The Road Toward Healing

Hope at the end of the tunnel!

In reflection, I have found myself to be on the road toward healing more often then not! Life happens, we take the hit that wounds the soul, then we grapple at the pieces to get back up and walk again.

Our roads toward healing look different each time. They embody different aspects that need to be overcome, things that need to change, things that need to be matured in, or just healing from being backstabbed, rejected, abandoned, betrayed, or even depression and anxiety.

I will use my life examples to demonstrate how the road toward healing is different each time. I have more of my journey in my book that is available on amazon. But for this blog, I am disclosing some stories that are not in my book.

The first time I actually hit the road toward healing came after I was deeply wounded in the church! That same night the hurt happened as a matter of fact!

The first church I was truly apart of was going through a difficult transitional time of the beloved Pastor of 13 years was leaving due to some personal matters. The Pastor that came in, came in like a hurricane and stirred up a lot. Within the first few weeks the church was further divided. Anyway to make this long story short, I was called into the office with the Pastor, the church board, and the Superintendent of the churches denomination from the high up office at the State level. I did alot of work for the church and was highly connected to the prior leadership, which honestly was not favored as most if you were, was being driven away by taking positions away and reassigning to others who came in new with this new Pastor.

So, I sat in the office with all of them and lie after lie after lie just came from their lips. I sat there thinking these are church folk, lying isn’t suppose to be acceptable?!?!

Even took a persons words close to me and twisted them for their benefit! Now granted on my own part I was very negative about the division of the church, angry with how things were being done, and devastated at how church folks had done folks. In the meeting I sat there quiet the whole time just listening to the accusations. It wasn’t til the end when they said turn in your key and what work you have your released from the position. Knowing full well they had it in for me since day one, I popped back, looked the new Pastor square in the face and said if you didn’t want me here you should have said it long time ago! I took the key off the ring and put in on the desk! They forbid me from talking about what happened to me out side that room to anyone!

I was completely devastated, shocked, and the more distraught. I had just lost the Pastor I had sat under for 7 years, then all this from church folks. I went to my car, cried, was about to leave and say screw the night service. I got enough of myself together and said I will go in and be part of this service but I had to isolate myself as they all kept an eye on me the whole service! Needless to say I wasn’t myself and many took note of that, came over to talk to me and I had to push them away. I left before the service was over to avoid more questions.

I couldn’t go home in the state I was in, my mom would definitely know and I didn’t need her upset any more them she already was from what they were doing. So, I went to the place I work and sat at my desk and cried for 2 hours. One person by name Juanita Gibbs of whom is my Pastor now reached out to me, not knowing my situation, said I came up heavy in her spirit and wanted to check on me. That there showed me not all church people do others wrong. Had she not reached out, I probably would have turned my back on God, the church, my purpose and more.

Still yes I need healing from all that, as I have authority issues from that and childhood. Healing has come cause I cannot hold people to not being people. I had put christians on a pedestal that we were immune to failure, which is far from the case.

This road toward healing course kept me on the path toward God and not away from God. Not turning my back on brothers and sisters in the faith. Many things have come to try to pull me off that path down the years and it is a true fight to remain in the faith.

Photo of Roses Taken Sunday March 1, 2020

Another time I have been on the road toward healing (and I am still on this path) to not be so negative about my overall self. To make it simple my words reflected I have a level of hate even for myself that brooded low self-esteem, not feeling valued, low worth, and more.

It was on a trip to South Carolina that this revelation came to be. The person that has been the most integral in me being on the healing road has been Juanita Gibbs. She was apart of this trip and at the closeout of the trip we all sat down and had a chat. That brought out the fact I speak down about myself and all.

I have had chats with her since about that same stuff to keep working toward levels and degrees of healing that I desperately need within my soul. Had they not begun to be healed I could have been in bad dysfunctional relationship, gave up my body to any available man, taken on friendships that wouldn’t be reciprocal and the like. The path of this healing helped me get a standard, see my value and worth. Begin to embrace and love the woman I am and who I am still working to become!

Healing is a journey! It is up to us to take the step on that path and do what is necessary to heal!

If this encouraged you in any way I would love to hear from you. Drop a comment below 💝

Cynthia 💞
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Personal Acceptance

Discovering How Fearfully & Wonderfully Made I Am!

The subtitle of this blog is one that is near and dear to me, as it is the subtitle to my book Beauty from Ashes that is available on amazon.com. See link below the image to shop!

I am a woman that has battled personal acceptance, low self-esteem, low self-worth, lack of self-care, and having an over all bad view of myself. It was a pivotal turning point in March 2016 when on a trip it was brought to my attention just how negative I spoke about myself. I, in myself had no self awareness of the fact that I was so deeply negative I was inwardly.

