Personal Acceptance

Discovering How Fearfully & Wonderfully Made I Am!

The subtitle of this blog is one that is near and dear to me, as it is the subtitle to my book Beauty from Ashes that is available on amazon.com. See link below the image to shop!

I am a woman that has battled personal acceptance, low self-esteem, low self-worth, lack of self-care, and having an over all bad view of myself. It was a pivotal turning point in March 2016 when on a trip it was brought to my attention just how negative I spoke about myself. I, in myself had no self awareness of the fact that I was so deeply negative I was inwardly.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flows the springd of life.”

Proverbs 4:23 AMP

Every word from my lips dripped with disdain of life, existence, purpose and destiny. It revealed a bitterness of heart due to roots of lack of self-acceptance and self-love! I was asked at that time, why was I like I was. My answer outright was “what does it really matter” in a sarcastic tone. That no matter what I did or do it never made any difference.

It was then that grace and patience with understanding and compassion were extended to me to help begin to uproot bad things and cultivate a new way of being. This work has been ongoing and will continue as it is needful in becoming a better woman for life!

Your thoughts create your reality!

~Juanita Gibbs

40 Day Detox of Negative Thinking

Amazon

She began working with me in the key fundamentals of personal care, life care, home care, developing a healthier interior, then working on my self esteem and self love. Others in the past that may have tried to assist me didn’t extent long periods of grace to help me grow and develop the way my counselor has in these last three years.

It has taken this long to grow even a lil sprout of self-acceptance. I have made progress in being more positive and speaking with hope. Being I would pick apart everything about me from my looks, my weight, my hair color, and more. It was when I realized that I am running down Gods creation that I have had to work through that.

I have been walking through a phase of discovering who I am, learning how I am made and slowly embracing the facts and truths about me, then learning what I need to do to work on becoming a better woman. Its not been easy for me and it wont be easy to continue to change and grow.

Growth is pain!

Development is a journey!

But, what I can say is that no matter how offended I may get at the truth, I need it. No matter how sensitive I am emotionally, I need tough love. Yes the wounds are there! Yes the strongholds are there! But, they are within my power to take them down within myself and get the healing I need deeper.

My encouragement to you is this: If me as stubborn as I am and can be can change, heal, and get delivered, then take this as a sign that you can too. It takes steps, falling down, getting back up, taking steps again and often falling and getting back up in a cycle to keep working to bring about change to your life as I am working to in mine.

Thank you for reading if you reaching this point leave me a comment below! 💝

Cynthia 💞

Shop Amazon for my book and the other book mentioned above! Thank you for your support!

Before I Became Content

In being single…

I have been very discontented in my life about the fact I was single. To be perfectly honest when I saw people posting of their relationships online I was secretly bitter inside with the fact they had someone and I didn’t. I harbored those bitter, resentful, and angry feelings for years and years.

But why did I have those feelings?
Cause secretly within me I was doing several things:
1) Comparing myself to the other woman
2) Judging why did they deserved that happiness.
3) Adding to wounds of low-self esteem and feeding my own insecurities.
This was especially the case if the guy I liked entered into a relationship with someone else that was not me. Actually, it was 10x worse in some cases…depends on how much I opened my heart up to the situation and allowed myself to think things that had no validity whatsoever.
I would in my mind entertain things:
  • He is talking to me, he must like me
  • He spends time with me, he must like me
  • He complimented me, he thinks I’m beautiful, he must like me
All those things are very juvenile and should be what a teenager deals with in crushes and things. Which revealed a place within me that needed maturing. When those things came into my life from the opposite sex, I was easily moved! If I am not careful, it can still a happen easily.
I have a core issue within me that was exposed that needs healing. That core issue was seeing myself as worthy and valuable enough to be in that position. This core issue has been getting worked on through counseling sessions, in-depth teaching from my Pastoral leadership in target areas that are vital to the health of my inner being in this area of life.
If I don’t mature and get healing then I will be keeping myself in a perpetual cycle of hurt. It was told to me once because of the tender state of my heart when I do love cause it can be deep, that I need to guard my heart better.

