Delight

Take delight and joy in the love of God in my season of singleness!

To be honest I conformed to the world and listen to what its message was in regards to singleness. That if your of a certain age and still single you better get out there and make some moves or you may remain single.

I chased men, asked them out, built friendships in motive of looking to fulfill my longings to remove the singleness status and conform to this world.

You know what happened with them all? They all ended in disaster and heartbreak on my part. The motives I had in it was all wrong.

When God intervened in a huge blessing type way to remove the last one it removed distraction and He could begin to work on me and why I kept conforming to the world.

He began to show me those issues I have blogged about already and the latest he has shown me was that I back burnered the Love of God for the Love of Men.

God is a jealous God!

He saw I put that man up as an idol and made him a God in my view. Cause as my Pastor told me if they were not made a God in my view then when they left I would not have felt empty and like I couldn’t go on with life.

He is showing me that I forsook my first love for another and that is in error on my part.

Repentance and genuine heartfelt broken repentance has come to say God I am so sorry I replaced you for another.

God knows that if this goes undealt with I will keep repeating the same pattern of putting another above Him. He proclaims over and over seek me first and don’t forsake your 1st love. This is Gods order of things.

Listening to the world I bypassed His instruction and listen to the wrong directions that lead to distruction. These cycles and issues require me to do some work within to keep from going down those same roads.

Taking my delight in His love for me. Thanking Him for the God given people he has given me. Praising him for the Godly leadership that is before me to help me to see my inner issues and begin to mature me in those areas as a believer and conforming to Gods way and shedding the worlds way.

God is my portion! He sent a man to die for me when I didn’t deserve it to forgive my sins. He unconditionally loves me even when I fail like a good father he helps me get up and try again.

Allowing that love to fill me up so I can show it to others is what He is about. Love is the greatest command. Love covers a multitude of sin. Love is Patient, kind, gentle, unboasting, and confident in the eternalness of His love when human love has its limits.

When God see’s I am firm in Him and his love and that he keeps proper place of first in time he will send a man after Gods heart. He will do it, not me! That was the missing component, I moved ahead of God.

So, for now yes my season of singleness has purpose and that is taking delight in whom God is and that is a loving Father and learning who I am deeply on the inside and loving me! Love is taken in with self first and filled up then overflow comes as love grows.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Uncommon Love

Uncommon: Out of the ordinary or unusual.

What is such love that it is uncommon?

Well…..

For me that is being shown love in a way that I have not known.

To be told “I love you” to be told loving words of any kind for me is uncommon.

Why is it uncommon?

Well, in the home in which I grew up in and raised you were known you were loved by deeds. They would buy gifts to show love or sacrifice to show love. The love language was gifts and acts of service that was mainly expressed in my home. So those types of love expressions became what was common.

When the uncommon came in words of praise(affirmation), physical connection (hug), or quality time it was not only foreign, but I saw that my soul has longings for those types of love moreso than the other love that was commonly expressed to me.

What has begun to take place is that now I see what my soul has been devoid of from early years of growing.

Growing without proper nourishment in the inner life can bring on issues as we get older.

That has proven to be the case for me anyway. I also saw that I used outside things to fill the voids in my soul like food, books, men when they have come into my life.

This year my relationship to food has been shifting. My relationship to books has been also shifting, as well as, how I view men has been shifting. I used to be one of those women that if a man comes in my life he will help me, give me attention or make me complete in some way. Boy oh boy has that ever proven to be false.

The only man who can complete any woman or man with the same issue is Jesus. Only he can fill the deep voids within my soul.

My time with God to grow and develop a level of maturity, as well as, letting God be my portion until God see’s that I am healed and prepared for promotion to being in a Godly relationship that brings him Glory, hope will continue to anchors my soul that in time He will come through for me on things.

Until then my time is full of seeking him first, studying truth, worship him in spirit and in truth for just who he is and allowing His love to come and fill me up. God has sent people into my life that have been used of him to show me love in the uncommon forms to begin to take me through healing phases.

