Personal Acceptance

Discovering How Fearfully & Wonderfully Made I Am!

The subtitle of this blog is one that is near and dear to me, as it is the subtitle to my book Beauty from Ashes that is available on amazon.com. See link below the image to shop!

I am a woman that has battled personal acceptance, low self-esteem, low self-worth, lack of self-care, and having an over all bad view of myself. It was a pivotal turning point in March 2016 when on a trip it was brought to my attention just how negative I spoke about myself. I, in myself had no self awareness of the fact that I was so deeply negative I was inwardly.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flows the springd of life.”

Proverbs 4:23 AMP

Every word from my lips dripped with disdain of life, existence, purpose and destiny. It revealed a bitterness of heart due to roots of lack of self-acceptance and self-love! I was asked at that time, why was I like I was. My answer outright was “what does it really matter” in a sarcastic tone. That no matter what I did or do it never made any difference.

It was then that grace and patience with understanding and compassion were extended to me to help begin to uproot bad things and cultivate a new way of being. This work has been ongoing and will continue as it is needful in becoming a better woman for life!

Your thoughts create your reality!

~Juanita Gibbs

40 Day Detox of Negative Thinking

Amazon

She began working with me in the key fundamentals of personal care, life care, home care, developing a healthier interior, then working on my self esteem and self love. Others in the past that may have tried to assist me didn’t extent long periods of grace to help me grow and develop the way my counselor has in these last three years.

It has taken this long to grow even a lil sprout of self-acceptance. I have made progress in being more positive and speaking with hope. Being I would pick apart everything about me from my looks, my weight, my hair color, and more. It was when I realized that I am running down Gods creation that I have had to work through that.

I have been walking through a phase of discovering who I am, learning how I am made and slowly embracing the facts and truths about me, then learning what I need to do to work on becoming a better woman. Its not been easy for me and it wont be easy to continue to change and grow.

Growth is pain!

Development is a journey!

But, what I can say is that no matter how offended I may get at the truth, I need it. No matter how sensitive I am emotionally, I need tough love. Yes the wounds are there! Yes the strongholds are there! But, they are within my power to take them down within myself and get the healing I need deeper.

My encouragement to you is this: If me as stubborn as I am and can be can change, heal, and get delivered, then take this as a sign that you can too. It takes steps, falling down, getting back up, taking steps again and often falling and getting back up in a cycle to keep working to bring about change to your life as I am working to in mine.

Thank you for reading if you reaching this point leave me a comment below! 💝

Cynthia 💞

Shop Amazon for my book and the other book mentioned above! Thank you for your support!

When The Dawn Comes

The dawn is when you allow a time of healing to come into your life…

There had to come a point when after all I had walked through, allowed myself to partake of, and the things within my soul that bleed so hard in was like internal hemorrhaging that I needed to surrender to walking a path of healing and deliverance.

“Is as the light of the morning when the sun rises, A morning without clouds, When the tender grass springs out of the earth, Through sunshine after rain.’ Truly is not my house so with God? For He has made an everlasting covenant with me, Ordered in all things, and secured; For all my salvation and all my desire, Will He not indeed make it grow?”

‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭23:4-5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

It was amazing to me to see as I began the path of healing and deliverance just how much God was truly with me and still is to this day.

He kept me in suicide when I tried mixing pills and alcohol, He kept me at my worst, He kept me at my heaviest, He has kept me under the knife of my surgeries, He kept me when I lost my mom, He keeps me every day and in all my days ahead He keeps me!

The Dawn is also embracing the Love of the Father that has kept me and will keep me all the days of my life that I continue to serve, worship, and grow in relationship with Him my God and Savior!

Even in the darkest of times the dawn is there, just off on the horizon that I didn’t take time to look for it or focus on it. The darkness is like a blanket of security that holds you close. Once the dawn breaks and you realize its false security. Then the breakaway from darkness to light happens.

Allow the dawn to come in your darkest days to walk toward new days!

My Book: Beauty from Ashes on Amazon

Cynthia

The Pit of My Darkness

What you read in this blog not many know this dark part of my life…

There was a period of time probably about in 2016 that I hit rock bottom internally. I began resorting to find ways to cope, ways to numb the pain. Ways to suppress and/or ways to keep so busy that I had no time to think or feel.

