Waiting Power

There is power found in waiting which brings about growth!

There is one things to say that when your single and you desire a relationship that God will test your heart and find out where He stand with you all the while still promising things unseen.

Well He has with me anyway. Just like the children of Isreal when he took them from bondage of slavery to the egyptians and into the wilderness. He said to them worship me the one true God who removed you from captivity and is taking you to a land flowing with milk and honey.

What happens next after they were saved by God and given the promise, the test. Where they will gonna worship God for all he had just done or worship the promise. He put them in the wilderness to find they worshipped the promise of land with milk and honey over him so they grumbled and complained. An eleven day journey took 40 years.

Its the same way today with some of us, but I will focus on myself mainly. I was saved by grace given new spiritual life, I was saved by mercy and given new life in the natural, he set me free and gave promise and now in the wilderness I have seen where I worshipped the promise over the God who saved me. He has(is) tested(ing) my heart.

I have added on time to my journey by not being patient and going by what the world says over allowing my process to happen. The wilderness reveals who we really are my Pastor just brought out to us not long ago.

And boy oh boy my wilderness has showed me that I have got perspective in error. My perspective was worship Gods hand and the promise.

I am after all a child of God right and He will come through for me! That statement is loaded with pride as if God owed me something when in reality I owe God my life and service.

The power in my waiting is allowing my process to happen, growing me in areas that need to be developed in before the promise. To cause my spiritual walk to be stronger, my soul to not rule my every move but be under subjection to the word of God. To understand God wants me to keep him first in my life and to love him with all of myself as he loves me so eternally and uncondtionally.

The power of my wait is not attaining the promise but to be the best woman of God for Him and His glory until such time He sends someone to walk the journey of faith with me. There is fullness and completeness in God that satisfies like nothing else so even if the promise doesn’t come I have a great and perfect love with God and Jesus and the Holy spirit.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Delight

Take delight and joy in the love of God in my season of singleness!

To be honest I conformed to the world and listen to what its message was in regards to singleness. That if your of a certain age and still single you better get out there and make some moves or you may remain single.

I chased men, asked them out, built friendships in motive of looking to fulfill my longings to remove the singleness status and conform to this world.

You know what happened with them all? They all ended in disaster and heartbreak on my part. The motives I had in it was all wrong.

When God intervened in a huge blessing type way to remove the last one it removed distraction and He could begin to work on me and why I kept conforming to the world.

He began to show me those issues I have blogged about already and the latest he has shown me was that I back burnered the Love of God for the Love of Men.

God is a jealous God!

He saw I put that man up as an idol and made him a God in my view. Cause as my Pastor told me if they were not made a God in my view then when they left I would not have felt empty and like I couldn’t go on with life.

He is showing me that I forsook my first love for another and that is in error on my part.

Repentance and genuine heartfelt broken repentance has come to say God I am so sorry I replaced you for another.

God knows that if this goes undealt with I will keep repeating the same pattern of putting another above Him. He proclaims over and over seek me first and don’t forsake your 1st love. This is Gods order of things.

Listening to the world I bypassed His instruction and listen to the wrong directions that lead to distruction. These cycles and issues require me to do some work within to keep from going down those same roads.

Taking my delight in His love for me. Thanking Him for the God given people he has given me. Praising him for the Godly leadership that is before me to help me to see my inner issues and begin to mature me in those areas as a believer and conforming to Gods way and shedding the worlds way.

God is my portion! He sent a man to die for me when I didn’t deserve it to forgive my sins. He unconditionally loves me even when I fail like a good father he helps me get up and try again.

Allowing that love to fill me up so I can show it to others is what He is about. Love is the greatest command. Love covers a multitude of sin. Love is Patient, kind, gentle, unboasting, and confident in the eternalness of His love when human love has its limits.

When God see’s I am firm in Him and his love and that he keeps proper place of first in time he will send a man after Gods heart. He will do it, not me! That was the missing component, I moved ahead of God.

So, for now yes my season of singleness has purpose and that is taking delight in whom God is and that is a loving Father and learning who I am deeply on the inside and loving me! Love is taken in with self first and filled up then overflow comes as love grows.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Perfect Love

It can cast out fear!

But to know love we must first be love.

To be love we must accept the love we didn’t deserve but grace gave it any way.

