What weighs down the mind?

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your comfort delights my soul.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94‬:‭19‬ ‭NASB

More often then not, in this season of my life I find myself heavy with things on mind. I am currently walking through a detox and it has not been pretty. But, I will say it has been necessary for me to go through; to have revealed to me, about myself what in fact it has, to begin to change and develop in certain areas that need another layer of growth before promotion can come.

Detox Book & Journal Book

These above shown resources are what I am clinging too for the remainder of this 40 day mindset shift. Consider taking a look at them and investing in yourself as I am doing to work on things to be placed in alignment for the good that I’d like to see manifest this year.

As we all have walked through some of the most difficult last few years from the 2020 – COVID pandemic and the world shutting down. Loosing so many from the horrific virus/disease that spread so quickly. Many infections that resulted in irreparable damage to some with long-haul symptoms. The global economic crisis from the aftermath of the shutdown in the year 2021. The numerous mental illness cases and shootings at schools and riots and burning things down. Then in 2022 where some settled out from the huge economic crisis and the extent of the damage done by the virus to only culminate into the political circus that was had at the US nations capital to more hardships financially due to inflation and the cost of living sky rocketing to the point where the financial systems were so strained it almost brought on an economic depression. To the many natural disasters and the talks of war and talks of prisoner exchanges.

These last few years have been so rough with negativity that as a whole the world just seems more and more negative. All of environmental negativity is planted like seeds in the mind of the people that grow each day its left to take root and manifest.

“Choosing to be positive is like being on a path and you cannot see the way clearly.” -Cynthia

On one of my most recent walks to go clear my head, listen to some music, reconnect with nature; I rounded a corner and the sun was just there as if almost eye level with me. I took my hand and blocked the sun to see where the path continued and how it winded as I’d never been that far before and I stopped at took that shot for this very moment. To remind myself of the daily choice I have to make to walk toward the light of positive thinking and mindset.

To unburden one’s mind is the beginning of the change. To cease all thoughts in their current place as if frozen to examine them, to look at how they’ve grown and why. To then detox from them with something different to slowly kill the rooted manifestations of the negativity to one day as there is consistent work and mindfulness to see positive manifestations.

“We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

For myself, to gradually turn away from the darkness of negativity housed within my soul, that I am exposed to daily, that lives in my dwelling space not easily to escape as it comes from a level of darkness from whom I share space with. The environment around each of us that we allow our energies to be exposed to. Now I will not lie, it is so hard to go from negative to positive cause in the turning the soil from which you stand and base everything on gets turned up and exposed and comes to the surface in the light of day.

“Even in the Dark night of the Soul, the light peers through just enough to expose truth.” -Cynthia

Just this last little while, one thing that came to light for me was that my level of faith has been once again slid back into seeing was believing when God says have faith when I cannot see. That my mind has been heavy due to me not trusting and having faith. Having thoughts of managing it all in my own weak and tired flesh and not casting the whole of my cares. Instead I have been holding every last one of them. Causing myself mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion.

Its hard to see by faith why people walk away from us with out explanation, its hard to understand why the Doctor said someone has Cancer, its hard to understand why your division of work closed and you experience job loss. Its hard to understand a great many things by seeing only. But, the more I see by Faith I am coming to embrace the more that all things are working together for the good. Slowly unburdening my mind, learning to have faith and trust again. Learning to walk in not only love, but forgiveness as well. God is a person of giving many chances and I am grateful for that. Now, I too have to walk in that same mercy and grace that was extended to me cause thats how Jesus our example lived it.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭NASB

That pill alone is a hard one to swallow, to not allow things to make us bitter or angry with God about why things that create such havoc in our life can be really for our good. God works opposite to the factions of this world. The more depths of this understanding I can grasp hold of, it will help me to reestablish my relationship with him through prayer and trusting Him with every ounce I can.

