Uncommon Love

Uncommon: Out of the ordinary or unusual.

What is such love that it is uncommon?

Well…..

For me that is being shown love in a way that I have not known.

To be told “I love you” to be told loving words of any kind for me is uncommon.

Why is it uncommon?

Well, in the home in which I grew up in and raised you were known you were loved by deeds. They would buy gifts to show love or sacrifice to show love. The love language was gifts and acts of service that was mainly expressed in my home. So those types of love expressions became what was common.

When the uncommon came in words of praise(affirmation), physical connection (hug), or quality time it was not only foreign, but I saw that my soul has longings for those types of love moreso than the other love that was commonly expressed to me.

What has begun to take place is that now I see what my soul has been devoid of from early years of growing.

Growing without proper nourishment in the inner life can bring on issues as we get older.

That has proven to be the case for me anyway. I also saw that I used outside things to fill the voids in my soul like food, books, men when they have come into my life.

This year my relationship to food has been shifting. My relationship to books has been also shifting, as well as, how I view men has been shifting. I used to be one of those women that if a man comes in my life he will help me, give me attention or make me complete in some way. Boy oh boy has that ever proven to be false.

The only man who can complete any woman or man with the same issue is Jesus. Only he can fill the deep voids within my soul.

My time with God to grow and develop a level of maturity, as well as, letting God be my portion until God see’s that I am healed and prepared for promotion to being in a Godly relationship that brings him Glory, hope will continue to anchors my soul that in time He will come through for me on things.

Until then my time is full of seeking him first, studying truth, worship him in spirit and in truth for just who he is and allowing His love to come and fill me up. God has sent people into my life that have been used of him to show me love in the uncommon forms to begin to take me through healing phases.

Its getting better in stages as I see I still have work to do on me and working on me to be the best version of me is the most important as when I am full of the God kind of love it can begin to spill out into my surroundings and walk more in this love than ever before.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

What’s love got to do with it?

That question has been circling for a while now.

In the world in which we reside what does love have to do with it?

In the Biblical sense there are various forms of love.

  • AgapeUnconditional Love
  • Phileo Brotherly Love
  • Storge Family Love
  • Eros Passionate Love

The world in which we are passing through only focus and spot light one type of love. Its seen in commercials, magazine ads, movies and its beginning to filter into some children programs.

To focus on one type of love will only continue to polute a society that if the one love fades its ok to leave it and move on to another for that same type of love. Hense the high divorce rate and people electing to even marry.

When true love of God (Agape) is deeply ingrained in an individual then the other loves will have proper placement. My pastor has been teaching on Agape love that I see I need to come up in it.

Agape as was mentioned is unconditional love. When people cross you, irritate, run you down, reject you, abandon you, etc there is a love that can be pulled on to get through it and keep loving others as we are commanded by God to do.

My human love has limitations I will admit. These limits come from the woulds of rejection, abandonment and lack or love nourishment in my young years of growing up.

But, now as I keep learning about Gods love even if I am rejected God loves me. When I am crossed or offended I must forgive and continue in love. For God forgave me much then I must also forgive and walk in His love. This is what love has to do with it.

This world in which we reside thrives on negativity and drama and wants to feed your feelings of rejection, abandonment, offense and ways to cause strife.

When we manage those feelings as we pull on Agape we can cause the inner issues to begin to starve and die off when we quit feeding them. This is what love has to do with it.

The love of God has everything to do with it!

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Perfect Love

It can cast out fear!

But to know love we must first be love.

To be love we must accept the love we didn’t deserve but grace gave it any way.

God gave His only son out of love for us.

The word of God is Gods love letter to us. The greatest command is to love!

So, the question becomes…

Have I accepted the full magnitude of the love that was provided for me?

Have I taken that love deep within?

Am I that love?

To be perfectly honest…No!

Maybe on a good day I can show some of the love thats been given to me. On a good day I can be some what that love to another. On a good day I can take in that love that was given.

Human love is conditional and limited.

Gods love is eternal and limitless.

Well atleast it is within myself. As I can only share from my perspective is that I see my limitations when it comes to receiving love and giving love.

