Mid-April Life Update

Living during the time of a global Pandemic (COVID-19)

I’m not even gonna lie, this whole quarantine/shutdown has been hard on me. Truthfully, it revealed to me just how much of an extrovert I am now. I am very much an ambivert, but I lean more extrovert in nature. I do have times of goin and being alone to recollect myself, but those times are fewer then the desire to be with people.

This quarantine has taken me to a place within my emotional realm that I couldn’t take much more of the pressure and erupted like a volcano, spewing out toxic lava from my innermost being out onto those closest to me. Like the aftermath of any natural disaster, my own aftermath left things in not good places for days and it will continue on in the weeks and months ahead to recover.

By Easter Sunday I was completely tapped of everything and decided to go for a walk to a nearby place I haven’t ventured to yet. So, I waited some to allow the traffic there to slow down some before I set out to clear my head, connect in nature and just “be”.

I needed that the most to just “be”.

Being Super Woman has its limitations when your acting within your own strength and by this time I was severely depleted. It was so peaceful and calm the serenity of where I went to walk that I do ever so long to go again.

I basked in the solitude of the quietness of nature. I wasn’t being demanded of to solve a problem. I was allowed to feel small in a big world, with a huge problem, and the desperate need of a savior. This walk I will call my repentance walk for everything I had attributed to in the week prior to not being very Christ-like at all.

I journeyed out from the Park where I took my walk, of which I will share more photos from at the end of this blog, to visit some stores for essentials. To my grand dismay many were closed up so tight that not even a fly could penetrate their barriers. This didn’t set well with me once more. This whole mess has brought out the spoiled child within me dealing with only first world problems.

When if I took a reality check my issues are minor compares to others. Many are battling this horrendous COVID-19 aka Corona Virus to the point of loss of life on epic scales. Many have lost jobs and income flows due to Gov’t/State regulations to lessen the curve peak of this virus to not destroy the fragile health care system in which would be needed to treat massive amounts of this virus. This virus and everything happening is a history in the making.

Many states are now extending the orders to stay at home and many essential businesses have had to come up to Governor mandated codes for protecting the public and essential workers. As of 5pm on Monday, the state in which I reside had new rules that came into implementation. We have had to limit the number of patrons inside the building, we have had to provide a hand sanitization of some kind. Prepare barriers between customers and checkout attendants.

So Friday of the week prior to the codes going into effect. I had to bring the establishment where I work up to code as being in tele-communications that is deemed an essential business. I had my own science project to make home made Clorox wipes to provide some kind of hand sanitation to customers as hand sanitizer in itself is sold out. The governors order stated the need to establish a time for senior customers, create a flow of one way into and out of stores and even within create flows for isles of grocery goods and shut down/limit use of any public restrooms. I rigged up a clear shower curtain to act as a barrier and after customers environmental cleaning has to be done to slow down the spread of this virus.

By the time Monday came I was so far over it all that waking up to find tornado warnings and hearing news of tornado strikes it just made the whole of the day so dark. Mind you I was still recovering from the dark night of the soul I just walked through to walk out into more darkness. It has all been too much for my soul to entertain.

Tuesday came and it seemed better it was bright and sunshine of the day cheered my dark soul up some. At one point I was able to just go sit by the water and pray for a moment and seek some stillness for my innermost being that has been so loud that I needed an escape.

By Wednesday, recovery was probably at the half way mark and yet still a need to know how to fix my innermost being from potentially not having to go through this again as the pandemic remains. My eyes had to be enlightened to somethings about myself that I must learn from, and grow up out of, as well as, begin to tame.

I am set to charge down the things within me that need to be shifted and changed during these hard and stressful times. As I am taught, fruit only comes during the hardest of trials. For me this whole situation the last few months have been the hardest yet, and to be honest we none know when the end will be insight. The best I can do is learn and grow and make the most of this time. I have made some masks from scarfs (3 finished one incomplete) and have completed one pillow and another pillow to be made. While I wasn’t in a good place I stopped the work on my second book until I recover. I am not sure what else I may take up to fill my time.

My greatest hope is that all this will be over soon and we can return to some sense of normalcy.

Taking a no sew mask and sewing it for efficiency

Fresh press-on nails since salons are closed

Taking during tornado warning!
Reminder of Gods love!

