Life Changes During A Global Pandemic

In life, the time will never be right, but when God presents an opportunity; it is then up to us to trust the presentation and take a step of faith!

“Listen carefully, I am about to do a new thing, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even put a road in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:19‬ ‭AMP‬‬

I’ve written about this before somewhere I am sure, but the relevancy is so present in my life the month of February that it needs to be expressed again. Many times we pray to God for things like: “God, I need a new job” or “God, I want someone to love me for who I am” or “God, I need you to make changes around me”.

But what happens when the new job opportunity comes and you decide to stay where you are at.

What happens when the guy/girl comes along that will love you for who you are, but they are outside of your type.

What happens when God wants to change something about your character instead of fully removing you from situations, he wants to perfect something in you, but all you see is the error of others and not your own.

We have all in some way or another done one if not all three of those things I’ve mentioned. I know I have! But, what I’ve had to grow into and learn is to seek God about what He is wanting to do, trying to do, and presenting in my life. Now, not everything is from God, this is why we must turn to the Lord in prayer to find out the storyline behind things.

“Trust in and rely confidently on the LORD with all your heart And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭AMP‬‬

If I hadn’t sat my pride down in moment when I wanted out and allowed God to work through my character defects, would I have been able to eventually get a breakthrough in an area thats been long barred from exiting. No! Had I not done the work which allowed God to use an individual to help me grow from my character defects to help promote me to my next level of an opportunity that came that would remove things like poverty, low self worth, and intense levels of anxiety, high levels of offense that none of those things would translate to where God was able to move me to had the work I needed done on my soul not been achieved.

I have so many more character flaws and defects to work through and overcome, but I am committed to making the changes I need to in this life. To improve my quality of life in all areas, as well as, preparing me for when the next opportunity comes in; which I pray is divine partnership of two Godly people. So, since its not presented I may not be ready yet and thats cool, cause I can work out the kinks I need to before they show up to make sure that I am not bringing in more fuel to a situation that the enemy fights against! Oh yeah Satan hates seeing Godly partnerships, so anything I can do now to not allow him a foot hold when that time comes I am all for slamming that door shut by doin the work I need to do on myself.

Thank you for your time in reading my blog!

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💞Cynthia💞

Incredibly Stressful Week

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭NASB

Learning to cope and manage my stress levels has been and is one of the most daunting and laborious tasks. I am far from having any great success in it as I am still so deeply learning the concepts of time management, being aware of my emotions, learning to step back and self-parent, learning when to reach out for counsel, and more…

On Saturday and Sunday after I blogged, I cleaned house, did laundry, grocery shopped and began mea prep, I successfully got a lasagna made that my dad (of whom I am a caregiver to) enjoyed. I made a large crockpot of spaghetti and got all the clothes put away, floors cleaned then my Post Covid fatigue hit me so hard like a ton of bricks before I could bake the lasagna and prep my lunches for the week. That it took an hour to recover to even wash the dishes before i had to stop to fight the tinnitus flair, sinus swelling flair and the body just not wanting to cooperate.

Youtube Lasagna

I did all this last weekend in the knowing that two days would be spent beating a many a road taking my dad to his first covid test that is now mandatory before any procedure, then taking him for breakfast, to then head a completely different direction to take a drug test, to then leave there to head to my current place of employment. That night I had to sketch out an entire day of a liquid diet for my father to follow as I would be at work and he would need to partake of the liquids I had acquired to have a successful procedure the next day. He called a few times in frustration wanting solid food and not understanding the plan of his diet. After got him settled and ok it was then time to map out his plan of his intake of solutions before his procedure and account for travel time as all this had to be done within a certain length of time. Needless to say the day of the procedure went smooth (Thank God).

Youtube being a Caregiver

This all happening while working one job, that is in total freak out mode as of the end of January, I will be leaving and moving on to new horizons. So light transitional contact will have to be there til they have more sure footing.

I know that my level of dedication, work ethic that had been above and beyond any call of duty, my level of sacrifice will not be matched. However, I do know that some level of my work is “replaceable”, for that I am no fool. When the value of a person that had done so much for so little is not appreciated or seen the value in, all the more revealing of a time to move on. For some, my missing presence will be felt, for others I am sure could careless if I am out of their life. I have had to grow to a place of knowing when to hold em and when to fold em so to speak.

