Thank You 2020 For Everything!

This year has been one of the best years and one of the worst years!

Can’t that be said for just about every year we face… year after year we face tragedy in small and large scale and victories in small and large scale. As a whole, 2020 has been just that, as I discharge the negative that has been highly propagated, with a pause to look at the bigger picture of what this year has truly encompassed.

Pause and smell the roses!

Globally we have faced a pandemic, weather disasters, economic distress, massive depression, abusive behaviors toward one another or one-self and so much more.

In turn we have slowed down, connected better with children, connected on a new level of intimacy in couples, technology had become a mainstream ways to connect with others outside our dwelling places and so much more.

With every ending there is a new beginning just around the corner!

For myself, I have had a vehicle stripped away from me, loss of my fur-child, contracted COVID-19, and so much more.

But, having my vehicle stripped away from me made a level of pride kneel to a higher authority of not setting things above God. Loosing my fur-child caused me to revisit wounds from the loss of my mother from back in 2016, that needed to be fully grieved out and allow for healing to come. Then, contracting COVID allowed me time in full isolation to deal with childhood traumas of not being validated, loved, nurtured in ways that promote healthy growth. I have begun to learn to allow the love of the Father to come and fill those void places within my soul. That had I not been fully isolated I wouldn’t have even begun to allow healing to come into the depths that could lead me to paths of destruction.

One of my top love languages

My alone time in isolation really revealed a depth of need that I have within me for validation from quality time I spend with people. Quality time is such a strong love language for me it seems that if I don’t manage it and control myself in it, that it will rule and drive me. My isolation time made me see this and learn ways to become self-contented and pour into myself, enjoy time with myself, allow the love from others that has spent time with me to flood my soul. As my Pastor says it is variations of self-parenting that will begin to fill the voids and depths from lack from formative years. If I don’t grow and deal with this now I will deplete my future husband from trying to fulfill things for me that are essentially not his job to do.

2020 had been a molding and making year indeed for me. Removing dependency upon the worldly things to have a sense of security. When in my time battling COVID, God used that to strip away dependency from the world and drive me straight into His arms to depend upon Him. Being out of work meant no income, aside from the fact that I don’t have employer covered health coverage. Faith and my tribe of believers and as I was told by my Pastor being a tither and a giver using faith in that time had stocked up enough in the banks of heaven to see a withdrawal come forth to see that I stayed in my apartment and my bills got paid. Still now with hours cut and such my bills are still getting paid and being a giver and a tither prove that God will look out for His children.

Lavender Sky

It is now in this time when the threshold of the new is approaching and the closed door to the old is about to be shut, that we need to take back the peace, joy, and love that the Father has so freely given us and shake off the fear, doubts, worry, and depression that the world and the ruler there of has put on the people that have no way to combat it. I will fight to gain peace, I will fight to get my love story back on track, I will fight to know that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I will fight to shake off the propaganda that a vaccine will save the world when I will only create more problems and thats proving to be true even now with the virus mutations, I will fight off worry cause my Father has unlimited source no matter how often they threaten a government shut down. I will fight off doubts of how it all will turn out and look through the lenses of faith to see what hasn’t manifested yet, that will will I see it clearly by faith. I will shake off depression cause that is a culmination of allowing to world to control me, put me in their box and to be a robot under their operation. Break free from those things and allow the heavenly to steer you! Money helps our living in this world, but when it is our driving force then it becomes futile. Allow faith in God to be the driving force.

Thank you all for taking time to read my blog! Thank you for all the new ones and future subscribers!

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💞Cynthia💞

Everyday Is a Winding Road

“Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.” Isaiah‬ ‭43:19‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

2020 has been the most challenging year!

I know that is a huge statement right?! But, truly how many can relate to that one statement. I know for me this year, God had been stripping away from me the doubt that life has instilled in me and to put my full faith and trust in Him!