All the circumstances that I have faced and left un dealt with until I had a raging volcano of emotion, over thinking, flesh living, and backslidden away from my once relationship with the Father and My Savior Jesus! This is helping me climb back to one day I can sit with him again so close that I can hear His heart beat for me. I will see that I am slowly turning to be more of what Im working toward is a more positive existence.

“Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭2‬-‭4‬ ‭NASB

The more I progress with each day of the detox, I hope I get stronger to see a manifestation from the hard work I have been putting in on looking at my temperaments and how I am built, identifying trauma wounds of childhood that have been surfacing, knowing what were the environment influences that I was raised in that may need to change. Looking at everything and taking on one piece at a time for what needs precedence to continue on this journey called: Life.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog if you made it this far. Consider giving it a like please.

🌻Cynthia🌻

Beauty from Ashes

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Recent COVID Scare

Its been about two weeks now…

It all began the same way, stuffy nose, slight congestion due to drainageand the normal feeling awful that comes with not being well.

Lived with that for a day, thought nothing of it at that point as the weather had drastically changed at that point. However, the next day that night in between at some point my controlled tinnitus I’ve had since my first round of COVID in Oct 2020 had turned wide open again. First red flag. So, I knew I had taken a specific allergy med that helped keep the volume of that down and attributed the issues I was having to seasonal allergies. By the end of that day, I felt even more awful.

Got off work and headed home, by this point I was feeling like I was gonna fall apart, fatigue was setting in, red flag #2. So, I decided to stop to the pharmacy across from my house to get a cold med as it was at that point teetering between being an allergy cold and a seasonal cold. Went in the store masked up nowadays, if you even have a hint of suspicion of COVID folks are ready to string you up. Ran in, got the liquid cold med and got home, to want to check to see if I had a fever before I started taking the meds. Of course at that moment I did have a fever of 99.9, totally not a good thing and Red flag #3.

Later that night I began to have chills all over as I was sleeping and the bouts of fever and no fever again. Red flag #4. At this point it was a Friday night going into Saturday and with already having these issues I was like I need to go and get a COVID test. Saturday came, I finally mustered up enough strength to get dressed and drive around to the testing facility, to only roll up and find them closed because of the college town I reside in had a game goin on that day. The sign said they would reopen on Sunday at 1pm.

Sunday finally came around after Saturdays exhaustion of going out trying to get tested then hunting for the at home COVID tests of which this whole big town was out of. By this time I had found out I had lost my ability to smell and taste some items. Red flag #5. Also, through the night I had had a whole body spasm in which it didn’t release til 3 hours later. I was in so much pain.

I Left my home at 10 min til 1pm to only find the place packed out at the testing facility. An hour later after I had gotten there they shut down accepting anyone else into the site. It took me 2 hours and 15 min to be processed all the way through from entry to test that day. When I filled out my paperwork I had actively 6 symptoms of COVID two of which I’ve battled for nearly a year now.

It was finally my turn to get closer to being tested as I was under the first carport. They took my ID and clipboard and went to have my testing kit for me prepared for the next carport. One of the worker ladies in the first carport told me that by 1pm there was well over 200 in the parking lot setup to get tested. Then to only tell me that the day prior, one of their machines that processes our test went down. So, its Sunday and well over 200 tests, it would not be the 24hr turn around as it was for me last year. I did the math and this test was my 6th COVID test within a year.

Finally got to the last carport and the young man doing my test we got talking and he too had not long recovered from having COVID in May 2021. We both experience some of the same post COVID related issues.

Now that I had been tested and even Saturday (the day before) I had been working hard on isolation and keeping germs contained and clean and so many more precautions. Going into Monday knowing I need to work and that my test results could go either way. I kept to myself I sanitized my desk at every nose blow or cough to keep things contained and isolated. Monday came and no results. That night I knew I needed to figure out how to access my mychart for test results from the hospital system I tested through.