Its getting better in stages as I see I still have work to do on me and working on me to be the best version of me is the most important as when I am full of the God kind of love it can begin to spill out into my surroundings and walk more in this love than ever before.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

What’s love got to do with it?

That question has been circling for a while now.

In the world in which we reside what does love have to do with it?

In the Biblical sense there are various forms of love.

  • AgapeUnconditional Love
  • Phileo Brotherly Love
  • Storge Family Love
  • Eros Passionate Love

The world in which we are passing through only focus and spot light one type of love. Its seen in commercials, magazine ads, movies and its beginning to filter into some children programs.

To focus on one type of love will only continue to polute a society that if the one love fades its ok to leave it and move on to another for that same type of love. Hense the high divorce rate and people electing to even marry.

When true love of God (Agape) is deeply ingrained in an individual then the other loves will have proper placement. My pastor has been teaching on Agape love that I see I need to come up in it.

Agape as was mentioned is unconditional love. When people cross you, irritate, run you down, reject you, abandon you, etc there is a love that can be pulled on to get through it and keep loving others as we are commanded by God to do.

My human love has limitations I will admit. These limits come from the woulds of rejection, abandonment and lack or love nourishment in my young years of growing up.

But, now as I keep learning about Gods love even if I am rejected God loves me. When I am crossed or offended I must forgive and continue in love. For God forgave me much then I must also forgive and walk in His love. This is what love has to do with it.

This world in which we reside thrives on negativity and drama and wants to feed your feelings of rejection, abandonment, offense and ways to cause strife.

When we manage those feelings as we pull on Agape we can cause the inner issues to begin to starve and die off when we quit feeding them. This is what love has to do with it.

The love of God has everything to do with it!

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Perfect Love

It can cast out fear!

But to know love we must first be love.

To be love we must accept the love we didn’t deserve but grace gave it any way.

God gave His only son out of love for us.

The word of God is Gods love letter to us. The greatest command is to love!

So, the question becomes…

Have I accepted the full magnitude of the love that was provided for me?

Have I taken that love deep within?

Am I that love?

To be perfectly honest…No!

Maybe on a good day I can show some of the love thats been given to me. On a good day I can be some what that love to another. On a good day I can take in that love that was given.

Human love is conditional and limited.

Gods love is eternal and limitless.

Well atleast it is within myself. As I can only share from my perspective is that I see my limitations when it comes to receiving love and giving love.

There is all kinds of love that God spoke about (Agape, Phileo, Eros, Sorge,etc) and books have been written about it and to further break down the love demonstrations has even been written on in book the 5 Love Languanges (Yes I have it and have read it).

To be love and show love and receive love I must grow my fruit of love that came in at my salvation.(Galatians 5:22)

To grow the fruit of love is to exercise it. How do I exercise it? Daily we are given opportunity to show, walk or accept love in some way. It is how then when it is continued to be exercised that the perfect love comes in and fear begins to flee.

I still have to work the fruit of love in my life as it is a command to love and to be obedient to that truth is submission to the word and what it has commanded as a life for Christ to be and show in the world we live. His love in us can be a light and salt to the world. It compells and causes those who love is shown to, to be drawn and to thirts appropriatley for the love of God.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Time Spent

How we manage our time in a day is up to us!

I do believe I am going to incorporate spending more time in the word of God and studying.

One day who knows when though, but we must prepare nonetheless to hide the word in our heart for when the actual written text is taken from us.

In my current studies of Psalm 119 one of the verses are: “I have hidden your word in my heart.” Now that is a statement to behold. The psalmist proclaimed that he hid the word of the Lord in his heart. After all, most if not all the psalms were penned by David. King David known as a “man after Gods own heart”. Yes David has his faults and short comings as we all do. But still he was known as such.

Have we hidden the word in our heart?

I may have some nuggets in me, but the question then becomes are those nuggets enough to hold me in the test, trial, tribulation or temptation comes?

How is my attitude, stance, faith, emotions, words spoken when those thing come? Because those will reveal if you do or do not have enough of the word hidden within or not.

