Self Imprisonment!!

We can keep ourself captive in many ways.

For me my imprisonment came in several ways, but for this blog I will focus on one way and that firstly is in my thinking. In my mental processes it has come to the light that I think very negative. I think negative about myself, my surroundings, situations and circumstances, how I view and perceive things. Sounds bad right?

Well it has been! The negative is like building a snowball. They just grow and grow til its taken shape and become a fortified fortress within of negativity. My very own self imprisonment.

Ever since March of this year I have been batteling to become less negative. It is so not easy! Its hard dedicated work to become even 10% less negative when you were full on negative, well maybe just in my case!

I have not become negative free on any respect of the word! But in a small degree I am not as negative as I was earlier in the year. When I have rough patches those negative things flair right back up as if I had done no work to combat them. Just shows how deeply negative I am in my inner life all these years.

When the rough patches come the reveal to me where I am unrenewed (Romans 12:1-2) and have to work/wrestle to get back to a place of renewal in my thinking. I have to use the sword of the word (Hebrews 4:12) to divide my thoughts that cause my imprisonment and use the word of God as a key to break the chains of bondage in my prison.

Its gonna be a fight for the rest of my days to keep renewed but with Gods help and councel/Coaching, and me doing the work one day maybe the fight won’t be so strong as I strive to become stronger in the word of faith over negative words from within. This is my fight of faith!

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Palace of Protection!

Fortified in walls of saftey to prevent more hurt from anyone else…

Sounds like the beginnings of a fairytale almost right?

Rejection and abandonment issues began to construct walls. Walls of safety to keep others from getting too close. If you let no one in then they won’t know the real you on any level.

After a home life like I had with the lack of things in my early years. I unknowingly began to look for outside sources to give me what I wanted and desperatly lacked. But the true me was hidden behind walls right. Yes!

But what did peep out from behind the walls was neediness, desperation, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and so many more things that I could try to mask, paint a pretty picture of to show when people came around, but its as if they knew something deeply was wrong with me on the inside.

Because in friendship that came they would see these little monsters peeping behind my walls and they would be too much and they would eventually walk away from the friendship or I would end it to prevent more heart hurt. To only become the more problemsome as these things just added salt to an open wound.

These wounds from many years of hurt, pain, rejection, abandonment, conparison, acceptance issue kept building and building until I was walled off to myself. What happened right?

Well, it took a woman with the power and anointing to see me past my walls and help me break out of the prison within I had created. As she taught mr and is still teaching me that some walls are ok, but if they keep me from living, showing Gods love to others then thats when its a problem.

She came in with love and is helping me remove brick by brick the walls I built to stay safe and keep from being further rejected and abandoned. Little did I realize that rejection and abandonment walls only keep creating that cycle in my life.

The only way to end the cycle is know my truth and let my truth make me free to work on it and grow beyond it, heal and show compassion.

~Live Life ~ Love Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Visit:

wholebodywellness365.wordpress.com

A great blog about surrender by my Pastor Juanita 😍

Comparison

Why do we compare ourselves to one another?

I have often find myself measuring my life in accordance to another. I have and will always fall short of that measure. For the other person has gained wisdom, gotten stronger in areas that I am not, or what I see portrayed isn’t the actuality of the situation.

So, why do I do this? I think its to keep chasing a goal, maybe to become like the person I compare myself to in some way. Or to beat myself up inwardly for falling short of what is expected of us as a people.

I mean have you ever found yourself like I have when someone same age is around and they got the house, the kids, the car, the career or whatever it may be and you don’t have some of that like they do, you feel like you have missed the mark. Well atleast I have.

How can I stop comparing myself to others. It’s hard, but I have to choose to be ok with where I am in life. This is my path to take. Everyone has a different path and others, as well as, myself are in different places on our road. God has a plan for my individual life just like he has them. It was said once that my life someone was jealous over. And of course me, not seeing the value in the plan of God for my life was immediatly like why are the jealous over me.

We and especially I continue to rob ourself of what we are doing in our present life by comparison. I had read a book last year by Lysa Tyrkhurst called Uninvited she touched on the subject of comparison as well as Lisa Bevere book called Without Rival. They were good reads, but did they fully help me stop comparison. No!

Its only in my home church that specialized in inner man teaching of the spirit, soul and body that root issues of my comparison issues are being touched. My Pastors book of Developing a winning attitude in 7 days has given me the drive, passion and pursuit to want to press to stop comparing myself and live my life to the fullest in the knowledge that God is working to develop my character, to be able to walk in my full purpose on the earth.

I am in my purpose now, and setting out to master the small things for greater yet ahead as he see’s fit to add. However, for now, I am going to remain focused on my present as that is where I reside.

My writings and growing my character is far more precious to me now than anything else and growing in the connections God has given me in other people and knowing we both are on different roads of life in full acceptance of the reality over imagination.