I finally got into my mychart to see further no results posted. I had to pray my answer would come Tuesday. Woke up Tuesday morning at usual of 6am to find my email had a notification in it that a result had been posted to mychart. I slid that screen notification across to get in there to see finally what my fate would be. In my mind I was positive with this monster called COVID again.

To open my results to only see that I had tested:

Negative

Completely baffled and in praise to God that I tested negative. This whole ordeal triggered everything that I’ve had going on in my body since battling COVID in the first place and folks wonder why Im not for the vaccine. This is why! Im still battling its effects just having contracted the actual virus!

But thats a whole other post for another day!

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🌻Cynthia🌻

September 11, 2021

A look back over the last twenty years…

Today marks 20 years ago since that fateful day where our lives changed for many years in days, weeks, months, and years that follow the tragic attack on the twin towers and the Pentagon, and the hero’s that took down flight 93 from doing more harm.

In wake of the first attack on America soil in decades. This one major life event truly impacted the globe, as many Americans and internationals were part of the events of that fateful day.

I recall in the days, months and year ahead of the day known as Patriots day, everywhere and everyone considered themselves to be New Yorkers. The level of patriotism was at an all time high we were united under one front of banning together to stand strong, when we had been knocked to our knees in a devastating way.

For the first time, in what felt like a lifetime had passed that everyone seemed to suddenly care about their neighbor so to speak. The country had pulled together so tightly, that I don’t recall til many years had passed that devision had begun to make its way back in on a strong marginalized scale.

Now today, twenty years later there is devision based on the color of the skin so strongly that riots have occurred, there is divisiveness against standing with or agains law enforcement figures, there is division based in if your now vaccinated or not with the covid vaccines…and on and on and on…

At every turn now there is more hate and discord then there is true unity as there once was 20 years ago. The tragedy that is COVID has caused so much strife. Yet in one fateful day when many were taken, many became hero’s, many became survivors, many became New Yorkers. That now we stand at odds like 20 years ago didn’t happen.

Maybe today, this fateful day can remind us once again to unite and stand together and not against each other!

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Surrender

What I thought would be – has not been!

Surrendering visions and dreams of what we thought our life would look like at certain milestones of life; can be some of the hardest things to release.

I lost my mom in 2016 to Kidney failure and of course many other health conditions that attributed to her final days. I was only at the time 32 years old.

As time has passed and my life continues to change, I often wonder what it would be like if she was still here. Course the last year and half with all thats going ok in the world, I’m glad she isn’t here to deal with the turmoil and mayhem and mess that covid and do much else has put on the world.

Then I wonder about further down the road when I may get married and have a family; she won’t be here to help me pick out a dress, she won’t be here to welcome home a grandchild.

So many things like that have been lost to me when she passed. Whats worse is that the day she passed away and my emotionally detached father and brother of course remain; but I still feel like an orphan.

Surrendering the dream of having so much of what I’ve seen others have to grow and watch their parents age gracefully and pass at ripe old ages. Somehow, thats not been my lot in life.

Learning to come to grips even four years our is something I need to express this nugget of repressed grief. I know I never processed the death of my mother fully.

I tried putting these words together before mother’s day and all I could do was sob. Of course, as I am now writing this as well. But, the difference between this week and two weeks ago, I’ve released resentment and anger of her passing. Realizing that I had her for 32 years of being my mom and my best friend. Now she is at rest and peace no longer in pain, no longer suffering, no longer governed by this earth. I know she resides on glory, even in dialysis she spent her days witnessing.

Surrendering this I feel the weight of it lifting slowly from my soul, will I still grieve, of course. Will it be as painful, no, it will be happy tears of times of joy and well spent time together.

Letting go of things are necessary at times, cause it can hold us back in other ways. I pray that as I push forth from releasing, I can hopefully not be blocked from things my soul housed within it, that needed dealing with.

What could be holding you back?

Is it time to surrender?

