Reflections…

Fall can be a season of reflection.

Looking back over the course of the year and reflecting on all its happenings. What a year it has been! Changes in many things, but has the true change taken place. The change that matters most? Probably not!

Finding myself in a holding pattern to settle down and find out whats really going on with me on the inside and learning the truth of all things. Finally taking accountablity for myself and what I have allowed in this life.

Is it easy to walk through? Is fire not hot! But to know truth you have to walk through things and take the wisdom gained from them with you when out of the fire.

Have I obtained this revelation fully? No! But, I am learning that there is a plan and purpose for all things. Whether good, bad or ugly I am accepting their reality for what they are and working in the weaknesses to not succumb to the same things. Its a work and a work that needs done within me and I am the only one who can do the work.

For once my truth is accepted as what it is with in me its only then that I can begin to step toward freedom. One day in time as I keep working on myself and the issues of the soul that I have, freedom will be found. But only as long as I surrender to the work that God wants accomplished.

Have I fully surrendered? No! I have liked keeping a victim mentality, I have liked being seen as less then, but why right? Because those things have become a comfort in the soul, which, is truly deceit and dysfunction in the soul of mine.

So, now I am strivig to find my own sure footing and trust God in all things that He knows whats best. For his ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts higher than my thoughts.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Power Hungry Fortresses!

We may not realize it, but how our behaviors indicate our hunger for power and control!

Things happen to us, around us, and within us most all the time. Its all in how we perceive, receive and deal with what happens to us of how much it will either reinforce a fortress (stronghold) in our mind or bring it down. These are some of my walls built inside me that engage when things happen.

For me, having such lack of proper nutrients in formative years, and rejection, abandonmemt, comparison and acceptance issues all these things have been a strong fortress within my soul.

As I have blogged about already these things within take time to overcome, as they, like Rome were not built in a day, but in a lifetime up to the point of beginning to confront and deal with them.

Sitting in church last night during discussion time I began to see where I had been using all the bad things of my past to control and manipulate my surroundings in some way. I was shocked at my behavior and devistated that I would allow such power to over rule the power of God. All because of these fortresses within me, when things would happen everything inside of me began to hasten to regain control that felt lost.

In reality of the matter, care came into my life in the form of my Pastor to shed light on an area I dearly needed addressing or I would continue to walk around open to hurt, pain, wounding the more.

Care and love in a soul that lacked knowing of any of such things growing up is foreign and not received graciously in the beginning as it is like paving a new road. Hitting rocks, holes and all such desbrie to clear a path of what is good in the uncharted territory of a soul like mine. I do pray in time as I tackle the negative still within, continue to tackle the fortresses with truth to take them down that a newness will begin to take shape in my life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Visit my Pastor Juanita Gibbs blog:

wholebodywellness365.wordpress.com

Stunted Growth!

My mind has kept me from some growth!!

How is that so right?

Well its like going through school its a learning process. If my mind hasn’t grown or developed in certain areas then I will not be so mature in some areas of life. Boy oh boy has that proven time and time again in different areas.

Limited experiance and not encountering certain situations in life has stunted me in ways I had not realized til recently when some things were presented to me.

I have not been a person that has been too close to too many people in a friendship manner in well most of my life. When people would come and tell me nice things or like something I had done I would latch to the words, feelings and at times the person like a leech. To only end in hurt most of the times when the people were merely being nice to me and moving on, I was looking for the more behind it.

To only see how my soul searched, hungered, and thirsted for love nourishment and validation on the human level. Lacking proper nutrients in formative years of growing is such effect if not dealt with as one continues to grow in life.

Now that these things I see within myself I have to better guard my heart (Phil 4:7) and my soul (Psalm 25:20) in this life as its my job to do. God graced me and anyone else with the power and ability to do these things its a matter of doing the work and being consistent about the work as my Pastor teaches us at my church.

Is it going to be easy? NO! Thats why its called work and a fight of faith. But, it is a fight worth fighting and a work worth doing to change things within me in this life.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Self Imprisonment!!

We can keep ourself captive in many ways.

For me my imprisonment came in several ways, but for this blog I will focus on one way and that firstly is in my thinking. In my mental processes it has come to the light that I think very negative. I think negative about myself, my surroundings, situations and circumstances, how I view and perceive things. Sounds bad right?

Well it has been! The negative is like building a snowball. They just grow and grow til its taken shape and become a fortified fortress within of negativity. My very own self imprisonment.