One day I recalled I had some high dose pain killers, and granted the pain I was in didn’t cause me physical pain, but it did mentally and emotionally. So, I took one, boy did it do the trick! It took me to where i was so sedated I knew nothing, my mind slowed down and became wrapped up in a cloud of nothingness.

Finally, the answer I had been looking for!I would partake on occasion to just not feel any more! When someone in the family had a procedure, there stash conveniently became mine after they didn’t need them any longer. It got to a point of when on them, I would have like hangover symptoms and feel terrible! My body was letting me know enough was enough!

I eventually sought medical help for my anxiety as to why some of these things I was battling were so extreme. They put me on some anxiety meds and they have helped.

So I stopped taking those prescription pain killers. When my anxiety meds seemed to not even touch all the edgy ways I was experiencing, to continue to find ways of coping, I ran to cigarettes and alcohol for solace! Those like any other are temporary fixes to an inner issue that I need to deal with. I have walked away yet again from cigarettes, and have limited my time of alcohol consumption. I haven’t reached the point of addiction with them, so it is best they get dealt with now.

I had some amazing help in getting me to where I am now, as things change, I have to choose to continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking toward inner healing. I look forward to continuing to grow away from destructive behaviors.

My book:

Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!

Amazon

Cynthia Gunn 💝

Who am I?

Have we not stopped and pondered the big life questions from time to time?

I know I have and often if not careful and send myself into a tail spin just mulling those huge questions over and over and over!

I haven’t blogged in a while as I stopped to get my book out, which is now available on amazon.com, even now that it is out the big questions come even more.

Does your message have any impact?

Is what you hoped your writing to be is it that?

What makes your story special?

Well, I had to come to this conclusion. My story has a set audience and those meant to find it will and it will greatly impact thier life!

My book and my story is multifaceted and not just one target area of change in my physical, but also a change in my spiritual.

I have had to dig down deep and pull from the roots of faith to realize I am a daughter of destiny and purpose. The process and journey that I am on is preordained and its up to me by faith to walk it out!

I tell you what though, leaps of faith are scary at times! I chose to put my story out there for the world that was a big leap for me! As I sat there finilizing everything and the button of “click to publish” was waiting to be pressed I had a moment of doubt flood me. I reached out to my life coach and asked should I really press this button?

Withour any hesitation at all she said ro me yes you should! I sat on edge for a few days waiting for it to come back approved for publish and available online! When it did go live it was one of the most joyful, tearfilled times of my life!

With that one successfully completed I have begun to work on my next book. I look forward to one day hearing the impact my writings have had on people.

Cynthia 💝

End of the Road

What to do when you reach the end?

Often times in this life we hit endings! I would hit endings and be completley devistated!

Why you ask?

Well…

For many reason. Some being unmet expectations, things done on my own without consulting God about it, or wounds within my soul that sought out validation from sources that had no capacity to fulfill them!

These endings have saved me from a deeper life of pain than I could have felt had I gotten my way in life!

Relationships that didnt workout, churches that didnt work out, jobs that didnt work out! All of the path that I have been on has lead me here to where I am at currently today!

Life lessons have to be learned and often times, well more often than not in my case I took the lesson and blew it way out of proportion.

What I needed to learn was simple!

What I needed to grow in was simple!

What I needed to then walk in was simple!

But how I have done the understanding of these things is, take them as far out of context as I could and made mountains out of mole hills!

Coming to the end of the road is this….

A dead end…

What has to happen at the end of a dead end?

You have to go back up that path, see what you didn’t see before, take the lesson with you, and get back on your predestined path!

Endings aren’t always fun or enjoyable, but they can be incredible times of growth and rediscovery! How we view the ending is up to our perception! It is based on whats in our soul.

Your soul may need healing like mine still does and will continue to need! Seek help for what is goin on in your head and heart! Investing in a therapist has been the greatest way to love myself and get the help I need!

To that I say Happy Endings to this blog 🙂

Thank you for reading!

Cynthia

Wisdom on Display

Wisdom will eventually have an impact on your reactions!

I have to be honest, I am someone that when things happen in my life that I can become very hasty in decision making. I can become very irritable and snappy when I feel like I am being attacked.

But, those reactions weren’t wise one reactions I have to also admit on my part. What I took in as being attacks to thus cause me to make hasty decisions and react in not so Godly ways caused much issue.