There is all kinds of love that God spoke about (Agape, Phileo, Eros, Sorge,etc) and books have been written about it and to further break down the love demonstrations has even been written on in book the 5 Love Languanges (Yes I have it and have read it).

To be love and show love and receive love I must grow my fruit of love that came in at my salvation.(Galatians 5:22)

To grow the fruit of love is to exercise it. How do I exercise it? Daily we are given opportunity to show, walk or accept love in some way. It is how then when it is continued to be exercised that the perfect love comes in and fear begins to flee.

I still have to work the fruit of love in my life as it is a command to love and to be obedient to that truth is submission to the word and what it has commanded as a life for Christ to be and show in the world we live. His love in us can be a light and salt to the world. It compells and causes those who love is shown to, to be drawn and to thirts appropriatley for the love of God.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Love Affair Pt 3 (Final installment)

The scandal continues!!

Well ya’ll in these months of coming to learn to love myself and the true word of God. The affair branches out one last time to include loving God for who He is!

Yes loving God just for who He is in my life! Learning to worship him in spirit and in truth and not just worship to get things.

Yes!! I confess I have only loved God at times for what I saw He can do for me. Treating God as a lucky charm, or a genie in a bottle as if he was some idol image of a God who would just give me whatever I want when I asked it of him. Boy has he proven time and time again that honey if what you ask for isn’t of me it will not come for you!

If it is of God it could be delayed as to if I serve or worship Him(his hands) merely to get from him then when I get will I abandon the faith? He knows our heart and the hidden intentions even if we ourself don’t see it or even want to admit it.

I am seeing that God is a good good father and yes withholds no good thing from us. But, if he does withhold or delay it is because we need character growth and stability in our now before any new can come in more of the blessings. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness then all these things will be added unto you. God has an established order of thing and its reveal to us in His word.

He will block or cause to die anything that is outside of his will and yes it will hurt. Especially if it is a self work or faction of the flesh.

But its a necessary death to go into greater. God wants me to grow in patience and many other fruits of the Spirit. Taking rest in who He is and His provision. I am growing in my just love for Him as to worship in spirit and truth I must trust his plan and purposes. He knows exaclty where I am, He knows my trials, He knows my needs and He is with me and those facts of his goodness alone are a comfort to a soul that has searched for comfort and security in a world that is perishing over the eternalness of the Father and His kingdom.

Day by day I try lean on the fact He had me more secure than anything of this world could ever to keep me and slowly begin to love him more and more and his goodness begins to flow as a trickle of a stream of water in the beginning phases.

He knows I need to love hin with all my heart, soul, mind and strength for just who He is and that is an amazing Abba Father.

The journey may it just get sweeter day by day as I turn toward truth and His will and way of living.

~Love Life~Live Life~😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Love Affair Pt 1

Sounds scandalous right!!

The love affair I am beginning is well loving myself.

I have been on a journey of self discovery for a few months now. Its been a journey to say the least. Even my writing these blogs have helped me discover hidden parts of me.

But, in actuality the self discovery began with my church teaching us about self deception, knowing our truth, loving our truth no matter what it looks like. It was this that really began to set this all in motion.

I am learning to love myself beyond all the issues in my soul that has surfaced the abandonment, rejection, comparison, acceptance, fear, doubt, worry, anxiety and depression.

Learning to work through those issues to come to a level of healing. Learning that those issues don’t define me they are part of me but they will be learned of to take control of and manage them. Learning that just because I have issues is no reason to reject myself as I have been doing.

Everyone has issues of some kind I have also learned. Like me they hide the real you, they hide the issue, hide that all is perfect and well. But, when the real test comes thats when the guard is let down and the issues are revealed. Least thats how it has been for me, the test would come and show where I was at.

I am also learning that my love has limits as to why when I see I have issues I reject even myself. This is when the fruit of the spirit of love has had to come in the more. To pull on Gods eternal love for me.

To know even in my mess God still extends grace and mercy to me to work on my short comings and be healed amd walk free from them and to help others like me at some point overcome.

Will I ever be fully free from my issues? Maybe in level as healing happens. Other issues within will require management on my part.

May I keep walking this journey day by day to love myself knowing by Faith God does no matter what.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Secret Life!

