2020 As it progresses is becoming a year to ponder a new way of living.
With each passing day we never know what is around the corner living during times of a global Corona Virus Pandemic. Will we have a surge in the numbers and the governor order us all to go back into lock down. How close will it get to touching us?
As of my last blog post, I had to make the most gut wrenching decision ever and that was to have my very sick and weak oldest furbaby put down so that he wouldn’t be suffering any more. Having to do that was like the last piece of my mom who passed away in Nov 2016 go. Needless to say I miss my baby boy Midnight.
My baby girl Sweet Pea misses him too. Keeping her my happy girl from being depressed has been my newest undertaking, Longer walks, car rides, and treats make her so happy since she lost her brother. Thats all she known was a life with him. She is slowly adjusting to the changes, but it makes you wonder do they ever fully understand.
2020 will be a year for the record books in my world my vehicle had been in the shop since February. Then loosing s fur-child. A stripping away year it seems. If I dwell to long on it I could sink into a depression so deep that the animals deep in the abyss of the ocean would find me.
Choosing to embrace the changes that have come with this year and holding on to the promises of God keep me from sinking.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 NASB
God has a divine plan and purpose for this year. Since I got my first book published I have been able to get back to blogging this year again on a consistent basis. My latest endeavors are writing in my 2nd book and putting out video content on my youtube channel. Some coffee reviews lately, but my next one I have added on a special edition I may expand on later, for now its and ease into the platform and enjoying something I love, which is coffee.
In all this year of 2020 it will cause you to re-evaluate so much of life. How income is earned, how interpersonal relationships can grow in limited confinds especially when social distancing is in play, How to grow in gifts, talents, abilities, calls of God, ministry assignments and more, when you have to find development ways outside of the traditional ways of education, workshops and training. Life is a training ground when it is allowed and the devices we hold in our hands daily are key access points to a world of development when used resourcefully.
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to change something about yourself during these times! It may be beneficial down the road. One change can be the catalyst for a major breakthrough!
It will see you through! Especially times like we live in now!
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 KJV
Many times the doom, disparity, gloom, and darkness of the times we live in want to come in and take up space or even residency if allowed for too long.
Its up to ourself to fight the good fight of faith! Its a choice to choose hope, its a choice to choose joy, its a choice to keep the faith!
I recall being told numerous times from those further down the spiritual path then I to, take time to reflect on all the good God has done, look at all the answered prayers and allow that to build your faith, becoming the substance that is needed to see what is hoped for manifest!
“be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Romans 12:2 KJV
Every time the darkness wants to come like a blanket of false comfort, I have to be aware to fight to renew my mind. Thats where we win or loose it all begins in the mind. I have to take up my sword of the Word of God and pull from Gods strength.
“for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV
I have a proclivity to not deal with things timely at times. The slip by and build and build and build until one day I am so over taken by it all, that I either crash or explode. Neither one when they happen are pretty. In the last few months I have been working on dealing with things before they get out of hand. Learning to pay attention to what I am thinking so I can take the wrong thoughts captive and sort them out sooner.
“for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 NASB
Its up to me and only me to deal with my thoughts. For what I think on so I become. This is by far easier said then done. It is a job to watch your mind. But, if that is the way to continue to keep changing, then I must be committed to the work to see it through. For faith without works is dead, just as work without faith is dead. Both of those have to been alive on the scene.
“For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, “Eat and drink!” But his heart is not with you.” Proverbs 23:7 NASB
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! I hope that it encourages you and inspires you to keep the faith, do what you can to change, and continue to seek God! This blog has derived teachings I have received under the Pastoralship of Juanita Gibbs.
So, since I left off blogging last at the end of May, the state in which I reside took us from Lock down to Phase 1 and then to Phase 2.
The cases statewide have continued to grow during Phase 2 and when the state evaluated us entering Phase 3, they said No! The governor declared we are to remain at Phase 2 for three more weeks which will expire at 5pm on July 17. With this came a new mandate, for all public safety we are to now wear masks in public, in retail settings and any position when dealing with the public.
Needless to say… I was not and am not thrilled about the new mandate. But, I have chosen to abide by the ruling for my safety and for those of whom I encounter on a day-to-day basis. The weekend of the ruling local sheriff’s offices were putting out statement about how they won’t be enforcing the ruling on individual basis’, but when businesses don’t follow the mandate they could step in and thus fine the establishment.
