End of the Road

What to do when you reach the end?

Often times in this life we hit endings! I would hit endings and be completley devistated!

Why you ask?

Well…

For many reason. Some being unmet expectations, things done on my own without consulting God about it, or wounds within my soul that sought out validation from sources that had no capacity to fulfill them!

These endings have saved me from a deeper life of pain than I could have felt had I gotten my way in life!

Relationships that didnt workout, churches that didnt work out, jobs that didnt work out! All of the path that I have been on has lead me here to where I am at currently today!

Life lessons have to be learned and often times, well more often than not in my case I took the lesson and blew it way out of proportion.

What I needed to learn was simple!

What I needed to grow in was simple!

What I needed to then walk in was simple!

But how I have done the understanding of these things is, take them as far out of context as I could and made mountains out of mole hills!

Coming to the end of the road is this….

A dead end…

What has to happen at the end of a dead end?

You have to go back up that path, see what you didn’t see before, take the lesson with you, and get back on your predestined path!

Endings aren’t always fun or enjoyable, but they can be incredible times of growth and rediscovery! How we view the ending is up to our perception! It is based on whats in our soul.

Your soul may need healing like mine still does and will continue to need! Seek help for what is goin on in your head and heart! Investing in a therapist has been the greatest way to love myself and get the help I need!

To that I say Happy Endings to this blog πŸ™‚

Thank you for reading!

Cynthia

Freedom by Faith

Escaping Prison!

I have come to learn that how I am doesn’t always like the truth. I woukd take a lie as truth in a hot minute over the true truth.

This has kept me in prison if sorts. A prison of deception and hindered growth, maturity in areas, as well as, enforced a stronghold of deception in my mind.

How did I know I was in prison?

Well…

When truth has come I fight it. God has been very instrumental in using my Pastor Juanita Gibbs in my life. She is a realist and operates from realness and truth and this has been very much what I needed in my life.

Someone who would keep it real and genuine and yet still love me when the reality of my truth has surfaced.

Not many people are mature or capable within to handle another persons truth. So many will sit back and pass judgement and pray not spiritual prayers this creating an even bigger problem.

and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
John 8:32 NASB

To be set free I have to continually see the truth so it can cut the bonds of deception to release its hold within my soul.

Slowly freedom is coming, but I first had to see I was in a prison of my own making. God had nothing to do with me being in a prison of deception, I chose to be there by my choices.

He has given us the power of choice to walk in deception or to be free. We can walk around and knowingly or unknowingly be deceiving people.

But self-control allows us to choose to knowingly or unknowingly accept or reject the deception of others.

We shall know the truth and the truth alone makes us free!

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~Cynthia 😍

Love Affair Pt 3 (Final installment)

The scandal continues!!

Well ya’ll in these months of coming to learn to love myself and the true word of God. The affair branches out one last time to include loving God for who He is!

Yes loving God just for who He is in my life! Learning to worship him in spirit and in truth and not just worship to get things.

Yes!! I confess I have only loved God at times for what I saw He can do for me. Treating God as a lucky charm, or a genie in a bottle as if he was some idol image of a God who would just give me whatever I want when I asked it of him. Boy has he proven time and time again that honey if what you ask for isn’t of me it will not come for you!

If it is of God it could be delayed as to if I serve or worship Him(his hands) merely to get from him then when I get will I abandon the faith? He knows our heart and the hidden intentions even if we ourself don’t see it or even want to admit it.

I am seeing that God is a good good father and yes withholds no good thing from us. But, if he does withhold or delay it is because we need character growth and stability in our now before any new can come in more of the blessings. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness then all these things will be added unto you. God has an established order of thing and its reveal to us in His word.

He will block or cause to die anything that is outside of his will and yes it will hurt. Especially if it is a self work or faction of the flesh.

But its a necessary death to go into greater. God wants me to grow in patience and many other fruits of the Spirit. Taking rest in who He is and His provision. I am growing in my just love for Him as to worship in spirit and truth I must trust his plan and purposes. He knows exaclty where I am, He knows my trials, He knows my needs and He is with me and those facts of his goodness alone are a comfort to a soul that has searched for comfort and security in a world that is perishing over the eternalness of the Father and His kingdom.

Day by day I try lean on the fact He had me more secure than anything of this world could ever to keep me and slowly begin to love him more and more and his goodness begins to flow as a trickle of a stream of water in the beginning phases.

He knows I need to love hin with all my heart, soul, mind and strength for just who He is and that is an amazing Abba Father.

The journey may it just get sweeter day by day as I turn toward truth and His will and way of living.

~Love Life~Live Life~😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Love Affair Pt 2

Still just so scandalous…lol

Well todays love affair is about falling in love with the word of God. The true and living word that has the power to save and change our soul.

In my years in the faith I have over time been growing to learn to love the word, its truth and its abililty to transform me. In mt early time I would read the word just to read it and no real change came into my life.

As I began to study the word it helped me to begin to understand it some more. But with study there must be application to life. Now in thay I faultered! I read and studied to have a feel good emotion to get the through whatever was going on until it passed.