Thank you for reading my blog! I would love to hear from you! Comment below

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Seasons Change

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

It’s hard to understand sometimes why seasons change, especially when we aren’t the one’s in charge of making the change.

Like last year about this time the global season of being outgoing, carefree, vivacious, and free came to a screeching halt during the time the pandemic of COVID-19 become more impacting to us all.

The season of the pandemic seemed to take us back to yester year when we connected genuinely with one another. A season in which family became more paramount. A season of loss in many ways, such as life, job, finances, and so much more. A time this has been, that I would say probably six months of 2020 really revealed what and who was important in this world. The shops we went to closed cause they were deemed “non-essential” the sporting events deemed “non-essential” what became essential where Parents to be home while their children home schooled from computers. Front line workers of Doctors, nurses, EMTs, truck drivers, teachers, and anyone working in essential business became what was vitally important in the season.

What’s begun to happen since that season came upon us?

The restrictions and limitations have been slowly shedding…

What’s been happening as a result of that?

We’ve not stayed so deeply connected with one another. We are allowing the times to go right back into ruling our schedule. When, I wholeheartedly believe that season of shutdown globally, if people had allowed God into it, they would see that He used that season to show us what was TRULY important. He to me revealed the level of Christian brotherly and sisterly love that could come forth during such isolating times. People genuinely checked on one another, people begun to see their deep need of true community, people could see that being an island to ourself is lonely.

When the world used it to say, ok the shops are open go spend your money. Go out and support local! Which, there is nothing wrong with doing that in a way that it doesn’t consume your entire life. Helping one another yes is a God command, but why soon as restrictions let up we are all ready to head to the shops and hang out on isle 7. Yet, we still refuse to gather in Houses of Prayer due to fear of the virus. How is the virus not on isle 7 and yet its on the third church pew, that is some thinking I will never understand.

Seasons Change and some we have control in making come about, when I changed jobs that was one season change I had a hand in. Yet still even before the verdict of being accepted at the new job, God presented a choice, remain or leave… the choice was mine as we have all been given free-will to choose. I chose to leave the old job, and since I have, my anxiety level has drastically decreased. My level of worries changed. My thought shifted to new things.

Don’t get me wrong sometimes season change and bring wonderful things like new love, a wedding, a child, a promotion, a raise. Seasons changing is part of life whether we have a say or not… it will forever be what we make of the season while we are in it. That lesson alone has taken me a while to grasp in my mindset. I’m slowly getting there!

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! May it encourage you & give you hope!

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💝Cynthia💝

Everyday Is a Winding Road

“Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.” Isaiah‬ ‭43:19‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

2020 has been the most challenging year!

I know that is a huge statement right?! But, truly how many can relate to that one statement. I know for me this year, God had been stripping away from me the doubt that life has instilled in me and to put my full faith and trust in Him!

Boy oh boy has that been difficult! When 2020 decided to throw its many curve balls our way, one thing I feared the most was not working. Job after job after job was being shut down for being non-essential, a hot spot for the virus to spread, or because of the non-essential factor the company had to fold. Being that I work in tele-communication we were deemed vital. The next thing was having to close up cause someone got the virus. Who was that someone…. me!

Now, I am not saying God put Corona Virus on me, however; He can and will use things in our life for our good (Romans 8:28). I allowed my time in isolation to take me down roadways in my soul that I need healing in. Healing from traumatic upbringings, healing from emotionally unavailable parents, healing from not being validated as a child. All these voids need healing by the tender agape love of the father, as it is only Him that can fulfill me in every way.

Isolation also ushered me into a place of faith and trust in Him that I hadn’t ever tapped into. I was out of work for 22 days, which meant no income coming in. I had to pull on faith snd I put it out in the world that if anyone felt lead to help me and some did help me and I was able to pay rent and people brought food so I didn’t have to cook, God showed up and showed out in His love for me through surrendered people toward His heart.