Several businesses have been sited for not following the mandate, and I just read one today the law shut a business down that was suppose to be closed during this phase and now they were forcibly shut down. The governor stated he went this route while in Phase 2 so we wouldn’t have to go back to Phase 1 like other states who have seen even more drastic spikes in covid cases.
The employer I work for mandated under the governors ruling that we are to wear masks with working with the public. That has not been enjoyable at all! It will keep me safe. Its so strange how masks have become not only for safety, but a fashion accessory. I have had to adjust my makeup routine to accommodate wearing masks off and on all day. This whole year has been one adjustment after another.
One thing this pandemic has done was restore my working with children. For a time, I wasn’t working with children as I had once in the past. Two were gone, another was part time and my consistent one of whom remained was needed in a new capacity at home for a while. One Sunday I came in and all four of my lil joys were back. That restored a light within my soul of my kingdom purpose with working with the children. I missed them so much and God restored them as my Pastor had told me He would right after the shift happened.
In my own spiritual journey in the last month, God has been working hard on humbling me. Getting me out of a state of Pride and knowing I need Him with every breathe, every step, every decision cause doing it on my own is my own self-will. To surrender my will to Gods will it takes a humbling of a person and in June God broke a level off of me that was strongly needed.
The new places God wants to take me in him required some death to the old things my soul (mind, will, and emotions) had clung to for all my life. Everything God has for me is within my spirit as that is where I invited His spirit to reside within me and overtime that newness will shine forth through my vessel (body) in my character, morals, and integrity.
In the days ahead I am longing that this Pandemic lets up! So we can have a sense of normalcy return. My prayer is that everyone stay safe as possible and take care of your mental health during all this! I have battled depression off and on during this crisis. The people of whom love and support me check on me and pray me through. Find your soul tribe like I have, they will be with you through dark and light, good and bad, broke and prosperous. Real people are true and genuine beyond things that can and will often change.
Thank you for taking time to catchup with me by reading my blog or stopping in to see the photos. 🌺
These last few months have been the most unusual and yet a resetting of daily living by every person around the world.
How many can say they haven’t been conditioned in the last few months to wash their hands more or use hand sanitizer more frequently. We now are conditioned to stay 6ft away from one another, limiting/no physical contact, taking extra precautionary measures when around elderly or immune-compromised individuals.
I know I have been, every time I touch something in a store I hand sanitize, cause you just don’t know who or what came in contact with it before you touched it. Masks in public and around the immune-compromised is a natural occurrence.
In the state in the USA in which I reside they have entered Phase 2 of reopening, whereas we spent 2 weeks in Phase 1 and saw an increase in COVID-19 cases drastically. They suggest that its coming from the ability to test more people and yet some how the cases keep rising as reopening happens and more and more are traveling, taking less precautious measures and not social distancing. Its as if it is becoming a thing of the past.
The repercussions of the shut down to the state will take a while to recover from. Many retail businesses have announced they are going out of business. Many are waiting for unemployment benefits and the first round of stimulus payment, all the while the gov’t is trying to make a decision to help the population out while recovery from the shut down is in the baby stage for some, for other business, they still waiting for the OK from the governor.
People are loosing loved ones left and right from this virus and others are loosing loved ones from the side effects I will call it of COVID-19. Suicide, depression, mental breakdowns have become the more prominent in last month or so just as the virus.
Kids cannot have a formal graduation, proms, social gatherings for birthdays, its all been taken from them and that is hard for kids. Its just as hard on adults when you have job stress, lack of friendship connection, cut off from once daily or routine things.
Every body handles and deals with stress differently, I myself, I wish I handled it better than I do. My stress levels peak out so much that I have resorted back to alcohol and cigarettes as a means to cope.
Was this a good thing to do? Of course not! Many times I wish I had a close friend that I could talk to and share things with cause life can be so hard. I am taking care of an aging parent who doesn’t always understand why he cannot go out during all this. At work the load has about doubled as my boss has been in self quarantine about 2 months now. She had me run her errands or get thing she needs from store, help her with technology difficulties and more.
I also have two fur-kids who stick to me like glue, I love my fur-babies they both get on the bed to be near me when I have bad days. They truly are great companions and emotional supports during these dark says of corona virus.