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flows the springd of life.”

Proverbs 4:23 AMP

Every word from my lips dripped with disdain of life, existence, purpose and destiny. It revealed a bitterness of heart due to roots of lack of self-acceptance and self-love! I was asked at that time, why was I like I was. My answer outright was “what does it really matter” in a sarcastic tone. That no matter what I did or do it never made any difference.

It was then that grace and patience with understanding and compassion were extended to me to help begin to uproot bad things and cultivate a new way of being. This work has been ongoing and will continue as it is needful in becoming a better woman for life!

Your thoughts create your reality!

~Juanita Gibbs

40 Day Detox of Negative Thinking

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She began working with me in the key fundamentals of personal care, life care, home care, developing a healthier interior, then working on my self esteem and self love. Others in the past that may have tried to assist me didn’t extent long periods of grace to help me grow and develop the way my counselor has in these last three years.

It has taken this long to grow even a lil sprout of self-acceptance. I have made progress in being more positive and speaking with hope. Being I would pick apart everything about me from my looks, my weight, my hair color, and more. It was when I realized that I am running down Gods creation that I have had to work through that.

I have been walking through a phase of discovering who I am, learning how I am made and slowly embracing the facts and truths about me, then learning what I need to do to work on becoming a better woman. Its not been easy for me and it wont be easy to continue to change and grow.

Growth is pain!

Development is a journey!

But, what I can say is that no matter how offended I may get at the truth, I need it. No matter how sensitive I am emotionally, I need tough love. Yes the wounds are there! Yes the strongholds are there! But, they are within my power to take them down within myself and get the healing I need deeper.

My encouragement to you is this: If me as stubborn as I am and can be can change, heal, and get delivered, then take this as a sign that you can too. It takes steps, falling down, getting back up, taking steps again and often falling and getting back up in a cycle to keep working to bring about change to your life as I am working to in mine.

Thank you for reading if you reaching this point leave me a comment below! 💝

Cynthia 💞

Shop Amazon for my book and the other book mentioned above! Thank you for your support!

Broken Inside

There are times the infection seeps through the broken pieces.

Been going through some things. So I took some time away from blogging so as not to spew that onto my community platform.

My soul(mind,will, and emotions) has been getting in the way of my faith. So much in fact I didn’t walk in any fruit or spirit by any means of the word.

I allowed myself to stand in the way and perceive my faith had failed me. When it had not and my own thinking had failed me. What I thought was true has been brought to light that in reality it was all a lie and a long believed deception within my inner most being.

“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” But he said to Him, “Lord, with You I am ready to go both to prison and to death!” And He said, “I say to you, Peter, the rooster will not crow today until you have denied three times that you know Me.”Luke 22:31‭-‬34 NASB

To have a Pastor like Juanita Gibbs to stand with me in the very ill behavior, way of being, and attitude says alot about her level of love walk she has. She could and had every reason to not help me any longer.

She has stuck it out with me from the depths of pure hell almost from my inner most being to want to see me change and transform.

For that I am greatful and want to continue to change. The infection that resides within me that comes out through the broken pieces has the ability to destroy and that I dont want to continue to carry around.

Peter had Jesus praying for him even before the trial of his soul would come up. Jesus said I have prayed for you that your faith not fail you. My Pastor aliken to Jesus has done the same for me before this soul of mine became unruly and obstinate.

I have work to do to continue to change and I have to be committed to it to see it as a long lasting change and be a person that doesn’t destroy but one that walks in the fruit of the spirit.

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~Cynthia 😍

Strength

In the power of His might…

There are times in life we can feel like a lion, ready to take on anything and every thing that comes along. But what happens when the lion becomess battle worn and strength is fading.

Well I know I have found myself slowly down the years becoming battle worn. It was for a good solid ten years plus that each year or every six months it was something new that came along to deal with.

From 2007 til even still now currently there have been many medical emergencies or issues or treatments that have taken place. Each requiring time away from home, traveling long distances and little to no sleep.

Much of that now as I look back on it was done within my own strength. Yes, I beleived in God during the midst of all of it, but I didnt trust and rely on Him to see me through alot of it. It been in coming to Reformation Developmental Center, that has taught me some fundamentals of how God works. He works when I am at rest.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.
Ephesians 6:10 NASB

How is that so right?

Hebrews 4:11 says our labor should be to enter rest. When my soul is inwardly busy trying to do everything on my own then I am not at rest, I am also operating from my own strength.

