Secret Life!

Patience stepped out! Impatience took her place and hooked up with fear.

I am slowly seeing that by not being patient I have walked in much impatience and that had joined with fear to create a life in me.

Impatience and fear living within my soul has kept me from growing and accepting the reality of things at times. Where had I been more patient things may be different in the long run. But, now that I see them and recognize where I am now I can begin to work to grow in it.

Impatience (haste) had been a common thing in my life. Its how ai am inherintly and due to my own mindsets living in a world built on instand gratification that we got to have it now!

When in God I am seeing that He just like any good parent will make you wait for things. Not that God will withhold any good thing from us, but he knows how I am and that if I cannot handle the full measure of my life now? Then how can He give me things I want that may bring more responsibility in the long run if given before time.

God wants me to grow in patience with God, myself, and then let ut spill to others. I have to be the first partaker of the patience growing in my life and that is causing trust in God to grow. I trust that all He is doing in my life is for my good. He is developing my character and integrity, as well as, shaping the gifts He placed within me to bring Him glory.

Have I been perfect or excellent in my growing?

I can honestly say!

HECK NO!!

I have been inwardly offended, got attitude, stubborn, strong self-willed and blind at times. But, when the dust settles I can see the wrong stronghold I was trying to defend to keep. I can see where I need to grow in my fruits to learn to retrain me to walk in by the spirit in my day to day life to stop walking in my flesh limitation, but in Gods eternalness of the spirit.

Slowly as I grow more in patiencr ther fruit that is, I am praying fear takes itself and moves on in a layer of my life.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Filing for Separation!

I have had enough! I cannot take putting up with you any more!

The echo of those words reverberate in the world we live in today. I has become the common norm to give up and walk away. But, somethings its ok to walk away from.

I have choosen to file for separation from fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, comparison, rejection, acceptance and abandonment! Divorcing can be a long drawn out process to come to the conclusion of a separation.

In the state in which I reside one year of separation has to happen before such can occur in a marriage (covenant agreement) the same is so with agreements we have built within our mind and soul that are contrary to truth. Least that is how it is for me as things come known in truth of where I am in life.

I have wrong agreements that I defend, uphold and gripe against when test and trials come my way. I defend the wrong agreement by saying “I am a believer of Jesus and shouldn’t have to go through this” or I uphold it by saying “well I was a bad believer and fell short and this is my punishment”, etc.

Sick right.

That is how I took a false belief and ran with it for too many years. My wrong inner agreement show themself when the trials come. On occasion my word do they show themself out of me in my character, attitude and display of immaturity.

The way to now grow is to learn to see the trouble, feel what I feel about it, do what I can about it, trust God to meet me in the midst and be with me and rely on him as I cast the care onto him to take on, and renew my mind in His faithfulness to not dwell for to long in it.

Sounds like work doesn’t it?

That is because it is work!

Work is envolved in any separation. Cutting off dependancy to what was once a comfort and a go to in times of trouble. To not lean on things of old as you begin to press toward a new life away from what you want to leave behind and start over fresh and new!

Slowly I am going to take my life back and live it in the spirit of truth as best I can with the help of the Lord, good wise councel and leadership that i am eternally greatful for in this season of life.

~ Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Bad Friendship!

Rejection and fear have a friendship that work together in unity in a wounded soul.

When rejection happens many times over it brings damage to the soul. The soul begins to find ways to heal, but if not being healed with good methods then it adds to the wounding creating a scar within. Least thats how it has been in my life.

Wounds of rejection would happen and my healing method was to let fear come in and protect me. Fear soothed the wound that if I never get close to anyone again then the pain wouldn’t come again by another rejection. But what happened when another cane along into my life?

Well…

They would come and over time yup I let the next one right on into my heart. What happened next was any sign that they were rejecting me I would begin to close off as I was being deemed unacceptable to them. I would wall up and push them away to save the fragile pieces of my heart as best I could from fear of it happening again.

Once wounding began to create other ways of wounding myself within my soul. It was so strong the fear and rejection that I began to shut out good people that God had placed in my life making time with me very difficult. Difficult to the place that I began to expect them to leave me.

But that all stemed from fear and rejection of the past. When they have reinforced to me they are God sent and yes its proven that they are that I still fear the most that people will leave me.

I am told that faith and fear work similar just with different results. The very things I have feared that people would continually come and go has happened. But, I can only manage myself, if something about me is rejected and they want to leave then thats their reasons.

I just have to manage myself with overcoming the fear and rejection issue to not push people away and guard my heart to not take people into my heart so quickly or easily. I need to slow down allow time on the scene and let things be proven.

When God sends me people with a heart after his, yes they may judge and show concern, but also accept that they too have issues and we all are working to overcome and accept each other on our faith journey in life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Fear Management

Heard of anger management? Fear management is just the same its learning how to control this specific emotion!

Being a fear driven person as I have been can be a job to overcome. Going on a discovery mission to find the root causes of why such fear is felt deep within side of me.

I have blogged about some of my root issues I work to overcome, so I wont revisit them in this one, but visit my page to read about them if you like. My fruit of thoses issues has become fear. There is a quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt (FDR) that was penned “you have nothing to fear but fear itself”. So lets put that in the biblical standard when Gods word says He has NOT give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7)

My Pastor has been showing me that fear has power just like faith does just not in the good way. So where in lays my belief is it belief in the fear or is it belief by faith….ohhhh wow that one is heavy. That takes an examination of where in fact do we give the power to manifest through our beliefs.