Through much hurt down the years I had to learn to guard and each time it happened I had to find the lesson, find the weak place, then work on strengthening those weaknesses. I am still working on these, I can honestly say that I can see I have grown in some level.
Here’s how I know growth has come. I had a “situation-ship” that spanned about 9 months, me and the guy talked every day, like three times a day. I was so stupidly excited thinking this may be the one, which it wasn’t, he was talking to other women all along and was never serious.
This whole thing sent me into a hard downward spiral to the point I was ready to kill myself in doing an overdose. I felt like I had given so much that it was tossed like tattered clothes when it happened. I eventually got over it and moved on in life.
To my latest now this one shew was a doozy, but it revealed some growth. A guy who frequented by my job for bout a month we talked, flirted, texted, this one was hot and heavy on the flirt scale. It eventually revealed itself that this one was married.
I was totally mixed emotions about the whole thing, but never once did I entertain end my life. I removed all contact with the guy as to not continue to have him emotionally cheating on his wife. I had to seek repentance for this as to make sure I don’t reap what I sow.

In the first situation I reveal, I had made everything of who I was based off of my acceptance from that man. It was a codependency that I had created that caused me to want to end it when it didn’t work out. In between situation one and two though, my counselor had told me that a man is an accessory.

Accessories add value, but don’t make the person. I make me no matter if I have a man or not and that has been something I needed to hear, but to also accept deeply. Which has been a catalyst to help me grow on a level from being immature and moved to mature and unmoved when a man comes or goes in my life.

Now to not be distracted I have laid aside the deep need and extreme want of having a relationship to press in closer to God genuinely and fulfill those things He wants me to do in the earth to leave an impact for His glory. Its a daily struggle, but it is one I am committed to lay aside until the right Man of God comes along into my life.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭KJV‬‬

My book is available on Amazon

Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if this helped you in anyway! I love to hear your feed back 💞

Cynthia 🥰

Embracing Singleness

Relationship Status in a world that makes it idolized to be of a certain status!

In a world where status is everything so it seems, the world promotes that if your not married then your practically nothing.

To say the least many of us have cosigned with that mindset. But, is it true what they claim?

NO!

I can attest that being single is NOT the end all be all of our existence and neither is marriage. Both have their place in the world and in the church. Married folks (successful marriages) should be encouraged to pour wisdom into singles to help prepare them for their time.

Godly marriages have come along side me in my recent years and have helped burst the false bubbles of fantasy and instill reality and wisdom in the approach to relationships. I first had to embrace the fact that marriage is a long-term successful friendship.

Once I got this I was then challenged to learn to walk in love, this love walk was the one without conditions, boy thats been a challenge. Its been a growing pain of growing from where I once was cold to seeing some fruit of growth how be it ever small, but growth is growth.

The successful marriages showed me that even if marriage doesn’t come I need to learn to love myself and my journey. If someone comes along thats traveling the same road and we can go at it together great, if not; I still have a purpose and call of God to fulfill. Embracing this has brought a level of freedom that no matter my status I still have purpose.

I still have bouts of struggle with this from time to time, I won’t lie about that. Thats our human nature and a good one to have as long as its not our driving force. I was reminded once again to seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness them all those things can be added to me.

So, if you struggle being single, know that your not alone. Trust in God and His timing. Work on yourself, love yourself, enjoy yourself! Live life, love others, bring joy to those you can around you. Sow seeds of goodness and kindness where you can.

Love yourself enough to wait on the goodness of the Lord! Trust your preparation season, trust the growth, trust in the Love of the Father! He knows what He is doing, he loves you enough to keep you growing before you mess up any good thing He sends your way!

My book: Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am! Shop Amazon

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The Real Darkness Within

A part of my life most aren’t aware of…

#trigger warning if any talk of suicide can trigger you please skip this post#

From the time I was 3yrs old I was place on the suicide watch list! At the age of 3, I got into my grandmothers pills. Im not aware and they didn’t know at the time if i had taken her pills or not. But, I was to be watched!

As life has went on suicide crosses my mind often! Just to be real!

I recall once that I cut my wrists and the effects didn’t have my desired result so I just hid the scars til they healed, then no one would ever know. (Teen years)

In my 20s it was still just as prevalent. I would pour all the high powered pills I had in a glass and was ready to down them! But, people prayed, talked me down to deal with the real issue. People loved me enough to help!