God gave His only son out of love for us.

The word of God is Gods love letter to us. The greatest command is to love!

So, the question becomes…

Have I accepted the full magnitude of the love that was provided for me?

Have I taken that love deep within?

Am I that love?

To be perfectly honest…No!

Maybe on a good day I can show some of the love thats been given to me. On a good day I can be some what that love to another. On a good day I can take in that love that was given.

Human love is conditional and limited.

Gods love is eternal and limitless.

Well atleast it is within myself. As I can only share from my perspective is that I see my limitations when it comes to receiving love and giving love.

There is all kinds of love that God spoke about (Agape, Phileo, Eros, Sorge,etc) and books have been written about it and to further break down the love demonstrations has even been written on in book the 5 Love Languanges (Yes I have it and have read it).

To be love and show love and receive love I must grow my fruit of love that came in at my salvation.(Galatians 5:22)

To grow the fruit of love is to exercise it. How do I exercise it? Daily we are given opportunity to show, walk or accept love in some way. It is how then when it is continued to be exercised that the perfect love comes in and fear begins to flee.

I still have to work the fruit of love in my life as it is a command to love and to be obedient to that truth is submission to the word and what it has commanded as a life for Christ to be and show in the world we live. His love in us can be a light and salt to the world. It compells and causes those who love is shown to, to be drawn and to thirts appropriatley for the love of God.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Love Affair Pt 1

Sounds scandalous right!!

The love affair I am beginning is well loving myself.

I have been on a journey of self discovery for a few months now. Its been a journey to say the least. Even my writing these blogs have helped me discover hidden parts of me.

But, in actuality the self discovery began with my church teaching us about self deception, knowing our truth, loving our truth no matter what it looks like. It was this that really began to set this all in motion.

I am learning to love myself beyond all the issues in my soul that has surfaced the abandonment, rejection, comparison, acceptance, fear, doubt, worry, anxiety and depression.

Learning to work through those issues to come to a level of healing. Learning that those issues don’t define me they are part of me but they will be learned of to take control of and manage them. Learning that just because I have issues is no reason to reject myself as I have been doing.

Everyone has issues of some kind I have also learned. Like me they hide the real you, they hide the issue, hide that all is perfect and well. But, when the real test comes thats when the guard is let down and the issues are revealed. Least thats how it has been for me, the test would come and show where I was at.

I am also learning that my love has limits as to why when I see I have issues I reject even myself. This is when the fruit of the spirit of love has had to come in the more. To pull on Gods eternal love for me.

To know even in my mess God still extends grace and mercy to me to work on my short comings and be healed amd walk free from them and to help others like me at some point overcome.

Will I ever be fully free from my issues? Maybe in level as healing happens. Other issues within will require management on my part.

May I keep walking this journey day by day to love myself knowing by Faith God does no matter what.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Fear of Change

Change in the beginning is rather daunting!

In the beginning of change it can be like full on war within. Breaking away from the old to work toward the new way you hope and invision to be.

When I choose to make the decision to shed my vast amount of negativity oh boy. I needed to have an arsenal of scripture to combat every negative word. I needed a person anointed to bring change to a life to pray me through, talk me through, be with me at my side til the battle wasn’t so intense within and managable with the tools they provided.

Two days into waging war within to move to a new way of life I was completley like “what in the world have I decided to do here!” Day 3 the war within was just as intense and I asked my Pastor was there any hope for me as the battle got worser and worser so it seemed.

The things I had built within due to years of living negativley were screamin out “don’t change its easier to be this way” and honestly it was easier to be that way as I had been that way for so long. But, my eyes had been open to what fruit of a negative life produced.

The fruit of negative is more negative. So the things within me didnt want me to change as they became comfort amd kept me bound by much fear and the fear spread to other areas of life like an infection does when it goes untreated.

My spirit longed for the change and my soul said no stay in the comfort of what you have built. By day four the battle seemed to lessen, still there but not as full on waging war within.

I recently found a scripture I used for my sunday school children that proclaimed the end of a thing is better than its beginning (Ecc 7:8) and if that isn’t ever so true I have found. The battle is confidently in the beginning.

When you see the end of it you can appreciate the fight put up to get to the end of it with his grace, strength, and mercy. Cause many times I am weak in the battle as I see no hope in changing and I see that is the fear within trying to have its way to prevent change and live differently.