Patience stepped out! Impatience took her place and hooked up with fear.

I am slowly seeing that by not being patient I have walked in much impatience and that had joined with fear to create a life in me.

Impatience and fear living within my soul has kept me from growing and accepting the reality of things at times. Where had I been more patient things may be different in the long run. But, now that I see them and recognize where I am now I can begin to work to grow in it.

Impatience (haste) had been a common thing in my life. Its how ai am inherintly and due to my own mindsets living in a world built on instand gratification that we got to have it now!

When in God I am seeing that He just like any good parent will make you wait for things. Not that God will withhold any good thing from us, but he knows how I am and that if I cannot handle the full measure of my life now? Then how can He give me things I want that may bring more responsibility in the long run if given before time.

God wants me to grow in patience with God, myself, and then let ut spill to others. I have to be the first partaker of the patience growing in my life and that is causing trust in God to grow. I trust that all He is doing in my life is for my good. He is developing my character and integrity, as well as, shaping the gifts He placed within me to bring Him glory.

Have I been perfect or excellent in my growing?

I can honestly say!

HECK NO!!

I have been inwardly offended, got attitude, stubborn, strong self-willed and blind at times. But, when the dust settles I can see the wrong stronghold I was trying to defend to keep. I can see where I need to grow in my fruits to learn to retrain me to walk in by the spirit in my day to day life to stop walking in my flesh limitation, but in Gods eternalness of the spirit.

Slowly as I grow more in patiencr ther fruit that is, I am praying fear takes itself and moves on in a layer of my life.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Bad Friendship!

Rejection and fear have a friendship that work together in unity in a wounded soul.

When rejection happens many times over it brings damage to the soul. The soul begins to find ways to heal, but if not being healed with good methods then it adds to the wounding creating a scar within. Least thats how it has been in my life.

Wounds of rejection would happen and my healing method was to let fear come in and protect me. Fear soothed the wound that if I never get close to anyone again then the pain wouldn’t come again by another rejection. But what happened when another cane along into my life?

Well…

They would come and over time yup I let the next one right on into my heart. What happened next was any sign that they were rejecting me I would begin to close off as I was being deemed unacceptable to them. I would wall up and push them away to save the fragile pieces of my heart as best I could from fear of it happening again.

Once wounding began to create other ways of wounding myself within my soul. It was so strong the fear and rejection that I began to shut out good people that God had placed in my life making time with me very difficult. Difficult to the place that I began to expect them to leave me.

But that all stemed from fear and rejection of the past. When they have reinforced to me they are God sent and yes its proven that they are that I still fear the most that people will leave me.

I am told that faith and fear work similar just with different results. The very things I have feared that people would continually come and go has happened. But, I can only manage myself, if something about me is rejected and they want to leave then thats their reasons.

I just have to manage myself with overcoming the fear and rejection issue to not push people away and guard my heart to not take people into my heart so quickly or easily. I need to slow down allow time on the scene and let things be proven.

When God sends me people with a heart after his, yes they may judge and show concern, but also accept that they too have issues and we all are working to overcome and accept each other on our faith journey in life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Fear of Change

Change in the beginning is rather daunting!

In the beginning of change it can be like full on war within. Breaking away from the old to work toward the new way you hope and invision to be.

When I choose to make the decision to shed my vast amount of negativity oh boy. I needed to have an arsenal of scripture to combat every negative word. I needed a person anointed to bring change to a life to pray me through, talk me through, be with me at my side til the battle wasn’t so intense within and managable with the tools they provided.

Two days into waging war within to move to a new way of life I was completley like “what in the world have I decided to do here!” Day 3 the war within was just as intense and I asked my Pastor was there any hope for me as the battle got worser and worser so it seemed.

The things I had built within due to years of living negativley were screamin out “don’t change its easier to be this way” and honestly it was easier to be that way as I had been that way for so long. But, my eyes had been open to what fruit of a negative life produced.

The fruit of negative is more negative. So the things within me didnt want me to change as they became comfort amd kept me bound by much fear and the fear spread to other areas of life like an infection does when it goes untreated.

My spirit longed for the change and my soul said no stay in the comfort of what you have built. By day four the battle seemed to lessen, still there but not as full on waging war within.