I am learning to become grateful of weeks like this past week. I could have gotten offended, walled off, shut down, and gone completely off the deep end, instead I looked at every lesson as an opportunity to grow in some way. Whether it be identifying a trigger reaction within myself, realizing a level of pride that needs humbling, or seeing when I am in my flesh and not living by the spirit.

It is in this year 2021, that I want to change more of who I am in developing a Godly character in things that I long need to develop them in. I want to bot only manifest this next step that has been supported and governed by prayer and my prayer partners. That I want to manifest some big things into my life this year as well, things still unseen in the natural, but my spirit embraces them, my subconscious see’s the manifestation and my conscious faith will pull it into reality.

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💞Cynthia💞

These are the days…

2020 As it progresses is becoming a year to ponder a new way of living.

With each passing day we never know what is around the corner living during times of a global Corona Virus Pandemic. Will we have a surge in the numbers and the governor order us all to go back into lock down. How close will it get to touching us?

As of my last blog post, I had to make the most gut wrenching decision ever and that was to have my very sick and weak oldest furbaby put down so that he wouldn’t be suffering any more. Having to do that was like the last piece of my mom who passed away in Nov 2016 go. Needless to say I miss my baby boy Midnight.

My baby girl Sweet Pea misses him too. Keeping her my happy girl from being depressed has been my newest undertaking, Longer walks, car rides, and treats make her so happy since she lost her brother. Thats all she known was a life with him. She is slowly adjusting to the changes, but it makes you wonder do they ever fully understand.

2020 will be a year for the record books in my world my vehicle had been in the shop since February. Then loosing s fur-child. A stripping away year it seems. If I dwell to long on it I could sink into a depression so deep that the animals deep in the abyss of the ocean would find me.

Choosing to embrace the changes that have come with this year and holding on to the promises of God keep me from sinking.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:28‬ ‭NASB‬‬

God has a divine plan and purpose for this year. Since I got my first book published I have been able to get back to blogging this year again on a consistent basis. My latest endeavors are writing in my 2nd book and putting out video content on my youtube channel. Some coffee reviews lately, but my next one I have added on a special edition I may expand on later, for now its and ease into the platform and enjoying something I love, which is coffee.

In all this year of 2020 it will cause you to re-evaluate so much of life. How income is earned, how interpersonal relationships can grow in limited confinds especially when social distancing is in play, How to grow in gifts, talents, abilities, calls of God, ministry assignments and more, when you have to find development ways outside of the traditional ways of education, workshops and training. Life is a training ground when it is allowed and the devices we hold in our hands daily are key access points to a world of development when used resourcefully.

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to change something about yourself during these times! It may be beneficial down the road. One change can be the catalyst for a major breakthrough!

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Cynthia 🌺

Keep on Walking

Be watchful of the traps people set for you on your path of life!

“Establish my footsteps in Your word…”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:133‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When your in a season of growth and development, many want to come along and hinder that growth!

When your trying as hard as you can to change in areas that need to be changed in to only be told things that only cause you depression, the notion to give up, walk away from God, walk away from the church and spiritual family… those are things I have had to learn to become aware of and take a stand up against. Many see it as being combative and it is, but when you are run down you have every right to defend yourself!

But the moment you do that you become the bad guy, your messing with a call on someones life, your twisted, sick, immature and how you are is unacceptable. Never mind what they did, said or how they took the situation and said things that were hurtful. So yes, I in-turn unleashed hurtful things as a retaliation.

The bible says turn the other cheek, but baby I can assure you that is hard for this one to do. I took hurtful, hateful words most all my life and I will not just take them anymore! You cause me pain, I will cause you pain in return!

Is that being petty?

Yes!

Is it mature?

No!

When your a wounded soul fight or flight is an automatic response mechanism! Will I justify what I have done to harm another? Already done that by blaming it on wounds and by retaliating because sore places within me are touched!

The only thing now to do is keep on walking! (Psalm 119:133)

Seek forgiveness from the Lord and plead mercy on the reaping that will take place from all thats been sown!

When your cover is blown seek the refuge of the shelter of the wings (Psalm 91).

