These are the days…

Of Life During A Global Pandemic!

I don’t know about the rest of my readers, but this whole thing has taken my stress level to a new all time high!

Every day the rules change! Every day things are getting more scarce! Every day a new way to go about daily life is implemented!

When all this began it wasn’t to the level that it is now. Back then social distancing was a thing that was new. Then limits on how many people could get together. Then stores shutting down that were deemed non essential. Dining facilities closed, but allowing for take out or drive threw only.

Now government offices are closed. How you pay your bills has drastically changed many have closed down in person transactions and implemented non personal contact to conduct business. As of late we are now encouraged to wear masks when interacting in the public.

So, I had seen a tutorial on how to make some inexpensive cloth masks. So, I made some to have on hand. Even some extra to give to someone, but that changed so now I will just wait and see how things go, as I may need them as I still have to deal with public on the regular.

My daily living is constantly being challenged and constantly changing to the point its hard to keep up. So much so that its affecting my interpersonal stuff. But thats a whole blog post in itself that I will spare the world from of the betrayal and revealing of the truth of the matter that folks will stand hard with people who shorted them in things and use another to get what they want and just discard folk. But, thats ok like any other situation. It will only make me stronger!

In my down time yesterday, I needed an escape. An escape from everything! An escape from people! An escape from feeling closed in! An escape from feeling like my freedoms I still had weren’t being taken away. So, on my way home I took a brief detour. I visited the tulip fields that the near by Dutch heritage farmers plant yearly.

It was such a moment of pure escape that a storm began to creep up on me and I had to leave the experience. But, learning in these times to stop, slow down and experience life in a different way from the hustle and bustle is what this Pandemic is doing.

Earlier this past weekend I stopped to smell the roses and brought them home! They have opened up so beautifully the look like lil sunbursts on my desk.

The place I have found to go for walks has slowly been closing down parts to the public to implement social distancing and from large groups to be gathering. The fishing piers are slowly being closed off to prevent many from being in same close place together. Stores have begun to have door ways locked to deter inflow and outflow. A major chain box store only allows one way in and one way out currently. Gas stations are beginning to do the same.

So, what would be my encouragement to you in all this as I am sure other more impacted areas are having tighter restricitions.

Live the life you have been given to the best of your ability while staying safe and abiding the laws of the land. Is it fun or easy right now? No! To be honest I have complained the whole way through, now it is time for me to see the silver lining in it and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

So, when on my most recent walk to the park I took some pics of things I hadn’t really payed attention to out there before. I will share them below:

Taken while on a drive Monday
Moon Bloosoms
Bridge over trouble waters
Storm coming while at tulip farm
Clouds that resembled a feather while on a drive

One thing I will take away from all this is that sometimes its best to go back to just looking after your own self and taking care of your mental health.

“Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:12‬ ‭KJV‬‬

If you made it to the end of my blog thank you for taking the time to read and enjoy it! I hope it helps encourage you during these hard times!

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Be of Good Cheer

These are times where great faith is needful!

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I sit here in the silence, asking God what is the message for me and the blog I write once a week? No sooner I asked, and got silent within, I heard “be of good cheer!”

The great Abba Father that He is sent a message into my spirit one of comfort to reinforce peace in my life. The event of this week have been a major pull on my logic and emotions! I even confessed to my spiritual leader in the faith that I felt myself slipping into a depressive state. She encouraged me with words of comfort and wisdom as she always does.

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I got home and had to force my way into worship, I forced my way into looking at the word to renew as I was only in the early state of emotional slipping before emotions fully intoxicated me and I was very unrenewed.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Even as of yesterday, I had to plant myself before the word and remain in it, I got home to cook dinner for my father and freely worshipped, prayed in my heavenly language and then began to feel peace as small as a pebble.

The message I received of “be of good cheer” was a timely one. God knows that in these uncertain times it is faith that will pull us through. Faith isnt a ticket out of tribulation, faith is a hope through dire times. As things continually are getting shut down, enforcement to remain home becomes more essential, that our health and lively hoods are being greatly effected.

As of today more nonessential places are forced to close at 5pm for two weeks. People that have non essential jobs are out of work. Others that have employment that are essential are still allowed to work at this time as more and more cases of confirmed COVID-19 are coming out. Many are now instituting curfews to help condense the probability of spreading this virus! May Hod be with us all during this!

This is the virus heard round the world at this point! By faith we will make it!

By faith anchor in truth of the Word of God!

“For men swear by one greater than themselves, and with them an oath given as confirmation is an end of every dispute. In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil,”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭6:16-19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

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Faith over Fear

The days in which we live currently are becoming consumed by fear all around!