No matter where the paths of life may take us, may they for ever lead us to the father and his unconditional love to heal every soul wound of the past. To lead us toward brighter smoother pathways ahead.

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Cynthia

High Functioning Anxiety

I vlogged this week on my youtube channel

https://youtu.be/84F3QD2pU6I • Monday Moments – Let’s Talk High Functioning Anxiety In Recovery

https://youtu.be/lusDQJ91i0I • Friday Moments – Let’s Talk High Functioning Anxiety Pt 2

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Life During Corona Virus

Covid-19 – Year 2020 – Photo Collection

My blogs have become a way to chronicle my navigating life during this corona virus global pandemic and how it has impacted me and my state of living.

Many are the days when Saturdays come when I am in my room, enjoying a cup of coffee before I begin my day. Mentally navigating the day, what needs to be done inside my place, what needs to be done outside my place, and what new restrictions are in place. The governor of my state which is North Carolina since my blogs reach globally, has decided to keep our state at Phase 2 of the reopening while mandating face-masks in all public forums, maintaining social distancing and making sure we sanitize and clean our hands to prevent the spread and spike in the number of cases.

Sadly, this mandate sucks! But, it is needful to get the numbers down of the active cases of covid and to keep the state somewhat running. So many are still out of jobs due to many restrictions still being implemented. Also, many are rebelling against many of the mandates from the governor, the most controversial is the wearing of face-masks. Many out right proclaim and display their rebellion by not following it in word and deed. If people would obey, then maybe things would get accomplished more timely.

In recent weeks, a group of Doctors made a video before the Supreme Court and it was posted online and it went viral. Perhaps many reading this got to see the video before it got taken down from all social media platforms. This alone was a red flag for me. I’m not sure how others took it, but its as if the powers that be are procuring the hiding of the truth for selfish gain. These doctors stood publically and stated their findings on the use of three existing medications to combat and perhaps one day exterminate this Covid-19. The powers that be are pushing for a new vaccine that if they patent would make millions if not billions off the lives of the sick they took an oath to help heal. If I state the three meds this blog is sure to be taken down. So i will only mention two as they are a mineral Zinc and a Z-pack the other more controversial med I will leave out but abbreviate as HCQN.

In more recent events of the day last week was a monumental one! It began with goin through the already existing stuff in the world, but to add to it a hurricane for the eastern part of NC on which I reside. To the western part of the state being impacted by a 5.1 Level Earthquake, the first in many many years of that magnitude.

With all this going on, I will sink and wonder where are the good moments? 2020 has been a year that took my vehicle away in a way. Going and doing things has been cut off. And with this weeks events alone I could settle into a depression beyond anyones wildest imaginations if I allow myself to.

Constantly working to stay head above water is a constant renewing. Plugging the word of God into my mind over and over. Today my favorite verses of life kept coming to me. They are Psalm 91:1-4 which you will see below:

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:1-4 KJV

After pulling from these verses I was reminded of the good. Like going recently to one of the Sunday School Kids I work withs 2nd birthday. I gave him his first kiddie bible and it had a handle and colorful pictures in it. He toted it around Sunday showing off the pictures inside. That was a joy to my soul to see the 2 yr old embrace the word so innocently. Not to mention how popping his party was with the food and all. His aunt put a hurting on that cake and Cousin put a hurting down on that chip dip that we partook of during the festivities.

After the party I stopped at the Wal-Mart and browsed around. I stumbled across the $5 movie bin. I rarely find anything in those things that even appeal to be viewed. But, this time I stumbled upon two great finds. I love watching war movies, movies based on actual events, faith-based movies and the occasional Romantic-Comedy. I was able to enjoy a few nights watching movies and relaxing. Something of which I rarely do, but I gave in and allowed the down time.

Reorganizing my life and prioritizing things and doing the actual planning and doing of things opened up my life to be able to take time to enjoy those movies. In doing this restructuring to my life, I went to one of my favorite store to see what they had I could use to get organized with.