Yet Wisdom is shown to be right by what its followers do.
Luke 7:35 CEV

Now that wisdon has come on the scene from impartation from my Pastor Juanita Gibbs, of what is going on within me it is now up to me to implement that wisdom.

The issues of my soul have caused woundings and scars that have set me on auto to react and think certain ways that are contrary to the truth of what is really trying to take place.

I have to admit these issues within my soul so that they can loose power and hold in my life to turn to the new way of being. That is slowing down and not being hasty and hearing a thing out so to gain understanding as to what is coming forth for me to take in.

Wisdom that I take in will show forth in my following of its guidance.

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~Cynthia 😍

Wisdom

I can always use more wisdom, can’t you?

There are just things I will admit that I just don’t have a clue on as to how to navigate things in this life.

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
James 1:5 NASB

When I requested of God to send someone into my life that would help impart wisdom and insight into areas of my life known and unknown that could help me learn from them. God sure enough answered abundantly more than I could have imagined.

He sent a wonderful leader in my Pastor Juanita Gibbs who can impart wisdom to navigate life from all aspects. She has taught me so much of the things of God and the natural day-in day-out things that I needed to be shown or taught.

(My Pastor Juanita Gibbs – Facebook)

God uses her surrendered life to help impart wisdom to others and I am blessed to be counted in that number. She goes live on facebook every tuesday between 6pm and 7pm EST.

She has helped mold and shape my womanhood into what it should be to mature me in those areas. She is used of God to help in cultivating my spirit life by the word she delivers and has taken me under wing to help with the gifts God has placed in me. She has also helped me in areas of my soul, as well as, helping me get healthy in body. She is a whole person ministry and I love that about where I call my church.

The more wisdom I need in areas she is able to impart from experiance and the word and from her councel practice she can tailor councel just to my life so perfectly.

Never be ashamed to ask God or people for Wisdom. It can help you so much in life.

~Cynthia 😍

Faith finds rest for your soul!

Faith through the word is our key to rest!

Is this easy to say? Yes, of course it is. But, what about actually tapping into the source and overcoming doubt, unbelief, worry, fear and anxiety.

Its been a journey and I am the furthest thing from having this thing perfected. Even as of yesterday I failed in areas and spent way too much time self abusing myself.

My Pastor can attest to this as she was with me to councel, bring wisdom and insight to areas that need dealing with within my soul.

I have got to be diligent about putting more of the word inside of me! She teaches us the Word of God is His voice and His mind that we are to put on. This is the only way that I can learn of Him is to study Him.

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:29 NASB

Say if I was dating or interested in someone I would study them, find out what they like, what they don’t like. Learn through trial and error what makes them smile or laugh or what tickes them off. I have to be just so with God through His word. He is to be our first love.

The more I learn of Him, I am learning Gods character, His love, His voice, His way with me as it is my personal relationship with God. This helps me take on His yoke that is easy with lighter burdens, because He would have showed me how to handle it.

The more and more this is implemtented the more I find rest in my soul. Handling things on my own is messy, chaotic and frustrating. His way just sound way better. Sometimes too good to be true but with time and effort I see possible and my Pastor Juanita Gibbs is that example before me of this very concept.

So, may we all progress in the faith by pulling more and more from the Word of God to aide in resting our souls.

~Cynthia 😍

To-do List!!

Make the list and check it 2x!

Sorry this isn’t about Santa!

But what it is about is undealt with anxiety!

The noise and choas that resides in a soul when left undealt with can become so much that it basically can shut humanity down.

Anxiety has been known to do that in some. That it becomes just so much undealt with that they live life medicated and in a shell excluding themself from life, others, and genuine help to manage the anxiety better.

Now disclaimer!

I am not running down anyone on meds for anxiety as I am on an herbal for anxiety myself and my father is on meds for his.

The thing that I am getting to is not seeking help to help manage the condition. I am thankful to say I am getting great biblical counceling to aide my development to handle things better and begin to calm my soul down!

If I leave my condition undealt with I could become a nonproductive member of society and I don’t want to become that.

I want to encourage and inspire others with my story to show it is possible.

For with God all things are possible to them that believe amd I believe my soul is finally getting the help it so desperatley longed for.

I want to be able to go through life managing my anxiety, managing my emotions, managing my thought life better from where my anxiety, emotions and thoughts have lead my life for far too long.

Now with what help I am getting the more I become aware of myself that I am straying away from peace I can throw the emergency breaks to not allow that to happen.