Tested for Covid

This stuff is every where and even working in a small rural community it is making its presence known.

In the last few weeks in the small community where I work and formally resided businesses have begun to close up for safety precautions when employees of said businesses tested positive for COVID-19 aka Corona Virus.

Two restaurants closed up, the town hall, and another communications place began remote working when employees tested positive for Corona. Its even been made aware to me that a substitute delivery driver who was on our route for two weeks that their mother died from this horrific virus. To make it worse that person lives next door to their parents and you know visiting sick parents is a given. Needless to say all this going on I fell down the rabbit hole of worse case scenarios. With all this goin on the local health department ran a testing drive on Monday. August 17th.

The testing was free. All you had to do was drive up, fill out a few forms, then they tested you. To be honest I’ve had my conspiracy theories about all this Corona testing like how people got tested, then turns out they had it and all the randomness of this thing. I watched the nurse put on new gloves, new gown, new mask, my new tube from which my sample will go into, as well as, the new plastic tester brush as she approached my vehicle window. She had me verify my info then she opened the plastic brush and took the same from inside one nostril. For about 3 hours it felt as though that brush was still up my nose, if anything she cleaned out the whole cavity!

Afterward she told me I would get a call within 24 to 36 hours with my result. That is the wrong thing to tell someone that thinks as much as I do.

Tuesday came and everytime my cellphone rang my heart would sink thinking ok here your results. But, none of the calls I got that day were from the health department. Wednesday came and still no call I was beginning to get worried. By Thursday I was so on edge, but I had stepped away from my phone and missed a call. I called it back and it was the health department with my results.

She proceeded to say: “We are calling you with your results of your COVID-19 testing you had done at the health department testing drive” I said “yes ma’am ok”. She said, “your results came back Covid NEGATIVE”

I have never been so relieved in my life yo hear that phrase! But, do many that it has hit my heart and deepest healing prayers go out to each and everyone. It has been ravaging families with the deadliest impact in some cases. I pray this epidemic ends soon its doing a toll on people emotional, mental, physical and financial state.

Thank you all for taking time to read my blog!

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~Cynthia 🌺

Stop Running Yourself Down!

We can disect ourselfs to the point of nothingness!

Learning to put the puzzle of my personhood back together!

Body positivity is one of many things I struggle with. I have been endeavoiring to learn that my body is what I am in and accepting every facet of it. This can be a hard pill to swallow! Especially when you have spent many years running yourself down like I have!

I have allowed so much of the opinions of others, the world, and society as a whole to tell me I am not good enough of a woman cause I don’t meet a certain criteria!

One day I was talking to a friend of mine which I happen to admire her councel and wisdom so very much, I happened to mention I wished I was skinny and tan! She said to me so lovingly to not want that, but to embrace the woman that I am, while yes working on myself!

In that moment I stopped and was on complete awe of the words she spoke. They have been said to me before granted, but some how this time it hit my soul differently! It came in a time when I have been pressing into establishing within my internal foundation some key fundamental truths that I need to have that I missed growing up.

Its only been as of recent that pressing into accepting myself wholly is beginning to bring small degrees of healing. The pieces of myself that I constantly want to change are being embraced back into my personhood as a whole.

It’s as if I was humpty dumpty broken and could not get put back together again until a level if healing had come. The lines of the puzzle are become less and less evident and becoming less visible to my critical eye. This is all healing to accept my individuality!

Cynthia

~Beauty for Ashes

Foundational Relationships

God given bonds of connection make the world of difference in a life!

All it takes is one God given person to change the entire outlook. All it takes is one to help heal wounds from broken relationships of the past. All it takes is one being used and filled with the Holy spirit that is able to walk unconditionally with you to encourage you on to the next phase.

Have I or am I that friend?

No not yet, but I am striving toward such as things become aware to me that need to grow or develop in.

Is it easy? It can be by not overthinking, stressing or getting all anxious which only causes paralyzation of oneself.

Depending on many factors its within us only that we make changes easy or hard. Pastor taught us sunday in a section of time about “be still” (Psalm 46:10). Beautifully ellaborated we are to be still in our inner processes of thinking. Not being still in the natural as in unmoving. No!

Her teaching and her leadership of me has been that one connection/relationship that I needed in my lofe to begin to turn my life around, grow out of things to begin to mature and able to handle better what life throws out at us and what we get from choices we make.