Boy oh boy has that been difficult! When 2020 decided to throw its many curve balls our way, one thing I feared the most was not working. Job after job after job was being shut down for being non-essential, a hot spot for the virus to spread, or because of the non-essential factor the company had to fold. Being that I work in tele-communication we were deemed vital. The next thing was having to close up cause someone got the virus. Who was that someone…. me!

Now, I am not saying God put Corona Virus on me, however; He can and will use things in our life for our good (Romans 8:28). I allowed my time in isolation to take me down roadways in my soul that I need healing in. Healing from traumatic upbringings, healing from emotionally unavailable parents, healing from not being validated as a child. All these voids need healing by the tender agape love of the father, as it is only Him that can fulfill me in every way.

Isolation also ushered me into a place of faith and trust in Him that I hadn’t ever tapped into. I was out of work for 22 days, which meant no income coming in. I had to pull on faith snd I put it out in the world that if anyone felt lead to help me and some did help me and I was able to pay rent and people brought food so I didn’t have to cook, God showed up and showed out in His love for me through surrendered people toward His heart.

No matter where the paths of life may take us, may they for ever lead us to the father and his unconditional love to heal every soul wound of the past. To lead us toward brighter smoother pathways ahead.

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Cynthia

High Functioning Anxiety

I vlogged this week on my youtube channel

https://youtu.be/84F3QD2pU6I • Monday Moments – Let’s Talk High Functioning Anxiety In Recovery

https://youtu.be/lusDQJ91i0I • Friday Moments – Let’s Talk High Functioning Anxiety Pt 2

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Fall Days

Global Pandemic Style

Well… picking up where I left off in my last blog post, the state in which I reside in America entered Phase 3 of reopening. But guess what?!?! We are still under a full mask mandate! The numbers of cases fell back for a time, now they are surging again. More and more coming down with this now dreaded virus.

Many times with the news of all this like staring at a forest and not seeing a way out! Then you make a turn toward faith during all this then suddenly a glimmer of light shines forth. With each passing day we all must fight to remain positive or easily slip into the dark abyss of depression. I battle this myself so I know the struggle well.

So much has been happening that its too much for the brain! I work in telecommunications and I tell you we should be considered front line workers trying to help keep kids schools going with them doing remote learning and keeping our cable network afloat amidst the networks making so many changes to towers, equipment and more its a constant hurdle to keep people informed and able to do work and school. Its only Wednesday and I feel like I have done a months worth of work in two weeks.

I have to remind myself that if I fall apart I am the only one who will pick me up and help me get back together again along with my faith in God and the tools my leaders have given me to use. Its ok to fall apart! Just don’t allow yourself to stay in those states. Get up and get back to the battle. The battle will be as long as we have breathe in our bodies.

I try to keep some new ways to keep life entertaining and exciting by sewing little pillows, walks in park, watching movies from time to time, or just listening to music, occasionally a book, game or puzzle of some kind.

In other exciting news I have been working on content for my youtube channel! Please feel free to check it out and subscribe for the content I share!

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Moments With Cynthia

Continuing Saga – Year 2020

COVID-19 Living

Maybe its just me, but there are days, weeks, and at times months when it has felt like we are in the Bill Murray Movie “Ground Hog Day”. Life perpetually stuck on repeat, same predictable stuff day-in and day-out.

But then something amazing happens that snatches you right out of the cycle and into something new! At the beginning of this month that happened for me. A group of us got together in socially distance manner and had a small party! It was so much fun! It was 60s & 70s theme and we all dressed up. I dressed up like a flower child hippie.

I had the bell bottoms and leather strapped sandals with my vibrant yellow retro top with sunflower headdress. It was fun to my soul to pull out my inner flower child persona. I got all dressed up for the event and ran in starbucks for a coffee before hitting the event, my local baristas erupted into “look at you” or “wow where are you off too” after light talks with the college age baristas i set back out for the days festivities.