Have I shed fear? No! Fear is part of human nature. It is like my pastor tells me its how we deal with the emotion and thoughts related when they come. She says yes feel them, learn why they showed up and work to not dwelling in them to lead me. As fear has lead my life for far too long as it is. With the tools she is giving me I am learning to slowly manage me better as my self management is my job. God graces us to do it for ourself, but He won’t do the work for us!

~Love Life~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia

Life’s Adventure

The simple life pleasures!

Saturday I took a ride down to the beach.

Standing there listening to the waves crashing on the shore was relaxing. What wasn’t so relaxing was how crowded it was. So I basically enjoyed the sights and sounds for maybe 15 minutes, picked up a few shells, petted a sand crab, got my feet wet in the cold ocean then made my way on down the road.

Found a little coffee shop if it was on the beach that would so have been a dream, but it was close enough for the day. Sitting out in the beautiful sunshine taking in the beauty I was able see and enjoy. One thing would have made it better the more would be spending time talking to a good friend.

Journaling, praying, writing notes, and lesson plan prep for when I teach is what my time at the coffee shop consisted of for the time I was there.

Found Jockeys Ridge state park went dune climbing for a little while that was fun too sand in my toes, wind in my hair and for fall it sure was a hot day…LOL I believe it was close to 90s in temperature.

My Pastor has taught us that learning to quiet our soul is needful to hear the spirit of God in our life. I have found for me the beach, by sea, or any body of water I can get into that place to quiet my soul. I can sit there and cast cares, pray and quiet down my inner person of the soul. As I traveled home later that evening God did speak cause I had quieted down my soul for him to speak to me what He wants of me to do. Rest in Him and trust him! That’s the living and loving God I so greatfully and humbly serve.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Status is not a final definition of life!!

Single, married, divorced, widowed, etc these “statuses” should NOT define the whole of a person!

Yes I am single!!!

So what?

Does that fully define my womanhood? Perhaps in the worldly mindset of if your single your seen as undesired and something wrong with you. Especially if SINGLE is your status into your 30s.

I am constantly asked by people close and total strangers alike are you married? Do you have children? When I reply NO that begins to issue a whole other level of questions. Don’t you want to get married and have children? YES! It just hasn’t happened for me yet! I will wait for Gods perfect timing for all things especially in the relationship regard.

Sorry to burst your bubble people but people no matter their age are human and have feelings and sometimes question can open up things unknowingly on the questioners part to the questionee. Why do we not take into consideration how people may feel when asked certain questions about a status.

Just because I have not modeled my life similar to that of the world, it does not mean I am a freak and that any and all like me should be banished from society and put on a deserted island some where. To live behind walls of a worldy defining status I have done for too long as it is. Single life is to be cherished for what it is.

I am free to go and do!

I am free to give to the kingdom!

I am free to serve the kingdom!

I am free until such time as God may promote me to a different status!

Feeling depressed or lonely based of a “status” has only take away from the joy I can experiance now in my freedom of doing all God has set my hands to do now. I have great support in this season of singleness in a true friend who is there for me no matter the hour, no matter what they have goin on, no matter whatever they are there when I need someone the most.

I am working on being the best version of myself and walking toward healing in areas as to why I remain single. This is part of Gods plan for now to get my inner workings healed, deliver and set free. So my “status” doesn’t fully define me! Its only a small part of me.

Please note: I write none of this for sympathy or pity! I write this to bring awareness for myself and other single sisters out there in the world.

I also write to encourage them, as well as, myself! Stay strong if your single! Do all your hands are set to in this time, better yourself, heal from hurts of broken relationships and wait on God while seeking His kingdom first! So can do the work while we rest on the promise and in time if its His will as we trust he can bring it to pass.

~Love Live ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Abandonments discomfort

Abandonment is like living in two conflicting environments of the coldness of say Alaska in winter as to the warmth of Arizona in the summer.

But what does that all mean right?

Abandonment can make you feel cold as there is no one to comfort you, accept you, love you, be there for you, encourage you, support your endeavors and so on. I touched on this fact some yesterday on my facebook personal page to only be lashed out at.