In my 30s this thing still comes to mind. Even my latest attempt last year didn’t have the desired result I had hoped for. I took several Naproxen Sodium pills them downed them with a big glass of wine. Settled in to cross over to only wake up many hours later sick, but not finding the end!

What had to happen was me entering a counsel/therapy to deal with my inner darkness to get help, healing, recovery, and tools to combat this with!

My therapist walks me through different stages of things to help bring healing snd deliverance to my soul. Her last session with me encouraged me to press into knowing my worth! That has been helping me tremendously. I have had to do work to know my worth even on a small scale!

I so have appreciated my therapist and look forward to getting back to having sessions again! They are needful for me to keep growing and walking toward my destiny!

If you battle anything like this please seek help! Help is available! Don’t allow the darkness to win!

Love

Cynthia

My book Beauty From Ashes

Amazon

The Darkness Within

Guard against what used to hold you captive!

I was driving home last night and I ran across a cd to hear some nostalgic tunes to listen to.

Well I put one in that had nothing written on it to see what in fact was on it. To my surprise it was a cd full of songs that were from a dark period of time in my life.

There was Korn, Evanescence, Seether, HIM, and more. As I began to listen, I began to feel the darkness begin to come back inviting me to sink into it. Inviting me back into the depression, inviting me back into the suicidal ideations, inviting me back into the not great view of myself.

“He reveals mysteries from the darkness And brings the deep darkness into light.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭12:22‬ ‭NASB‬‬

The darkness is like an old comforting blanket that says stay here, cuddle with me, you will be safe. When in reality that is a false sense of comfort as it kept me from enjoying, experiencing, and just true living. The darkness if I don’t keep it in check it would easily over take me. The darkness is joyless, passionless, and stagnant.

“Why is light given to him who suffers, And life to the bitter of soul,”‭‭Job‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When the light finally dispelled the darkness in my life it not only brought me into the light, but it brought me to a place of seeking the Son. The light is joy-filled, passionate, and thriving!

“For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭36:9‬ ‭NASB

So, after a short stroll down memory lane with that cd and before I allowed that old energy to take and suck be back in, I removed the disk and listened to something different. In which was a powerful broadcast on dealing with a soul issue of abandonment! It was very impactful and liberating to tune into!

The darkness I have within is something I have to work to keep at bay the rest of my life! It is possible to do, it’s only impossible when I refuse to do my part! My job is to keep in the light as much as I can, by renewing my mind, staying in the word, dealing with the darkness as best I can when it shows itself! Sometimes I have even had to go to therapy to get help with it.

Don’t let darkness over take you, when there is so much more life in the light!

Cynthia 💕💝

My book

Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!

Amazon

Happy New Year!!! 🥂🍾

Who am I?

Have we not stopped and pondered the big life questions from time to time?

I know I have and often if not careful and send myself into a tail spin just mulling those huge questions over and over and over!

I haven’t blogged in a while as I stopped to get my book out, which is now available on amazon.com, even now that it is out the big questions come even more.

Does your message have any impact?

Is what you hoped your writing to be is it that?

What makes your story special?

Well, I had to come to this conclusion. My story has a set audience and those meant to find it will and it will greatly impact thier life!

My book and my story is multifaceted and not just one target area of change in my physical, but also a change in my spiritual.

I have had to dig down deep and pull from the roots of faith to realize I am a daughter of destiny and purpose. The process and journey that I am on is preordained and its up to me by faith to walk it out!

I tell you what though, leaps of faith are scary at times! I chose to put my story out there for the world that was a big leap for me! As I sat there finilizing everything and the button of “click to publish” was waiting to be pressed I had a moment of doubt flood me. I reached out to my life coach and asked should I really press this button?

Withour any hesitation at all she said ro me yes you should! I sat on edge for a few days waiting for it to come back approved for publish and available online! When it did go live it was one of the most joyful, tearfilled times of my life!

With that one successfully completed I have begun to work on my next book. I look forward to one day hearing the impact my writings have had on people.

Cynthia 💝