Growth During A Pandemic

Self-Development While In the Fire

I shared this image last week and I had to think about it. Had I really been doing nothing? Or were things changing in me?

I took this week to evaluate me and look at things I need to change about myself that have that come to the surface during the trials of life, especially during the hard reality times we live in now of a COVID-19 world. The fire of life, circumstances and mental and emotional rises, brought up a-lot with in me I must begin tackling.

Its going to be a journey of change, but I need to change what has been shown to me about myself.

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:3-5‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I have been one to sit back and judge others when I myself have a huge timber in my own eye of how I am in my character and to be integral I need to sit down and deal with myself.

So much of life has happened around me that I sit and look that God has been using the pressure to get growth out of me.

Has it been easy?

No!

Its been pure hell if I am to be blatantly honest. Knowing that your first nature wants to rise up, fight back, and oh believe me it has. To only realize on the other side of it, revealed wounds, wrong ways of thinking, wrong perceptions of which formed my misjudgment of a great many things.

I ultimately have a choice to make. Do I remain on the old path with my old ways and keep having dead-end/one sided relationships or do I choose the new road to a new way of conducting life in various trying circumstances in the changed manner that could nurture and grow relationships.

I choose the new path!

“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭30:19‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Choosing this new road the beginning won’t be easy. But the long run of it all will be well worth it. The Word of God proclaims the ending of a thing is way better then its beginning. (Ecc 7:8)

The ending will produce the desired fruit of rightful living, being subject to truth of the word and walking there in. Faith without my work is dead. Just as work without faith is dead. Being the doer of the word is what is changing within me. Not being driven by my flesh in the emotion it feels and the logic that my mind can twist together.

God wants me to prosper in my soul firstly, heal some wounds of the soul, reshape how I process things from a new way that is contrary to how I was raised and brought up. The blooms of a new life are what I so hope to see as I endeavor to make these shifts from being combative, viewing through wounds of rejection and embrace the reality of who I am, confess it and grow from it.

So, today I choose to do SOMETHING! That will benefit changing the trajectory of my life!

Cooked a nice dinner!
Stopped to smell some roses

Visit my teespring store to shop my selections: sample pillow below

Visit Amazon to shop my book: Beauty From Ashes

🌺Stay Safe & Be Blessed🌺

As always, thank you for supporting my blog! I will get back next week to how the COVID-19 has impacted my life!

🌺 Cynthia 🌺

Mid-April Life Update

Living during the time of a global Pandemic (COVID-19)

I’m not even gonna lie, this whole quarantine/shutdown has been hard on me. Truthfully, it revealed to me just how much of an extrovert I am now. I am very much an ambivert, but I lean more extrovert in nature. I do have times of goin and being alone to recollect myself, but those times are fewer then the desire to be with people.

This quarantine has taken me to a place within my emotional realm that I couldn’t take much more of the pressure and erupted like a volcano, spewing out toxic lava from my innermost being out onto those closest to me. Like the aftermath of any natural disaster, my own aftermath left things in not good places for days and it will continue on in the weeks and months ahead to recover.

By Easter Sunday I was completely tapped of everything and decided to go for a walk to a nearby place I haven’t ventured to yet. So, I waited some to allow the traffic there to slow down some before I set out to clear my head, connect in nature and just “be”.

I needed that the most to just “be”.

Being Super Woman has its limitations when your acting within your own strength and by this time I was severely depleted. It was so peaceful and calm the serenity of where I went to walk that I do ever so long to go again.

Nature Walk

I basked in the solitude of the quietness of nature. I wasn’t being demanded of to solve a problem. I was allowed to feel small in a big world, with a huge problem, and the desperate need of a savior. This walk I will call my repentance walk for everything I had attributed to in the week prior to not being very Christ-like at all.

Stop and Smell the Roses

I journeyed out from the Park where I took my walk, of which I will share more photos from at the end of this blog, to visit some stores for essentials. To my grand dismay many were closed up so tight that not even a fly could penetrate their barriers. This didn’t set well with me once more. This whole mess has brought out the spoiled child within me dealing with only first world problems.

When if I took a reality check my issues are minor compares to others. Many are battling this horrendous COVID-19 aka Corona Virus to the point of loss of life on epic scales. Many have lost jobs and income flows due to Gov’t/State regulations to lessen the curve peak of this virus to not destroy the fragile health care system in which would be needed to treat massive amounts of this virus. This virus and everything happening is a history in the making.

