance.

“Is as the light of the morning when the sun rises, A morning without clouds, When the tender grass springs out of the earth, Through sunshine after rain.’ Truly is not my house so with God? For He has made an everlasting covenant with me, Ordered in all things, and secured; For all my salvation and all my desire, Will He not indeed make it grow?”

‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭23:4-5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

It was amazing to me to see as I began the path of healing and deliverance just how much God was truly with me and still is to this day.

He kept me in suicide when I tried mixing pills and alcohol, He kept me at my worst, He kept me at my heaviest, He has kept me under the knife of my surgeries, He kept me when I lost my mom, He keeps me every day and in all my days ahead He keeps me!

The Dawn is also embracing the Love of the Father that has kept me and will keep me all the days of my life that I continue to serve, worship, and grow in relationship with Him my God and Savior!

Even in the darkest of times the dawn is there, just off on the horizon that I didn’t take time to look for it or focus on it. The darkness is like a blanket of security that holds you close. Once the dawn breaks and you realize its false security. Then the breakaway from darkness to light happens.

Allow the dawn to come in your darkest days to walk toward new days!

My Book: Beauty from Ashes on Amazon

Cynthia

The Real Darkness Within

A part of my life most aren’t aware of…

#trigger warning if any talk of suicide can trigger you please skip this post#

From the time I was 3yrs old I was place on the suicide watch list! At the age of 3, I got into my grandmothers pills. Im not aware and they didn’t know at the time if i had taken her pills or not. But, I was to be watched!

As life has went on suicide crosses my mind often! Just to be real!

I recall once that I cut my wrists and the effects didn’t have my desired result so I just hid the scars til they healed, then no one would ever know. (Teen years)

In my 20s it was still just as prevalent. I would pour all the high powered pills I had in a glass and was ready to down them! But, people prayed, talked me down to deal with the real issue. People loved me enough to help!

In my 30s this thing still comes to mind. Even my latest attempt last year didn’t have the desired result I had hoped for. I took several Naproxen Sodium pills them downed them with a big glass of wine. Settled in to cross over to only wake up many hours later sick, but not finding the end!

What had to happen was me entering a counsel/therapy to deal with my inner darkness to get help, healing, recovery, and tools to combat this with!

My therapist walks me through different stages of things to help bring healing snd deliverance to my soul. Her last session with me encouraged me to press into knowing my worth! That has been helping me tremendously. I have had to do work to know my worth even on a small scale!

I so have appreciated my therapist and look forward to getting back to having sessions again! They are needful for me to keep growing and walking toward my destiny!

If you battle anything like this please seek help! Help is available! Don’t allow the darkness to win!

Love

Cynthia

My book Beauty From Ashes

Amazon

The Darkness Within

Guard against what used to hold you captive!

I was driving home last night and I ran across a cd to hear some nostalgic tunes to listen to.

Well I put one in that had nothing written on it to see what in fact was on it. To my surprise it was a cd full of songs that were from a dark period of time in my life.

There was Korn, Evanescence, Seether, HIM, and more. As I began to listen, I began to feel the darkness begin to come back inviting me to sink into it. Inviting me back into the depression, inviting me back into the suicidal ideations, inviting me back into the not great view of myself.

“He reveals mysteries from the darkness And brings the deep darkness into light.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭12:22‬ ‭NASB‬‬

The darkness is like an old comforting blanket that says stay here, cuddle with me, you will be safe. When in reality that is a false sense of comfort as it kept me from enjoying, experiencing, and just true living. The darkness if I don’t keep it in check it would easily over take me. The darkness is joyless, passionless, and stagnant.

“Why is light given to him who suffers, And life to the bitter of soul,”‭‭Job‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When the light finally dispelled the darkness in my life it not only brought me into the light, but it brought me to a place of seeking the Son. The light is joy-filled, passionate, and thriving!

“For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭36:9‬ ‭NASB

So, after a short stroll down memory lane with that cd and before I allowed that old energy to take and suck be back in, I removed the disk and listened to something different. In which was a powerful broadcast on dealing with a soul issue of abandonment! It was very impactful and liberating to tune into!

The darkness I have within is something I have to work to keep at bay the rest of my life! It is possible to do, it’s only impossible when I refuse to do my part! My job is to keep in the light as much as I can, by renewing my mind, staying in the word, dealing with the darkness as best I can when it shows itself! Sometimes I have even had to go to therapy to get help with it.

Don’t let darkness over take you, when there is so much more life in the light!

Cynthia 💕💝

My book

Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!

Amazon

Happy New Year!!! 🥂🍾