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper And from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark. You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day; Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon. A thousand may fall at your side And ten thousand at your right hand, But it shall not approach you. You will only look on with your eyes And see the recompense of the wicked. For you have made the LORD, my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place. No evil will befall you, Nor will any plague come near your tent. For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, That you do not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and cobra, The young lion and the serpent you will trample down. “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With a long life I will satisfy him And let him see My salvation.””
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:1-16‬ ‭NASB
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Cynthia 💞

Personal Acceptance

Discovering How Fearfully & Wonderfully Made I Am!

The subtitle of this blog is one that is near and dear to me, as it is the subtitle to my book Beauty from Ashes that is available on amazon.com. See link below the image to shop!

I am a woman that has battled personal acceptance, low self-esteem, low self-worth, lack of self-care, and having an over all bad view of myself. It was a pivotal turning point in March 2016 when on a trip it was brought to my attention just how negative I spoke about myself. I, in myself had no self awareness of the fact that I was so deeply negative I was inwardly.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flows the springd of life.”

Proverbs 4:23 AMP

Every word from my lips dripped with disdain of life, existence, purpose and destiny. It revealed a bitterness of heart due to roots of lack of self-acceptance and self-love! I was asked at that time, why was I like I was. My answer outright was “what does it really matter” in a sarcastic tone. That no matter what I did or do it never made any difference.

It was then that grace and patience with understanding and compassion were extended to me to help begin to uproot bad things and cultivate a new way of being. This work has been ongoing and will continue as it is needful in becoming a better woman for life!

Your thoughts create your reality!

~Juanita Gibbs

40 Day Detox of Negative Thinking

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She began working with me in the key fundamentals of personal care, life care, home care, developing a healthier interior, then working on my self esteem and self love. Others in the past that may have tried to assist me didn’t extent long periods of grace to help me grow and develop the way my counselor has in these last three years.

It has taken this long to grow even a lil sprout of self-acceptance. I have made progress in being more positive and speaking with hope. Being I would pick apart everything about me from my looks, my weight, my hair color, and more. It was when I realized that I am running down Gods creation that I have had to work through that.

I have been walking through a phase of discovering who I am, learning how I am made and slowly embracing the facts and truths about me, then learning what I need to do to work on becoming a better woman. Its not been easy for me and it wont be easy to continue to change and grow.

Growth is pain!

Development is a journey!

But, what I can say is that no matter how offended I may get at the truth, I need it. No matter how sensitive I am emotionally, I need tough love. Yes the wounds are there! Yes the strongholds are there! But, they are within my power to take them down within myself and get the healing I need deeper.

My encouragement to you is this: If me as stubborn as I am and can be can change, heal, and get delivered, then take this as a sign that you can too. It takes steps, falling down, getting back up, taking steps again and often falling and getting back up in a cycle to keep working to bring about change to your life as I am working to in mine.

Thank you for reading if you reaching this point leave me a comment below! 💝

Cynthia 💞

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Stop Running Yourself Down!

We can disect ourselfs to the point of nothingness!

Learning to put the puzzle of my personhood back together!

Body positivity is one of many things I struggle with. I have been endeavoiring to learn that my body is what I am in and accepting every facet of it. This can be a hard pill to swallow! Especially when you have spent many years running yourself down like I have!

I have allowed so much of the opinions of others, the world, and society as a whole to tell me I am not good enough of a woman cause I don’t meet a certain criteria!

One day I was talking to a friend of mine which I happen to admire her councel and wisdom so very much, I happened to mention I wished I was skinny and tan! She said to me so lovingly to not want that, but to embrace the woman that I am, while yes working on myself!

In that moment I stopped and was on complete awe of the words she spoke. They have been said to me before granted, but some how this time it hit my soul differently! It came in a time when I have been pressing into establishing within my internal foundation some key fundamental truths that I need to have that I missed growing up.

Its only been as of recent that pressing into accepting myself wholly is beginning to bring small degrees of healing. The pieces of myself that I constantly want to change are being embraced back into my personhood as a whole.

It’s as if I was humpty dumpty broken and could not get put back together again until a level if healing had come. The lines of the puzzle are become less and less evident and becoming less visible to my critical eye. This is all healing to accept my individuality!