Cause either the very thing I fear the most and believe will happen has been given legal power and authority by my belief to back it to manifest. Has it been so? Yes!

Where if I shed the fear I have, feel it but don’t let it rule me but see where I have an open space within that fear resides to work to replace the fear with faith. Then faith can grow as long as I feed faith with faith. My soul can begin to be healed of the fear and I learn to manage it in my life.

Fear won’t go away some fear is healthy. Like having a holy fear of God or fear when you feel in danger. The fear I am referring to is a fear that is unnatural or unfounded in a belief system.

Have I learned how to fully manage my fear? No! Each testing of my faith can reveal new levels of fear I house. So, the test shows me where I am at and how much work needs to continue to be done in my soul.

I will continue to work to grow in my soul to become stable in feeling fear by using truth from the word of God when a fear flair up happens. The word is a powerful sword to begin to divide me from deception of the world that says you need things now, yesterday, years ago, etc.

When God knows full well what I need within before I walk into something and destroy it whether it be a job, a calling on my life, a friendship/relationship, etc. He will not bless, promote, or exhault before proper time.

Thank God for His wisdom and that wisdom he place on others to help lead, guide, and direct you in this life. He placed before me a leader if great wisdom and she has imparted and taught me much that I will keep using to grow in areas to be perfect (mature) in the wisdom of God in the world today.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

As children of God let us no longer be a slave to fear! Check out the song link below

Fear of Change

Change in the beginning is rather daunting!

In the beginning of change it can be like full on war within. Breaking away from the old to work toward the new way you hope and invision to be.

When I choose to make the decision to shed my vast amount of negativity oh boy. I needed to have an arsenal of scripture to combat every negative word. I needed a person anointed to bring change to a life to pray me through, talk me through, be with me at my side til the battle wasn’t so intense within and managable with the tools they provided.

Two days into waging war within to move to a new way of life I was completley like “what in the world have I decided to do here!” Day 3 the war within was just as intense and I asked my Pastor was there any hope for me as the battle got worser and worser so it seemed.

The things I had built within due to years of living negativley were screamin out “don’t change its easier to be this way” and honestly it was easier to be that way as I had been that way for so long. But, my eyes had been open to what fruit of a negative life produced.

The fruit of negative is more negative. So the things within me didnt want me to change as they became comfort amd kept me bound by much fear and the fear spread to other areas of life like an infection does when it goes untreated.

My spirit longed for the change and my soul said no stay in the comfort of what you have built. By day four the battle seemed to lessen, still there but not as full on waging war within.

I recently found a scripture I used for my sunday school children that proclaimed the end of a thing is better than its beginning (Ecc 7:8) and if that isn’t ever so true I have found. The battle is confidently in the beginning.

When you see the end of it you can appreciate the fight put up to get to the end of it with his grace, strength, and mercy. Cause many times I am weak in the battle as I see no hope in changing and I see that is the fear within trying to have its way to prevent change and live differently.

Have I shed fear? No! Fear is part of human nature. It is like my pastor tells me its how we deal with the emotion and thoughts related when they come. She says yes feel them, learn why they showed up and work to not dwelling in them to lead me. As fear has lead my life for far too long as it is. With the tools she is giving me I am learning to slowly manage me better as my self management is my job. God graces us to do it for ourself, but He won’t do the work for us!

~Love Life~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia

Paralyzing Fear!!

Fear can rise up within to such a place where your paralzyed in a sense.

How can that be right?

Well…..

For me fear began to creep its way in my life through the issues and strongholds in my mind I battle of comparison, acceptance, rejection and abandonment, as well as, having a tender too wide open heart.

Being a woman in my 30s its been a journey of life to this point as there are some things I have yet to blog about but as I am lead I will begin to share them, but for now I will stick with this.

Single at any age can be well what it is alone for the most part. I have had an overwhelming fear most of this life of mine that certain things would not find me, be for me due to the fear housed with in. This goes back to what I blogged about yesterday about F.O.M.O. I had a fear of missing out on what others got to enjoy and be part of in life and that kept me paralyzed in a state of frenzy and haste for a long time. Wearing myself out in my strength to make things be that were obviously not of him. Test after test you would think I would have learned but thats the paralyzing effect of what fear can do.

But the fear is not of God it is a worldly and not of this world fear to keep me from pressing on into what my purpose is in life.

When people fell away from my life distraction was removed and I was then faced to deal with me, the woman in the mirror. It was a battle on my councelor/life coach side to help me see truth, accept reality, and let go of bitterness and strife I once felt.

Slowly, layer by layer fear has begun to fade and flee and I will not give into the fear as much as I can in my human strength, but Gods strength meets me in the weakness. As fear has begun to flee, love and genuine Godly agape love has begun to fill the voids in the soul pushing out the fear where, faith, hope and love can begin to abide.

Are they abiding deep within me? Faith, Hope and Love? No at this time I can honestly say they are not. But day by day I want to be a little better at abiding in them then I was the days, weeks, months or years prior to this point. To be where I can say I only live once (Y.O.L.O.) and I am working by grace of his strength to learn wisdom, truth applicable to my life and walk and become the best version on me I can be in life.

If your reading this and battle fear know that there is hope. Retrain your mind and see positive over negative. Yes it will be hard as I walk through this myself. But in time as you keep at the work fear will begin to flee and faith, hope and love can reside where fear once was.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