“We will sing for joy over your victory, And in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭20:5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Thank you for taking time to enjoy my blog🌹

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Thank you for your support of my published works🤗

Much Hope,

Cynthia

The Darkness Within

Guard against what used to hold you captive!

I was driving home last night and I ran across a cd to hear some nostalgic tunes to listen to.

Well I put one in that had nothing written on it to see what in fact was on it. To my surprise it was a cd full of songs that were from a dark period of time in my life.

There was Korn, Evanescence, Seether, HIM, and more. As I began to listen, I began to feel the darkness begin to come back inviting me to sink into it. Inviting me back into the depression, inviting me back into the suicidal ideations, inviting me back into the not great view of myself.

“He reveals mysteries from the darkness And brings the deep darkness into light.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭12:22‬ ‭NASB‬‬

The darkness is like an old comforting blanket that says stay here, cuddle with me, you will be safe. When in reality that is a false sense of comfort as it kept me from enjoying, experiencing, and just true living. The darkness if I don’t keep it in check it would easily over take me. The darkness is joyless, passionless, and stagnant.

“Why is light given to him who suffers, And life to the bitter of soul,”‭‭Job‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When the light finally dispelled the darkness in my life it not only brought me into the light, but it brought me to a place of seeking the Son. The light is joy-filled, passionate, and thriving!

“For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭36:9‬ ‭NASB

So, after a short stroll down memory lane with that cd and before I allowed that old energy to take and suck be back in, I removed the disk and listened to something different. In which was a powerful broadcast on dealing with a soul issue of abandonment! It was very impactful and liberating to tune into!

The darkness I have within is something I have to work to keep at bay the rest of my life! It is possible to do, it’s only impossible when I refuse to do my part! My job is to keep in the light as much as I can, by renewing my mind, staying in the word, dealing with the darkness as best I can when it shows itself! Sometimes I have even had to go to therapy to get help with it.

Don’t let darkness over take you, when there is so much more life in the light!

Cynthia 💕💝

My book

Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!

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Happy New Year!!! 🥂🍾

Faith Seeks Counsel Pt 3

Wisdom is to be shared not hoarded!

Many times when things happen in our life and we go through them alone. Then the same situation happens to someone else and they come to you for wisdom, but you if anything like I have been bitter at heart didn’t want to share the wisdom that was gained by the trial.

Sometimes it even came to my mind they weren’t there for you in your trial, but they want you to be there for them. Let them learn the hard wisdom like you had to learn it, no one held your hand in it. Let them see how it feels.

All those things revealed the bitterness of heart and they are not how God set things up to be. Granted, no we should have people that we can talk to in things, but what if you don’t have anyone? Turn to God. In some seasons of my life before God gave me people, He was my best friend.

Then God gave me people and I had to work through some inner issues about allowing people into my life and world where no one had gone before. He had me walk through certain things to not only shape me, but to also grow in wisdom in areas that could be imparted to others.

“Do you hear the secret counsel of God, And limit wisdom to yourself?
Job 15:8 NASB

I not only heard secret counsel and partook of it, but I hoarded(limited) the counsel for myself in cases when it could have helped lighten the burden of another.

God has to work on my heart to get me healed of the bitterness of heart, gain some understanding as to why people can’t be there for others in trial, and learn to open up and share wisdom to those who have an ear to hear it.

That in part is kind of why I blog to share encouragement to others going through things like I have or am going through. To show there is a light at the end of the matter. As well as, to not keep counsel secret and just to myself.

Now, some wisdom does have to be tailored to match the circumstance of an individual, but there will always be an underlying chord of similarity that can be shared to help another out.

I am so very thankful for the wisdom that has been imparted to me by my Pastor Juanita Gibbs. She has given freely of it without withholding and her encouragement to blog has been one I am thankful for also. She has helped me come from under that bitterness and share what I can to this audience.

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~Cynthia 😍

Faith Grip

Hold onto faith and don’t let go!

Many times its easy to just throw our hands in the air and scream “I quit”. But, what does that really solve in the long run of things?

Probably nothing, as that has proven to be the case in my life. Cause it would come around again and be the more difficult to endure.

I still have those notions come with things arise. They will say: “Its ok to give up” or “You was never made to endure such hardships” and “who do you think you are thinking faith will save you?”

