My inner disturbance has disrupted faith & hope!
Yes! This is true, my faith has waivered back to a place of fear. And fear has as much power as faith just in the opposite outcome. What do I do now?
Before feeling lost, hopeless with no hope in sight I would and have given into it. I would wallow in self pity, become a person that wasn’t pleasant to be around due to the amount of negativity that flowed from me.
Now, yes I still battle that same cycle. The difference is that I have councel in my leadership of my Pastor Juanita Gibbs of Reformation Developmental Center. She has shown me when I enter self pity and wallow, I am giving into my flesh (soul) and allowing it to rule me. Instead of turning to the spirit and allowing it to rule me in difficult times.
Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence.
Psalms 42:5 NASB
By not allowing my soul/flesh to rule me I can regain a renewal in God by His spirit. This is hard work to do when I have allowed my soul to be that strong for years and years and years without going unchecked to get right.
Now because of her realness and calling me to a place of being real and clear that I have to be real with the fact that fear at times over powers my faith. By this admission I want that stronghold to loose its tight grip of me.
My soul is disturbed within me because I haven’t renewed my mind (Romans 12:2) to renew my mind I have to clear out by casting my cares (1 Peter 5:7) and then meditate on the word, prayer and listening to Gods voice.