“But understand this, that in the last days dangerous times [of great stress and trouble] will come [difficult days that will be hard to bear].”
‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭AMP‬‬

I considered blogging long and hard especially with the current climate of the world. So, instead of my usual, I figured I would share how my life and world are being hit by the COVID-19 epidemic, and share some faith so we can stand firm and make it through these times.

In the past few days, every grocery store I have entered, beef and chicken products are all emptied, bread of all kinds gone. Can goods flying off the shelf left and right! Milk and eggs being purchased by the cart loads. Products of lysol, bleach, hand sanitizer, any disinfectant spray were off the shelf for a week prior to all this.

As of the most recent event of this virus, many stores are required to close early, restaurants are only allowed to do take out or delivery. Communal dining areas are fully shut down. People are loosing jobs due to having to close early, especially those in the restaurant and bar industry.

The economic effects of this will take weeks to rebound from, granted the gov’t has a proposed stimulus plan, but only time will tell how that helps. More cases are popping up, social distancing has been widely promoted.

All during these passing weeks I have been trying my best to put faith over fear! The statics, the forecasting, the foreboding of it all insight and harbors fear. Pulling from the Word of God has been a must or fear will consume anyone in these times.

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler And from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, Nor of the arrow that flies by day, Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, And see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.””
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:1-16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Stay safe everyone! These are perilous times!

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Cynthia 💞

Keep on Walking

Be watchful of the traps people set for you on your path of life!

“Establish my footsteps in Your word…”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:133‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When your in a season of growth and development, many want to come along and hinder that growth!

When your trying as hard as you can to change in areas that need to be changed in to only be told things that only cause you depression, the notion to give up, walk away from God, walk away from the church and spiritual family… those are things I have had to learn to become aware of and take a stand up against. Many see it as being combative and it is, but when you are run down you have every right to defend yourself!

But the moment you do that you become the bad guy, your messing with a call on someones life, your twisted, sick, immature and how you are is unacceptable. Never mind what they did, said or how they took the situation and said things that were hurtful. So yes, I in-turn unleashed hurtful things as a retaliation.

The bible says turn the other cheek, but baby I can assure you that is hard for this one to do. I took hurtful, hateful words most all my life and I will not just take them anymore! You cause me pain, I will cause you pain in return!

Is that being petty?

Yes!

Is it mature?

No!

When your a wounded soul fight or flight is an automatic response mechanism! Will I justify what I have done to harm another? Already done that by blaming it on wounds and by retaliating because sore places within me are touched!

The only thing now to do is keep on walking! (Psalm 119:133)

Seek forgiveness from the Lord and plead mercy on the reaping that will take place from all thats been sown!

When your cover is blown seek the refuge of the shelter of the wings (Psalm 91).

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper And from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark. You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day; Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness, Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon. A thousand may fall at your side And ten thousand at your right hand, But it shall not approach you. You will only look on with your eyes And see the recompense of the wicked. For you have made the LORD, my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place. No evil will befall you, Nor will any plague come near your tent. For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, That you do not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread upon the lion and cobra, The young lion and the serpent you will trample down. “Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name. He will call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With a long life I will satisfy him And let him see My salvation.””
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:1-16‬ ‭NASB
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Cynthia 💞

The Road Toward Healing

Hope at the end of the tunnel!

In reflection, I have found myself to be on the road toward healing more often then not! Life happens, we take the hit that wounds the soul, then we grapple at the pieces to get back up and walk again.

Our roads toward healing look different each time. They embody different aspects that need to be overcome, things that need to change, things that need to be matured in, or just healing from being backstabbed, rejected, abandoned, betrayed, or even depression and anxiety.

I will use my life examples to demonstrate how the road toward healing is different each time. I have more of my journey in my book that is available on amazon. But for this blog, I am disclosing some stories that are not in my book.

The first time I actually hit the road toward healing came after I was deeply wounded in the church! That same night the hurt happened as a matter of fact!

The first church I was truly apart of was going through a difficult transitional time of the beloved Pastor of 13 years was leaving due to some personal matters. The Pastor that came in, came in like a hurricane and stirred up a lot. Within the first few weeks the church was further divided. Anyway to make this long story short, I was called into the office with the Pastor, the church board, and the Superintendent of the churches denomination from the high up office at the State level. I did alot of work for the church and was highly connected to the prior leadership, which honestly was not favored as most if you were, was being driven away by taking positions away and reassigning to others who came in new with this new Pastor.

So, I sat in the office with all of them and lie after lie after lie just came from their lips. I sat there thinking these are church folk, lying isn’t suppose to be acceptable?!?!

