Before I Became Content

In being single…

I have been very discontented in my life about the fact I was single. To be perfectly honest when I saw people posting of their relationships online I was secretly bitter inside with the fact they had someone and I didn’t. I harbored those bitter, resentful, and angry feelings for years and years.

But why did I have those feelings?
Cause secretly within me I was doing several things:
1) Comparing myself to the other woman
2) Judging why did they deserved that happiness.
3) Adding to wounds of low-self esteem and feeding my own insecurities.
This was especially the case if the guy I liked entered into a relationship with someone else that was not me. Actually, it was 10x worse in some cases…depends on how much I opened my heart up to the situation and allowed myself to think things that had no validity whatsoever.
I would in my mind entertain things:
  • He is talking to me, he must like me
  • He spends time with me, he must like me
  • He complimented me, he thinks I’m beautiful, he must like me
All those things are very juvenile and should be what a teenager deals with in crushes and things. Which revealed a place within me that needed maturing. When those things came into my life from the opposite sex, I was easily moved! If I am not careful, it can still a happen easily.
I have a core issue within me that was exposed that needs healing. That core issue was seeing myself as worthy and valuable enough to be in that position. This core issue has been getting worked on through counseling sessions, in-depth teaching from my Pastoral leadership in target areas that are vital to the health of my inner being in this area of life.
If I don’t mature and get healing then I will be keeping myself in a perpetual cycle of hurt. It was told to me once because of the tender state of my heart when I do love cause it can be deep, that I need to guard my heart better.

Through much hurt down the years I had to learn to guard and each time it happened I had to find the lesson, find the weak place, then work on strengthening those weaknesses. I am still working on these, I can honestly say that I can see I have grown in some level.
Here’s how I know growth has come. I had a “situation-ship” that spanned about 9 months, me and the guy talked every day, like three times a day. I was so stupidly excited thinking this may be the one, which it wasn’t, he was talking to other women all along and was never serious.
This whole thing sent me into a hard downward spiral to the point I was ready to kill myself in doing an overdose. I felt like I had given so much that it was tossed like tattered clothes when it happened. I eventually got over it and moved on in life.
To my latest now this one shew was a doozy, but it revealed some growth. A guy who frequented by my job for bout a month we talked, flirted, texted, this one was hot and heavy on the flirt scale. It eventually revealed itself that this one was married.
I was totally mixed emotions about the whole thing, but never once did I entertain end my life. I removed all contact with the guy as to not continue to have him emotionally cheating on his wife. I had to seek repentance for this as to make sure I don’t reap what I sow.

In the first situation I reveal, I had made everything of who I was based off of my acceptance from that man. It was a codependency that I had created that caused me to want to end it when it didn’t work out. In between situation one and two though, my counselor had told me that a man is an accessory.

Accessories add value, but don’t make the person. I make me no matter if I have a man or not and that has been something I needed to hear, but to also accept deeply. Which has been a catalyst to help me grow on a level from being immature and moved to mature and unmoved when a man comes or goes in my life.

Now to not be distracted I have laid aside the deep need and extreme want of having a relationship to press in closer to God genuinely and fulfill those things He wants me to do in the earth to leave an impact for His glory. Its a daily struggle, but it is one I am committed to lay aside until the right Man of God comes along into my life.

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew‬ ‭6:33‬ ‭KJV‬‬

My book is available on Amazon

Thank you for reading! Leave a comment if this helped you in anyway! I love to hear your feed back 💞

Cynthia 🥰

Embracing Singleness

Relationship Status in a world that makes it idolized to be of a certain status!

In a world where status is everything so it seems, the world promotes that if your not married then your practically nothing.

To say the least many of us have cosigned with that mindset. But, is it true what they claim?

NO!

I can attest that being single is NOT the end all be all of our existence and neither is marriage. Both have their place in the world and in the church. Married folks (successful marriages) should be encouraged to pour wisdom into singles to help prepare them for their time.

Godly marriages have come along side me in my recent years and have helped burst the false bubbles of fantasy and instill reality and wisdom in the approach to relationships. I first had to embrace the fact that marriage is a long-term successful friendship.

Once I got this I was then challenged to learn to walk in love, this love walk was the one without conditions, boy thats been a challenge. Its been a growing pain of growing from where I once was cold to seeing some fruit of growth how be it ever small, but growth is growth.