I recently found a scripture I used for my sunday school children that proclaimed the end of a thing is better than its beginning (Ecc 7:8) and if that isn’t ever so true I have found. The battle is confidently in the beginning.

When you see the end of it you can appreciate the fight put up to get to the end of it with his grace, strength, and mercy. Cause many times I am weak in the battle as I see no hope in changing and I see that is the fear within trying to have its way to prevent change and live differently.

Have I shed fear? No! Fear is part of human nature. It is like my pastor tells me its how we deal with the emotion and thoughts related when they come. She says yes feel them, learn why they showed up and work to not dwelling in them to lead me. As fear has lead my life for far too long as it is. With the tools she is giving me I am learning to slowly manage me better as my self management is my job. God graces us to do it for ourself, but He won’t do the work for us!

~Love Life~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia

F.O.M.O to Y.O.L.O

Talking in abbreviations…LOL

We live in a world of fast movement, instant gratification, inpatience, haste. But, when the unexpected wait, delay, etc happens we get all in a tizzy. Well, I know I have in those moments.

We even get that way with God we get full of pride and anger with God when He don’t answer us when the prayer drops as if He owes us our prayer request. When the reality of the matter of delay in answer is that He wants us to grow!

But, what happen for me was that when prayers haven’t been answered I began to loose faith and trust that God even heard me, like my prayers hit a ceiling and not gone through. Thinking that I was bad aweful sinner and had done many bad things to not have Gods ear incline to my prayer and essentially this added to the walls I had built inside.

The stronghold of fear got more fortiefied and reinforced everytime I felt disappointed by God not answering my prayer.

I was coming home from the beach Saturday and flipping through the radio I heard a brief conversation and the radio person said to a caller I believe that they were batteling F.O.M.O. course that got my attention of what does that mean.

F.O.M.O = Fear of missing out

When I heard that a message broken down God began to speak to me in my spirit. Some of it is flowing out in this blog. Because of my walls, my overly prudent nature of living in future and not my present, and inpatience, that fear has been a battle to overcome even in small layers.

In recent, I have been working on my thought life to begin to shift my paradigm. I had in a month been working hard on the thought realm of my mind. Unaware things had begun to shift within to bring about a place of gaining positive over the vastly negative I have lived.

When the message on radio came it was like that is how I have been living. I was so afraid of missing out that I didn’t live in my now. The radio person kept talking to whomever and or I turned radio off I heard Y.O.L.O. in my spirit.

Y.O.L.O = You only live once.

In my beginning to retrain my mind I had begun to shed a layer of fear. By using the word of God to negate the bad and think more positive. By doing this trust has begun to flow within reigniting belief and empowering me to exercising my measure of faith.

The budlings of new fruit are rising to the surface in my soul and as I keep at the work my soul will begin to prosper and then God can prosper me in other ways as I keep growing and developing. As I appreciate my now and live for my now time. Fear can flee for God dont give us a spirit of fear, but of Power, love and a sound mind

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Stunted Growth!

My mind has kept me from some growth!!

How is that so right?

Well its like going through school its a learning process. If my mind hasn’t grown or developed in certain areas then I will not be so mature in some areas of life. Boy oh boy has that proven time and time again in different areas.

Limited experiance and not encountering certain situations in life has stunted me in ways I had not realized til recently when some things were presented to me.

I have not been a person that has been too close to too many people in a friendship manner in well most of my life. When people would come and tell me nice things or like something I had done I would latch to the words, feelings and at times the person like a leech. To only end in hurt most of the times when the people were merely being nice to me and moving on, I was looking for the more behind it.

To only see how my soul searched, hungered, and thirsted for love nourishment and validation on the human level. Lacking proper nutrients in formative years of growing is such effect if not dealt with as one continues to grow in life.

Now that these things I see within myself I have to better guard my heart (Phil 4:7) and my soul (Psalm 25:20) in this life as its my job to do. God graced me and anyone else with the power and ability to do these things its a matter of doing the work and being consistent about the work as my Pastor teaches us at my church.

Is it going to be easy? NO! Thats why its called work and a fight of faith. But, it is a fight worth fighting and a work worth doing to change things within me in this life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