Even took a persons words close to me and twisted them for their benefit! Now granted on my own part I was very negative about the division of the church, angry with how things were being done, and devastated at how church folks had done folks. In the meeting I sat there quiet the whole time just listening to the accusations. It wasn’t til the end when they said turn in your key and what work you have your released from the position. Knowing full well they had it in for me since day one, I popped back, looked the new Pastor square in the face and said if you didn’t want me here you should have said it long time ago! I took the key off the ring and put in on the desk! They forbid me from talking about what happened to me out side that room to anyone!

I was completely devastated, shocked, and the more distraught. I had just lost the Pastor I had sat under for 7 years, then all this from church folks. I went to my car, cried, was about to leave and say screw the night service. I got enough of myself together and said I will go in and be part of this service but I had to isolate myself as they all kept an eye on me the whole service! Needless to say I wasn’t myself and many took note of that, came over to talk to me and I had to push them away. I left before the service was over to avoid more questions.

I couldn’t go home in the state I was in, my mom would definitely know and I didn’t need her upset any more them she already was from what they were doing. So, I went to the place I work and sat at my desk and cried for 2 hours. One person by name Juanita Gibbs of whom is my Pastor now reached out to me, not knowing my situation, said I came up heavy in her spirit and wanted to check on me. That there showed me not all church people do others wrong. Had she not reached out, I probably would have turned my back on God, the church, my purpose and more.

Still yes I need healing from all that, as I have authority issues from that and childhood. Healing has come cause I cannot hold people to not being people. I had put christians on a pedestal that we were immune to failure, which is far from the case.

This road toward healing course kept me on the path toward God and not away from God. Not turning my back on brothers and sisters in the faith. Many things have come to try to pull me off that path down the years and it is a true fight to remain in the faith.

Photo of Roses Taken Sunday March 1, 2020

Another time I have been on the road toward healing (and I am still on this path) to not be so negative about my overall self. To make it simple my words reflected I have a level of hate even for myself that brooded low self-esteem, not feeling valued, low worth, and more.

It was on a trip to South Carolina that this revelation came to be. The person that has been the most integral in me being on the healing road has been Juanita Gibbs. She was apart of this trip and at the closeout of the trip we all sat down and had a chat. That brought out the fact I speak down about myself and all.

I have had chats with her since about that same stuff to keep working toward levels and degrees of healing that I desperately need within my soul. Had they not begun to be healed I could have been in bad dysfunctional relationship, gave up my body to any available man, taken on friendships that wouldn’t be reciprocal and the like. The path of this healing helped me get a standard, see my value and worth. Begin to embrace and love the woman I am and who I am still working to become!

Healing is a journey! It is up to us to take the step on that path and do what is necessary to heal!

If this encouraged you in any way I would love to hear from you. Drop a comment below 💝

Cynthia 💞
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Before I Became Content

In being single…

I have been very discontented in my life about the fact I was single. To be perfectly honest when I saw people posting of their relationships online I was secretly bitter inside with the fact they had someone and I didn’t. I harbored those bitter, resentful, and angry feelings for years and years.

But why did I have those feelings?
Cause secretly within me I was doing several things:
1) Comparing myself to the other woman
2) Judging why did they deserved that happiness.
3) Adding to wounds of low-self esteem and feeding my own insecurities.
This was especially the case if the guy I liked entered into a relationship with someone else that was not me. Actually, it was 10x worse in some cases…depends on how much I opened my heart up to the situation and allowed myself to think things that had no validity whatsoever.
I would in my mind entertain things:
  • He is talking to me, he must like me
  • He spends time with me, he must like me
  • He complimented me, he thinks I’m beautiful, he must like me
All those things are very juvenile and should be what a teenager deals with in crushes and things. Which revealed a place within me that needed maturing. When those things came into my life from the opposite sex, I was easily moved! If I am not careful, it can still a happen easily.
I have a core issue within me that was exposed that needs healing. That core issue was seeing myself as worthy and valuable enough to be in that position. This core issue has been getting worked on through counseling sessions, in-depth teaching from my Pastoral leadership in target areas that are vital to the health of my inner being in this area of life.
If I don’t mature and get healing then I will be keeping myself in a perpetual cycle of hurt. It was told to me once because of the tender state of my heart when I do love cause it can be deep, that I need to guard my heart better.

Through much hurt down the years I had to learn to guard and each time it happened I had to find the lesson, find the weak place, then work on strengthening those weaknesses. I am still working on these, I can honestly say that I can see I have grown in some level.
Here’s how I know growth has come. I had a “situation-ship” that spanned about 9 months, me and the guy talked every day, like three times a day. I was so stupidly excited thinking this may be the one, which it wasn’t, he was talking to other women all along and was never serious.
This whole thing sent me into a hard downward spiral to the point I was ready to kill myself in doing an overdose. I felt like I had given so much that it was tossed like tattered clothes when it happened. I eventually got over it and moved on in life.
To my latest now this one shew was a doozy, but it revealed some growth. A guy who frequented by my job for bout a month we talked, flirted, texted, this one was hot and heavy on the flirt scale. It eventually revealed itself that this one was married.
I was totally mixed emotions about the whole thing, but never once did I entertain end my life. I removed all contact with the guy as to not continue to have him emotionally cheating on his wife. I had to seek repentance for this as to make sure I don’t reap what I sow.