Many times I would love to just sail away from it all. But, right now its all the more impossible to do any such thing.
These have been some of the best times and they have been some of the most stressful! Quarantine has brought most to a place of slowing down. It has for me too, with stores not being open and limitations on where you can and can’t go has made me sit down and do other things or venture out to find something new and different to partake in.
As of Friday, May 8th in the state in which I reside, the governor allowed for the stay at home order to be lifted to phase one reopen. Needless to say the weekend was mayhem. With Mothers Day on Sunday and some retail stores allowed to open at 50% capacity. Lines were long and they weren’t practicing social distancing and I do believe I have heard there has been a spike in the numbers since Phase One began.
On Friday when I got off work, I took a moment to stop and unwind a little in a secret Garden. Very quiet little spot to just be. It was very relaxing the time I did spend there. It made me too realize that If I don’t slow down from the stresses of life and work that life will inevitably will pass me by.
There are times I believe the Corona Virus Pandemic has brought a reset to the lives of many. Other times, I feel like we are one order away from Martial Law.
I have so enjoyed finding new spots to go for walks, the most recent one I found, others found too, so I haven’t gone back to that one in a while. I have though frequented the Town Common, they have large open spaces where people picnic and walk the boardwalk, fish, play with frisbee with friends or their pets.
Truthfully, it is so serene on the water and the nostalgia of having a picnic there one day are things memories are made from. Being that I am an ambivert, these times of seclusion to help me collect myself from the stress of work are prescriptions for the soul.
Recently, I went home to check on things. I can out of the house and at the back of the vehicle stood the huge majestic Doe. I was in awe at the power that radiated from her. I walked down to get my phone and captured her as she went on about her life. As, I watched her cross the greenway, I heard a scripture in my spirit.
“As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?” Psalms 42:1-2 NASB
She reminded me that I need to make sure that I am close to the living water. I need to be planted there so that I can weather storms, flourish in season and out of season, bearing fruit at all times, of which; requires a constant connection to the living Word of God.
During these dark and unsure times it takes being anchored into something stable like the word of God to make it through each day. I don’t always come out stellar in some days, but I am learning a lot about myself, working on me to handle things better, changing and being aware of my triggers is a full time job to live a life reflective of God. I fail, fall down, struggle to get up, look at the dust to learn, brush it off and try again the next day.
Life is so uncertain now we have to make the best of what we have been given. This weekend news came that someone near where I work may have contract Corona Virus, I even recognized them as coming in to our place to pay on a bill. I fell down the rabbit hole of uncertainty so quick I sank like an anvil in quicksand.
I immediately thought and calculated the date of when I would be sick based on statistics, I even went as far as wondering did we contaminate an entire town, did I contaminate my Pastors when I visited them, my aging father, my boss, my coworker then who did all they interact with… I was so thankful to hear that the person didn’t have it. But the fear that has been instilled throughout all this really hit my front door fast. Thankfully that isn’t the case, that I am well and not infected by Corona Virus.
Thank you all for reading and supporting my blog! Comment below how this pandemic has touched your life!🌺
Shop my teespring store – I am working on a new pillow design its takin a while to upload it to the store! A new T-shirt is there. Prices are discounted!
Since my last time blogging about how this pandemic has touch my life so many things have changed in the world around me.
One Saturday afternoon after the governors orders had gone into effect, I ventured to go to the local Wal-Mart. That is a big store that had everything from clothing, food, medicines, vehicle maintenance to my readers not from America. So, I go to this Wal-Mart, mind you I am all gloved up, masked up, and having to walk around a barricade of sorts as the governor order stated stores had to have a flow so this creating one way in and one way out. But, to my surprise as I approached the door I had to wait to be allowed in. Never in all my years did I ever have to wait to go in Wal-Mart. Three people came out and three people were allowed in. They now have to keep up with the number of people inside the building to maintain safe social distancing.
I left the Wal-Mart to come home with my finds of essentials. So inwardly distraught by the way things are going that after I had settled in for the evening, I downloaded netflix free for 30days. I am not much of a tv watcher. But, with limitations on where I can go, what to do, I ventures down the rabbit hole of television programming. I work for a cable company and I get my fill of television woes from people that it is a turn off to watch tv, at least for me. I did find some interesting programming to fill my time in April. Binge watching full seasons was something I hadn’t partaken of til forced to stay home in a respect.