Where I attend church now in the last year and a half (almost) they have been teaching and emphasising the importance of study and life application of the truths from the word. To take them deep into my soul to right the wrongs, to heal the wounds, to loose the chains, to remove deception to grow to more in the image and likeness of Christ.

Change is hard and painful, but necessary to live out the plans, purposes, and call of God on your life. To change we have to be submissive to what the spirit of God wants. We may think we know whats best, but in actuality we don’t. For a man can plan his steps, but the Lord leads.

Learning to fall in love with the best love story ever given to us in humanity is also a journey. A God full of mercy and grace sent His only beloved son to earth to walk a life like we do, feel all that we feel, hurt like we have hurt, and still live out a ministry and gave his very lifes blood for the sins of us who sin where He knew no sin.

What a love for us that is provided. May that love flood our soul today and renew in it to keep feeling that love.

~Love Life~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Fear of Change

Change in the beginning is rather daunting!

In the beginning of change it can be like full on war within. Breaking away from the old to work toward the new way you hope and invision to be.

When I choose to make the decision to shed my vast amount of negativity oh boy. I needed to have an arsenal of scripture to combat every negative word. I needed a person anointed to bring change to a life to pray me through, talk me through, be with me at my side til the battle wasn’t so intense within and managable with the tools they provided.

Two days into waging war within to move to a new way of life I was completley like “what in the world have I decided to do here!” Day 3 the war within was just as intense and I asked my Pastor was there any hope for me as the battle got worser and worser so it seemed.

The things I had built within due to years of living negativley were screamin out “don’t change its easier to be this way” and honestly it was easier to be that way as I had been that way for so long. But, my eyes had been open to what fruit of a negative life produced.

The fruit of negative is more negative. So the things within me didnt want me to change as they became comfort amd kept me bound by much fear and the fear spread to other areas of life like an infection does when it goes untreated.

My spirit longed for the change and my soul said no stay in the comfort of what you have built. By day four the battle seemed to lessen, still there but not as full on waging war within.

I recently found a scripture I used for my sunday school children that proclaimed the end of a thing is better than its beginning (Ecc 7:8) and if that isn’t ever so true I have found. The battle is confidently in the beginning.

When you see the end of it you can appreciate the fight put up to get to the end of it with his grace, strength, and mercy. Cause many times I am weak in the battle as I see no hope in changing and I see that is the fear within trying to have its way to prevent change and live differently.

Have I shed fear? No! Fear is part of human nature. It is like my pastor tells me its how we deal with the emotion and thoughts related when they come. She says yes feel them, learn why they showed up and work to not dwelling in them to lead me. As fear has lead my life for far too long as it is. With the tools she is giving me I am learning to slowly manage me better as my self management is my job. God graces us to do it for ourself, but He won’t do the work for us!

~Love Life~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia

Self Imprisonment!!

We can keep ourself captive in many ways.

For me my imprisonment came in several ways, but for this blog I will focus on one way and that firstly is in my thinking. In my mental processes it has come to the light that I think very negative. I think negative about myself, my surroundings, situations and circumstances, how I view and perceive things. Sounds bad right?

Well it has been! The negative is like building a snowball. They just grow and grow til its taken shape and become a fortified fortress within of negativity. My very own self imprisonment.

Ever since March of this year I have been batteling to become less negative. It is so not easy! Its hard dedicated work to become even 10% less negative when you were full on negative, well maybe just in my case!

I have not become negative free on any respect of the word! But in a small degree I am not as negative as I was earlier in the year. When I have rough patches those negative things flair right back up as if I had done no work to combat them. Just shows how deeply negative I am in my inner life all these years.

When the rough patches come the reveal to me where I am unrenewed (Romans 12:1-2) and have to work/wrestle to get back to a place of renewal in my thinking. I have to use the sword of the word (Hebrews 4:12) to divide my thoughts that cause my imprisonment and use the word of God as a key to break the chains of bondage in my prison.

Its gonna be a fight for the rest of my days to keep renewed but with Gods help and councel/Coaching, and me doing the work one day maybe the fight won’t be so strong as I strive to become stronger in the word of faith over negative words from within. This is my fight of faith!

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Abandonments discomfort

Abandonment is like living in two conflicting environments of the coldness of say Alaska in winter as to the warmth of Arizona in the summer.

But what does that all mean right?

Abandonment can make you feel cold as there is no one to comfort you, accept you, love you, be there for you, encourage you, support your endeavors and so on. I touched on this fact some yesterday on my facebook personal page to only be lashed out at.

Which revealed much to me people want you to support them and in turn they don’t support you as they will hide behind a screen and only deal with some people in private. To only show that in to my referance of fake supporters and when the rubber meets the road the truth is revealed, became so real. Abandonment can leave you feeling cold due to how we are received or not received by other people.

It can over time also become a warm comfort of living in much abandonment as it goes undealt with. We harbor the issue deep inside and it twists and distorts our thinking then that becomes the lenses we see life through. Which continues to spill out to every relation that comes into our life.

