Life During A Pandemic

Some Days Are Good – Other Days Hell on Earth

These last few months have been the most unusual and yet a resetting of daily living by every person around the world.

How many can say they haven’t been conditioned in the last few months to wash their hands more or use hand sanitizer more frequently. We now are conditioned to stay 6ft away from one another, limiting/no physical contact, taking extra precautionary measures when around elderly or immune-compromised individuals.

I know I have been, every time I touch something in a store I hand sanitize, cause you just don’t know who or what came in contact with it before you touched it. Masks in public and around the immune-compromised is a natural occurrence.

In the state in the USA in which I reside they have entered Phase 2 of reopening, whereas we spent 2 weeks in Phase 1 and saw an increase in COVID-19 cases drastically. They suggest that its coming from the ability to test more people and yet some how the cases keep rising as reopening happens and more and more are traveling, taking less precautious measures and not social distancing. Its as if it is becoming a thing of the past.

The repercussions of the shut down to the state will take a while to recover from. Many retail businesses have announced they are going out of business. Many are waiting for unemployment benefits and the first round of stimulus payment, all the while the gov’t is trying to make a decision to help the population out while recovery from the shut down is in the baby stage for some, for other business, they still waiting for the OK from the governor.

People are loosing loved ones left and right from this virus and others are loosing loved ones from the side effects I will call it of COVID-19. Suicide, depression, mental breakdowns have become the more prominent in last month or so just as the virus.

Kids cannot have a formal graduation, proms, social gatherings for birthdays, its all been taken from them and that is hard for kids. Its just as hard on adults when you have job stress, lack of friendship connection, cut off from once daily or routine things.

Every body handles and deals with stress differently, I myself, I wish I handled it better than I do. My stress levels peak out so much that I have resorted back to alcohol and cigarettes as a means to cope.

Was this a good thing to do? Of course not! Many times I wish I had a close friend that I could talk to and share things with cause life can be so hard. I am taking care of an aging parent who doesn’t always understand why he cannot go out during all this. At work the load has about doubled as my boss has been in self quarantine about 2 months now. She had me run her errands or get thing she needs from store, help her with technology difficulties and more.

I also have two fur-kids who stick to me like glue, I love my fur-babies they both get on the bed to be near me when I have bad days. They truly are great companions and emotional supports during these dark says of corona virus.

Many times I would love to just sail away from it all. But, right now its all the more impossible to do any such thing.

Thank you all for taking time to read my blog!

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🌺Cynthia🌺

Faith builds Trust

Faith and trust work hand in hand!

The more I study faith the more I am learning that I can and should trust in the Lord.

I have been one that is very impatient. A baby in the faith thinking that as soon as I prayed God would show up with the answer in a split second.

Now, I am not taking away that He can do that as He has proven that time and time again through His word and by peoples testimonies of Gods power in their life.

What I am talking about is the Faith to build trust when the answer is delayed. In His word He proclaims I will send my word out to accomplish what it will and it shall not return void. God will speak a thing and its send to accomplish what it will.

It could be to build us in Godly character, get us more established in the faith, learning that He has everythinf under control as long as we rely solely upon Him.

He lets us choose to rely on Him or be self-reliant. To be honest, I have been self-reliant in things as I felt God was moving to slow. When my works died and I had no other choice but to rely on God is when God did great things in my life.

By Him doing great things for me that should have built my trust in God and in the power of His might?

To be honest it didn’t back then!

You know the old song: Count your blessings, name them one-by-by. Count your many blessings to see what God has done!

I was so blinded in looking for the big flashy blessings like everyone else got that they were showing off on social media. Missing entirely all the good God had done for me cause it didn’t look like the worlds blessings.

My Pastor Juanita Gibbs in a counceling session kept it very real with me, and to be honest I needed real as I can dwell in a place of non-reality. Said “you don’t see what God has done for you?” In my very snarky non reality way I said “Nope, what good things has God done for me.”

She then got more real with me and opened mh eyes to the blessings of the Lord and the things He has done. She helped take me from an ungreatful place to a place of gratitude.

And that alone along with the teachings where I am that she and Bishop bring forth have helped fuel my trust in the Lord and heal my trust issues.

And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord.” Luke 1:45 NASB

It is for this reason that no matter of God answers swiftly or the answe is delayed that my faith has needed to help build my trust in the Lord.

Faith joining hands with trusting in the Lord has increased my depandance upon Him.

Photo I took yesterday in my home town in NC. Love how its two things (clouds) coming together like faith and trust in the spirit.

~Cynthia 😍

Stir it up!

Got to have faith!

Reminds me of a song when I was a kid by George Michael.