The successful marriages showed me that even if marriage doesn’t come I need to learn to love myself and my journey. If someone comes along thats traveling the same road and we can go at it together great, if not; I still have a purpose and call of God to fulfill. Embracing this has brought a level of freedom that no matter my status I still have purpose.

I still have bouts of struggle with this from time to time, I won’t lie about that. Thats our human nature and a good one to have as long as its not our driving force. I was reminded once again to seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness them all those things can be added to me.

So, if you struggle being single, know that your not alone. Trust in God and His timing. Work on yourself, love yourself, enjoy yourself! Live life, love others, bring joy to those you can around you. Sow seeds of goodness and kindness where you can.

Love yourself enough to wait on the goodness of the Lord! Trust your preparation season, trust the growth, trust in the Love of the Father! He knows what He is doing, he loves you enough to keep you growing before you mess up any good thing He sends your way!

My book: Beauty from Ashes: Discovering How Fearfully and Wonderfully Made I Am! Shop Amazon

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Relationship Status

Don’t give up on hope that the right one will come along!

Many times as a Single person we can get discouraged seeing others pairing off, getting to go on dates, getting engaged, getting married while we may still be waiting for someone to come into our life.

We are bombarded with questions at times by folks asking especially around the holidays:

Don’t you want to be married?

Don’t you want to have a family?

Why are you single?

The list can go on and on!

These things can become depressing if dwelled on in relation to feelings of hopelessness. But, I have to say and encourage you to not give up. There are times that will come that you will feel like throwing in the towel of hoping and believing for that to happen.

but just as it is written, ” Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard , And which have not entered the heart of man , All that God has prepared for those who love Him .”
1 Corinthians 2:9 NASB

In the time of waiting spend it getting to know yourself. Grow in areas that need maturing or need more adult mindset in. Grow in who you are as a woman or man.

For me as a woman of Faith in God I want to grow in who God says I am, who I can be, and who I can grow to be. Many times we think we are ready for something but God knows our character may not be just there to handle it.

Had I been involved in a relationship while growing in some of the things I needed to develop in, I probably would have destroyed the thing, just being honest.

Becoming secure in who we are as a person is vital also I have been finding. Because if our worth, image and confindence is given to anyone or anything outside of God, when its gone we become devistated, well thats how it was in my case.

Don’t just hook up with people to say your in a relatiomship. Wait for the proper time when its not out of desperation but out of complementation.

When they come to complement your life. The hook ups with wrong people in wrong times are distractions and can even pull you away from God given destinies. When its right it will be evident as there won’t pressure, haste, anxiousness, but a peace as it will be of God and not what we could devise in and of our own self.

Be discovered for having a beautiful mind, and quiet and gentle spirit, fully knowing your worth based on who you are in Christ, accepting your baggage you come with, in knowing your working and growing to overcome them, be healed, delivered and whole in Christ.

Then the Lord answered me and said, “Record the vision And inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run. “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.
Habakkuk 2:2‭-‬3 NASB

Make sure you have a great support system. The fellowship of like minds can help keep you on course, be there in times of weakness ehen you need to talk things out and pray you through difficult times. The time will come if its a desire placed in your heart by God. The vision has an appointed time though it may delay it will come and be on time meaning His time!

Don’t Give Up Hope!

~Cynthia 😍

What is it all about?

Relationship with God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.

In my time of singleness I has given me opportunity to develop my relationship with God. Singleness is a distraction free time. Its a time where if you want you can fast all day or read the word all day. Worship and praise Him all day or Pray all day. A time in which you don’t have to have just delegated time with him, which we should that on occasion as work and life calls and makes demands. But we can spend time the more communicating with him. Letting Him build us up. Letting Him love on you. Letting Him send those who have his love in him to walk along side you in great Godly bonds of fellowship. We are not to dispise the days of small beginnings. The small beginning may be in the time of singleness to learn how to have a relationship with God as that is the solid foundation to any relationship (friendship, marriage, etc). As we grow in our love and connection to him he grows and expands our love to church family and those that we see that we encounter that need to know the love of God through us. I have great people around me and a great leader before me as my Pastor who loves us with Agape love. God uses people to show his love to us as she teaches me. The love I am getting now in my season of singleness is helping bring healing to unnourished places in the soul from childhood things. So, what is it all about? Building the relationship with Him in a deep and intimate way to commune with him, know him deeply to lead you, guide you, love you and yoi can trust in what He is and does and can be then its very much worth it all. ~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍 ~Cynthia 😉

Now that I have asked, now prepare!