These are the tv shows and movies I filled my time with:
•Tiger King- An insane documentary on owners of big cats in America, murder,drugs, crazy ppl, and lions and tigers oh my indeed.
• Fuller House- A family oriented show of coming together after a tragedy and growing in a new way when faced with new living. I grew up on Full House this became a modern versin of same show.
•The Tudors – Henry VIII and his many wives and conquests to have a male heir.
•Frontier- A colonial based America during the time of fur traders in the North were battling it out for supremacy over one another.
•Self-Made the Madam CJ Walker Documentary- the fight and plight of African Americans in america to be seen as equals. To venture into her own business of hair grower and developing to a point of having her own factory. VERY INSPIRING STORY
• Queen Elizabeth movies (2) – The struggles of a female queen and the forcing of male dominance in a time that she showed the world that a woman can run her country just as well as any man.
• The Duchess – A movie of how women had no choice in their lives. The young lady from the Spencer family arranged to marry a DUKE In order to produce his heir to his title. He had a live in mistress to make him happy, but the Duchess was forbidden side love to make her happy. Even when she ran off to have it. She got pregnant by her lover. The Duke threatened to take her kids away. Hid her while pregnant and made her give the child to her lovers family.
While the movies or tv shows played I was sowing 4 masks, two for myself, two for a friend, and then I sowed two pillows to fill my time. My new pillows adorn my bed, my face masks are used when going out to stores and my friend has been using hers as she ventures out as well.
One day I got so bored with sowing and watching programs I had to get out. Yes I know scary, but I ventured to the Common and parked and took a secluded walk on the bridge. It was a mini escape from the city, corona-world, and a mental break from work and home. It was a brief adventure, but one I needed for some self-care.
I wanted to go back to the other spot for a walk, but so many had discovered it, that I was just too packed out for me to regain a since of peace and solace inwardly with all those people around. Not long ago, maybe even last weekend, not fully sure as days run together, but with the impending lift on some of the orders coming soon folks were out there having a cook out.
I drove by and was like really people. Its bad enough that Phase One reopening will last until the 22nd of the month of May. But the Governor has already said any drastic spike in corona cases we will stay at Phase One or fall back to shelter at home. This virus isn’t gone or dealt with in full and yet still people act as though this isn’t serious. People are dyeing, this is effecting homes, livelihoods and more.
Work has been so stressful, I am in telecommunication and we are essential. The business of providing cable or internet is taxing on the mind and more so when the owner has been prescribed seclusion for their health and safety. Channels cut out people freak out, the Monday before last we had a bad storm roll through with NorEasterly winds and rain, almost tornadic in nature that knocked our power out. Not good. Folks lost the four channels we run out of our office and the towns net was down. People were furious with us. But what caused it was beyond our control.
It was our fault that they lost programming, it was our fault thee internet was down. It was our fault that the power went out too I guess. This pandemic has taken folks to the edge. Im at work alone, power out and surging, its up to me to forcefully unplug technology or the many power surges would kill the computers and phones. Im finalky standing in the hallway where light from outside is coming in to watch customer after customer after customer fly down to the front of our building cause mind you our phones are web based and with power down they wont work.
To come fling open the door to be all accusatory of us cutting them off before they even realized, they were standing in a dark room with not one ounce of technology on. This happened countless times in that two hours the storm knocked our power out. It finally came back then I had to reset the office, get the four channels back up and get net restored, along with one of our program provisioners. That was not a fun Monday.
Now as Friday, May 8th at 5pm approaches and the Phase One Reopening begins no telling what stories may spawn from the next two weeks of that. All I know is I want a beach trip as an escape, even if its just for one day, I will take it!
Thank you to all who read and support my blog it means the world to me! I pray everyone is staying safe, healthy and happy as can be during these times!
I shared this image last week and I had to think about it. Had I really been doing nothing? Or were things changing in me?
I took this week to evaluate me and look at things I need to change about myself that have that come to the surface during the trials of life, especially during the hard reality times we live in now of a COVID-19 world. The fire of life, circumstances and mental and emotional rises, brought up a-lot with in me I must begin tackling.