Have you ever had those or any other questions fly up in your soul (mind,will and emotions)?

Choosing to live a life of faith did not exzempt me from enduring trials pain or suffering. The word plainly says though you may endure, but in the faith we know in where our hope lays as we go through tuff times. (Paraphrase) James 1 even says that we should count it all joy when you face trials of many kinds.

Yes the word of God says that!

Consider it pure joy that in the trials that your faith is being tested to produce something in your life! (James 1:3-4)

It is in the trial that I must learn that it is to produce something new or grow something that needs to come up in my life.

It is my confession of faith ever ready on my lips as I study the word more and more. But to even be on my lips it must be imprinted on my heart.

For from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and if my heart continues to reside in wrong thinking toward hardships then my lips will perpetuate a cycle of negativity that produces that fruit over faith spoken belief manifestations.

I have to take off the old negative, wrong thinking Cynthia and put on Jesus’ mind that He will make a way where there is no way, that with me(God) all things are possible to them who believe, that I (God) work all things together for the good, and My ways (Gods) are higher than Cynthia’s.

It is in this that the old can pass away the more and become new inwardly in my inner most being. The inner man of my heart is the one Jesus is most concerned about.

Let us adorn our inner life with the beauty that is in Christ!

Let us hold fast to our faith!

By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; And having an high priest over the house of God; Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)

Hebrews 10:20‭-‬23 KJV

(Photo of a desert rose)

~Cynthia 😍

Overwhelming!! 😦

Just too much going on!

Been away for a few days to regroup a little bit. All this snow we experianced here where I reside in NC was more than we had ever seen before in a very long time, as well as, temps lower than they had ever been to date.

Needless to say it was havoc for many reasons. The 1st day after it snowed I ventured out and it was ok, but not great. I didn’t make it too far without turning around to go home and be safe. The temps dropped that night and my bathroom pipes froze. Went out the next day it was icy and dangerous. This cycle was on repeat from Thurday til this past Tuesday when temps warmed enough to melt this stuff.

Monday when I ventured out for work by 9am I was turning into our local post office and slide on black ice the entire length of the drive way. I could have crashed, but Praise God I didnt. Sunday night our entire house pipes had frozen. So buying water to keep basics going then needing tap water for the facilities was also a job to see who would let me fill up 3 gallon jugs for using.

The pipes busted yesterday and I scrambled to get the water shut off. Needless to say I was massivley overwhelmed between my home, traveling in the snow to work, then dealing with the effects of the snow at my job, yeah peace was leaving me slowly, I became moody, irritated and all the such of a nonfruitful person.

Yes! I admit my humanity. I have had many many many moments of weakness in the last few days. With so much happening all the teaching about calming my soul left me. I allowed my emotions and mind to rule me. They ruled me so much so that if I didnt go settle down I could ruin a great thing with the help set before me.

It wasnt until I calmed dowm from the day that I could even have a decent conversation.

It wasn’t until I settled down til I could think straight.

It wasn’t until I settled down that I could begin to pray and talk to God to help me.

It wasn’t until God helped me that peace began to come back in by usage of my leader being a comforting ear, being for me when before settling down it was like she was against me, but those were my twisted soul perception. Thank God she has been with me this entire snow storm mess, I needed someone to help me through.

Those things had to come up and out to not remain in me to work toward being healed from in time. The old me has to die out so the new me living by the spirit can live on.

~Cynthia 😉

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

Remain Calm!!

This is a test of the inner soul system!

Kinda reminds me of when the weather alert system message comes on doesn’t it?

Just how the weather is on alert for bad weather our inner should be reaching a place the more I practice using the tools my Pastor Juanita Gibbs has been teaching me to know when things are on approach to arise.

I was in my prayer time this morning and found that I spent longer than usual in that time with God.

Ohhh did I find out later as to why. Here in the south (North Carolina) it is unusually cold. I think this is the coldest its been in a very long time. The job where I work there was no gas for heat, pipes were frozen. Being as we are a telecommunicationd company the systems were down until 11:30am.

Needless to say with no heat and no restroom facility it wasn’t the normal of a day. I could feel the anxiety rising slowly with each call about why stiff wasn’t working. Finally got the word to close the office to discover my cell phone had been disconnected, so had to call and see what was going on with my carrier.