Everyone at the event had a blast. We ate to our hearts content. Had party punch to our hearts content. And played game after game til we were all zonked. It was a much needed pace change from the whats become norm of covid living of life.

The festivities re-awakened the fact that I need to get back to what I was doing when lock down first happened. By taking a less stressful approach to daily life. So, one day I took my now only fur-child to the walking path. I needed the down time in nature and my Sweet Pea needed a new adventure since we lost her brother.

I’ve tried to keep in mind the “slow down” mindset to enjoy things, take things in, destress, decompress, shed worry, doubts and fears and just simply live. That is still a daily battle to fight.

Now that fall has begun, I have been brainstorming on how I can keep that slow down mindset as winter approaches. The best I could come up with is taking time to enjoy watching movies. I have found some fantastic deals in the Walmart $5 bin. I recently got a 3 dvd set in there of American Sniper, Sully and Grand Torino. I’m not a fan of the Grand Torino so I haven’t watched it as of yet, but the other two as they are based on real people and real events I highly enjoyed those.

I’ve even located some fabric squares at the Dollar Tree that I am gonna make into small decorative pillows. That will be a good mix up from when i want to slow down, but don’t want to watch movies.

Even recently I visited a sunflower patch. Watch the highlights of it on my youtube channel: Sunflower Field Trip 🌻

Slowing down has even catapult me into planning out what I can ahead of time. I am an admin for my churches page to aide in the ministry helping peoples souls. I post information that I have gleaned from since being there to help newcomers to the ministry. To aide leaderships plow of new ground within souls to be softened, if they take it in, the info that is shared.

I’ve begun adding for posting to my facebook ministry page as well, by posting daily moments of inspiration from the word of God, each week focusing on one area of the faith.

This adopting of a lifestyle of planning certain details gas allotted me more time as I have more time now it seems. So much so that I have begun trying to build my youtube channel with content on my coffee adventures and sharing encouraging words there also from Gods word. So far I post two videos a week. Consider subscribing, I would appreciate it.

Yesterdays: Youtube Video

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~Cynthia~

Tested for Covid

This stuff is every where and even working in a small rural community it is making its presence known.

In the last few weeks in the small community where I work and formally resided businesses have begun to close up for safety precautions when employees of said businesses tested positive for COVID-19 aka Corona Virus.

Two restaurants closed up, the town hall, and another communications place began remote working when employees tested positive for Corona. Its even been made aware to me that a substitute delivery driver who was on our route for two weeks that their mother died from this horrific virus. To make it worse that person lives next door to their parents and you know visiting sick parents is a given. Needless to say all this going on I fell down the rabbit hole of worse case scenarios. With all this goin on the local health department ran a testing drive on Monday. August 17th.

The testing was free. All you had to do was drive up, fill out a few forms, then they tested you. To be honest I’ve had my conspiracy theories about all this Corona testing like how people got tested, then turns out they had it and all the randomness of this thing. I watched the nurse put on new gloves, new gown, new mask, my new tube from which my sample will go into, as well as, the new plastic tester brush as she approached my vehicle window. She had me verify my info then she opened the plastic brush and took the same from inside one nostril. For about 3 hours it felt as though that brush was still up my nose, if anything she cleaned out the whole cavity!

Afterward she told me I would get a call within 24 to 36 hours with my result. That is the wrong thing to tell someone that thinks as much as I do.

Tuesday came and everytime my cellphone rang my heart would sink thinking ok here your results. But, none of the calls I got that day were from the health department. Wednesday came and still no call I was beginning to get worried. By Thursday I was so on edge, but I had stepped away from my phone and missed a call. I called it back and it was the health department with my results.

She proceeded to say: “We are calling you with your results of your COVID-19 testing you had done at the health department testing drive” I said “yes ma’am ok”. She said, “your results came back Covid NEGATIVE”

I have never been so relieved in my life yo hear that phrase! But, do many that it has hit my heart and deepest healing prayers go out to each and everyone. It has been ravaging families with the deadliest impact in some cases. I pray this epidemic ends soon its doing a toll on people emotional, mental, physical and financial state.