I saw a post that proclaimed that to whomever they posted publicly about “your hurt is not special” and granted no ones is to the extent as we all have something we have walked through and experianced. But those words alone could insight rejection, abandonment, comparison issues if the person it was intended to see it, saw it.

Words are powerful and we should garner them better with much more compassion than we do. I too have been guilty of it in my past, but that was because hurt people inturn hurt people as I have heard been taught to me.

The climate of warmth came from accepting the abandonment issue deeply within and believing that there could never be change. The coldness from the abandonment began to infect my heart to inturn grow cold also which just perpetuated the cycle of abandonment to keep happening.

Is my hurt special? NO!! I don’t make out anything that I post or share about to be above anyone elses experiances in life. These are just my reflections of things I have walked through and with the help of a great life Coach and beginning to walk away from.

Have I overcame this stuff or am I healed from it? No! In my case healing and overcoming will happen in layers and degrees. With that said I am in some things, but only as I keep doing the work and walking in the reality and truth of me and renew in the good to correct the inner mess thats been in me.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Rejections Ugly Monster!

Rejection and Abandonment continued…

I began to open up some about Rejection and Abandonment how these issues showed up in my life in ways. But today, I will talk about more of how those created voids within myself.

As a child I don’t recall feeling or hearing much in the lines of love and acceptance except for like highlight events of birthday, graduation etc. just major life events is when those things were expressed.

It wasn’t until I joined an inner life ministry that it was exposed to me that lack of love in formative years of growing up is a huge lack of soul nourishment. I was completley broken at that point in realizing I was deficient in my soul of key things needed in growing up.

So there in laid some of the rejection issues. So how did the abandonment come into play right? Well on at least three to four occasions my father walked in where we were as children and told us he was leaving us. Thats devistating no matter your age to hear a parent is leaving. This brought in abandonment and rejection all the more.

How do I overcome these deeply rooted issues with in? I had to first forgive as to not further hold this against my parents. Then I had to accept the reality of the situation of thats just how it was for me growing up. Then I have to strive to fill the nutrient void places within with the God love to work toward healing. Am I healed? No! Am I better than I was before these issues were revealed? To a degree yes! It will be a constant work to maintain in this life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

How in the world is this gonna work?!?!

How now can I find a place of personal acceptance?

It all begins as my Pastor told me of knowing my full truth. Seeing all the good, bad, the ugly in me and not rejecting those things for they are who I truly am inside. I can hide them behind a mask or veil with others but for so long til they come peeping out around the corner to make themselve known.

Truth of myself had to pierce the veil that I had so cleverly constructed to blend into the world around me. One truth came it pierced the veil, more kept coming to tear it wide open to see more of the full truth that is well me. Was it pretty? To say the least, lets just say there are some big parts that still need work.

One by one and step by step as my Pastor tells me in councel so I can focus on achieving one development in an area at a time and not be all over working on pieces of all of them and not getting anywhere. Cause honestly before her I would be all over working on pieces of all the problems I saw needed addressing in me.

Pastor has referred to Shakepear’s famous quote of “To thine own self be true” it struck a new resonance within me as she brought it forth in a way to grow in my inner person. Once I am able to be fully honest with myself and true to myself it can then spill out in the world around me.

Instead of me becoming a camelion and blending in any longer I can know that deep within its ok to stand out and be different and the things I work to better within me can have a impact on the world around me.

I can, like she says, live from the inside out over what I have been doing of living from the outside in.

To be honest the taintedness of this world coming into my life has not been the greatest taking on of things. But, living from the inside out by aide of the spirit I can use Gods strength, righteousness and power to overcome the acceptance issue step by step and the journey has begun.

~Love Life ~Live Life ~ πŸ˜‰

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Note: Check out and follow my

β™‘ Pastor Juanita β™‘ blog at:

wholebodywellness365.wordpress.com

#Acceptance

Do you not see it?!?!

Self-Rejection is a very real problem!

My open door to personally not accept myself was wide open. This came from the comparison issues I have shared about in other blog posts.

I had developed a mindset that if I had a flaw that wasn’t accepted by someone close to me then it was my instinct to reject it and do anything to blend in better.

This caused me essentially to loose much of myself and blind me to my real inner issues that I need to work on in my soul.

I began to only know me through the eyes of others. Which in some cases were not so great opinions due to many things.

What God began to do in my life was begin to separate me from people for my own good. As I needed to discover myself and know the true meaning of appropraite self-love and knowing of His love through others that did remain.

Am I there to full personal acceptance? I can honestly say, No! But, what I will share is that daily I take a step closer toward personal acceptance. Gods view and opinion of me and my own self view are the confidence builders I am working toward attaining.

As, I have come to learn and accept its part of life that some will not accept me as a person and some will. I just have to trust God for the true people that will see me and appreciate me in fullness as I should them also.

Acceptance starts with self as no other but God through His son and the true people of God he brings into your life can help you and I build a foundation of confidence in Him.

Close the door to outside void fillers such as a man, woman, job, or hobby to fill the void in a soul like the true love of God in finding acceptance.

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ πŸ˜‰

~Cynthia

#Acceptance