Cynthia

~Beauty for Ashes

Waiting Is Hard – Leibester Award

Allowing your soul to enter a space of wait is difficult.

So many in this day and age and yes I include myself in this find it easy to get caught up in everything. We see people doing things we wanted to do, having things we want to have, etc. This over time if not handled properly can create idolitry, causes comparison, leads to self-works. Can cause strife, bitterness, pride and many other things.

I wait for the Lord , my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
Psalms 130:5 KJV

Doing things in self-work eventually wears you down. Cause if it is outside the will of God for your life you will find a constant depletion of energy. Working and doing things within Gods will, will still be work, just not exhaustive work. Many times we know we are operating outside his will as we have no peace thus causing exhaustion. We entertain worry, doubt, fear of losing what we worked to get

Allowing God to do things on His time will save you peace and energy. Gods time is outside of our time. Thats why many times we get caught up in the notion God isn’t working or moving I got to do it all myself. He is at work, He is moving, perhaps not in the way hoped. He wants to develop character, integrity, fruit, prudence in your life before bringing things waited for.

Allowing waiting to be a time of preparation shifts focus from what you don’t have to what can I grow and develop in, in my here and now. In states of self-work we are consumed with obtaining what we waited for so much it can blind us to things we need to see that could be hurt down the road. When our focus shifts blinders come off and then we can see the real deal of reality.

We have to allow waiting to be seen in our mind as a preparation time and not as a punishment. Believe me having that kind of mindset keeps you in a defeated place. Grow in womanhood or manhood. Grow in God dive into His word and study it out. Be part of a church that leads you to growth in spirit, soul and body (1 Thess 5:23). Learn to take charge of your mind and shift it by renewal (Romans 12:1-2 & Eph 4:23). Having the right Pastor, Spiritual mother and father makes a huge difference. I know I am thankful for mine.

They know there are things I am waiting on God to bring and do in my life. They pour into me to help me get renewed to shift my mind back if I gone astray and its causing character defects. I will keep waiting patiently, all the while growing, developing and praying until doors open. This keeps me in a place of operating in faith with works.

I pray this encourages anyone waiting for things to happen in their life.

For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.
Habakkuk 2:3 KJV

Visit my Pastors links below every tuesday she does a live facebook teaching. Check it out!!

Leibester Award

Many gracious thanks to Laura M Bailey of All The Shoes I Wear for this nomination and sharing my blog space with your followers. Be sure to visit her blog 🙂

RULES

Acknowledge the blogger that gave it to you and display the award

Answer 11 questions that the blogger gave you.

Nominate 5 other bloggers and notify them of their nomination

“This award is meant to encourage new bloggers. From The Global Aussie: “The earliest case of the award goes as far back as 2011. Liebster in German means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing, and welcome.”

To my Nominees, choose any or all the question above OR you may instead, list 11 random facts about yourself.

My Random 11 Facts

  1. I am part of a wonderful church family at Reformation Developmental Center in Tarboro, NC. Pastored by the amazing Juanita Gibbs of whom is a Pastor, Blogger, Life Coach, Author and Professor, Inspiritation to many on many ways. She has helped culivate my writing, ordained me as a youth teacher and has helped uncover gifts, talents and abilities within me.
  2. I love being a youth teacher to my lil joys and developing lesson and plans to bring the word of God to them on their level
  3. I enjoy writing and studying the word.
  4. I will be an author one day.
  5. I enjoy a cup of coffee
  6. I love Lush Cosmetics for their Sleepy lotion and bath bombs
  7. I love doing administrative works
  8. I enjoy encouraging people
  9. I love Mexican food
  10. I want to travel to many foreign destinations.
  11. Photography I love

My Nominees Are…..

Kelleydiy

Kathleenriley777

Saving Joyfully

Queenie

Laci, McGee Travel Tales

Freedom by Faith

Escaping Prison!

I have come to learn that how I am doesn’t always like the truth. I woukd take a lie as truth in a hot minute over the true truth.

This has kept me in prison if sorts. A prison of deception and hindered growth, maturity in areas, as well as, enforced a stronghold of deception in my mind.

How did I know I was in prison?