Do I faulter and retreat into the old of worry, doubt, fear and anxiety? Or, do I see it for what it is, cast the care on the Lord, do what I can and go on by faith that it is all gonna work out?

Its our choice!

My choice (surrender) is pressing me to insert more into my heart and mind to be able to fight the good fight of faith! Learning to walk more by faith and not sight. Allowing his truth and goodness to pierce the dark places within to bring newness and light.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Love Affair Pt 2

Still just so scandalous…lol

Well todays love affair is about falling in love with the word of God. The true and living word that has the power to save and change our soul.

In my years in the faith I have over time been growing to learn to love the word, its truth and its abililty to transform me. In mt early time I would read the word just to read it and no real change came into my life.

As I began to study the word it helped me to begin to understand it some more. But with study there must be application to life. Now in thay I faultered! I read and studied to have a feel good emotion to get the through whatever was going on until it passed.

Where I attend church now in the last year and a half (almost) they have been teaching and emphasising the importance of study and life application of the truths from the word. To take them deep into my soul to right the wrongs, to heal the wounds, to loose the chains, to remove deception to grow to more in the image and likeness of Christ.

Change is hard and painful, but necessary to live out the plans, purposes, and call of God on your life. To change we have to be submissive to what the spirit of God wants. We may think we know whats best, but in actuality we don’t. For a man can plan his steps, but the Lord leads.

Learning to fall in love with the best love story ever given to us in humanity is also a journey. A God full of mercy and grace sent His only beloved son to earth to walk a life like we do, feel all that we feel, hurt like we have hurt, and still live out a ministry and gave his very lifes blood for the sins of us who sin where He knew no sin.

What a love for us that is provided. May that love flood our soul today and renew in it to keep feeling that love.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Love Affair Pt 1

Sounds scandalous right!!

The love affair I am beginning is well loving myself.

I have been on a journey of self discovery for a few months now. Its been a journey to say the least. Even my writing these blogs have helped me discover hidden parts of me.

But, in actuality the self discovery began with my church teaching us about self deception, knowing our truth, loving our truth no matter what it looks like. It was this that really began to set this all in motion.

I am learning to love myself beyond all the issues in my soul that has surfaced the abandonment, rejection, comparison, acceptance, fear, doubt, worry, anxiety and depression.

Learning to work through those issues to come to a level of healing. Learning that those issues don’t define me they are part of me but they will be learned of to take control of and manage them. Learning that just because I have issues is no reason to reject myself as I have been doing.

Everyone has issues of some kind I have also learned. Like me they hide the real you, they hide the issue, hide that all is perfect and well. But, when the real test comes thats when the guard is let down and the issues are revealed. Least thats how it has been for me, the test would come and show where I was at.

I am also learning that my love has limits as to why when I see I have issues I reject even myself. This is when the fruit of the spirit of love has had to come in the more. To pull on Gods eternal love for me.

To know even in my mess God still extends grace and mercy to me to work on my short comings and be healed amd walk free from them and to help others like me at some point overcome.

Will I ever be fully free from my issues? Maybe in level as healing happens. Other issues within will require management on my part.

May I keep walking this journey day by day to love myself knowing by Faith God does no matter what.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Transition

Moving from fear to faith!

When fear has been a resident inside my soul for so long I have to serve fear eviction papers. It didn’t like getting served… no way!

Fear begins to scream out:

  • This is your comfort place look how its kept you!
  • I can keep you from hurting!
  • This is the best place for you! Whats beyond this for someone like you?
  • Your fine like you are!
  • And more

The things fear will begin to scream out sound true initially as they are familiar. They are an established fortress of lies I have believed for far too long!

So, what has to happen and has begun to happen to begin to get me to shift from fear to faith?

Well…

I have to first know the voice of fear and anything else joined with it like doubt, worry, and anxiety. This way when they rise up within me I can identify the voice and begin to pull on faith and the word to counter attack the contents in my soul.

Am I doing a good job at this fight?

Some days Heck No! I fall right back into the old way.

