Am I as lonely as I feel?

~Wounded Soul~

As I was listening to an amazing teaching moment yesterday on (linked if you want to watch) Relationships Part 1 By Juanita Gibbs Focusing on Rejection and this information resonated with me deeply.

I have a deep wound of rejection! This wound is a scar on my soul (mind, will, and emotions) that needs to be healed. She spoke on how these things can surface in deeply intimate “ships” (friendships/marriages/families).

In taking time of reflection of the current trial I am in as of last week, that wounded soul showed out! By showed out it walked in offense, it was sarcastic, rude, disrespectful, ill-tempered, angry, depressed, and emotionally distraught! That soul is mine that I am referring to and it saddens me to even know that ugly part of me is me.

But… in saying that, its in knowing my truth, that I can walk toward freedom. That freedom will only come by truth and the word of God!

In my trial my soul wanted to amplify my situation and show me ONLY how alone I was with all that stacked against me. But my soul was in full on emotional tsunami within me! So, I wasn’t sober in thinking, I wasn’t sober in interactions with others, and I sure wasn’t sober in decision making!

Now, before I go on, I want to clarify something… sobriety isn’t just from alcohol! Sobriety is a clearness and not being affected by something. I was highly effected by my emotions and the surge of them made me emotionally intoxicated!

Yes, this is a real thing! Haven’t you noticed when you breakup the emotional surge you have, its the same just in my case wasn’t in the relationship context, but in circumstances context.

However, in all my trial last week, even though my emotions wanted me to feel alone. Thus the rise of the rejection and abandonment issues I have within, I wasn’t really fully alone. I had two amazing people show up and out to help me above and beyond.

When anyone else I had asked for help from turned me down or was unable to assist. Which, my issue that arose isn’t from them, its from my core issue within that got touched and now that I see it, it needs to be healed.

Needless to say last week I failed the test and allowed my self to walk away from the spirit, almost giving up on God, and turning my back on my spiritual family that has been there for me the most. All because of my intoxicated emotions.

This morning, the test has re-surfaced. For it to be so close, back to back it got my attention. Like God is saying get this test passed now before the next level comes. I’m close to the brink of something in the spirit and I have got to pass this test.

On my way in to work about half way my journey, I heard a roaring and I pulled over to find a flat tire. I eventually worked my way out of the median and onto the side of the road where it would be somewhat safer. I turned my hazard lights on and reached out to the only folks that I knew could help me in any way. As I sat there in communication with them, I noticed a truck pull up behind me. Someone actually stopped to help me with my flat tire. I had a spare, he had the jack and tools and everything to get me back on the road, I was so grateful.

After I had gotten back on the road and almost to my destination, I heard that same familiar voice within, now you got this repair, and you haven’t even gotten the other one repaired. I had to stop the player inside and focus on faith! By God is was hard when I felt the pull to just sink into depression and flesh again so hard that the war is always within ourself! Outside circumstances just bring whats inside going on to the forefront.

It is my hope that as I share my struggles and what I am going through to change me is an encouragement to others. That if I can change, so can you! Its a journey, be patient with yourself and take one step at a time.

If you enjoyed this blog leave me a comment below, I would love to hear from my readers.

Amazon for my Book: Beauty from Ashes

Much Encouragement & Love

Cynthia 💞

Time Spent

How we manage our time in a day is up to us!

I do believe I am going to incorporate spending more time in the word of God and studying.

One day who knows when though, but we must prepare nonetheless to hide the word in our heart for when the actual written text is taken from us.

In my current studies of Psalm 119 one of the verses are: “I have hidden your word in my heart.” Now that is a statement to behold. The psalmist proclaimed that he hid the word of the Lord in his heart. After all, most if not all the psalms were penned by David. King David known as a “man after Gods own heart”. Yes David has his faults and short comings as we all do. But still he was known as such.

Have we hidden the word in our heart?

I may have some nuggets in me, but the question then becomes are those nuggets enough to hold me in the test, trial, tribulation or temptation comes?

How is my attitude, stance, faith, emotions, words spoken when those thing come? Because those will reveal if you do or do not have enough of the word hidden within or not.

Do I faulter and retreat into the old of worry, doubt, fear and anxiety? Or, do I see it for what it is, cast the care on the Lord, do what I can and go on by faith that it is all gonna work out?

Its our choice!

My choice (surrender) is pressing me to insert more into my heart and mind to be able to fight the good fight of faith! Learning to walk more by faith and not sight. Allowing his truth and goodness to pierce the dark places within to bring newness and light.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