Many states are now extending the orders to stay at home and many essential businesses have had to come up to Governor mandated codes for protecting the public and essential workers. As of 5pm on Monday, the state in which I reside had new rules that came into implementation. We have had to limit the number of patrons inside the building, we have had to provide a hand sanitization of some kind. Prepare barriers between customers and checkout attendants.

So Friday of the week prior to the codes going into effect. I had to bring the establishment where I work up to code as being in tele-communications that is deemed an essential business. I had my own science project to make home made Clorox wipes to provide some kind of hand sanitation to customers as hand sanitizer in itself is sold out. The governors order stated the need to establish a time for senior customers, create a flow of one way into and out of stores and even within create flows for isles of grocery goods and shut down/limit use of any public restrooms. I rigged up a clear shower curtain to act as a barrier and after customers environmental cleaning has to be done to slow down the spread of this virus.

My office space

By the time Monday came I was so far over it all that waking up to find tornado warnings and hearing news of tornado strikes it just made the whole of the day so dark. Mind you I was still recovering from the dark night of the soul I just walked through to walk out into more darkness. It has all been too much for my soul to entertain.

Monday Tornado Warnings

Tuesday came and it seemed better it was bright and sunshine of the day cheered my dark soul up some. At one point I was able to just go sit by the water and pray for a moment and seek some stillness for my innermost being that has been so loud that I needed an escape.

Seated by the Water

By Wednesday, recovery was probably at the half way mark and yet still a need to know how to fix my innermost being from potentially not having to go through this again as the pandemic remains. My eyes had to be enlightened to somethings about myself that I must learn from, and grow up out of, as well as, begin to tame.

Train in town

I am set to charge down the things within me that need to be shifted and changed during these hard and stressful times. As I am taught, fruit only comes during the hardest of trials. For me this whole situation the last few months have been the hardest yet, and to be honest we none know when the end will be insight. The best I can do is learn and grow and make the most of this time. I have made some masks from scarfs (3 finished one incomplete) and have completed one pillow and another pillow to be made. While I wasn’t in a good place I stopped the work on my second book until I recover. I am not sure what else I may take up to fill my time.

My greatest hope is that all this will be over soon and we can return to some sense of normalcy.

Pillow Project
Taking a no sew mask and sewing it for efficiency
Fresh press-on nails since salons are closed
Taking during tornado warning!
Reminder of Gods love!
Nature trail discoveries!

“We will sing for joy over your victory, And in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭20:5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Thank you for taking time to enjoy my blog🌹

Visit my teespring store to shop my selections inspired by my book

What my pillows look like printed 🥰

Shop Amazon for my book: Beauty From Ashes

Thank you for your support of my published works🤗

Much Hope,

Cynthia

Happy Friday

Be of Good Cheer

These are times where great faith is needful!

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I sit here in the silence, asking God what is the message for me and the blog I write once a week? No sooner I asked, and got silent within, I heard “be of good cheer!”

The great Abba Father that He is sent a message into my spirit one of comfort to reinforce peace in my life. The event of this week have been a major pull on my logic and emotions! I even confessed to my spiritual leader in the faith that I felt myself slipping into a depressive state. She encouraged me with words of comfort and wisdom as she always does.

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I got home and had to force my way into worship, I forced my way into looking at the word to renew as I was only in the early state of emotional slipping before emotions fully intoxicated me and I was very unrenewed.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Even as of yesterday, I had to plant myself before the word and remain in it, I got home to cook dinner for my father and freely worshipped, prayed in my heavenly language and then began to feel peace as small as a pebble.

The message I received of “be of good cheer” was a timely one. God knows that in these uncertain times it is faith that will pull us through. Faith isnt a ticket out of tribulation, faith is a hope through dire times. As things continually are getting shut down, enforcement to remain home becomes more essential, that our health and lively hoods are being greatly effected.

As of today more nonessential places are forced to close at 5pm for two weeks. People that have non essential jobs are out of work. Others that have employment that are essential are still allowed to work at this time as more and more cases of confirmed COVID-19 are coming out. Many are now instituting curfews to help condense the probability of spreading this virus! May Hod be with us all during this!

This is the virus heard round the world at this point! By faith we will make it!

By faith anchor in truth of the Word of God!

“For men swear by one greater than themselves, and with them an oath given as confirmation is an end of every dispute. In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil,”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭6:16-19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Tee Spring Store

My book: Beauty From Ashes on Amazon

Book promo video on Youtube

Cynthia 💞

Thank you all for your support of my blogs!

