Self Imprisonment!!

We can keep ourself captive in many ways.

For me my imprisonment came in several ways, but for this blog I will focus on one way and that firstly is in my thinking. In my mental processes it has come to the light that I think very negative. I think negative about myself, my surroundings, situations and circumstances, how I view and perceive things. Sounds bad right?

Well it has been! The negative is like building a snowball. They just grow and grow til its taken shape and become a fortified fortress within of negativity. My very own self imprisonment.

Ever since March of this year I have been batteling to become less negative. It is so not easy! Its hard dedicated work to become even 10% less negative when you were full on negative, well maybe just in my case!

I have not become negative free on any respect of the word! But in a small degree I am not as negative as I was earlier in the year. When I have rough patches those negative things flair right back up as if I had done no work to combat them. Just shows how deeply negative I am in my inner life all these years.

When the rough patches come the reveal to me where I am unrenewed (Romans 12:1-2) and have to work/wrestle to get back to a place of renewal in my thinking. I have to use the sword of the word (Hebrews 4:12) to divide my thoughts that cause my imprisonment and use the word of God as a key to break the chains of bondage in my prison.

Its gonna be a fight for the rest of my days to keep renewed but with Gods help and councel/Coaching, and me doing the work one day maybe the fight won’t be so strong as I strive to become stronger in the word of faith over negative words from within. This is my fight of faith!

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Walls of comfort!!

Depression can construst walls within!

I have written about depression before, but wanted to bring it up again in relation to walling up on the inside.

What is depression? Depression is defined as a self doubt. I have post in prior blogs about my comparison, acceptance, abandonment and rejection issues and all these issues have a layer of self doubt contained within them.

All these factors working hand in hand create a vacancy for depression to live in my soul. When you feel rejected by the world and then reject yourself that is a whole lot of self doubt. It sometimes reaches a place of why continue to battle the endless cyclea that it is instead of keep repeating things over and over again.

So, to combat depression the other issues have to be tackled as they are deeply rooted issues. What is the opposite of self doubt? Self confidence!! Even that is hard to find after a lifetime of hurt/pain and wounds.

Walls are built in a defense to keep from going through the same hurt little to know that the same gap that created the hurt was never closed. I built walls within to keep from getting hurt and to keep from letting too much of me out to anyone else when they got close. I could retreat behind the walls and feel safe and secure.

Self confidence is even temporary as it is based off of temporal things I have found to be shown to me. To find lasting and satisfying self confidence it has to come from the ultimate source of God the Father. Not to be moved when others accept or dont accept you for who you really are.

The only way to keep overcome is to keep renewing in truth as Pastor teaches us at church. I have to know deeply that I am accepted, loved and pursued by the King of Kings and let nothing and no one of this world move me from that position.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Abandonments discomfort

Abandonment is like living in two conflicting environments of the coldness of say Alaska in winter as to the warmth of Arizona in the summer.

But what does that all mean right?

Abandonment can make you feel cold as there is no one to comfort you, accept you, love you, be there for you, encourage you, support your endeavors and so on. I touched on this fact some yesterday on my facebook personal page to only be lashed out at.

Which revealed much to me people want you to support them and in turn they don’t support you as they will hide behind a screen and only deal with some people in private. To only show that in to my referance of fake supporters and when the rubber meets the road the truth is revealed, became so real. Abandonment can leave you feeling cold due to how we are received or not received by other people.

It can over time also become a warm comfort of living in much abandonment as it goes undealt with. We harbor the issue deep inside and it twists and distorts our thinking then that becomes the lenses we see life through. Which continues to spill out to every relation that comes into our life.

I saw a post that proclaimed that to whomever they posted publicly about “your hurt is not special” and granted no ones is to the extent as we all have something we have walked through and experianced. But those words alone could insight rejection, abandonment, comparison issues if the person it was intended to see it, saw it.

Words are powerful and we should garner them better with much more compassion than we do. I too have been guilty of it in my past, but that was because hurt people inturn hurt people as I have heard been taught to me.

The climate of warmth came from accepting the abandonment issue deeply within and believing that there could never be change. The coldness from the abandonment began to infect my heart to inturn grow cold also which just perpetuated the cycle of abandonment to keep happening.

Is my hurt special? NO!! I don’t make out anything that I post or share about to be above anyone elses experiances in life. These are just my reflections of things I have walked through and with the help of a great life Coach and beginning to walk away from.

Have I overcame this stuff or am I healed from it? No! In my case healing and overcoming will happen in layers and degrees. With that said I am in some things, but only as I keep doing the work and walking in the reality and truth of me and renew in the good to correct the inner mess thats been in me.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Comparison

Why do we compare ourselves to one another?

I have often find myself measuring my life in accordance to another. I have and will always fall short of that measure. For the other person has gained wisdom, gotten stronger in areas that I am not, or what I see portrayed isn’t the actuality of the situation.

So, why do I do this? I think its to keep chasing a goal, maybe to become like the person I compare myself to in some way. Or to beat myself up inwardly for falling short of what is expected of us as a people.

I mean have you ever found yourself like I have when someone same age is around and they got the house, the kids, the car, the career or whatever it may be and you don’t have some of that like they do, you feel like you have missed the mark. Well atleast I have.

How can I stop comparing myself to others. It’s hard, but I have to choose to be ok with where I am in life. This is my path to take. Everyone has a different path and others, as well as, myself are in different places on our road. God has a plan for my individual life just like he has them. It was said once that my life someone was jealous over. And of course me, not seeing the value in the plan of God for my life was immediatly like why are the jealous over me.

We and especially I continue to rob ourself of what we are doing in our present life by comparison. I had read a book last year by Lysa Tyrkhurst called Uninvited she touched on the subject of comparison as well as Lisa Bevere book called Without Rival. They were good reads, but did they fully help me stop comparison. No!

Its only in my home church that specialized in inner man teaching of the spirit, soul and body that root issues of my comparison issues are being touched. My Pastors book of Developing a winning attitude in 7 days has given me the drive, passion and pursuit to want to press to stop comparing myself and live my life to the fullest in the knowledge that God is working to develop my character, to be able to walk in my full purpose on the earth.

I am in my purpose now, and setting out to master the small things for greater yet ahead as he see’s fit to add. However, for now, I am going to remain focused on my present as that is where I reside.

My writings and growing my character is far more precious to me now than anything else and growing in the connections God has given me in other people and knowing we both are on different roads of life in full acceptance of the reality over imagination.