We are to prepare for what we pray for!

In my time as it has been if singlehood it has provided me time to pray and seek the Lord and its a great time to spend with my Savior. Developing that true and lasting relationship with communication and worshipping his majesty, thanking him for his goodness, grace and mercy in thanksgiving. To study and delve into his guide book for all things concerning life to navigate the path here on the earth.

In times past though I hated continuing to remain single. It was as if my mind decided to name it a plague or something. But when God got hold of me through my wonderful Pastor Juanita Gibbs to show me in reality it is a blessing and a prepatory time was revolutuonary for me. It held begin to reshape my thinking on the whole thing.

Later, as time has gone on she has helped me tackle some wring stronhild thinking that I have had about it and to begin to bring healing to places from damage in my soul from my past, how I have lived this life that seriously needed attention as I had tried for so long to put a man in those places and always ended up hurt and the more empty due to the contents of my soul.

Her book up above(which can be purchased on Amazon) has helped me have a paradigm shift to loose fear, doubt and worry and begin to have faith, hope and trust in God that in time He provides whats needed. Where I had thought it may just bot happen for me and that thought is not in line with the word of God. So it is to he captured when comes and cast down (2 Corin 10:4-5).

Freedom from old stuff is a process and it takes time. As to why the word of God is the best guide book to have in this life as it touches all subjects including relationships. Her book has helped me begin to shift my mind and see myself as a winner in the faith and trust in God and His timing.

These books below are others that I have read in time past before going to the church that has so wonderfully aided me in my life far more than theae books as my lraders know me and my battles and issues as they have taught the best knowledge is your own personal experiance and gaining wisdom from those who know you personally to help naviagte the journey.

In no particular order:

This book is great for understand yourself and how you commincate in showing/displaying love to those in your life.

This book mainly focuses on enjoying single life! I passed my copy on to encourage other single sisters, but God replaced the copy when He sent me a leader in my Pastor who tells me the same thing. Enjoy, live, focus on God, walk in my purpose and his will. She is my book of wisdom since the others fully cannot relate to me as she can relate me to my story and prepare me.

This book was pretty much a reinforcement to my Pastors councel to trust God. As this spoke about divine timing and God doing the work to bring about His will and plans for my life.

This book expounded on Ruths story. She focused on her purpose with Noami and Boaz found her. Our bishop has spoke on her story in times to wait to be found by him as we are about our Fathers business. To stop falling for the words of a Bozo (lol) but wait while God works. Wait patiently with good attitude.

This book also reinforced the concept of time and touched on boundaries and enlightened that if you have things going on in your life you may not need to be in a relationship where we need wait and get healing first just as my Pastor focuses on with us. Heal the inner and if its Gods will He will bring things to pass.

This one is a premartial counceling book. That focuses on reflecting marriage as marriage of christ and the church as to which that is what earthly union should reflect when 2 born again believers come together.

This book opened up more the concept from the prior book, but showed more the difficulty and challenges in union on one flesh. As my pastor has taught us that 2 becoming one is an undertaking of understanding, forgiveness, and unconditional love to not quit when things get hard, but to keep at it.

This one I have not read, but I have read the book Boundaries just not this targeted area. But my Pastor has been instilling in me boundaries are very important in all kinds of relationships.

I so love my church Reformation Developmental Center where they speak on practical wisdom tips as well as full depth of the word of God to bring us insight into all things in this life.

~Love Life~Live Life~😍

~Cynthia 😉

Waiting Power

There is power found in waiting which brings about growth!

There is one things to say that when your single and you desire a relationship that God will test your heart and find out where He stand with you all the while still promising things unseen.

Well He has with me anyway. Just like the children of Isreal when he took them from bondage of slavery to the egyptians and into the wilderness. He said to them worship me the one true God who removed you from captivity and is taking you to a land flowing with milk and honey.