To have faith means a great many things! To me faith is a belief in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit or commonly identified as the Holy Trinity.

What is this faith?

Well, its a belief in a God who sent in flesh His only son to be born, raised, get baptised, do ministry, be cruisifed, burried and raised from the dead after three days.

Jesus after he was resurrected from the dead in the time he spent with the disciples told Thomas as he doubted Jesus had appeared to them while he was out. Jesus said “It is nore blessed to those who believe and have not seen.”

He had to see Jesus in his post resurrection form and put his hand in the nail holes in order to believe over believing and having not seen. But, isn’t that how our humanity is? We want to see before we believe?

Ok well I will say yes one of them is me. I have been so geared toward seeing amd believing its unreal. When that method is contrary to the way of the kingdom. Pastor Junaita Gibbs has taught us that the verse we walk by faith and not sight, and the just shall live by faith.

Little did I know that having belief in Jesus established a well within me. That well is where faith flows freely to my being and as Pastor elaborates from 1 Thessaloninans 5:23 to my spirit, soul, and body. Each part of me needs the touch of the flow of faith. But, I have to access whats been made available.

The encounter with Jesus and the woman at the well fits so perfectly.

Therefore the Samaritan woman said to Him, “How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.” John 4:9‭-‬10 NASB

All she had to do was believe on Jesus and the water would then flow from her inner most being. That belief is our tap into the springs from which everything flows from Him.

The more I believe and have faith, trust, hope, and love in a God who is faithful, trustworthy, timeless, and exponential in what he does then the flow from my inner most being can be that of him more than it is currently of the contents of my soul.

The damage in my soul that leaks out into the flow is like toxic waste polluting the flow. Just like when toxic waste is dumped into a natural stream it is shut off and cleaned up.

As to my soul needing cleaned up so that the things within wont kill the new life in the spirit that wants to come forth, but cannot with the overwhelming toxicity my soul contains.

~Love Life~Live Life~😍

~Cynthia 😉

Walk with me…

We are not to be an island to ourself!

Human nature longs to feel needed, wanted, desired, appreciated, and ao many other things that God built within us to need Him and to need people in our life that are filled with him.

We can isolate due to many things like hurt, rejection, acceptance issues, being an introvert, or so many other reasons as to why we disconnect from others of humanity to not go through some things again or to not deal, whatever the case may be we are not to go at things alone.

I know for myself I have done some isolating in my past when things happened I wanted to be far away to not open my heart, my ability to love (which was small-it needed work), my obcessive care, etc.

But, what has happened is that my Pastor has lovingly shown me that is not only error to live as such a way as God built us for human connection. He built us to love one another as ourself, we are built to love our enemies, we are built to love our neighbor, we are built to guard our heart, we are built to observe the fruit of a person to know if its genuine or deception.

This is how we can know who is to walk with us in life and those who may be passing through your life to teach us something or to show us where we may need to improve. Iron sharpens iron in the life of a believer. But we to are called to love which is the greatest command of all.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia

Foundational Relationships

God given bonds of connection make the world of difference in a life!

All it takes is one God given person to change the entire outlook. All it takes is one to help heal wounds from broken relationships of the past. All it takes is one being used and filled with the Holy spirit that is able to walk unconditionally with you to encourage you on to the next phase.

Have I or am I that friend?

No not yet, but I am striving toward such as things become aware to me that need to grow or develop in.

Is it easy? It can be by not overthinking, stressing or getting all anxious which only causes paralyzation of oneself.

Depending on many factors its within us only that we make changes easy or hard. Pastor taught us sunday in a section of time about “be still” (Psalm 46:10). Beautifully ellaborated we are to be still in our inner processes of thinking. Not being still in the natural as in unmoving. No!

Her teaching and her leadership of me has been that one connection/relationship that I needed in my lofe to begin to turn my life around, grow out of things to begin to mature and able to handle better what life throws out at us and what we get from choices we make.

When someone takes set apart time to pour into you truth, wisdom and be loving and accepting of you then that is a treasured gift that only God could give.

Do you have someone like that in your life?

If not pray to God he send you someone. If you do thank God for what He gave you and ask Him like I am doing to help you to be a better friend in turn. Relationships/Friendships/Godly connectiond help us enjoy life.

~Love Life~Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Now that I have asked, now prepare!

We are to prepare for what we pray for!

In my time as it has been if singlehood it has provided me time to pray and seek the Lord and its a great time to spend with my Savior. Developing that true and lasting relationship with communication and worshipping his majesty, thanking him for his goodness, grace and mercy in thanksgiving. To study and delve into his guide book for all things concerning life to navigate the path here on the earth.