Before I Became Content

In being single…

I have been very discontented in my life about the fact I was single. To be perfectly honest when I saw people posting of their relationships online I was secretly bitter inside with the fact they had someone and I didn’t. I harbored those bitter, resentful, and angry feelings for years and years.

But why did I have those feelings?
Cause secretly within me I was doing several things:
1) Comparing myself to the other woman
2) Judging why did they deserved that happiness.
3) Adding to wounds of low-self esteem and feeding my own insecurities.
This was especially the case if the guy I liked entered into a relationship with someone else that was not me. Actually, it was 10x worse in some cases…depends on how much I opened my heart up to the situation and allowed myself to think things that had no validity whatsoever.
I would in my mind entertain things:
  • He is talking to me, he must like me
  • He spends time with me, he must like me
  • He complimented me, he thinks I’m beautiful, he must like me
All those things are very juvenile and should be what a teenager deals with in crushes and things. Which revealed a place within me that needed maturing. When those things came into my life from the opposite sex, I was easily moved! If I am not careful, it can still a happen easily.
I have a core issue within me that was exposed that needs healing. That core issue was seeing myself as worthy and valuable enough to be in that position. This core issue has been getting worked on through counseling sessions, in-depth teaching from my Pastoral leadership in target areas that are vital to the health of my inner being in this area of life.
If I don’t mature and get healing then I will be keeping myself in a perpetual cycle of hurt. It was told to me once because of the tender state of my heart when I do love cause it can be deep, that I need to guard my heart better.

Through much hurt down the years I had to learn to guard and each time it happened I had to find the lesson, find the weak place, then work on strengthening those weaknesses. I am still working on these, I can honestly say that I can see I have grown in some level.
Here’s how I know growth has come. I had a “situation-ship” that spanned about 9 months, me and the guy talked every day, like three times a day. I was so stupidly excited thinking this may be the one, which it wasn’t, he was talking to other women all along and was never serious.
This whole thing sent me into a hard downward spiral to the point I was ready to kill myself in doing an overdose. I felt like I had given so much that it was tossed like tattered clothes when it happened. I eventually got over it and moved on in life.
To my latest now this one shew was a doozy, but it revealed some growth. A guy who frequented by my job for bout a month we talked, flirted, texted, this one was hot and heavy on the flirt scale. It eventually revealed itself that this one was married.
I was totally mixed emotions about the whole thing, but never once did I entertain end my life. I removed all contact with the guy as to not continue to have him emotionally cheating on his wife. I had to seek repentance for this as to make sure I don’t reap what I sow.

In the first situation I reveal, I had made everything of who I was based off of my acceptance from that man. It was a codependency that I had created that caused me to want to end it when it didn’t work out. In between situation one and two though, my counselor had told me that a man is an accessory.

Accessories add value, but don’t make the person. I make me no matter if I have a man or not and that has been something I needed to hear, but to also accept deeply. Which has been a catalyst to help me grow on a level from being immature and moved to mature and unmoved when a man comes or goes in my life.

Now to not be distracted I have laid aside the deep need and extreme want of having a relationship to press in closer to God genuinely and fulfill those things He wants me to do in the earth to leave an impact for His glory. Its a daily struggle, but it is one I am committed to lay aside until the right Man of God comes along into my life.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭KJV‬‬

My book is available on Amazon

Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if this helped you in anyway! I love to hear your feed back 💞

Cynthia 🥰

When The Dawn Comes

The dawn is when you allow a time of healing to come into your life…

There had to come a point when after all I had walked through, allowed myself to partake of, and the things within my soul that bleed so hard in was like internal hemorrhaging that I needed to surrender to walking a path of healing and deliverance.

“Is as the light of the morning when the sun rises, A morning without clouds, When the tender grass springs out of the earth, Through sunshine after rain.’ Truly is not my house so with God? For He has made an everlasting covenant with me, Ordered in all things, and secured; For all my salvation and all my desire, Will He not indeed make it grow?”

‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭23:4-5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

It was amazing to me to see as I began the path of healing and deliverance just how much God was truly with me and still is to this day.

He kept me in suicide when I tried mixing pills and alcohol, He kept me at my worst, He kept me at my heaviest, He has kept me under the knife of my surgeries, He kept me when I lost my mom, He keeps me every day and in all my days ahead He keeps me!

