This year has been one of the best years and one of the worst years!
Can’t that be said for just about every year we face… year after year we face tragedy in small and large scale and victories in small and large scale. As a whole, 2020 has been just that, as I discharge the negative that has been highly propagated, with a pause to look at the bigger picture of what this year has truly encompassed.
Globally we have faced a pandemic, weather disasters, economic distress, massive depression, abusive behaviors toward one another or one-self and so much more.
In turn we have slowed down, connected better with children, connected on a new level of intimacy in couples, technology had become a mainstream ways to connect with others outside our dwelling places and so much more.
For myself, I have had a vehicle stripped away from me, loss of my fur-child, contracted COVID-19, and so much more.
But, having my vehicle stripped away from me made a level of pride kneel to a higher authority of not setting things above God. Loosing my fur-child caused me to revisit wounds from the loss of my mother from back in 2016, that needed to be fully grieved out and allow for healing to come. Then, contracting COVID allowed me time in full isolation to deal with childhood traumas of not being validated, loved, nurtured in ways that promote healthy growth. I have begun to learn to allow the love of the Father to come and fill those void places within my soul. That had I not been fully isolated I wouldn’t have even begun to allow healing to come into the depths that could lead me to paths of destruction.
My alone time in isolation really revealed a depth of need that I have within me for validation from quality time I spend with people. Quality time is such a strong love language for me it seems that if I don’t manage it and control myself in it, that it will rule and drive me. My isolation time made me see this and learn ways to become self-contented and pour into myself, enjoy time with myself, allow the love from others that has spent time with me to flood my soul. As my Pastor says it is variations of self-parenting that will begin to fill the voids and depths from lack from formative years. If I don’t grow and deal with this now I will deplete my future husband from trying to fulfill things for me that are essentially not his job to do.
2020 had been a molding and making year indeed for me. Removing dependency upon the worldly things to have a sense of security. When in my time battling COVID, God used that to strip away dependency from the world and drive me straight into His arms to depend upon Him. Being out of work meant no income, aside from the fact that I don’t have employer covered health coverage. Faith and my tribe of believers and as I was told by my Pastor being a tither and a giver using faith in that time had stocked up enough in the banks of heaven to see a withdrawal come forth to see that I stayed in my apartment and my bills got paid. Still now with hours cut and such my bills are still getting paid and being a giver and a tither prove that God will look out for His children.
It is now in this time when the threshold of the new is approaching and the closed door to the old is about to be shut, that we need to take back the peace, joy, and love that the Father has so freely given us and shake off the fear, doubts, worry, and depression that the world and the ruler there of has put on the people that have no way to combat it. I will fight to gain peace, I will fight to get my love story back on track, I will fight to know that the joy of the Lord is my strength. I will fight to shake off the propaganda that a vaccine will save the world when I will only create more problems and thats proving to be true even now with the virus mutations, I will fight off worry cause my Father has unlimited source no matter how often they threaten a government shut down. I will fight off doubts of how it all will turn out and look through the lenses of faith to see what hasn’t manifested yet, that will will I see it clearly by faith. I will shake off depression cause that is a culmination of allowing to world to control me, put me in their box and to be a robot under their operation. Break free from those things and allow the heavenly to steer you! Money helps our living in this world, but when it is our driving force then it becomes futile. Allow faith in God to be the driving force.
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