In times past though I hated continuing to remain single. It was as if my mind decided to name it a plague or something. But when God got hold of me through my wonderful Pastor Juanita Gibbs to show me in reality it is a blessing and a prepatory time was revolutuonary for me. It held begin to reshape my thinking on the whole thing.

Later, as time has gone on she has helped me tackle some wring stronhild thinking that I have had about it and to begin to bring healing to places from damage in my soul from my past, how I have lived this life that seriously needed attention as I had tried for so long to put a man in those places and always ended up hurt and the more empty due to the contents of my soul.

Her book up above(which can be purchased on Amazon) has helped me have a paradigm shift to loose fear, doubt and worry and begin to have faith, hope and trust in God that in time He provides whats needed. Where I had thought it may just bot happen for me and that thought is not in line with the word of God. So it is to he captured when comes and cast down (2 Corin 10:4-5).

Freedom from old stuff is a process and it takes time. As to why the word of God is the best guide book to have in this life as it touches all subjects including relationships. Her book has helped me begin to shift my mind and see myself as a winner in the faith and trust in God and His timing.

These books below are others that I have read in time past before going to the church that has so wonderfully aided me in my life far more than theae books as my lraders know me and my battles and issues as they have taught the best knowledge is your own personal experiance and gaining wisdom from those who know you personally to help naviagte the journey.

In no particular order:

This book is great for understand yourself and how you commincate in showing/displaying love to those in your life.

This book mainly focuses on enjoying single life! I passed my copy on to encourage other single sisters, but God replaced the copy when He sent me a leader in my Pastor who tells me the same thing. Enjoy, live, focus on God, walk in my purpose and his will. She is my book of wisdom since the others fully cannot relate to me as she can relate me to my story and prepare me.

This book was pretty much a reinforcement to my Pastors councel to trust God. As this spoke about divine timing and God doing the work to bring about His will and plans for my life.

This book expounded on Ruths story. She focused on her purpose with Noami and Boaz found her. Our bishop has spoke on her story in times to wait to be found by him as we are about our Fathers business. To stop falling for the words of a Bozo (lol) but wait while God works. Wait patiently with good attitude.

This book also reinforced the concept of time and touched on boundaries and enlightened that if you have things going on in your life you may not need to be in a relationship where we need wait and get healing first just as my Pastor focuses on with us. Heal the inner and if its Gods will He will bring things to pass.

This one is a premartial counceling book. That focuses on reflecting marriage as marriage of christ and the church as to which that is what earthly union should reflect when 2 born again believers come together.

This book opened up more the concept from the prior book, but showed more the difficulty and challenges in union on one flesh. As my pastor has taught us that 2 becoming one is an undertaking of understanding, forgiveness, and unconditional love to not quit when things get hard, but to keep at it.

This one I have not read, but I have read the book Boundaries just not this targeted area. But my Pastor has been instilling in me boundaries are very important in all kinds of relationships.

I so love my church Reformation Developmental Center where they speak on practical wisdom tips as well as full depth of the word of God to bring us insight into all things in this life.

~Love Life~Live Life~😍

~Cynthia 😉

Fear of Change

Change in the beginning is rather daunting!

In the beginning of change it can be like full on war within. Breaking away from the old to work toward the new way you hope and invision to be.

When I choose to make the decision to shed my vast amount of negativity oh boy. I needed to have an arsenal of scripture to combat every negative word. I needed a person anointed to bring change to a life to pray me through, talk me through, be with me at my side til the battle wasn’t so intense within and managable with the tools they provided.

Two days into waging war within to move to a new way of life I was completley like “what in the world have I decided to do here!” Day 3 the war within was just as intense and I asked my Pastor was there any hope for me as the battle got worser and worser so it seemed.

The things I had built within due to years of living negativley were screamin out “don’t change its easier to be this way” and honestly it was easier to be that way as I had been that way for so long. But, my eyes had been open to what fruit of a negative life produced.

The fruit of negative is more negative. So the things within me didnt want me to change as they became comfort amd kept me bound by much fear and the fear spread to other areas of life like an infection does when it goes untreated.

My spirit longed for the change and my soul said no stay in the comfort of what you have built. By day four the battle seemed to lessen, still there but not as full on waging war within.

I recently found a scripture I used for my sunday school children that proclaimed the end of a thing is better than its beginning (Ecc 7:8) and if that isn’t ever so true I have found. The battle is confidently in the beginning.

When you see the end of it you can appreciate the fight put up to get to the end of it with his grace, strength, and mercy. Cause many times I am weak in the battle as I see no hope in changing and I see that is the fear within trying to have its way to prevent change and live differently.