Needless to say I left with a new notebook, a new bible to use specifically for my youth teaching material, and a book to read. The notebook has been so helpful in maintaining my kingdom work in an area where I admin and on my own personal page that I post these blogs too. Did I need another book to add to my shelf? No! But guess what, it spoke to me! So, I got it and will have it in my spare time to read.

One day in my silliness I was scrolling through my social media platforms and ran across the most hilarious post I’d seen that really struck my funny bone. This happened to be on a bad day that I needed a good laugh to break up the monotony of life. I ended up sharing the image to a group that I am in asking a friend of mine if we could do this at their house. It went over with a barrel of laughs that who knows we all may have needed that day. I will share the image below so it can bring some laughter to your world as it did mine!

Thank you all so much for taking time to read my blog! Taking time to view my photo collections I share in my writings! May we all be safe from this corona virus and keep living life as best we can.

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~Cynthia

Faith – During a Global Pandemic

It will see you through! Especially times like we live in now!

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Many times the doom, disparity, gloom, and darkness of the times we live in want to come in and take up space or even residency if allowed for too long.

Its up to ourself to fight the good fight of faith! Its a choice to choose hope, its a choice to choose joy, its a choice to keep the faith!

I recall being told numerous times from those further down the spiritual path then I to, take time to reflect on all the good God has done, look at all the answered prayers and allow that to build your faith, becoming the substance that is needed to see what is hoped for manifest!

“be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Every time the darkness wants to come like a blanket of false comfort, I have to be aware to fight to renew my mind. Thats where we win or loose it all begins in the mind. I have to take up my sword of the Word of God and pull from Gods strength.

“for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

I have a proclivity to not deal with things timely at times. The slip by and build and build and build until one day I am so over taken by it all, that I either crash or explode. Neither one when they happen are pretty. In the last few months I have been working on dealing with things before they get out of hand. Learning to pay attention to what I am thinking so I can take the wrong thoughts captive and sort them out sooner.

“for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10:4-5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Its up to me and only me to deal with my thoughts. For what I think on so I become. This is by far easier said then done. It is a job to watch your mind. But, if that is the way to continue to keep changing, then I must be committed to the work to see it through. For faith without works is dead, just as work without faith is dead. Both of those have to been alive on the scene.

For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, “Eat and drink!” But his heart is not with you.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭23:7‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! I hope that it encourages you and inspires you to keep the faith, do what you can to change, and continue to seek God! This blog has derived teachings I have received under the Pastoralship of Juanita Gibbs.

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🌺Cynthia🌺

Good Bye April! Hello May!

Out with the old & in with the new!

Since my last time blogging about how this pandemic has touch my life so many things have changed in the world around me.

One Saturday afternoon after the governors orders had gone into effect, I ventured to go to the local Wal-Mart. That is a big store that had everything from clothing, food, medicines, vehicle maintenance to my readers not from America. So, I go to this Wal-Mart, mind you I am all gloved up, masked up, and having to walk around a barricade of sorts as the governor order stated stores had to have a flow so this creating one way in and one way out. But, to my surprise as I approached the door I had to wait to be allowed in. Never in all my years did I ever have to wait to go in Wal-Mart. Three people came out and three people were allowed in. They now have to keep up with the number of people inside the building to maintain safe social distancing.

I left the Wal-Mart to come home with my finds of essentials. So inwardly distraught by the way things are going that after I had settled in for the evening, I downloaded netflix free for 30days. I am not much of a tv watcher. But, with limitations on where I can go, what to do, I ventures down the rabbit hole of television programming. I work for a cable company and I get my fill of television woes from people that it is a turn off to watch tv, at least for me. I did find some interesting programming to fill my time in April. Binge watching full seasons was something I hadn’t partaken of til forced to stay home in a respect.