Had I not spent that extra time with God would I have been so aware of my anxiety rising? Probably not! I could have walked out a soulish way in the chaos.

My spirit was already aware that I needed that time as to why my time in communion was extended. The spirit is always willing, my soul not so much , the more it submits to the spirit as Pastor teaches that life by the spirt will grow.

Is it easy to live by spirit over my soulish ways? No!! But the more I use the tools given to me, the more i cam shift how I live out life from my spirit more than my soul.

This is my work to do to practice the wisdom shared with me to apply it yo my life. Not just in merr word alone, but in action also. Faith without works is dead. For it to be alive I must in faith use the tools to be effective.

No way?!?! Is it really?!?!

The final month of 2017! December already?!?! Where did the year go?

Well, this is the close out month of the year!

Let’s take it and walk the final section of this chapter toward greater things. Beginning to shake off and leave what needs to be left behind.

This year has been a year of unveiling, discovery, healing, adventure and so much more to come. In years past as this month would cycle around I would be seemingly be creating the tone gor the coming year with depressive tones of well nothing has changed so it continues to a spurn on more negativity, doubt, worry, and fears.

Where as this year, granted nothing has changed in some things. But, its all prepartory and purpose minded. Gods thoughts are higher than my thoughts, as well as, His ways are higher than mine. As I meditate on that thought the things I use to let come in like a flood seem at bay in the present moment, as if the flow is temporarily restrained.

As my pastor has been teaching us at my home church of Reformation Developmental Center that the more word I implant inside my heart and mind the more the old has to go. The more the old goes and the new come I cam begin to be healed in my soul.

This coming year of 2018 I am believing for greater things than I ever have before using actual faith. Pastor posted not long ago to dream big. So I pulled out a book I started back in early 2016 and added some things I am believing God to produce in my life. She also taught us that faith without works is dead, as well as work without faith is dead.

So in the coming month I am hoping that I can practice using the tools that my Pastor has beem teaching me to continue to overcome somethings. The work is mine to do as we are already graced to do the work. Its just now time to roll up the sleeves and get dirty with removing the old and implanting the new.

December may you be a propulion month that helps be a catapulted to take me to the next place by faith in the coming time to be.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Out of Control!!!

What I have allowed has gotten way out of hand!

The issues that keep spurning to the surface reveal that I have allowed myself to stay in them for too long.

When hurt, disappoint have come instead of thanking God and allowing Him to redirect my path. I allowed myself to assume the full impact of whatever came. He guides and directs my path, but inwardly I chose a different route one filled with pain over determination to find Gods will for me.

Some time ago, it may have been Sunday, not fully for sure, but Pastor was discussing Psalms and as I was listening, the Lord began to span across Davids life within my spirit showing me that he too endured rejection. As Pastor related to us David quite often referred to the issues of his soul in the book of Psalms.

For the ransom of his soul is too costly, And he should cease trying forever–
PSALM 49:8 AMP

He never let rejection hold him back, infact I believe he used that rejection as a way to dig down into God and use that as a fuel for determination.

How I have cried out about the contents of my soul all the hurt, pain, rejection that has inturn spurned comparison, envy, acceptance, depression issues that are wide open doors for the enemy to walk through at every turn.

To begin to close those doors I must practice taking in deep the truth from the word of God as I continue to spill out the toxins of all that my soul contains.

Like David wrote out his torment, I too can journal, pray, worship until the release of the pain becomes where I can input new of the good inside. I can practoce meditating on good things to make them apart of the new person as a believer we can be transformed to be as I allow my process.

Blogging also helps me remove toxins, of course, this is a more public way, but it is to perhaps encourage others that as we do the work we can begin to overcome, be healed and live life more by faith.

This is how I can get my out of control thoughts and emotions that are contrary to truth to begin to regain control and bring them under the subjection of Christ and the word.

~Love Life~ Live Life ~😍

~Cynthia 😉

Foundational Relationships

God given bonds of connection make the world of difference in a life!

All it takes is one God given person to change the entire outlook. All it takes is one to help heal wounds from broken relationships of the past. All it takes is one being used and filled with the Holy spirit that is able to walk unconditionally with you to encourage you on to the next phase.

Have I or am I that friend?

No not yet, but I am striving toward such as things become aware to me that need to grow or develop in.

Is it easy? It can be by not overthinking, stressing or getting all anxious which only causes paralyzation of oneself.