The teaching I have been sitting under has helped me learn to calm my soul at times. Learn to pray and cast things and wait for God to speak on what should be done.

This principles that Pastor Juanita Gibbs has taught me have helped me not be so overwhelmed, burnt out, and anxious in things as they arise in life. This keeps my weaknesses where I can pull on Gods perfect strength to make it through anything.

Recognizing I am not strong in things and humbly asking God to meet me has helped so much. I still have much more of this to practice, but what I am practicing in my life has helped so much.

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~Cynthia 😍

Gladness of Heart

Seeking God’s will for your life brings gladness of heart.

In coming to Reformation Developmental Center that is Pastored by Juanita Gibbs (read her blog post from today) that I stepped into God’s will for my life.

The reason I know I am in God’s will where I am at is because growth is happening, cultivation of gifts has been occuring, purpose has come forth and an overwhelming sense of fulfillment has come within.

Glory in His holy name; Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad.
1 Chronicles 16:10 NASB

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that one day I would be truly and completley happy in my life. I had spent so much of it being negative and looking at things from that perspective dampened every outlook I had.

To work with the children at church as an ordained Youth Teacher, to blog 4 to 5 days a week, work on projects that have kingdom impact. Write a book (of which I am still writing) and have two more potential books to write. Being part of a family of God that loves, accepts and helps me continue to grow.

These things came only by seeking the Lord and asking Him where did He want me to be. My soul had done made the choice 2x before and the tenure with those ended and to much pain I have to say.

The gladness of heart has only come by seeking God for what His will for my life was to be, and its been a joyous thing ever since.

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~Cynthia 😍

Heart of Skills

At the heart of us we all have been given a skill!

Have you ever sat back and pondered life at times?

Questioning God Why am I here?

What is it I am suppose to do or contribute to the world?

Well, on more than one occasion I can honestly say I have had this trivial time with God. My soul (mind,will, and emotions) searched for purpose to the point it was so loud within that when or if God did speak I didn’t hear it.

All the women whose heart stirred with a skill spun the goats’ hair.
EXODUS 35:26 AMP

It took coming to where I am now at Reformation Developmental Center to finally hear what God had called and purposed me to for my life.

My Pastor Juanita Gibbs took me under wing to help bring out of me what God had placed within me to use for the building of His Kingdom.

She helped bring me to a place of understanding that I am called to be a teacher and was ordained as a Youth Teacher in January. Then that helped me step into the blogging and writing more as I plan to finish my book up soon to have it set for publishing.

Had I not come into a place where clarity could come on the scene my heart couldn’t have been stirred to perfect and develop the skills God has given to me.

He has done the same for each and everyone of us. Its just a matter of getting clear on it and chasing after it with your whole heart.

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~Cynthia 😍

Strength of my Heart

When my heart fails…

I never fully realized how much I relied on myself and not God to get through difficult situations. I was very much a self-reliant person and not a faith-filled person.

It wasn’t until coming to Reformation Developmental Center that the teaching presented that I operated so much in my own strength, by my own will, and not having faith and trust in God where the means for Him to operate was evident.

It was this that brought me to a place of awareness that my soul (mind, will and emotions) were leading my life. That life was filled with doubt, fear, anxiety, depression because they lacked faith. Had my spirit been leading my life it would have been full of faith, hope, trust and full of Gods love.

My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the rock and strength of my heart and my portion forever.
PSALM 73:26 AMP

My Pastor Juanita Gibbs often said God was calling me to His word. That has been so much the truth cause in His word alone is where I can find strength when I feel weak, where as seeking it in my own strength only brought me to more stress and feeling faint.

Even in my outside reading none of those resourses could ultimatley provide what my soul desperatley needed and that was truth. Truth comes from the word of God. He is God who cannot lie and backs His every word!

The more and more that I turn toward God through Jesus and His word the more I find my soul anchoring against Him as a solid rock. Taking comfort that my soul cannot do any of the problem solving and submitting to the spirit saying be of faith and trust God to see me through it all. It is in this I find strength for my heart.

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~Cynthia 😍

A Heart in Full Assurance of Faith

Cleansing the heart…

My old nature can keep me from feeling fully assured in God.

My old nature is my mindsets, stronghold, behaviors, and character that were not touched in my born again nature at salvation can and have at times prevented me from feeling secure in my faith in God.

The old nature resides in my soul(mind, will, and emotions). These components of by being have to go through a transformation to have better more active faith on God. Whereas, at salvation my spirit man was reborn and changed instantly, my soul and body went untouched.

You are a spiritual being that possess a soul that lives in a body.