Which revealed much to me people want you to support them and in turn they don’t support you as they will hide behind a screen and only deal with some people in private. To only show that in to my referance of fake supporters and when the rubber meets the road the truth is revealed, became so real. Abandonment can leave you feeling cold due to how we are received or not received by other people.

It can over time also become a warm comfort of living in much abandonment as it goes undealt with. We harbor the issue deep inside and it twists and distorts our thinking then that becomes the lenses we see life through. Which continues to spill out to every relation that comes into our life.

I saw a post that proclaimed that to whomever they posted publicly about “your hurt is not special” and granted no ones is to the extent as we all have something we have walked through and experianced. But those words alone could insight rejection, abandonment, comparison issues if the person it was intended to see it, saw it.

Words are powerful and we should garner them better with much more compassion than we do. I too have been guilty of it in my past, but that was because hurt people inturn hurt people as I have heard been taught to me.

The climate of warmth came from accepting the abandonment issue deeply within and believing that there could never be change. The coldness from the abandonment began to infect my heart to inturn grow cold also which just perpetuated the cycle of abandonment to keep happening.

Is my hurt special? NO!! I don’t make out anything that I post or share about to be above anyone elses experiances in life. These are just my reflections of things I have walked through and with the help of a great life Coach and beginning to walk away from.

Have I overcame this stuff or am I healed from it? No! In my case healing and overcoming will happen in layers and degrees. With that said I am in some things, but only as I keep doing the work and walking in the reality and truth of me and renew in the good to correct the inner mess thats been in me.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Rejections Ugly Monster!

Rejection and Abandonment continued…

I began to open up some about Rejection and Abandonment how these issues showed up in my life in ways. But today, I will talk about more of how those created voids within myself.

As a child I don’t recall feeling or hearing much in the lines of love and acceptance except for like highlight events of birthday, graduation etc. just major life events is when those things were expressed.

It wasn’t until I joined an inner life ministry that it was exposed to me that lack of love in formative years of growing up is a huge lack of soul nourishment. I was completley broken at that point in realizing I was deficient in my soul of key things needed in growing up.

So there in laid some of the rejection issues. So how did the abandonment come into play right? Well on at least three to four occasions my father walked in where we were as children and told us he was leaving us. Thats devistating no matter your age to hear a parent is leaving. This brought in abandonment and rejection all the more.

How do I overcome these deeply rooted issues with in? I had to first forgive as to not further hold this against my parents. Then I had to accept the reality of the situation of thats just how it was for me growing up. Then I have to strive to fill the nutrient void places within with the God love to work toward healing. Am I healed? No! Am I better than I was before these issues were revealed? To a degree yes! It will be a constant work to maintain in this life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Huh? No way!

Personal acceptance can be a hard pill to swallow!

Embarking on this journey has brought about well let say much enlightenment.

I have begun to become aware of my true self. That is knowing myself by my temperments, the wounds in my soul, toxic strongholds that shaped in how I view things or perceive things and how I thought on things.

Which coming to understand all these things have helped me begin to love myself. I am unique in my own special way there is no other exactly like me, perhaps similar, but not fully the same as the life path, experiances, faith, etc.

I have learned so much about myself especially in understanding my temperments that there are good and bad (strengths and weaknesses) that I have been able to get help with by my Pastor and Life Coach, to begin to tackle the weaknesses to grow in them to not be so weak in them.

I have had to embrace that in one of my temps I am loyal/faithful which there for the weakness has come that I don’t outwardly express love well. So, by taping into the fruit of the spirit I am working to overcome my temperment short commings. To begin to show people I love and care for them. Life is to be lived and expressing love for those we care for, not just hidden inside for no one but self to know.

It was also in this self acceptance journey that I understand better why I am an ambivert. Its due to my temperment combinations working in me. That cause me to be both outgoing and an introvert. Which some just don’t understand. Which is fine as it is the wonderment of me.

I am embracing that I can be outgoing or introvert or commonly of people with both as mentioned before known as an ambivert.

Most are known as one or the other but I have both tendancies. There are some that understand the both tendancies of being outgoing or introverted, those people are amazing to have in life. They are patient and loving and accept that you either want to go out or need time alone.

Learning to love myself amd accept myself has had some challenges, but those are challenges worth taking to become a better person.

~ Love Life ~ Live Life ~ πŸ˜‰

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

#Acceptance #self #love