What happens next after they were saved by God and given the promise, the test. Where they will gonna worship God for all he had just done or worship the promise. He put them in the wilderness to find they worshipped the promise of land with milk and honey over him so they grumbled and complained. An eleven day journey took 40 years.

Its the same way today with some of us, but I will focus on myself mainly. I was saved by grace given new spiritual life, I was saved by mercy and given new life in the natural, he set me free and gave promise and now in the wilderness I have seen where I worshipped the promise over the God who saved me. He has(is) tested(ing) my heart.

I have added on time to my journey by not being patient and going by what the world says over allowing my process to happen. The wilderness reveals who we really are my Pastor just brought out to us not long ago.

And boy oh boy my wilderness has showed me that I have got perspective in error. My perspective was worship Gods hand and the promise.

I am after all a child of God right and He will come through for me! That statement is loaded with pride as if God owed me something when in reality I owe God my life and service.

The power in my waiting is allowing my process to happen, growing me in areas that need to be developed in before the promise. To cause my spiritual walk to be stronger, my soul to not rule my every move but be under subjection to the word of God. To understand God wants me to keep him first in my life and to love him with all of myself as he loves me so eternally and uncondtionally.

The power of my wait is not attaining the promise but to be the best woman of God for Him and His glory until such time He sends someone to walk the journey of faith with me. There is fullness and completeness in God that satisfies like nothing else so even if the promise doesn’t come I have a great and perfect love with God and Jesus and the Holy spirit.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Single and Happy

There is a time and season for all things!

It is widely popular now that if your not with someone then there has to be something wrong with you.

Is there something wrong with me?

I am single and have been a very long time!

Does that make my humanity any less than someone involved with someone?

The world and times would say yes there is something wrong with me. In some cases yes the church world would also! Yes! I said it the church also!

Not to many in the area I reside have singles geared programs, teachings on how to be am effective single, being a single christian and devoting your time to God in that season.

It wasn’t until I started going to Reformation Developmental Center pastored by Juanita Gibbs where she began to open up my world to me that my time of singleness is a gift to be treasured.

I am free to serve the kingdom as much as I can without distractions. I dont have to subject my earnings to anyone else before I give to the kingdom. I don’t have to subject my body but to God in this time when I want to fast and such.

Yes, I admit being single and remaining as such has gotten me down in the past. I have allowed man made ideas, holidays and the like to tell me what I am suppose to be as a 30ish single.

But what does God say about it as His truth trumps the ideals of men. God says seek me with your whole heart. Seek me first, keep me first, surrender everything to me. That is Gods order and design.

As I mentioned in my last singles post by doing the seeking and work on my own that was my self will not Gods will. He killed every plan that was not of his plan and purposes. Thank God He did too.

My time of singleness is to work on my inner life to have my soul prosper. To correct the inner issues, to heal the inner wounds, to subject myself to the God who knows whats best for me. He proclaims His ways are higher, his thoughts are higher.

Man oh man are they ever. Had God not stepped in and stopped my plans how much heartache and pain in the long run has he saved me from and from inflicting on another.

My soul issues could and have done serious damage left unattended. I am learning slowly to love life as a single, give my all to God, serve him in my current purpose and seek him and keep him first.

God says keep humble and at the proper time exultation will come for them who remain humble. Humble left the building on me the other day and seeing it deeply grieves me. Pride genuinley comes before the fall.

When you fall, fall and look at why you fell then see why you fell and learn from it to keep from repeating it. Only the meek can inherit the earth as the earth is His and the fullness there of and having a level of pride negates the capacity of God to show himself as He knows he wont be glorified.

Humble will glorify God over self. These are just things that I am learning and discovering about myself in my time now without distractions as I am finding contentmemt and trust slowly as it comes to my relationship with God.

As I allow Him into my life he is filling me with himself and His truth to be free from old bondage, be healed from past woundings, and to live a life that glorfies him over any thing and everything I can or have done.

My Pastor who has helped me embrace my singleness and learn about myself in this time. She does also teach on the fundamentals of relationships and the dynamics of it all.

Please don’t misunderstand these posting either of a bitter or hatefilled singlehood. No this is just an enlightenment on my journey.

Every single persons journey is different. I am just expressing and showing that you can find happiness in the status that is so widely not popular to have.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Delight

Take delight and joy in the love of God in my season of singleness!