The Dawn is also embracing the Love of the Father that has kept me and will keep me all the days of my life that I continue to serve, worship, and grow in relationship with Him my God and Savior!

Even in the darkest of times the dawn is there, just off on the horizon that I didn’t take time to look for it or focus on it. The darkness is like a blanket of security that holds you close. Once the dawn breaks and you realize its false security. Then the breakaway from darkness to light happens.

Allow the dawn to come in your darkest days to walk toward new days!

My Book: Beauty from Ashes on Amazon

Cynthia

I am an Author!

My first publication is finally complete!

I have amazon links on the side of my page and I will put one here:

Amazon

Now that this is complete I can begin to work on my second publication and get back to blogging again.

Thank you all to any who purchase my book!

Cynthia 💝

👣TAKE THE STEP! 👣

What happens when we step out in faith?

Fear often holds us back from taking steps of faith. I can attest to this more often then not honestly. Fear of what others think, what would they say about me, what will my image be in this?

Fear keeps us in a place of no movement. We become so fixated by fear we are paralyzed to the point that if one move is rationalized then a hoard of fear rises us to speak defeat. They rise up so strong and so loud within we crumble under them.

And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
Matthew 14:29 NASB

Overcoming fear allows you the freedom and confidence to begin to take steps out of the norm and do new things God has been calling you to all along. God has been waiting for steps to be taken by you or I to show to him utter dependance and trust in He who is our everything.

The first step is the hardest to take but the most liberating. God didn’t hive us a spirit of fear ( 2 Tim 1:7). God wants us to be confident children in who we are in Him we were predestined as His children (Eph 1:5) and Gods children should be free from fear as fear is of the world and not the kingdom of God.

Take baby steps til your confident to take bigger steps in faith. The steps you take draw you from the boat of normality and into the place where God can begin to do supernatural things in and through your life.

Fear is a liar and of the enemy!

Learn to rise above the lies!

Learn of your position in the kingdom!

Seek councel and wisdom from others who can help you properly.

Find community of like believers to plug into and connect with for accountability.

Be encouraged today that no fear has a place in Gods children and He has out in is the power to overcome.

~Cynthia 😍

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Relationship Status

Don’t give up on hope that the right one will come along!

Many times as a Single person we can get discouraged seeing others pairing off, getting to go on dates, getting engaged, getting married while we may still be waiting for someone to come into our life.

We are bombarded with questions at times by folks asking especially around the holidays:

Don’t you want to be married?

Don’t you want to have a family?

Why are you single?

The list can go on and on!

These things can become depressing if dwelled on in relation to feelings of hopelessness. But, I have to say and encourage you to not give up. There are times that will come that you will feel like throwing in the towel of hoping and believing for that to happen.

but just as it is written, ” Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard , And which have not entered the heart of man , All that God has prepared for those who love Him .”
1 Corinthians 2:9 NASB

In the time of waiting spend it getting to know yourself. Grow in areas that need maturing or need more adult mindset in. Grow in who you are as a woman or man.

For me as a woman of Faith in God I want to grow in who God says I am, who I can be, and who I can grow to be. Many times we think we are ready for something but God knows our character may not be just there to handle it.

Had I been involved in a relationship while growing in some of the things I needed to develop in, I probably would have destroyed the thing, just being honest.

Becoming secure in who we are as a person is vital also I have been finding. Because if our worth, image and confindence is given to anyone or anything outside of God, when its gone we become devistated, well thats how it was in my case.

Don’t just hook up with people to say your in a relatiomship. Wait for the proper time when its not out of desperation but out of complementation.

When they come to complement your life. The hook ups with wrong people in wrong times are distractions and can even pull you away from God given destinies. When its right it will be evident as there won’t pressure, haste, anxiousness, but a peace as it will be of God and not what we could devise in and of our own self.

Be discovered for having a beautiful mind, and quiet and gentle spirit, fully knowing your worth based on who you are in Christ, accepting your baggage you come with, in knowing your working and growing to overcome them, be healed, delivered and whole in Christ.

Then the Lord answered me and said, “Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run. “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.
Habakkuk 2:2‭-‬3 NASB

Make sure you have a great support system. The fellowship of like minds can help keep you on course, be there in times of weakness ehen you need to talk things out and pray you through difficult times. The time will come if its a desire placed in your heart by God. The vision has an appointed time though it may delay it will come and be on time meaning His time!

Don’t Give Up Hope!

~Cynthia 😍