Its going to be a journey of change, but I need to change what has been shown to me about myself.
“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5 KJV
I have been one to sit back and judge others when I myself have a huge timber in my own eye of how I am in my character and to be integral I need to sit down and deal with myself.
So much of life has happened around me that I sit and look that God has been using the pressure to get growth out of me.
Has it been easy?
Its been pure hell if I am to be blatantly honest. Knowing that your first nature wants to rise up, fight back, and oh believe me it has. To only realize on the other side of it, revealed wounds, wrong ways of thinking, wrong perceptions of which formed my misjudgment of a great many things.
I ultimately have a choice to make. Do I remain on the old path with my old ways and keep having dead-end/one sided relationships or do I choose the new road to a new way of conducting life in various trying circumstances in the changed manner that could nurture and grow relationships.
I choose the new path!
“I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:” Deuteronomy 30:19 KJV
Choosing this new road the beginning won’t be easy. But the long run of it all will be well worth it. The Word of God proclaims the ending of a thing is way better then its beginning. (Ecc 7:8)
The ending will produce the desired fruit of rightful living, being subject to truth of the word and walking there in. Faith without my work is dead. Just as work without faith is dead. Being the doer of the word is what is changing within me. Not being driven by my flesh in the emotion it feels and the logic that my mind can twist together.
God wants me to prosper in my soul firstly, heal some wounds of the soul, reshape how I process things from a new way that is contrary to how I was raised and brought up. The blooms of a new life are what I so hope to see as I endeavor to make these shifts from being combative, viewing through wounds of rejection and embrace the reality of who I am, confess it and grow from it.
So, today I choose to do SOMETHING! That will benefit changing the trajectory of my life!
Visit my teespring store to shop my selections: sample pillow below
Living during the time of a global Pandemic (COVID-19)
I’m not even gonna lie, this whole quarantine/shutdown has been hard on me. Truthfully, it revealed to me just how much of an extrovert I am now. I am very much an ambivert, but I lean more extrovert in nature. I do have times of goin and being alone to recollect myself, but those times are fewer then the desire to be with people.
This quarantine has taken me to a place within my emotional realm that I couldn’t take much more of the pressure and erupted like a volcano, spewing out toxic lava from my innermost being out onto those closest to me. Like the aftermath of any natural disaster, my own aftermath left things in not good places for days and it will continue on in the weeks and months ahead to recover.
By Easter Sunday I was completely tapped of everything and decided to go for a walk to a nearby place I haven’t ventured to yet. So, I waited some to allow the traffic there to slow down some before I set out to clear my head, connect in nature and just “be”.
I needed that the most to just “be”.
Being Super Woman has its limitations when your acting within your own strength and by this time I was severely depleted. It was so peaceful and calm the serenity of where I went to walk that I do ever so long to go again.
I basked in the solitude of the quietness of nature. I wasn’t being demanded of to solve a problem. I was allowed to feel small in a big world, with a huge problem, and the desperate need of a savior. This walk I will call my repentance walk for everything I had attributed to in the week prior to not being very Christ-like at all.
I journeyed out from the Park where I took my walk, of which I will share more photos from at the end of this blog, to visit some stores for essentials. To my grand dismay many were closed up so tight that not even a fly could penetrate their barriers. This didn’t set well with me once more. This whole mess has brought out the spoiled child within me dealing with only first world problems.
When if I took a reality check my issues are minor compares to others. Many are battling this horrendous COVID-19 aka Corona Virus to the point of loss of life on epic scales. Many have lost jobs and income flows due to Gov’t/State regulations to lessen the curve peak of this virus to not destroy the fragile health care system in which would be needed to treat massive amounts of this virus. This virus and everything happening is a history in the making.
Many states are now extending the orders to stay at home and many essential businesses have had to come up to Governor mandated codes for protecting the public and essential workers. As of 5pm on Monday, the state in which I reside had new rules that came into implementation. We have had to limit the number of patrons inside the building, we have had to provide a hand sanitization of some kind. Prepare barriers between customers and checkout attendants.