-Juanita Gibbs, Pastor

Reformation Developmental Center

So, one third of my being was cleansed from old ways. The other two thirds have to be worked on to change. Faith without works is dead.

I have to take to heart that by faith I was saved by the finished works of Jesus on the cross, and thus begin to work on changing me at my soul (mind, will and emotions) and then it will reflect in the body the faith God had set out for humanity to have in Him.

Therefore, brethren, since we have confidence to enter the holy place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He inaugurated for us through the veil, that is, His flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.

Hebrews 10:19‭-‬22 NASB

Drawing near to God is the premise for cleansing my soul. By getting to know Him by His word on a deep level, worshipping God and expressing love for who He is in communion in prayer, thanksgiving, supplication to know whom I belong.

This opens me up to having the full assurance of faith in God. Getting to know Him and His character and love that He has for me and the world. To fully trust that He knows what He is doing in my life and His plans and purposes for me are good.

Its a journey to cleanse the soul and a worthwhile one at that. It has begun to change me on levels that is reflective in my body and character and more to come as I continue in it.

God set before me a wonderful leader of whom I quoted above that He uses to help cultivate and shape my life to be what He said in His word it should be. Without His using of her in my life my old nature would be continuing to run the day and my faith be small.

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~Cynthia 😍

Faith Seeks Counsel Pt 4

Godly counsel is timeless!

You ever take notice that when the word of God is given in regard to wisdom counsel that its probably been shared for many many years in all different senarios and times of the world.

His word is firm, true, and timeless. Just as people heard Jesus impart we hear that same inpartation of wisdom to counsel us through things.

How say perhaps your great great great relative may have been given Jeremiah 29:11 just as we are given it today for example. Gods wisdom had been passed from generation to generation.

The counsel of the Lord stands forever, The plans of His heart from generation to generation.
Psalms 33:11 NASB

Gods word reveals the plans of His heart for us. As my Pastor brought out in a few sessions now a man may plan his steps but the Lord guides Proverbs 16:9.

God has a plan for us to give us hope and a future. He has a will for our life to fulfill a kingdom purpose in the earth. He uses trials to bring about patience and other fruits. For it all works together for the good.

The thing of it is as Pastor Juanita Gibbs brought out Wednesday night is that our will has to submit and surrender to Gods will to see Hid kingdom manifest in our life.

We hold the keys but dont know how to use them. We have to align with His word and His will to see His kingdom come on earth as it is already done in heaven.

Many hold the keys to the kingdom, but surrendered vessels that align with Gods word and Will know how to use the keys propert to lock and unlock kingdom principles.

Juanita Gibbs

This way the councel we take in now to being us into that alignment can set us on course to flow freely from heaven to earth and it will help with all generations to come to know the heart and plans of God for His people.

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~Cynthia 😍

Faith Seeks Counsel Pt 3

Wisdom is to be shared not hoarded!

Many times when things happen in our life and we go through them alone. Then the same situation happens to someone else and they come to you for wisdom, but you if anything like I have been bitter at heart didn’t want to share the wisdom that was gained by the trial.

Sometimes it even came to my mind they weren’t there for you in your trial, but they want you to be there for them. Let them learn the hard wisdom like you had to learn it, no one held your hand in it. Let them see how it feels.

All those things revealed the bitterness of heart and they are not how God set things up to be. Granted, no we should have people that we can talk to in things, but what if you don’t have anyone? Turn to God. In some seasons of my life before God gave me people, He was my best friend.

Then God gave me people and I had to work through some inner issues about allowing people into my life and world where no one had gone before. He had me walk through certain things to not only shape me, but to also grow in wisdom in areas that could be imparted to others.

“Do you hear the secret counsel of God, And limit wisdom to yourself?
Job 15:8 NASB

I not only heard secret counsel and partook of it, but I hoarded(limited) the counsel for myself in cases when it could have helped lighten the burden of another.

God has to work on my heart to get me healed of the bitterness of heart, gain some understanding as to why people can’t be there for others in trial, and learn to open up and share wisdom to those who have an ear to hear it.

That in part is kind of why I blog to share encouragement to others going through things like I have or am going through. To show there is a light at the end of the matter. As well as, to not keep counsel secret and just to myself.

Now, some wisdom does have to be tailored to match the circumstance of an individual, but there will always be an underlying chord of similarity that can be shared to help another out.

I am so very thankful for the wisdom that has been imparted to me by my Pastor Juanita Gibbs. She has given freely of it without withholding and her encouragement to blog has been one I am thankful for also. She has helped me come from under that bitterness and share what I can to this audience.

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~Cynthia 😍