Well…

When truth has come I fight it. God has been very instrumental in using my Pastor Juanita Gibbs in my life. She is a realist and operates from realness and truth and this has been very much what I needed in my life.

Someone who would keep it real and genuine and yet still love me when the reality of my truth has surfaced.

Not many people are mature or capable within to handle another persons truth. So many will sit back and pass judgement and pray not spiritual prayers this creating an even bigger problem.

and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
John 8:32 NASB

To be set free I have to continually see the truth so it can cut the bonds of deception to release its hold within my soul.

Slowly freedom is coming, but I first had to see I was in a prison of my own making. God had nothing to do with me being in a prison of deception, I chose to be there by my choices.

He has given us the power of choice to walk in deception or to be free. We can walk around and knowingly or unknowingly be deceiving people.

But self-control allows us to choose to knowingly or unknowingly accept or reject the deception of others.

We shall know the truth and the truth alone makes us free!

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~Cynthia 😍

Faith Grows

Faith has to be planted in order for it to grow.

(Blog post inspired by the wednesday Tele-class teaching of Pastor Juanita Gibbs)

In part 2 of Tele-class this wednesday night she continued on about the word of God being seeds. Those seeds when planted can produce a manifestation over time.

She mentioned there is a seed time, a waiting time, and a harvest time. It is in the seed time we plant the truth of the word of God. To break open the seed for it to begin to establish a root system we must continue to cultivate the seed with the word. The word of God is the incorruptable seed as it proclaims.

In the waiting time character is grown, faith grows, trust grows as it is all hinged off the fact that God is not a God of whom should lie. He sent out His word to fulfill a purpose and He will not see that word return void. By remaining firm and confident in who God is my at the harvest we can behold.

Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised.
Hebrews 11:11 KJV

Have you had a dream, a promise, a hope go unfulfilled in God. Resurrect that dream and cultivate it in truth. Sara was given strength to conceive seed. God can strengthen us to receive spiritual seed and deliver us into promise. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

Our hope comes from the Lord!

Our strength is from the Lord!

Our love is from the Lord!

Our grace & mercy is from the Lord!

The word of God is powerful when spoken in faith it produces life. The soil of our hearts has to be regenerated to be able to take on the good. I have gone through a time of removing negativity, doubt, and fear.

Im better than I was in it, more is to he done. But, I pray there is enough good soil in my soul to take the good seeds of the word that were planted in faith and now to cultivate them until harvest time comes.

As Pastor told us we are the farmers. It is up to me to plant and cultivate the seeds planted. I am anticipating great things to come from the work that has been done in me.

Im an imperfect woman working to better herself in the faith and in womanhood. God has a plan and purpose for me to fulfill and I want to be the best version of me fulfilling that call on my life.

~Cynthia 😍

Faith is it a crutch?

When I began to walk deeper in the faith, I had it said to me that I was using it as a crutch for life!

But, is faith a crutch?

To me I will wholeheartedly say NO! Faith is not a crutch!

Faith is a way of living!

Faith is a relationship with God through believing in His only son Jesus Christ that He died for the sins of the world and was raised from the dead after 3 days. He spent timr with his disciples after he was resurrrd and ascended to the side of thr Father thus sending the Holy Spirit comforter to us in Hid place.

Some see that as living with crutch a crutch but it is so much more than that. It is having a divine connection through, prayer/meditation, worship, fasting, service unto the Creator our God.

He gave us free will to choose to love and live for him. God is a gentleman He could have built us to without free will choice, but he didn’t. He loves us!

He loves us so much to give His son as a ransom for us, so as to not see us apart from Him in eternity. He just lets us choose to love him in return.

Leaning in the everlastingness of who God really is, is more stable and secure than leaning on the rver changing world and its standard. Gods standard is firm that is a sure thing.

Having a life of faith isn’t a weakness, but of strength. Its a trust in what is unseen. Jesus himself even addressed it that it is more blessed of those who believe and haven’t seen.

So, why is faith seen as a crutch or weakness?

To be honest the answers are too vast and too many to get into and I won’t. But I want to encourage anyone that has faith in Jesus Christ to keep the faith and keep your confession of faith strong as it will be tested, even as you press on in faith it gets tested. Having faith does’t make life problem free it just helps you get through trials of life.

~Cynthia 😍