Depending on many factors its within us only that we make changes easy or hard. Pastor taught us sunday in a section of time about “be still” (Psalm 46:10). Beautifully ellaborated we are to be still in our inner processes of thinking. Not being still in the natural as in unmoving. No!

Her teaching and her leadership of me has been that one connection/relationship that I needed in my lofe to begin to turn my life around, grow out of things to begin to mature and able to handle better what life throws out at us and what we get from choices we make.

When someone takes set apart time to pour into you truth, wisdom and be loving and accepting of you then that is a treasured gift that only God could give.

Do you have someone like that in your life?

If not pray to God he send you someone. If you do thank God for what He gave you and ask Him like I am doing to help you to be a better friend in turn. Relationships/Friendships/Godly connectiond help us enjoy life.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Now that I have asked, now prepare!

We are to prepare for what we pray for!

In my time as it has been if singlehood it has provided me time to pray and seek the Lord and its a great time to spend with my Savior. Developing that true and lasting relationship with communication and worshipping his majesty, thanking him for his goodness, grace and mercy in thanksgiving. To study and delve into his guide book for all things concerning life to navigate the path here on the earth.

In times past though I hated continuing to remain single. It was as if my mind decided to name it a plague or something. But when God got hold of me through my wonderful Pastor Juanita Gibbs to show me in reality it is a blessing and a prepatory time was revolutuonary for me. It held begin to reshape my thinking on the whole thing.

Later, as time has gone on she has helped me tackle some wring stronhild thinking that I have had about it and to begin to bring healing to places from damage in my soul from my past, how I have lived this life that seriously needed attention as I had tried for so long to put a man in those places and always ended up hurt and the more empty due to the contents of my soul.

Her book up above(which can be purchased on Amazon) has helped me have a paradigm shift to loose fear, doubt and worry and begin to have faith, hope and trust in God that in time He provides whats needed. Where I had thought it may just bot happen for me and that thought is not in line with the word of God. So it is to he captured when comes and cast down (2 Corin 10:4-5).

Freedom from old stuff is a process and it takes time. As to why the word of God is the best guide book to have in this life as it touches all subjects including relationships. Her book has helped me begin to shift my mind and see myself as a winner in the faith and trust in God and His timing.

These books below are others that I have read in time past before going to the church that has so wonderfully aided me in my life far more than theae books as my lraders know me and my battles and issues as they have taught the best knowledge is your own personal experiance and gaining wisdom from those who know you personally to help naviagte the journey.

In no particular order:

This book is great for understand yourself and how you commincate in showing/displaying love to those in your life.

This book mainly focuses on enjoying single life! I passed my copy on to encourage other single sisters, but God replaced the copy when He sent me a leader in my Pastor who tells me the same thing. Enjoy, live, focus on God, walk in my purpose and his will. She is my book of wisdom since the others fully cannot relate to me as she can relate me to my story and prepare me.

This book was pretty much a reinforcement to my Pastors councel to trust God. As this spoke about divine timing and God doing the work to bring about His will and plans for my life.

This book expounded on Ruths story. She focused on her purpose with Noami and Boaz found her. Our bishop has spoke on her story in times to wait to be found by him as we are about our Fathers business. To stop falling for the words of a Bozo (lol) but wait while God works. Wait patiently with good attitude.

This book also reinforced the concept of time and touched on boundaries and enlightened that if you have things going on in your life you may not need to be in a relationship where we need wait and get healing first just as my Pastor focuses on with us. Heal the inner and if its Gods will He will bring things to pass.

This one is a premartial counceling book. That focuses on reflecting marriage as marriage of christ and the church as to which that is what earthly union should reflect when 2 born again believers come together.

This book opened up more the concept from the prior book, but showed more the difficulty and challenges in union on one flesh. As my pastor has taught us that 2 becoming one is an undertaking of understanding, forgiveness, and unconditional love to not quit when things get hard, but to keep at it.

This one I have not read, but I have read the book Boundaries just not this targeted area. But my Pastor has been instilling in me boundaries are very important in all kinds of relationships.

I so love my church Reformation Developmental Center where they speak on practical wisdom tips as well as full depth of the word of God to bring us insight into all things in this life.

~Love Life~Live Life~😍

~Cynthia 😉