Ever since March of this year I have been batteling to become less negative. It is so not easy! Its hard dedicated work to become even 10% less negative when you were full on negative, well maybe just in my case!

I have not become negative free on any respect of the word! But in a small degree I am not as negative as I was earlier in the year. When I have rough patches those negative things flair right back up as if I had done no work to combat them. Just shows how deeply negative I am in my inner life all these years.

When the rough patches come the reveal to me where I am unrenewed (Romans 12:1-2) and have to work/wrestle to get back to a place of renewal in my thinking. I have to use the sword of the word (Hebrews 4:12) to divide my thoughts that cause my imprisonment and use the word of God as a key to break the chains of bondage in my prison.

Its gonna be a fight for the rest of my days to keep renewed but with Gods help and councel/Coaching, and me doing the work one day maybe the fight won’t be so strong as I strive to become stronger in the word of faith over negative words from within. This is my fight of faith!

~Love Life ~ Live Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Abandonments discomfort

Abandonment is like living in two conflicting environments of the coldness of say Alaska in winter as to the warmth of Arizona in the summer.

But what does that all mean right?

Abandonment can make you feel cold as there is no one to comfort you, accept you, love you, be there for you, encourage you, support your endeavors and so on. I touched on this fact some yesterday on my facebook personal page to only be lashed out at.

Which revealed much to me people want you to support them and in turn they don’t support you as they will hide behind a screen and only deal with some people in private. To only show that in to my referance of fake supporters and when the rubber meets the road the truth is revealed, became so real. Abandonment can leave you feeling cold due to how we are received or not received by other people.

It can over time also become a warm comfort of living in much abandonment as it goes undealt with. We harbor the issue deep inside and it twists and distorts our thinking then that becomes the lenses we see life through. Which continues to spill out to every relation that comes into our life.

I saw a post that proclaimed that to whomever they posted publicly about “your hurt is not special” and granted no ones is to the extent as we all have something we have walked through and experianced. But those words alone could insight rejection, abandonment, comparison issues if the person it was intended to see it, saw it.

Words are powerful and we should garner them better with much more compassion than we do. I too have been guilty of it in my past, but that was because hurt people inturn hurt people as I have heard been taught to me.

The climate of warmth came from accepting the abandonment issue deeply within and believing that there could never be change. The coldness from the abandonment began to infect my heart to inturn grow cold also which just perpetuated the cycle of abandonment to keep happening.

Is my hurt special? NO!! I don’t make out anything that I post or share about to be above anyone elses experiances in life. These are just my reflections of things I have walked through and with the help of a great life Coach and beginning to walk away from.

Have I overcame this stuff or am I healed from it? No! In my case healing and overcoming will happen in layers and degrees. With that said I am in some things, but only as I keep doing the work and walking in the reality and truth of me and renew in the good to correct the inner mess thats been in me.

~Love Life ~ Live Life ~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Palace of Protection!

Fortified in walls of saftey to prevent more hurt from anyone else…

Sounds like the beginnings of a fairytale almost right?

Rejection and abandonment issues began to construct walls. Walls of safety to keep others from getting too close. If you let no one in then they won’t know the real you on any level.

After a home life like I had with the lack of things in my early years. I unknowingly began to look for outside sources to give me what I wanted and desperatly lacked. But the true me was hidden behind walls right. Yes!

But what did peep out from behind the walls was neediness, desperation, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and so many more things that I could try to mask, paint a pretty picture of to show when people came around, but its as if they knew something deeply was wrong with me on the inside.

Because in friendship that came they would see these little monsters peeping behind my walls and they would be too much and they would eventually walk away from the friendship or I would end it to prevent more heart hurt. To only become the more problemsome as these things just added salt to an open wound.

These wounds from many years of hurt, pain, rejection, abandonment, conparison, acceptance issue kept building and building until I was walled off to myself. What happened right?

Well, it took a woman with the power and anointing to see me past my walls and help me break out of the prison within I had created. As she taught mr and is still teaching me that some walls are ok, but if they keep me from living, showing Gods love to others then thats when its a problem.

She came in with love and is helping me remove brick by brick the walls I built to stay safe and keep from being further rejected and abandoned. Little did I realize that rejection and abandonment walls only keep creating that cycle in my life.

The only way to end the cycle is know my truth and let my truth make me free to work on it and grow beyond it, heal and show compassion.

~Live Life ~ Love Life~ 😍

~Cynthia πŸ˜‰

Visit:

wholebodywellness365.wordpress.com

A great blog about surrender by my Pastor Juanita 😍