So Friday of the week prior to the codes going into effect. I had to bring the establishment where I work up to code as being in tele-communications that is deemed an essential business. I had my own science project to make home made Clorox wipes to provide some kind of hand sanitation to customers as hand sanitizer in itself is sold out. The governors order stated the need to establish a time for senior customers, create a flow of one way into and out of stores and even within create flows for isles of grocery goods and shut down/limit use of any public restrooms. I rigged up a clear shower curtain to act as a barrier and after customers environmental cleaning has to be done to slow down the spread of this virus.
By the time Monday came I was so far over it all that waking up to find tornado warnings and hearing news of tornado strikes it just made the whole of the day so dark. Mind you I was still recovering from the dark night of the soul I just walked through to walk out into more darkness. It has all been too much for my soul to entertain.
Tuesday came and it seemed better it was bright and sunshine of the day cheered my dark soul up some. At one point I was able to just go sit by the water and pray for a moment and seek some stillness for my innermost being that has been so loud that I needed an escape.
By Wednesday, recovery was probably at the half way mark and yet still a need to know how to fix my innermost being from potentially not having to go through this again as the pandemic remains. My eyes had to be enlightened to somethings about myself that I must learn from, and grow up out of, as well as, begin to tame.
I am set to charge down the things within me that need to be shifted and changed during these hard and stressful times. As I am taught, fruit only comes during the hardest of trials. For me this whole situation the last few months have been the hardest yet, and to be honest we none know when the end will be insight. The best I can do is learn and grow and make the most of this time. I have made some masks from scarfs (3 finished one incomplete) and have completed one pillow and another pillow to be made. While I wasn’t in a good place I stopped the work on my second book until I recover. I am not sure what else I may take up to fill my time.
My greatest hope is that all this will be over soon and we can return to some sense of normalcy.
“We will sing for joy over your victory, And in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.” Psalms 20:5 NASB
Thank you for taking time to enjoy my blog🌹
Visit my teespring store to shop my selections inspired by my book
I don’t know about the rest of my readers, but this whole thing has taken my stress level to a new all time high!
Every day the rules change! Every day things are getting more scarce! Every day a new way to go about daily life is implemented!
When all this began it wasn’t to the level that it is now. Back then social distancing was a thing that was new. Then limits on how many people could get together. Then stores shutting down that were deemed non essential. Dining facilities closed, but allowing for take out or drive threw only.
Now government offices are closed. How you pay your bills has drastically changed many have closed down in person transactions and implemented non personal contact to conduct business. As of late we are now encouraged to wear masks when interacting in the public.
So, I had seen a tutorial on how to make some inexpensive cloth masks. So, I made some to have on hand. Even some extra to give to someone, but that changed so now I will just wait and see how things go, as I may need them as I still have to deal with public on the regular.
My daily living is constantly being challenged and constantly changing to the point its hard to keep up. So much so that its affecting my interpersonal stuff. But thats a whole blog post in itself that I will spare the world from of the betrayal and revealing of the truth of the matter that folks will stand hard with people who shorted them in things and use another to get what they want and just discard folk. But, thats ok like any other situation. It will only make me stronger!
In my down time yesterday, I needed an escape. An escape from everything! An escape from people! An escape from feeling closed in! An escape from feeling like my freedoms I still had weren’t being taken away. So, on my way home I took a brief detour. I visited the tulip fields that the near by Dutch heritage farmers plant yearly.
It was such a moment of pure escape that a storm began to creep up on me and I had to leave the experience. But, learning in these times to stop, slow down and experience life in a different way from the hustle and bustle is what this Pandemic is doing.
Earlier this past weekend I stopped to smell the roses and brought them home! They have opened up so beautifully the look like lil sunbursts on my desk.
The place I have found to go for walks has slowly been closing down parts to the public to implement social distancing and from large groups to be gathering. The fishing piers are slowly being closed off to prevent many from being in same close place together. Stores have begun to have door ways locked to deter inflow and outflow. A major chain box store only allows one way in and one way out currently. Gas stations are beginning to do the same.
So, what would be my encouragement to you in all this as I am sure other more impacted areas are having tighter restricitions.
Live the life you have been given to the best of your ability while staying safe and abiding the laws of the land. Is it fun or easy right now? No! To be honest I have complained the whole way through, now it is time for me to see the silver lining in it and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
So, when on my most recent walk to the park I took some pics of things I hadn’t really payed attention to out there before. I will share them below:
One thing I will take away from all this is that sometimes its best to go back to just looking after your own self and taking care of your mental health.
“Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;” Romans 12:12 KJV
If you made it to the end of my blog thank you for taking the time to read and enjoy it! I hope it helps encourage you during these hard times!
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In reflection, I have found myself to be on the road toward healing more often then not! Life happens, we take the hit that wounds the soul, then we grapple at the pieces to get back up and walk again.
Our roads toward healing look different each time. They embody different aspects that need to be overcome, things that need to change, things that need to be matured in, or just healing from being backstabbed, rejected, abandoned, betrayed, or even depression and anxiety.
I will use my life examples to demonstrate how the road toward healing is different each time. I have more of my journey in my book that is available on amazon. But for this blog, I am disclosing some stories that are not in my book.
The first time I actually hit the road toward healing came after I was deeply wounded in the church! That same night the hurt happened as a matter of fact!
The first church I was truly apart of was going through a difficult transitional time of the beloved Pastor of 13 years was leaving due to some personal matters. The Pastor that came in, came in like a hurricane and stirred up a lot. Within the first few weeks the church was further divided. Anyway to make this long story short, I was called into the office with the Pastor, the church board, and the Superintendent of the churches denomination from the high up office at the State level. I did alot of work for the church and was highly connected to the prior leadership, which honestly was not favored as most if you were, was being driven away by taking positions away and reassigning to others who came in new with this new Pastor.
So, I sat in the office with all of them and lie after lie after lie just came from their lips. I sat there thinking these are church folk, lying isn’t suppose to be acceptable?!?!
Even took a persons words close to me and twisted them for their benefit! Now granted on my own part I was very negative about the division of the church, angry with how things were being done, and devastated at how church folks had done folks. In the meeting I sat there quiet the whole time just listening to the accusations. It wasn’t til the end when they said turn in your key and what work you have your released from the position. Knowing full well they had it in for me since day one, I popped back, looked the new Pastor square in the face and said if you didn’t want me here you should have said it long time ago! I took the key off the ring and put in on the desk! They forbid me from talking about what happened to me out side that room to anyone!
I was completely devastated, shocked, and the more distraught. I had just lost the Pastor I had sat under for 7 years, then all this from church folks. I went to my car, cried, was about to leave and say screw the night service. I got enough of myself together and said I will go in and be part of this service but I had to isolate myself as they all kept an eye on me the whole service! Needless to say I wasn’t myself and many took note of that, came over to talk to me and I had to push them away. I left before the service was over to avoid more questions.
I couldn’t go home in the state I was in, my mom would definitely know and I didn’t need her upset any more them she already was from what they were doing. So, I went to the place I work and sat at my desk and cried for 2 hours. One person by name Juanita Gibbs of whom is my Pastor now reached out to me, not knowing my situation, said I came up heavy in her spirit and wanted to check on me. That there showed me not all church people do others wrong. Had she not reached out, I probably would have turned my back on God, the church, my purpose and more.
Still yes I need healing from all that, as I have authority issues from that and childhood. Healing has come cause I cannot hold people to not being people. I had put christians on a pedestal that we were immune to failure, which is far from the case.
This road toward healing course kept me on the path toward God and not away from God. Not turning my back on brothers and sisters in the faith. Many things have come to try to pull me off that path down the years and it is a true fight to remain in the faith.
Another time I have been on the road toward healing (and I am still on this path) to not be so negative about my overall self. To make it simple my words reflected I have a level of hate even for myself that brooded low self-esteem, not feeling valued, low worth, and more.
It was on a trip to South Carolina that this revelation came to be. The person that has been the most integral in me being on the healing road has been Juanita Gibbs. She was apart of this trip and at the closeout of the trip we all sat down and had a chat. That brought out the fact I speak down about myself and all.
I have had chats with her since about that same stuff to keep working toward levels and degrees of healing that I desperately need within my soul. Had they not begun to be healed I could have been in bad dysfunctional relationship, gave up my body to any available man, taken on friendships that wouldn’t be reciprocal and the like. The path of this healing helped me get a standard, see my value and worth. Begin to embrace and love the woman I am and who I am still working to become!
Healing is a journey! It is up to us to take the step on that path and do what is necessary to heal!
If this encouraged you in any way I would love to hear from you. Drop a comment below 💝