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~Cynthia 🌺

Happy April!

Be Full of Joy & Patient in Hope

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1:2-4‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I am not sure how others are being impacted from this fully, but what I can share is how it is impacting me in my life and in my spiritual life.

My daily life during this COVID-19 epidemic has been what I feel like is drastically effected. In the state if NC in the USA we are under orders to stay at home! This has shut down many nonessential businesses at this point. Restaurant dining areas closed, only allowed to do take-out/carry-out/delivery. Nail, hair and tattoo salons are closed. Any store that doesn’t sell food, medicine or animal care products were forced to close their doors if not prior to the March 31st declaration by the governor.

Many are out of work, been laid off, and forced to seek unemployment. The President pushed for an economic stimulus that took Congress two weeks to get approved by both parties before it could even be presented for the president to sign. Lets just say one side had to be sure to push their agenda while Americans are suffering from loss of income.

The company in which I work for is deemed an essential business, so I am still at work. But, I am also on the front line of seeing the business take another major hit, being that I live in the Carolinas we are often in the lat summer hit by hurricanes as we have been hit hard the last two years by major hurricanes.

This virus is like an invisible hurricane thats coming and we don’t know yet the full impact it will have, but what we do know is that it is causing massive financial and economic destruction. The health care systems to the harder hit areas are taking major blows from being without some essential medical supplies.

Store chains cannot keep food, paper products and more on their shelfs due to the pandemonium created to stock up and hoard. This whole crisis has elevated this to a new level to be seen in the natural.

It needed to be seen that the majority of Americans pharmaceuticals are manufactured in China; as well as, the fact that most medical equipment like hospital gowns, gloves, facial masks are made in China. The push is now being made to bring the manufacture of those items home. In time after the peak of this whole crisis I pray some normalcy to our daily lives can be restored, but taking what we learned from this time with us.

This is showing the importance of taking time away and being with the ones you love! Take time to build and work on things that work, school, or life distracts you from doing. This has allowed me time to begin to build my second book I am gonna write. This has allowed me time to perfect skills to learn things. This time has pushed me in a direction that is called GROWTH.

That growth stems into my spiritual life as well! With houses if worship closed down to prevent the spread of the virus, it is a time in which will reveal just how much faith I have during times like these. It has been a hard press for me to remain of faith and not succumb to the daily tales of fear propagated stories of this very serious matter.

I have also been so challenged to grow in my walk with the Lord that it be more relational driven then genie in a bottle driven so to speak. God is not a wish granter only! He is a God who wants to see his children grow and mature to reflect His nature in the earth. Now can I say, that some spots of growth are a hard press. Likened to the lotus it has to fight through the murk and mire to grow to the surface to see the light and bloom.

My flesh has to die under the surface of the waters as if to say in a regeneration process so that what comes forth on the surface is the new nature that has the ability to glorify God. The outstretch of faith that has to take place requires much patients to grow in things and get me to a place that inwardly I will be lacking nothing! Maturity causes you to reach a level of stability in the inner life that I so desperately need.

When this comes, I will be able to withstand storms better, my flesh can be more under the subjection to the spirit. My faith will be firmly established in truth from the word if God. This is what growth and maturity can and will do, when I allow it to happen!

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🌺Cynthia 🌺

Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog!

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Be of Good Cheer

These are times where great faith is needful!

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I sit here in the silence, asking God what is the message for me and the blog I write once a week? No sooner I asked, and got silent within, I heard “be of good cheer!”

The great Abba Father that He is sent a message into my spirit one of comfort to reinforce peace in my life. The event of this week have been a major pull on my logic and emotions! I even confessed to my spiritual leader in the faith that I felt myself slipping into a depressive state. She encouraged me with words of comfort and wisdom as she always does.

