High Functioning Anxiety

I vlogged this week on my youtube channel

https://youtu.be/84F3QD2pU6I • Monday Moments – Let’s Talk High Functioning Anxiety In Recovery

https://youtu.be/lusDQJ91i0I • Friday Moments – Let’s Talk High Functioning Anxiety Pt 2

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The Road Toward Healing

Hope at the end of the tunnel!

In reflection, I have found myself to be on the road toward healing more often then not! Life happens, we take the hit that wounds the soul, then we grapple at the pieces to get back up and walk again.

Our roads toward healing look different each time. They embody different aspects that need to be overcome, things that need to change, things that need to be matured in, or just healing from being backstabbed, rejected, abandoned, betrayed, or even depression and anxiety.

I will use my life examples to demonstrate how the road toward healing is different each time. I have more of my journey in my book that is available on amazon. But for this blog, I am disclosing some stories that are not in my book.

The first time I actually hit the road toward healing came after I was deeply wounded in the church! That same night the hurt happened as a matter of fact!

The first church I was truly apart of was going through a difficult transitional time of the beloved Pastor of 13 years was leaving due to some personal matters. The Pastor that came in, came in like a hurricane and stirred up a lot. Within the first few weeks the church was further divided. Anyway to make this long story short, I was called into the office with the Pastor, the church board, and the Superintendent of the churches denomination from the high up office at the State level. I did alot of work for the church and was highly connected to the prior leadership, which honestly was not favored as most if you were, was being driven away by taking positions away and reassigning to others who came in new with this new Pastor.

So, I sat in the office with all of them and lie after lie after lie just came from their lips. I sat there thinking these are church folk, lying isn’t suppose to be acceptable?!?!

Even took a persons words close to me and twisted them for their benefit! Now granted on my own part I was very negative about the division of the church, angry with how things were being done, and devastated at how church folks had done folks. In the meeting I sat there quiet the whole time just listening to the accusations. It wasn’t til the end when they said turn in your key and what work you have your released from the position. Knowing full well they had it in for me since day one, I popped back, looked the new Pastor square in the face and said if you didn’t want me here you should have said it long time ago! I took the key off the ring and put in on the desk! They forbid me from talking about what happened to me out side that room to anyone!

I was completely devastated, shocked, and the more distraught. I had just lost the Pastor I had sat under for 7 years, then all this from church folks. I went to my car, cried, was about to leave and say screw the night service. I got enough of myself together and said I will go in and be part of this service but I had to isolate myself as they all kept an eye on me the whole service! Needless to say I wasn’t myself and many took note of that, came over to talk to me and I had to push them away. I left before the service was over to avoid more questions.

I couldn’t go home in the state I was in, my mom would definitely know and I didn’t need her upset any more them she already was from what they were doing. So, I went to the place I work and sat at my desk and cried for 2 hours. One person by name Juanita Gibbs of whom is my Pastor now reached out to me, not knowing my situation, said I came up heavy in her spirit and wanted to check on me. That there showed me not all church people do others wrong. Had she not reached out, I probably would have turned my back on God, the church, my purpose and more.

Still yes I need healing from all that, as I have authority issues from that and childhood. Healing has come cause I cannot hold people to not being people. I had put christians on a pedestal that we were immune to failure, which is far from the case.

This road toward healing course kept me on the path toward God and not away from God. Not turning my back on brothers and sisters in the faith. Many things have come to try to pull me off that path down the years and it is a true fight to remain in the faith.

Photo of Roses Taken Sunday March 1, 2020

Another time I have been on the road toward healing (and I am still on this path) to not be so negative about my overall self. To make it simple my words reflected I have a level of hate even for myself that brooded low self-esteem, not feeling valued, low worth, and more.

It was on a trip to South Carolina that this revelation came to be. The person that has been the most integral in me being on the healing road has been Juanita Gibbs. She was apart of this trip and at the closeout of the trip we all sat down and had a chat. That brought out the fact I speak down about myself and all.

I have had chats with her since about that same stuff to keep working toward levels and degrees of healing that I desperately need within my soul. Had they not begun to be healed I could have been in bad dysfunctional relationship, gave up my body to any available man, taken on friendships that wouldn’t be reciprocal and the like. The path of this healing helped me get a standard, see my value and worth. Begin to embrace and love the woman I am and who I am still working to become!

Healing is a journey! It is up to us to take the step on that path and do what is necessary to heal!

If this encouraged you in any way I would love to hear from you. Drop a comment below 💝

Cynthia 💞
Amazon

When The Dawn Comes

The dawn is when you allow a time of healing to come into your life…

There had to come a point when after all I had walked through, allowed myself to partake of, and the things within my soul that bleed so hard in was like internal hemorrhaging that I needed to surrender to walking a path of healing and deliverance.

“Is as the light of the morning when the sun rises, A morning without clouds, When the tender grass springs out of the earth, Through sunshine after rain.’ Truly is not my house so with God? For He has made an everlasting covenant with me, Ordered in all things, and secured; For all my salvation and all my desire, Will He not indeed make it grow?”

‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭23:4-5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

It was amazing to me to see as I began the path of healing and deliverance just how much God was truly with me and still is to this day.

He kept me in suicide when I tried mixing pills and alcohol, He kept me at my worst, He kept me at my heaviest, He has kept me under the knife of my surgeries, He kept me when I lost my mom, He keeps me every day and in all my days ahead He keeps me!

The Dawn is also embracing the Love of the Father that has kept me and will keep me all the days of my life that I continue to serve, worship, and grow in relationship with Him my God and Savior!

Even in the darkest of times the dawn is there, just off on the horizon that I didn’t take time to look for it or focus on it. The darkness is like a blanket of security that holds you close. Once the dawn breaks and you realize its false security. Then the breakaway from darkness to light happens.

Allow the dawn to come in your darkest days to walk toward new days!

My Book: Beauty from Ashes on Amazon

Cynthia