Other days I have my sword in hand slicing and dicing every fear and anxious voice that comes up within.

I have to be repetitious in the battle. My Pastor she has taught us that:

“Repetition is the mother of success, if you want to succeed you have to keep doing it over and over and over again until it becomes your new normal” ~ Juanita Gibbs

When I fail at the battle I have to dust myself off see if I can locate the weakness and to why this test took me down and exercise ways to not let it get to me so bad in the next test.

Will I ever be free of fear? No!

Fear is an emotion and I have to learn to manage it. That fear management is real just like how anger management is real for some.

I can be very emotionally lead at times if I allow fear and any other emotion have its way. I can also be very logically lead by my own thoughts and analyzations…but that is a whole other subject.

I want to be able to manage the fear level within me to begin to live by faith over the fears. I have to keep the sword of the word of God that is truth to help me get there. Day by day I hope to make strides to keep turning from fear to faith.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Secret Life!

Patience stepped out! Impatience took her place and hooked up with fear.

I am slowly seeing that by not being patient I have walked in much impatience and that had joined with fear to create a life in me.

Impatience and fear living within my soul has kept me from growing and accepting the reality of things at times. Where had I been more patient things may be different in the long run. But, now that I see them and recognize where I am now I can begin to work to grow in it.

Impatience (haste) had been a common thing in my life. Its how ai am inherintly and due to my own mindsets living in a world built on instand gratification that we got to have it now!

When in God I am seeing that He just like any good parent will make you wait for things. Not that God will withhold any good thing from us, but he knows how I am and that if I cannot handle the full measure of my life now? Then how can He give me things I want that may bring more responsibility in the long run if given before time.

God wants me to grow in patience with God, myself, and then let ut spill to others. I have to be the first partaker of the patience growing in my life and that is causing trust in God to grow. I trust that all He is doing in my life is for my good. He is developing my character and integrity, as well as, shaping the gifts He placed within me to bring Him glory.

Have I been perfect or excellent in my growing?

I can honestly say!

HECK NO!!

I have been inwardly offended, got attitude, stubborn, strong self-willed and blind at times. But, when the dust settles I can see the wrong stronghold I was trying to defend to keep. I can see where I need to grow in my fruits to learn to retrain me to walk in by the spirit in my day to day life to stop walking in my flesh limitation, but in Gods eternalness of the spirit.

Slowly as I grow more in patiencr ther fruit that is, I am praying fear takes itself and moves on in a layer of my life.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Bad Friendship!

Rejection and fear have a friendship that work together in unity in a wounded soul.

When rejection happens many times over it brings damage to the soul. The soul begins to find ways to heal, but if not being healed with good methods then it adds to the wounding creating a scar within. Least thats how it has been in my life.

Wounds of rejection would happen and my healing method was to let fear come in and protect me. Fear soothed the wound that if I never get close to anyone again then the pain wouldn’t come again by another rejection. But what happened when another cane along into my life?

Well…

They would come and over time yup I let the next one right on into my heart. What happened next was any sign that they were rejecting me I would begin to close off as I was being deemed unacceptable to them. I would wall up and push them away to save the fragile pieces of my heart as best I could from fear of it happening again.

Once wounding began to create other ways of wounding myself within my soul. It was so strong the fear and rejection that I began to shut out good people that God had placed in my life making time with me very difficult. Difficult to the place that I began to expect them to leave me.

But that all stemed from fear and rejection of the past. When they have reinforced to me they are God sent and yes its proven that they are that I still fear the most that people will leave me.

I am told that faith and fear work similar just with different results. The very things I have feared that people would continually come and go has happened. But, I can only manage myself, if something about me is rejected and they want to leave then thats their reasons.

I just have to manage myself with overcoming the fear and rejection issue to not push people away and guard my heart to not take people into my heart so quickly or easily. I need to slow down allow time on the scene and let things be proven.

When God sends me people with a heart after his, yes they may judge and show concern, but also accept that they too have issues and we all are working to overcome and accept each other on our faith journey in life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