When someone takes set apart time to pour into you truth, wisdom and be loving and accepting of you then that is a treasured gift that only God could give.

Do you have someone like that in your life?

If not pray to God he send you someone. If you do thank God for what He gave you and ask Him like I am doing to help you to be a better friend in turn. Relationships/Friendships/Godly connectiond help us enjoy life.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Now that I have asked, now prepare!

We are to prepare for what we pray for!

In my time as it has been if singlehood it has provided me time to pray and seek the Lord and its a great time to spend with my Savior. Developing that true and lasting relationship with communication and worshipping his majesty, thanking him for his goodness, grace and mercy in thanksgiving. To study and delve into his guide book for all things concerning life to navigate the path here on the earth.

In times past though I hated continuing to remain single. It was as if my mind decided to name it a plague or something. But when God got hold of me through my wonderful Pastor Juanita Gibbs to show me in reality it is a blessing and a prepatory time was revolutuonary for me. It held begin to reshape my thinking on the whole thing.

Later, as time has gone on she has helped me tackle some wring stronhild thinking that I have had about it and to begin to bring healing to places from damage in my soul from my past, how I have lived this life that seriously needed attention as I had tried for so long to put a man in those places and always ended up hurt and the more empty due to the contents of my soul.

Her book up above(which can be purchased on Amazon) has helped me have a paradigm shift to loose fear, doubt and worry and begin to have faith, hope and trust in God that in time He provides whats needed. Where I had thought it may just bot happen for me and that thought is not in line with the word of God. So it is to he captured when comes and cast down (2 Corin 10:4-5).

Freedom from old stuff is a process and it takes time. As to why the word of God is the best guide book to have in this life as it touches all subjects including relationships. Her book has helped me begin to shift my mind and see myself as a winner in the faith and trust in God and His timing.

These books below are others that I have read in time past before going to the church that has so wonderfully aided me in my life far more than theae books as my lraders know me and my battles and issues as they have taught the best knowledge is your own personal experiance and gaining wisdom from those who know you personally to help naviagte the journey.

In no particular order:

This book is great for understand yourself and how you commincate in showing/displaying love to those in your life.

This book mainly focuses on enjoying single life! I passed my copy on to encourage other single sisters, but God replaced the copy when He sent me a leader in my Pastor who tells me the same thing. Enjoy, live, focus on God, walk in my purpose and his will. She is my book of wisdom since the others fully cannot relate to me as she can relate me to my story and prepare me.

This book was pretty much a reinforcement to my Pastors councel to trust God. As this spoke about divine timing and God doing the work to bring about His will and plans for my life.

This book expounded on Ruths story. She focused on her purpose with Noami and Boaz found her. Our bishop has spoke on her story in times to wait to be found by him as we are about our Fathers business. To stop falling for the words of a Bozo (lol) but wait while God works. Wait patiently with good attitude.

This book also reinforced the concept of time and touched on boundaries and enlightened that if you have things going on in your life you may not need to be in a relationship where we need wait and get healing first just as my Pastor focuses on with us. Heal the inner and if its Gods will He will bring things to pass.

This one is a premartial counceling book. That focuses on reflecting marriage as marriage of christ and the church as to which that is what earthly union should reflect when 2 born again believers come together.

This book opened up more the concept from the prior book, but showed more the difficulty and challenges in union on one flesh. As my pastor has taught us that 2 becoming one is an undertaking of understanding, forgiveness, and unconditional love to not quit when things get hard, but to keep at it.

This one I have not read, but I have read the book Boundaries just not this targeted area. But my Pastor has been instilling in me boundaries are very important in all kinds of relationships.

I so love my church Reformation Developmental Center where they speak on practical wisdom tips as well as full depth of the word of God to bring us insight into all things in this life.

~Love Life~Live Life~😍

~Cynthia 😉

Waiting Power

There is power found in waiting which brings about growth!

There is one things to say that when your single and you desire a relationship that God will test your heart and find out where He stand with you all the while still promising things unseen.

Well He has with me anyway. Just like the children of Isreal when he took them from bondage of slavery to the egyptians and into the wilderness. He said to them worship me the one true God who removed you from captivity and is taking you to a land flowing with milk and honey.

What happens next after they were saved by God and given the promise, the test. Where they will gonna worship God for all he had just done or worship the promise. He put them in the wilderness to find they worshipped the promise of land with milk and honey over him so they grumbled and complained. An eleven day journey took 40 years.