In the first situation I reveal, I had made everything of who I was based off of my acceptance from that man. It was a codependency that I had created that caused me to want to end it when it didn’t work out. In between situation one and two though, my counselor had told me that a man is an accessory.

Accessories add value, but don’t make the person. I make me no matter if I have a man or not and that has been something I needed to hear, but to also accept deeply. Which has been a catalyst to help me grow on a level from being immature and moved to mature and unmoved when a man comes or goes in my life.

Now to not be distracted I have laid aside the deep need and extreme want of having a relationship to press in closer to God genuinely and fulfill those things He wants me to do in the earth to leave an impact for His glory. Its a daily struggle, but it is one I am committed to lay aside until the right Man of God comes along into my life.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if this helped you in anyway! I love to hear your feed back 💞

Cynthia 🥰

When The Dawn Comes

The dawn is when you allow a time of healing to come into your life…

There had to come a point when after all I had walked through, allowed myself to partake of, and the things within my soul that bleed so hard in was like internal hemorrhaging that I needed to surrender to walking a path of healing and deliverance.

“Is as the light of the morning when the sun rises, A morning without clouds, When the tender grass springs out of the earth, Through sunshine after rain.’ Truly is not my house so with God? For He has made an everlasting covenant with me, Ordered in all things, and secured; For all my salvation and all my desire, Will He not indeed make it grow?”

‭‭2 Samuel‬ ‭23:4-5‬ ‭NASB‬‬

It was amazing to me to see as I began the path of healing and deliverance just how much God was truly with me and still is to this day.

He kept me in suicide when I tried mixing pills and alcohol, He kept me at my worst, He kept me at my heaviest, He has kept me under the knife of my surgeries, He kept me when I lost my mom, He keeps me every day and in all my days ahead He keeps me!

The Dawn is also embracing the Love of the Father that has kept me and will keep me all the days of my life that I continue to serve, worship, and grow in relationship with Him my God and Savior!

Even in the darkest of times the dawn is there, just off on the horizon that I didn’t take time to look for it or focus on it. The darkness is like a blanket of security that holds you close. Once the dawn breaks and you realize its false security. Then the breakaway from darkness to light happens.

Allow the dawn to come in your darkest days to walk toward new days!

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Cynthia

The Darkness Within

Guard against what used to hold you captive!

I was driving home last night and I ran across a cd to hear some nostalgic tunes to listen to.

Well I put one in that had nothing written on it to see what in fact was on it. To my surprise it was a cd full of songs that were from a dark period of time in my life.

There was Korn, Evanescence, Seether, HIM, and more. As I began to listen, I began to feel the darkness begin to come back inviting me to sink into it. Inviting me back into the depression, inviting me back into the suicidal ideations, inviting me back into the not great view of myself.

“He reveals mysteries from the darkness And brings the deep darkness into light.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭12:22‬ ‭NASB‬‬

The darkness is like an old comforting blanket that says stay here, cuddle with me, you will be safe. When in reality that is a false sense of comfort as it kept me from enjoying, experiencing, and just true living. The darkness if I don’t keep it in check it would easily over take me. The darkness is joyless, passionless, and stagnant.

“Why is light given to him who suffers, And life to the bitter of soul,”‭‭Job‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭NASB‬‬

When the light finally dispelled the darkness in my life it not only brought me into the light, but it brought me to a place of seeking the Son. The light is joy-filled, passionate, and thriving!

“For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭36:9‬ ‭NASB

So, after a short stroll down memory lane with that cd and before I allowed that old energy to take and suck be back in, I removed the disk and listened to something different. In which was a powerful broadcast on dealing with a soul issue of abandonment! It was very impactful and liberating to tune into!

The darkness I have within is something I have to work to keep at bay the rest of my life! It is possible to do, it’s only impossible when I refuse to do my part! My job is to keep in the light as much as I can, by renewing my mind, staying in the word, dealing with the darkness as best I can when it shows itself! Sometimes I have even had to go to therapy to get help with it.

Don’t let darkness over take you, when there is so much more life in the light!

Cynthia 💕💝

My book

Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am!

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Happy New Year!!! 🥂🍾

I am an Author!

My first publication is finally complete!

I have amazon links on the side of my page and I will put one here:

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Now that this is complete I can begin to work on my second publication and get back to blogging again.

Thank you all to any who purchase my book!

Cynthia 💝