“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭94:19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

I got home and had to force my way into worship, I forced my way into looking at the word to renew as I was only in the early state of emotional slipping before emotions fully intoxicated me and I was very unrenewed.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Even as of yesterday, I had to plant myself before the word and remain in it, I got home to cook dinner for my father and freely worshipped, prayed in my heavenly language and then began to feel peace as small as a pebble.

The message I received of “be of good cheer” was a timely one. God knows that in these uncertain times it is faith that will pull us through. Faith isnt a ticket out of tribulation, faith is a hope through dire times. As things continually are getting shut down, enforcement to remain home becomes more essential, that our health and lively hoods are being greatly effected.

As of today more nonessential places are forced to close at 5pm for two weeks. People that have non essential jobs are out of work. Others that have employment that are essential are still allowed to work at this time as more and more cases of confirmed COVID-19 are coming out. Many are now instituting curfews to help condense the probability of spreading this virus! May Hod be with us all during this!

This is the virus heard round the world at this point! By faith we will make it!

By faith anchor in truth of the Word of God!

“For men swear by one greater than themselves, and with them an oath given as confirmation is an end of every dispute. In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil,”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭6:16-19‬ ‭NASB‬‬

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His Strength Can Help You

When fear creeps in look to God.

There have been numerous times fear has come into my life and took its grip on me. So much so, in areas of life I was paralyzed in moving forward in.

Fear can be a dibiliating faction in a life if it is left undealt with. Much of my life has been lived out of a place of fear over faith and trust.

‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:10 NASB

When it was made aware to be through councel that I wasn’t living or acting by faith and it was through fear I was presented the choice to make the change to either remain living in fear or begin to trust and live by faith.

Pastor often reminded me of 2 Corinthians 5:7 where Gods word proclaims that we are to live by faith and not by sight.

This one was baffaling to a mind that had constantly tried to figure everything out, to want to know what God will do next, to over plan and prepare to the point of never living in the moment.

The more I learned to let go and have faith its slowly set freedom from planning, stressing, over preparing to the point of not living in now, and worry. That I can and have been finding the now moments are where it matters.

That now knowing God is in control and I have nothing to worry about if I fully beleive Him at His word and name sake. God is not a God that should lie, he takes every thing that happens to us in life to use if for the good.

He knows us and its up to us to get to know Him. He wants that desire in us to develop a close personal relationship with Him so we can look to Him in all things, be our strength in times of weakness and help bring peace to us during any anxious situation.

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~Cynthia 😍

Strength of my Heart

When my heart fails…

I never fully realized how much I relied on myself and not God to get through difficult situations. I was very much a self-reliant person and not a faith-filled person.

It wasn’t until coming to Reformation Developmental Center that the teaching presented that I operated so much in my own strength, by my own will, and not having faith and trust in God where the means for Him to operate was evident.

It was this that brought me to a place of awareness that my soul (mind, will and emotions) were leading my life. That life was filled with doubt, fear, anxiety, depression because they lacked faith. Had my spirit been leading my life it would have been full of faith, hope, trust and full of Gods love.

My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the rock and strength of my heart and my portion forever.
PSALM 73:26 AMP

My Pastor Juanita Gibbs often said God was calling me to His word. That has been so much the truth cause in His word alone is where I can find strength when I feel weak, where as seeking it in my own strength only brought me to more stress and feeling faint.

Even in my outside reading none of those resourses could ultimatley provide what my soul desperatley needed and that was truth. Truth comes from the word of God. He is God who cannot lie and backs His every word!

The more and more that I turn toward God through Jesus and His word the more I find my soul anchoring against Him as a solid rock. Taking comfort that my soul cannot do any of the problem solving and submitting to the spirit saying be of faith and trust God to see me through it all. It is in this I find strength for my heart.

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~Cynthia 😍