Its the same way today with some of us, but I will focus on myself mainly. I was saved by grace given new spiritual life, I was saved by mercy and given new life in the natural, he set me free and gave promise and now in the wilderness I have seen where I worshipped the promise over the God who saved me. He has(is) tested(ing) my heart.

I have added on time to my journey by not being patient and going by what the world says over allowing my process to happen. The wilderness reveals who we really are my Pastor just brought out to us not long ago.

And boy oh boy my wilderness has showed me that I have got perspective in error. My perspective was worship Gods hand and the promise.

I am after all a child of God right and He will come through for me! That statement is loaded with pride as if God owed me something when in reality I owe God my life and service.

The power in my waiting is allowing my process to happen, growing me in areas that need to be developed in before the promise. To cause my spiritual walk to be stronger, my soul to not rule my every move but be under subjection to the word of God. To understand God wants me to keep him first in my life and to love him with all of myself as he loves me so eternally and uncondtionally.

The power of my wait is not attaining the promise but to be the best woman of God for Him and His glory until such time He sends someone to walk the journey of faith with me. There is fullness and completeness in God that satisfies like nothing else so even if the promise doesn’t come I have a great and perfect love with God and Jesus and the Holy spirit.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Love Affair Pt 1

Sounds scandalous right!!

The love affair I am beginning is well loving myself.

I have been on a journey of self discovery for a few months now. Its been a journey to say the least. Even my writing these blogs have helped me discover hidden parts of me.

But, in actuality the self discovery began with my church teaching us about self deception, knowing our truth, loving our truth no matter what it looks like. It was this that really began to set this all in motion.

I am learning to love myself beyond all the issues in my soul that has surfaced the abandonment, rejection, comparison, acceptance, fear, doubt, worry, anxiety and depression.

Learning to work through those issues to come to a level of healing. Learning that those issues don’t define me they are part of me but they will be learned of to take control of and manage them. Learning that just because I have issues is no reason to reject myself as I have been doing.

Everyone has issues of some kind I have also learned. Like me they hide the real you, they hide the issue, hide that all is perfect and well. But, when the real test comes thats when the guard is let down and the issues are revealed. Least thats how it has been for me, the test would come and show where I was at.

I am also learning that my love has limits as to why when I see I have issues I reject even myself. This is when the fruit of the spirit of love has had to come in the more. To pull on Gods eternal love for me.

To know even in my mess God still extends grace and mercy to me to work on my short comings and be healed amd walk free from them and to help others like me at some point overcome.

Will I ever be fully free from my issues? Maybe in level as healing happens. Other issues within will require management on my part.

May I keep walking this journey day by day to love myself knowing by Faith God does no matter what.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Secret Life!

Patience stepped out! Impatience took her place and hooked up with fear.

I am slowly seeing that by not being patient I have walked in much impatience and that had joined with fear to create a life in me.

Impatience and fear living within my soul has kept me from growing and accepting the reality of things at times. Where had I been more patient things may be different in the long run. But, now that I see them and recognize where I am now I can begin to work to grow in it.

Impatience (haste) had been a common thing in my life. Its how ai am inherintly and due to my own mindsets living in a world built on instand gratification that we got to have it now!

When in God I am seeing that He just like any good parent will make you wait for things. Not that God will withhold any good thing from us, but he knows how I am and that if I cannot handle the full measure of my life now? Then how can He give me things I want that may bring more responsibility in the long run if given before time.

God wants me to grow in patience with God, myself, and then let ut spill to others. I have to be the first partaker of the patience growing in my life and that is causing trust in God to grow. I trust that all He is doing in my life is for my good. He is developing my character and integrity, as well as, shaping the gifts He placed within me to bring Him glory.

Have I been perfect or excellent in my growing?

I can honestly say!

HECK NO!!

I have been inwardly offended, got attitude, stubborn, strong self-willed and blind at times. But, when the dust settles I can see the wrong stronghold I was trying to defend to keep. I can see where I need to grow in my fruits to learn to retrain me to walk in by the spirit in my day to day life to stop walking in my flesh limitation, but in Gods eternalness of the spirit.

Slowly as I grow more in patiencr ther fruit that is, I am praying fear takes itself and moves on in a layer of my life.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