These are the tv shows and movies I filled my time with:

•Tiger King- An insane documentary on owners of big cats in America, murder,drugs, crazy ppl, and lions and tigers oh my indeed.

• Fuller House- A family oriented show of coming together after a tragedy and growing in a new way when faced with new living. I grew up on Full House this became a modern versin of same show.

•The Tudors – Henry VIII and his many wives and conquests to have a male heir.

•Frontier- A colonial based America during the time of fur traders in the North were battling it out for supremacy over one another.

•Self-Made the Madam CJ Walker Documentary- the fight and plight of African Americans in america to be seen as equals. To venture into her own business of hair grower and developing to a point of having her own factory. VERY INSPIRING STORY

• Queen Elizabeth movies (2) – The struggles of a female queen and the forcing of male dominance in a time that she showed the world that a woman can run her country just as well as any man.

• The Duchess – A movie of how women had no choice in their lives. The young lady from the Spencer family arranged to marry a DUKE In order to produce his heir to his title. He had a live in mistress to make him happy, but the Duchess was forbidden side love to make her happy. Even when she ran off to have it. She got pregnant by her lover. The Duke threatened to take her kids away. Hid her while pregnant and made her give the child to her lovers family.

While the movies or tv shows played I was sowing 4 masks, two for myself, two for a friend, and then I sowed two pillows to fill my time. My new pillows adorn my bed, my face masks are used when going out to stores and my friend has been using hers as she ventures out as well.

Along the bridge

One day I got so bored with sowing and watching programs I had to get out. Yes I know scary, but I ventured to the Common and parked and took a secluded walk on the bridge. It was a mini escape from the city, corona-world, and a mental break from work and home. It was a brief adventure, but one I needed for some self-care.

Actual Town Common Area

I wanted to go back to the other spot for a walk, but so many had discovered it, that I was just too packed out for me to regain a since of peace and solace inwardly with all those people around. Not long ago, maybe even last weekend, not fully sure as days run together, but with the impending lift on some of the orders coming soon folks were out there having a cook out.

I drove by and was like really people. Its bad enough that Phase One reopening will last until the 22nd of the month of May. But the Governor has already said any drastic spike in corona cases we will stay at Phase One or fall back to shelter at home. This virus isn’t gone or dealt with in full and yet still people act as though this isn’t serious. People are dyeing, this is effecting homes, livelihoods and more.

Stopped to waterfront to regroup after a long day

Work has been so stressful, I am in telecommunication and we are essential. The business of providing cable or internet is taxing on the mind and more so when the owner has been prescribed seclusion for their health and safety. Channels cut out people freak out, the Monday before last we had a bad storm roll through with NorEasterly winds and rain, almost tornadic in nature that knocked our power out. Not good. Folks lost the four channels we run out of our office and the towns net was down. People were furious with us. But what caused it was beyond our control.

It was our fault that they lost programming, it was our fault thee internet was down. It was our fault that the power went out too I guess. This pandemic has taken folks to the edge. Im at work alone, power out and surging, its up to me to forcefully unplug technology or the many power surges would kill the computers and phones. Im finalky standing in the hallway where light from outside is coming in to watch customer after customer after customer fly down to the front of our building cause mind you our phones are web based and with power down they wont work.

A heart in the sky

To come fling open the door to be all accusatory of us cutting them off before they even realized, they were standing in a dark room with not one ounce of technology on. This happened countless times in that two hours the storm knocked our power out. It finally came back then I had to reset the office, get the four channels back up and get net restored, along with one of our program provisioners. That was not a fun Monday.

Now as Friday, May 8th at 5pm approaches and the Phase One Reopening begins no telling what stories may spawn from the next two weeks of that. All I know is I want a beach trip as an escape, even if its just for one day, I will take it!

Thank you to all who read and support my blog it means the world to me! I pray everyone is staying safe, healthy and happy as can be during these times!

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🌺Cynthia🌺