Have I shed fear? No! Fear is part of human nature. It is like my pastor tells me its how we deal with the emotion and thoughts related when they come. She says yes feel them, learn why they showed up and work to not dwelling in them to lead me. As fear has lead my life for far too long as it is. With the tools she is giving me I am learning to slowly manage me better as my self management is my job. God graces us to do it for ourself, but He won’t do the work for us!

~Love Life~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia

October Is Here!!!

Fall weather, falling leaves, colors changing, crisp chill in the air for a jacket and the scents of the season…

The end of September the beginnings of October insight the wonderous scenses of baked goods, warming beverages, candles, blankets, fluffy socks, etc.

I have already made one pumpkin bread this season and I even attempted a sweet potatoe bread that well didn’t turn out like I had hoped. Needless to say I will try that one again. I have plans for fruit crisps in the slow cooker to make that I brgan making last year its going to be yummy and make my home smell like baked goods.

I found some candles I had gotten on an after christmas clearance sale last year and have started lighting them on the regular adds a lil warmth to the atmosphere as well as the scents they are.

This time of year also brings about the changes to the weather, well finally…lol it was still warm when Fall first came in last few days ot has finally begun to feel like fall. I had a jacket on while out yesterday to keep warm.

Even how the sky and nights changw to bring about amazing photos that I love to take. Being able to take such amazing photos for my blogs. It even insighted the possible investment into a high quality camera to take pics with and do what I love. But, that is all a vision for an appointed time.

Fall is a favorite time of year for me for many reasons, but these here are like the top ones.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Abandonments discomfort

Abandonment is like living in two conflicting environments of the coldness of say Alaska in winter as to the warmth of Arizona in the summer.

But what does that all mean right?

Abandonment can make you feel cold as there is no one to comfort you, accept you, love you, be there for you, encourage you, support your endeavors and so on. I touched on this fact some yesterday on my facebook personal page to only be lashed out at.

Which revealed much to me people want you to support them and in turn they don’t support you as they will hide behind a screen and only deal with some people in private. To only show that in to my referance of fake supporters and when the rubber meets the road the truth is revealed, became so real. Abandonment can leave you feeling cold due to how we are received or not received by other people.

It can over time also become a warm comfort of living in much abandonment as it goes undealt with. We harbor the issue deep inside and it twists and distorts our thinking then that becomes the lenses we see life through. Which continues to spill out to every relation that comes into our life.

I saw a post that proclaimed that to whomever they posted publicly about “your hurt is not special” and granted no ones is to the extent as we all have something we have walked through and experianced. But those words alone could insight rejection, abandonment, comparison issues if the person it was intended to see it, saw it.

Words are powerful and we should garner them better with much more compassion than we do. I too have been guilty of it in my past, but that was because hurt people inturn hurt people as I have heard been taught to me.

The climate of warmth came from accepting the abandonment issue deeply within and believing that there could never be change. The coldness from the abandonment began to infect my heart to inturn grow cold also which just perpetuated the cycle of abandonment to keep happening.

Is my hurt special? NO!! I don’t make out anything that I post or share about to be above anyone elses experiances in life. These are just my reflections of things I have walked through and with the help of a great life Coach and beginning to walk away from.

Have I overcame this stuff or am I healed from it? No! In my case healing and overcoming will happen in layers and degrees. With that said I am in some things, but only as I keep doing the work and walking in the reality and truth of me and renew in the good to correct the inner mess thats been in me.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉

Rejections Ugly Monster!

Rejection and Abandonment continued…

I began to open up some about Rejection and Abandonment how these issues showed up in my life in ways. But today, I will talk about more of how those created voids within myself.

As a child I don’t recall feeling or hearing much in the lines of love and acceptance except for like highlight events of birthday, graduation etc. just major life events is when those things were expressed.

It wasn’t until I joined an inner life ministry that it was exposed to me that lack of love in formative years of growing up is a huge lack of soul nourishment. I was completley broken at that point in realizing I was deficient in my soul of key things needed in growing up.

So there in laid some of the rejection issues. So how did the abandonment come into play right? Well on at least three to four occasions my father walked in where we were as children and told us he was leaving us. Thats devistating no matter your age to hear a parent is leaving. This brought in abandonment and rejection all the more.

How do I overcome these deeply rooted issues with in? I had to first forgive as to not further hold this against my parents. Then I had to accept the reality of the situation of thats just how it was for me growing up. Then I have to strive to fill the nutrient void places within with the God love to work toward healing. Am I healed? No! Am I better than I was before these issues were revealed? To a degree yes! It will be a constant work to maintain in this life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia 😉