To be honest I conformed to the world and listen to what its message was in regards to singleness. That if your of a certain age and still single you better get out there and make some moves or you may remain single.

I chased men, asked them out, built friendships in motive of looking to fulfill my longings to remove the singleness status and conform to this world.

You know what happened with them all? They all ended in disaster and heartbreak on my part. The motives I had in it was all wrong.

When God intervened in a huge blessing type way to remove the last one it removed distraction and He could begin to work on me and why I kept conforming to the world.

He began to show me those issues I have blogged about already and the latest he has shown me was that I back burnered the Love of God for the Love of Men.

God is a jealous God!

He saw I put that man up as an idol and made him a God in my view. Cause as my Pastor told me if they were not made a God in my view then when they left I would not have felt empty and like I couldn’t go on with life.

He is showing me that I forsook my first love for another and that is in error on my part.

Repentance and genuine heartfelt broken repentance has come to say God I am so sorry I replaced you for another.

God knows that if this goes undealt with I will keep repeating the same pattern of putting another above Him. He proclaims over and over seek me first and don’t forsake your 1st love. This is Gods order of things.

Listening to the world I bypassed His instruction and listen to the wrong directions that lead to distruction. These cycles and issues require me to do some work within to keep from going down those same roads.

Taking my delight in His love for me. Thanking Him for the God given people he has given me. Praising him for the Godly leadership that is before me to help me to see my inner issues and begin to mature me in those areas as a believer and conforming to Gods way and shedding the worlds way.

God is my portion! He sent a man to die for me when I didn’t deserve it to forgive my sins. He unconditionally loves me even when I fail like a good father he helps me get up and try again.

Allowing that love to fill me up so I can show it to others is what He is about. Love is the greatest command. Love covers a multitude of sin. Love is Patient, kind, gentle, unboasting, and confident in the eternalness of His love when human love has its limits.

When God see’s I am firm in Him and his love and that he keeps proper place of first in time he will send a man after Gods heart. He will do it, not me! That was the missing component, I moved ahead of God.

So, for now yes my season of singleness has purpose and that is taking delight in whom God is and that is a loving Father and learning who I am deeply on the inside and loving me! Love is taken in with self first and filled up then overflow comes as love grows.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Status is not a final definition of life!!

Single, married, divorced, widowed, etc these “statuses” should NOT define the whole of a person!

Yes I am single!!!

So what?

Does that fully define my womanhood? Perhaps in the worldly mindset of if your single your seen as undesired and something wrong with you. Especially if SINGLE is your status into your 30s.

I am constantly asked by people close and total strangers alike are you married? Do you have children? When I reply NO that begins to issue a whole other level of questions. Don’t you want to get married and have children? YES! It just hasn’t happened for me yet! I will wait for Gods perfect timing for all things especially in the relationship regard.

Sorry to burst your bubble people but people no matter their age are human and have feelings and sometimes question can open up things unknowingly on the questioners part to the questionee. Why do we not take into consideration how people may feel when asked certain questions about a status.

Just because I have not modeled my life similar to that of the world, it does not mean I am a freak and that any and all like me should be banished from society and put on a deserted island some where. To live behind walls of a worldy defining status I have done for too long as it is. Single life is to be cherished for what it is.

I am free to go and do!

I am free to give to the kingdom!

I am free to serve the kingdom!

I am free until such time as God may promote me to a different status!

Feeling depressed or lonely based of a “status” has only take away from the joy I can experiance now in my freedom of doing all God has set my hands to do now. I have great support in this season of singleness in a true friend who is there for me no matter the hour, no matter what they have goin on, no matter whatever they are there when I need someone the most.

I am working on being the best version of myself and walking toward healing in areas as to why I remain single. This is part of Gods plan for now to get my inner workings healed, deliver and set free. So my “status” doesn’t fully define me! Its only a small part of me.

Please note: I write none of this for sympathy or pity! I write this to bring awareness for myself and other single sisters out there in the world.

I also write to encourage them, as well as, myself! Stay strong if your single! Do all your hands are set to in this time, better yourself, heal from hurts of broken relationships and wait on God while seeking His kingdom first! So can do the work while we rest on the promise and in time if its His will as we trust he can bring it to pass.

~Love Live ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